Infuriation: Plaid is the new plague

Ugh. Image via

OH MY GOD can this plaid obsession be gone yet? It really weirds me out that such a large group on the population is wearing plaid. Ladies in plaid is not so much as infuriating, because ladies have more clothes than dudes and therefore have more options. But come on guys. There’s a whole world out there of different style choices that don’t involve this one pattern. Like stripes, or solids! Here are some observations and tips for sufferers of Plaid Plague.

Repeat Offenders

The hot plaid. Image via

First of all, let’s map out the babez wearin’ out plaid’s welcome. You’ve got your country boyz, who wear it because it’s probably the only thing sold in small town gas stations, hunters for flannel-y warmth purposes, hipsters because they do anything, and the people who think they are hipsters just because they wear plaid. This covers a lot of dudes, young and old across the country. In fact, I’ve probably seen every male I know in plaid. It’s EVERYWHERE, haunting me and other people who would love to see a little more diversity in the average man’s style choices.

Everywhere I look there is a boy in plaid. The greens, the blues, the criss-crossy patterns that ensnare you: an inescapable force of boring taste and not being able to shop by yourself (because gender rules or puke). A lot of guys I know wears clothes from at least 5 years ago, almost all of the time. And it has. to. stop.

Dudes: Oh wonderful dudes. It’s okay to go shopping. A little diversity in thy wardrobe would be exciting, trust me. When you’re getting read to play Diablo 3 with friends or going to get a beer with the girl you see in class three days a week, you’ll be glad to have some options. Ladies tend to notice clothes and style and shit. One time, my friend was dating a nice and cute guy. But he always had food stains and weird smells on his clothes that distracted her all throughout the date. Fuck that macho shit about “being a dude, ughhhhhh, I don’t go shopping, I eat MEAT and hate yucky fruit!” Take care of yourself and your appearance like a regular human being.

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Malls can be overwhelming. Nobody really likes malls, I think. They’re full of people who might buy the same things as you, but also enemies because of this. And seriously, those food courts are a germ paradise filled with the germs of human society, at least on Saturday afternoons before Christmas. If you must go to a mall, go during the week. Lots of people don’t go anywhere during the week, so this leaves shops open for trying things on in peace, no lines and less people. Always a good thing.

If you really don’t want to buy things from a mall because they are expensive and probably lower quality than most things in a thrift store, you’re in luck! Thrifting is fun and the clothes are cheap and used. You have to dig, so don’t be lame and impatient. You’ll be able to buy more plaid and throw the old ones out because there is a shit ton of plaid there find lots of interesting things from the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s and 00s. It’s like a fashion time capsule! Just what every man is looking for.


Take a look at Marc Jacobs. He’s highly successful and wears skirts and dresses all the time. It’s highly attractive not because of the dress per se, but because it shows confidence, personality and self worth. Look how high his head is in this picture! EVERYONE feels great in a dress.

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Karl Lagerfeld is a cray-cray fashion genius. Sure he’s weird as fuck, but his style is fucking baller. Props.

David Beckham is always looking stylish. Granted his wife, Victoria Beckham (POSH SPICE!!!!!) is a fashion designer.

Jason Schwartzman has some pretty cute style.

Brandon Flowers from the Killers rocks sequins like nobody else.

The Beatles! YEAH! Look at their fashion evolution here.

“I don’t understand why more people don’t wear sequins.” -Brandon Flowers

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So you see: There are some cool dudes out there with some sweet style. They go shopping. YEAH. It’s true! Or they have a personal assistant and a stylist. But since you can’t afford those things, you’ll have to do it yourself.

Try: sequins, fur, ties, tight pants, loose pants, ponchos, headbands, earrings, fitted jackets, men’s dresses or maybe just a different shirt that diversifies your plaid obsession collection. Basically anything else besides your dingy plaid shirt.

Plaid can be great. It’s been in Catholic schoolgirl outfits forever, Irish men love the stuff and Britney Spears made it iconic. Sometimes it looks great. But not every day. Let’s trim the excessive-plaid-wearing down to a maximum of 4 days a week. You’ll be able to explore new fashions while holding on to your beloved safety blanket pattern. YOU CAN DO IT BABY, I BELIEVE IN U.

Infuriation: Sensa is bullshit

Just what America, the first world and the Capitol (Hunger Games, anyone?) needs: Something to sprinkle over their copious amounts of food so they don’t eat as much. Goody!

Fuck you, Sensa.

I hate this product. Yet I love how every year something equally as stupid always comes out with a ton of  these **** symbols next to the “LOSE WEIGHT FOR GOOD” claims that lead to small print that say “average results with regular diet and exercise.” Which pretty much translates to “give us some money so we can tell you to workout and not eat like shit.” Your bitchy gym rat friend could tell you that for free.

Yeah right. Image via

Hello Hunger Games!!! Who remembers the scene where the Capitol folks are at a party and they are eating so much amazing, rich food that they throw up when they get full so they can eat and indulge more? Fucking ridiculous. That is exactly what this fucking “weight loss” product is: Promoting indulgence because God forbid any American trying to lose weight actually watch what they eat and workout.

Newsflash for anyone thinking about trying this: WHAT is it even? Is this going to cause health problems down the road? What kind of chemicals are you putting on your food? What kind of food would you sprinkle Sensa on anyways?

Some tough love folks: Eating like shit will always make you look and feel like shit. The people over at Sensa are nothing more than dick businessmen trying to make a quick buck off of a huge market such as weightloss. Preying on insecure people, what a shitty yet sadly effective business model.

Veggies, fruits, proteins and EXERCISE. Everyone’s priority should be to be healthy, not skinny. And it can be done WITHOUT stupid shit like Sensa. Fucking maddening!

PS: People in Hollywood and with money don’t honestly take shit supplements like this. They get paid to endorse it, and then pay a personal trainer and dietician to sculpt their figures. Right, Kardashians?

Rush Limbaugh, Turd champion of the year

Rush Limbaugh, one of the turdiest of turds that was ever crapped out of a genderless hole somewhere outside of Buttfuck Nowhere, Iowa, is losing a mountain of advertisers after he called Sandra Fluke, a college woman who supports affordable and accessible birth control for women regardless of their employer/school’s religious affiliation, a “slut” who wants America to pay for her “prostitution.”

HA HA! Maybe Rush has forgotten that despite republican/democratic/conservative/liberal made-up lines of “divided nation-ness”, women hold positions of power too. Positions that deal with money and advertising money. And a great deal of the country is quite alright with women having birth control, and hopefully applauding the fact that Rush Limbaugh sucks. Birth control really isn’t a political stance anymore, but a dwindling religious, hate-filled, judgmental stance that only controlling psychopaths care about.

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA I hope his show gets cancelled. Advertisers taking money away from him will do for now, though.

Can somebody start a “Rush Limbaugh is a dirty slut” tumblr? This one will do for now.

Why do all these old, white men hate women and their reproductive rights?

All this abortion talk is getting me riled up. It is beyond frustrating to hear religious fanatics delegate laws. It’s even more disturbing that they hold official positions in the government. In a perfect world we’d have a bunch of reasonable, moderate people running things instead of extremists trying to control everything about our lives. It’s not okay at all!


YES. Image via

Thankfully my state isn’t pulling any crazy shit like Oklahoma is. Some representatives in the Oklahoma state government are trying to pass a Personhood bill, that would grant equal rights to the cells growing in a woman’s womb at the exact moment of conception.

What I see this as is body slavery. Because it absolutely is. Forcing a woman to bear a child she isn’t ready to raise due to economic or personal reasons is wrong. It’s really none of the government’s business (or anyone’s business) what women do with their bodies. It’s a VAST invasion of privacy. Any government within the United States of America should not have a say in what is going on in my abdomen. What’s next, no beans for women because girl farts are icky? (Oklahoma next hot-button issue, I’m sure of it.)

One representative brought up the fact that damaging an eagle’s egg is punishable by law. But eagles are an endangered species. Humans are NOT endangered whatsoever. Maybe they’ve never been to the Mall of America on a Saturday. It is hell on earth.

People aren’t even that great. Most people I know hate people in general. People suck! Why would we ever want more of them? And don’t these old, white men hate people too? Isn’t that why they’re in power, so they can tell the people they hate how to live? Oh, I get it now! It’s madness, I tell you! Madness!

Yup. Image via

Plus, it’s a little ironic that historically conservatives who are against abortion are also against welfare and social programs that are set up to help people in need like, say, a young teen mother whose boyfriend left her and won’t pay child support. Because that happens. We’ve all seen Teen Mom. Having a child when you are not ready is not pretty. And sometimes, maybe a lot of the time the men responsible for said impregnation can just go off and do whatever the fuck they want. That seems fair! Apparently it’s ok to force a woman to have a child, but it’s their problem and they shouldn’t get any help. This is SO fucked up. These people are mentally ill.

Anyone remember why abortion was legalized in the first place? Because scared young girls and young women were getting coat hanger and back alley abortions that were unsafe and deadly. Whether or not there’s a law in place, women w

And what about men’s reproductive rights? Do they know home many times men jerk off daily? Why isn’t that considered a Personhood right?

THESE people are the terrorists. Terrorizing women into believing they must have babies they don’t want and get married to men they might not want to marry. Marriage and babies isn’t for everyone. But sex IS for everyone. Making our bodies legal fodder and deciding what kind of life women can lead? That is NOT ok. Where are the laws saying men have to be in their not-aborted child’s life? Money ain’t no father.

There are just too many things wrong with this Personhood bill that directly attack women but leave men off scott-free. You know, there are two people doing the fucking.

No man, better yet no gender should tell another gender how to live. And no religion should tell other religions or spiritual beliefs what they can and can’t do with their bodies. IT’S WRONG. It’s un-American down to the very core of the Constitution and generally just a shitty thing to do all around.

What’s up with all these men attacking women these days? It’s devilish and awfully frightening. But what they don’t know is we’re not putting up with this shit. We are equal beings on this planet and no legislation is going to tell my gender what it can and cannot do.


No thanks, doc. I'll keep that out of my vag. Image via

The ultrasound abortion bit in Virginia is absolutely infuriating as well. Basically if a women wanted to get an abortion, she would be required by law to get a vaginal ultrasound by way of some phallic tool inserted into her vagina by a doctor. The reason? Who knows. It’s not even medically necessary.

So, with all the healthcare problems and high costs in this country, Virginia politicians see it reasonable to force a procedure on an already fragile woman and situation with sticking a medical penis-tool into her for no reason at all other than “it’s law.”

One senator from Virginia, Janet Howell, proposed an amendment that would force men to get rectal exams and heart exams prior to receiving viagra prescriptions, as those exams are just as unnecessary as the ultrasound for women. It got voted down, but brought more light to the fact that there are vast gender imbalances among the people in power and government.

The story is still developing, but whether or not these women will be forced to pay for the ultrasound, which could be quite expensive, or if the state is going to foot the bill is unclear. In a recession, that sounds like a whole lot of unnecessary spending both personally and governmentally.

Is this some epidemic of perverted old white men passing bills into law dealing with our vaginas? Seriously. It’s so creepy, wrong, offensive and out of line. Absolutely unacceptable. It would still be appalling if it were all women passing these things into laws. But men with no experience vaginally other than not being able to satisfy their dull wives are not the people I want passing laws about the goings-on of my vagina.


Still upset with Rihanna and Chris Brown

Ughhhh not this again. Image via

I’m still upset over the recent Chris Brown and Rihanna collaborations. Mostly because I’m so confused by it. I’m still annoyed over douchebag things past boyfriends have said to me, so I just can’t get wrapped around the idea that not only has Rihanna “proven to be over it,” but that she was the one who actively sought out the collabo.

And what the fuck, Perez! seems to be all for the reunion calling it “genius.” You’re a fucking asshole, Perez. I take back my positive ‘On the fence’ score. You suck!

Making peace with the situation and the man who beat her violently is understandable, but working with him and inviting him to sing “Girl I wanna fuck you right now. Been a long time, I’ve been missing you body!” on your record is so literally crazy. Responding with “Remember how you did it? Remember how you fit it? If you still wanna kiss it, come, come and get it.” WHAT THE WHAT?!?!?!?!?! 

GO BACK TO DRAKE. Good, talented people are way more attractive than self-important pieces of shit with anger issues. Image via

Is this Rihanna’s rock-bottom, self-loathing sexual fulfillment or some serious self-destruction?

On top of that, there is speculation that they are hooking up while Brown is in an open relationship with some other shitty person who can only be described as “that idiot” who would date Chris Brown. Why would ANYONE date him?!?! Oh yeah, money and being photographed. Sadsies!

It seems like a sick and twisted ploy for attention/publicity. Lame! If you wanna get back with the man who beat you violently, do it out of the public eye for pete’s sake! It is seriously heartbreakingly disappointing to witness such a talented woman invite this man back into her life.

Take a walk down Chris Brown and Rihanna’s memory lane here.

Are Rihanna and Chris Brown the new Ike and Tina Turner?

WTF RIHANNA?! WHYYYYYYYY??? He sucks so hard. Image via

What the serious F is going on with those two?

You know, the whole world, besides some lame girls on Twitter, is behind Rihanna when it comes to the Chris Brown vs. Rihanna debacle. He has proven he’s a fucking idiot time and time again.

Now, two new songs have surfaced that all but prove Rihanna is a masochist and Chris Brown will seriously not fuck off.

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What IS IT with these two? It’s honestly really disturbing that anyone could return to being friends, or worse being lovers, with the person who beat them (and right before the Grammys, too!). It’s just so confusing. Almost to the point where there’s some kind of zeitgeist of women-beating men who run the music industry and are trying to brainwash us into thinking it’s acceptable and ok to have anger problems, beat women and be marginally talented. People will still give you money! Hooray!

I hate to say it, but I am really, really disappointed in Rihanna over these collaborations. She’s like that good friend you know who just makes stupid, terrible decisions when it comes to men. Like, always and without fail. Don’t go back to an ex, in any way shape or form, 3 years after he beat you bruised and bloody. That’s it. No discussion! Chris Brown hasn’t even done anything remotely redeemable in the time since he beat Rihanna.

Either way, good for them for getting more publicity and anger out of society, and showing women and men that no matter what happens, twisted, dark, sadistic love can find a way. Just what we need!


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Celebrité: How has this gone unnoticed? Christina Aguilera’s fragrance ads are lying

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Ok. What?

While searching for the SNL Downton Abbey skit on Kabletown, I came across this ad for Christina Aguilera’s fragrance blandly titled Royal Desire. Buuutttt something seems a little off, as I don’t remember when she looked like that. Nobody does!

She is much curvier than ad executives would like us to think. But who cares! Photo via
She is much curvier than ad executives would like us to think. But who cares! Photo via

Now, this is not meant to lambast dear Xtina or her body: She’s an amazing singer who is going through a bit of an awkward phase professionally and I can only assume personally. But I don’t really think placing ads everywhere of her looking like she did when her music career began is helping anything, especially the sales of her fragrance.

What, do these ad execs really think we don’t read the internet EVERYDAY and see posts and pictures about Christina Aguilera from the past 2 years? She’s on TV every week for christsake! It’s just insulting, to Christina and the public. I mean, it is HER they are using to sell this fragrance, right? Nobody knows her as a size 0 anymore, she’s curvy!

I’m pretty sure these pictures were taken a while ago, but still. If your spokesperson, or the woman who “created” the fragrance, grew an arm out of her face, and EVERYONE knew about it, wouldn’t you need to have a picture with the arm-face on the product you’re selling?

And really, I fucking hate the “embrace the curvy” or “How I lost the weight of a small child” type shit in People magazine parades around. People gain weight, and they lose it. It’s really not that interesting. But at least be honest about it. It’s human!


Infuriation: Movie ticket prices on the rise

Truth. Image via
Truth. Image via

Fo realz?!

It’s being reported that movie tickets are going up in price AGAIN– rising from a country-wide average of $7.89 to $7.93. 8 bucks for a movie, plus if you buy snacks at the theater (instead of sneaking them in because they are INSANELY overpriced) you will most definitely be paying upwards of $20 to $25 dollars on going to a movie.

You know, this is one reason a lot of people don’t go to the movies and choose to illegally download, stream or stick to Netflix.

The movie industry is definitely a delicate eco-system. And it’s absolutely true that Hollywood has all but dried up creatively, hence all the shitty, terrible remakes and the obvious money cash cow 3D “re-releases”  that are more expensive, slightly more dimensional versions of our favorite classics THAT WE HAD ON VHS.

I can't remember the last time the popcorn at the movies was good. What is this world coming to?! Photo via
I can't even remember the last time the popcorn at the movies was good. It sucks. What is this world coming to?! Photo via

I mean, seriously Hollywood? You seriously have no good, new story lines to work with? “Let’s just re-release everything that made over 500 million in 3D. Then we can all have purple yachts exclusively for our Tuesday excrements!”

It just doesn’t make sense that the movie industry would raise prices, no matter how minüte, in a time where people would rather sit at home to stream or download that same movie for free, and without paying $10 for a box of Raisinettes and a small Diet Coke. Seems rather counter-productive, no?

This is the feeling I get from big industries like the movie biz and the music biz: They are tirelessly stuck in their old ways and obviously not accepting that the ALREADY has changed. This isn’t 1996. People don’t HAVE to buy things, especially not your shitty, non-creative albums or movies. 3D really isn’t that big of a draw anyways. I haven’t seen a 3D movie that I just LOVED. It’s more like an “oh, neat. Dammit I have to pee again,” type deal.

This is also why I think their weak SOPA attempt is just plain being lazy. BE INNOVATIVE. What a fucking idea, right?!

Katy Perry re-releasing double platinum album… why???

Did she make this cover herself?! Photo via

Ugh. Nice one, music industry. As if the original album didn’t make enough money, Katy Perry and her money hungry friends are “re-releasing” her double-platinum album Teenage Dream. This is exactly like “re-releasing” Beauty and the Beast in 3-D, so some execs somewhere can make a shit ton of money off of them. Neat!

SHE WANTS YOUR MONEY. Russell Brand isn't taking any of it in the divorce settlement, so she wants more more more with a re-release. Goody! Photo via
SHE WANTS YOUR MONEY. Russell Brand isn't taking any of it in the divorce settlement, so she wants more more more with a re-release. Goody! Photo via

I like Katy Perry. I do. T.G.I.F. is mah jam in the car. But this deluxe edition with only 3 extra songs is weird, especially in the day and age of digital downloads. Who needs two copies of the same songs? Really! There will be three extra songs on the “deluxe” version: “E.T.” featuring Kanye West (which is a total rip off of T.A.T.U.’s “All The Things She Said“), an acoustic version of “The One That Got Away” (or, the song she needs to be number one to beat Michael Jackson’s record) and “T.G.I.F. (Last Friday Night) featuring Missy Eliot (ok, I’d pay the 99 cents for this one).

Exactly. Photo via

We all know the music industry is soooo bleak. Adele practically owned 2011 with her album 21, to which nobody could compete against. But really, I don’t know anyone who is that big of a Katy Perry fan to buy practically the same album twice, when you could just buy the 1 song with Missy Eliot (where’ve you been girl!?) that hasn’t been released yet, for 99 cents. I mean, especially for us poor-ish 20 somethings, buying the one song vs copies of the other songs we already have just makes sense.

This is one of those times where the music industry sadly and shockingly hasn’t quite caught up with the times, because nobody buys CDs. And if we do take our time to go to the store and physically buy the CD, it’s for our soul-mate favorite musical artist, not copies of a Katy Perry CD.