Here is Christian Bale, star of The Dark Knight Rises and Newsies, meeting with Carey Rottman, one of the Aurora shooting victims. What a guy. So effing cool that he went there to visit, and reportedly on his own without representing Warner Brothers.
Lady Gaga’s got a p-p-perfume
With the 24 hour news cycle and not really giving a shit, I totally forgot that Lady Gaga was making a perfume. I’m not sure she ever confirmed it or even commented on the rumor going around that it was going to smell like semen and blood. What a weird rumor to start. Seriously. Who the fuck thinks about spraying blood and semen on themselves, and then pushes the idea on a tad bit left of center pop star’s perfume idea? I bet it was someone in Hollywood who is balding and hates their life, and probably has an egg mcmuffin twice a week. Pathetic.
From first look, I’m not totally appalled at the packaging. The box looks nice in its black and gold coloring. The lid for some reason makes me think of Lady Gaga’s hair and how nutty and over the top it can be. Like a fancier version of the hair bow she used to wear back in her heydey as a rising star. I can almost see a pair of sunglasses peeking out from under the gold top. The black liquid looks pretty cool, except why the fuck is it black? Is that shit gonna stain? Probably not, that would be a pretty awful design flaw.
I will say this: I hope it doesn’t smell like vanilla like every other god damn celebrity perfume. Justin Bieber, Beyonce, J.Lo, Britney, Paris, Selena Gomez, Katy Perry and every one else. Vanilla. I guess if Gaga’s smelled like semen and blood it would at least be thinking outside of the box. Kim Kardashian has one, right? Does it smell like a business pyramid scheme and self-absorbed pee fetishes? I wish. Then I would TOTALLY buy it. Ke$ha’s will probably smell like that too, but with a little more essence of beard and whiskey-sweat tour bus balls.
Also, I guess you ain’t shit unless you have a perfume. Noted.
There’s power in the people, fighting the good fight. Some good news in a world of bad. A mother’s home was saved by protesting and getting Citibank to commit to loan modification. It seems lame to thank Citibank, because taking peoples’ homes away after giving out a bunch of terrible-idea loans over the past decade seems like a wholly dick move, and it is. Thankfully someone with half a brain over there in the banking industry did the right thing in letting this woman pay back the loan instead of taking her house.
Click the link to read the whole story below. YAY!!!
This lady is solid gold. At a concert in New Zealand, an unlucky backup dancer smacked our Lady of Gaga in the head with a metal pole, giving her a concussion. No worries though, she went on to finish the rest of the 16 songs for the show. Ho.LY. Moly.
Lady Gaga concussion
I get a headache and I feel utterly debilitated, and this bitch is finished hours of songs with a concussion. I need to get to her level, STAT!
I don’t know what it would take for her to NOT finish a concert. Apocalypse? Broken legs? Al Queda? She’d probably still finished “Bad Romance” because that’s how baller she is.
Work it Lady G. Hope your head feels better!!
I fucking love bath salts. Not for a weird high, but for my skin in the bathtub. Imma be pissed if crazy bitches who can’t just do the regular drugs ruin my bath experience by gettin’ this shit banned at stores. This may be one of them few few few times in my life where the sentence “Why can’t you just snort crack?” makes perfect and logical sense. Don’t snort bath salts y’all, just sprinkle them in your tub for smooth skin. Pick up a bottle of wine if you must. Trust me, it’s a lot nicer than snorting bath salts and eating a man’s face, and then being shot to death. Cheap wine ain’t that bad.
Next these turd munches will snort roasted beet salads and stolen truffle oil for their fix. Fuck that. Please don’t snort things I love.
Funky disco queen!!!!!!!
Donna Summer “Love to Love You Baby”
This shit is so fucking good. Pocahontas is so wise. Can you imagine this song being in any children’s movie nowadays? Those bigoty losers over at One Million Moms (more like one million shit bombs) would probably deem it inappropriate. I don’t know why, but crazy bitches can always find something wrong with anything. I don’t know about you, but right-wing, religious, bigoty nuts who probably have their own “Bleach Your Asshole At Home!” kits are not my cup of tea.
These are the same bitches who got mad at JCPenny for hiring Ellen-ELLEN- to be a spokeswoman for their half-assed brand. How can anyone who isn’t the most evil person alive not like Ellen? Seriously. Think about it. She dances! She wears Keds! What’s not to like? Fuck them. Pocahontas and Ellen are the baddest gals in town.
Also, can somebody start an activism group called “One Million Toms” that’s just a shit ton of gay dudes half-nakedly dancing to episodes of Ellen? They can call whomever OMM is protesting that week and ask for the opposite. “We LOVE the sexually explicit content on your primetime show. More nipples and bare ass plz!” PLEASE make this happen, anyone with time and money for activism, and preferably the first name Tom.
Who knew it was Pizza Hut Middle East all along?!
So this exists now: Pizza Hut in the good ol’ Middle East has conjured up a pizza crust of either chicken fillets or cheeseburgers. If you guys didn’t know the American apocalypse was coming, this is a sign of it. How could this have NOT been made for mass circulation in the states?! This is like every Liz Lemon and stoner’s DREAM FOOD.
But seriously, can you imagine your toilet bowl after eating one of these suckers? Complete and total devastation. Havoc. Chaos. Toilet paper resources drained. You’re dazed, you’re confused, and you’ve just dropped the most futile bomb of your life. The only way out now is a hop in the shower to take over where the TP left off and wait out the cold sweats.
Also seriously, this is like the best PR move EVER to get the “normal, everyday American” to like the Middle East. Well played, Pizza Hut, combiner of cuisines, cultures and nations.
WHAT THE FUCK.
Yet another xenophobic/racist/completely unnecessary death in the name of complete ignorance. Seriously, what can we do about extreme nationalists? They obviously lack the intelligence needed to spot that murdering a woman for being from another country is the exact same sort of “extremism” they actually believe they are combating. It’s pointless, it’s hurtful and creates a wealth of problems.
Listen up, insert-your-elitist-racist-group-here:
Humans are humans. We laugh, we cry, we feel happy, sad, excited, angry, hungry, tired, stressed, loved, humbled just like every other human on the planet. We eat food a few times a day. We go to work, we learn new things. We have friends, families and people we love and who love us back. Some of us are mothers, others are daughters. Some are fathers and others are brothers. We have wants: Dessert after dinner is probably a pretty universal want. We all have needs: Needing to feel successful, important, loved. The second we forget all of this life that we as humans share together is the second we start to believe each other to be something that we’re not. We are all human, never forget that.
Somebody’s mom just died because of hate and xenophobia. A mom that tucked her kids into bed every night, helped with homework, cooked the yummy food we all crave after a long day at work or school. A mom that took care of her kids when they were sick. A MOM.
RIP Shaima Al Awadi. You are beautiful, and I’m so sorry on a human level that something so ugly happened to you and your family. I am ashamed that this happened in the United States. The supposed land of the free for everyone, yet is only free for some, and the alleged home of the brave, that this modern world has proved is much more cowardice than anything else.
Who cares about civil war, right? Shopping is clearly more important.
Filthy rich people make me SICK.
Death toll: 8000
English pounds spent on candles by Syria’s First Lady: 10,000
PEOPLE of SYRIA, you are in my heart and prayers.
This Onion article might have the only realistic solution to helping Syria.