A Nickelodeon Slime cocktail


I invented an amazing cocktail just this evening inspired by 90s pop/soda/sody pop.

My roommate ordered a case of Surge off of Amazon, because apparently they sell Surge again now (sooo future). He bought them to give to coworkers as a nice and cool thing to do for the holidays. But we totally ripped into them the second they landed on our doorstep because how could you not? Nobody remembers what the fuck Surge tasted like. Just some blur of a neon, Secret World of Alex Mack, piss-colored 90s children’s soda.

This cocktail I made is inspired by everything Surge makes you think about and feel. Chemical spills, Nickelodeon and peeing your pants in front of your crush – and liking it – on a school field trip in kindergarten.

Photo from CNN
Photo from CNN




3 ice cubes

1 orange

1 lowball glass

1 knife or whatever people use to peel stuff for cocktails

Put the ice in a glass. Pour your beloved amount of vodka. Pour your beloved Surge in the glass until it turns… pretty green. Take the orange and peel off a strip of orange rind. Place it in the drink wherever you think it fits.


The poor gal’s sangria


With the last few hot days of the year winding down, it is necessary to make a slow transition from being a summer drunk to a fall drunk, with class!


Frozen fruit
Wine glasses

Put the frozen fruit in the wine. It not only cools down your wine when it’s hot as nails in your apartment, but it gives you a snack for later. What the fuck is better than that.


Food: Berries are delicious

Image via freakingnews.com

I’ve never been one of those people that pick the ‘three berry’ option. You know, three berry pie, three berry muffin, three berry smoothie, etc. If I had to choose, I’m strawberry or GTFO. I mean, berrylicious is a really bad pun, and it’s ALL OVER any semblence of a berrylicious food. Besides, when berries aren’t in season, or they have to come from a far away place, they are kind of small, wilty and covered in sugar.

I recently embarked upon a dire mission, one to end the end of all ends: grocery shopping. It’s summer, and light, fluffy things are everywhere. It creates this sort of over-the-top need to consume light super things, a la ice cream (holy shit, ICE CREAM. This place in Edina is the shit.), salads and BERRIES.

Not what I was looking for. I forgot these existed. I’m always shocked when I learn someone has one, like Lady Gaga or anyone on Gossip Girl. Image via phonegg.com

Think about raspberries. Blackberries. BLUEBERRIES!!! It’s an awakening. Berries are juicy, filled with anti-oxidents and are so, so yummy.

Here are some light berry-centered things to drive you crazy hungry with!

  • Fluffy, amazing pancakes with berries and whipped cream (ps why is there not a specialty drive through pancake joint? Should we start one?)
  • A homemade, fresh berry pie (because pies are always better homemade and freshly made)
  • French vanilla yogurt, vanilla almond crunch granola, raspberries and blackberries
  • Vanilla ice cream with balsalmic berries

I recently had a strawberry balsalmic cupcake at Sweet Retreat and it was PHENOMENAL. SO in love with berries!

What to eat while waiting for payday: Lemon Vegetable Soup

Image via activefoodie at tastykitchen.com

We are just doomed to worship the dollar, aren’t we?!

If you find yourself with 5 dollars left in your bank account for a whole week until payday, then you are just like me. Thankfully I’ve already done my grocery shopping for the week, and unfortunately that means I have to eat at home EVERY DAY (chinese food just ain’t the same at home).

This week, I’ve made a delectable lemon vegetable soup, partly because it’s inexpensive to make and partly because I binged on carbs all weekend and can’t look at another piece of bread for at least another week.

Lemon Vegetable Soup

The real beauty of soup is that when making something like a garden-variety mix, you can change the ingredients up a bit to your liking. Democracy! Maybe.

I meandered using this recipe as a guide. If you don’t like onions, you can throw in potatoes, or if you really like peas feel free to have a pea party in that pot. Or, like me, you used what you had because it’s allllllmost payday. (But I didn’t just have a shit ton of kale on hand, I’m not a freak)


Veggies are the new black. Image via eattheweeds.com

32 ounces of vegetable or chicken stock

3 whole carrots

1 onion

Two stalks of celery

1 green zucchini

1 yellow zucchini

1 tomato

Bunch of kale

1/2 teaspoon of oregano

1/2 teaspoon of thyme

salt, pepper and garlic to taste

1/4 cup of lemon juice, or one whole lemon squeezed


Pour the 32-ounce vegetable/chicken stock into a pot and place on medium heat.

Clean all of your vegetables. Begin chopping the carrots and onion into bite-sized pieces. Once the stock begins to simmer, turn the heat down to low and throw the onion and carrots into the pot. Let them simmer for 4-5 minutes.

While the carrots and onions are simmering, chop the zucchini, celery and tomato. Wash the kale and tear off the leaves from the stalk into bite-sized pieces.

Throw the celery, zucchini, oregano, thyme, garlic, salt and pepper into the pot and let simmer for 4-5 minutes. Then throw in the tomato and kale. The kale will need a minute or two to wilt into the pot and quit being so darn leafy. The tomato will get piece-y and that’s cool too.

Lastly, add the lemon juice and you’re basically finished. I like my vegetables to be softer in soup, so I let my pot simmer on the stove for about 10 minutes after I added the tomato and kale.

Also, all the ingredients are affordable. When making something of this size, it’s good to have tupperware and a strong will to eat the same meal a couple of times throughout the week. FUCK Yay budgets!

Weapons of mass destruction found in Middle East

Image via eater.com

Who knew it was Pizza Hut Middle East all along?!

So this exists now: Pizza Hut in the good ol’ Middle East has conjured up a pizza crust of either chicken fillets or cheeseburgers. If you guys didn’t know the American apocalypse was coming, this is a sign of it. How could this have NOT been made for mass circulation in the states?! This is like every Liz Lemon and stoner’s DREAM FOOD.

But seriously, can you imagine your toilet bowl after eating one of these suckers? Complete and total devastation. Havoc. Chaos. Toilet paper resources drained. You’re dazed, you’re confused, and you’ve just dropped the most futile bomb of your life. The only way out now is a hop in the shower to take over where the TP left off and wait out the cold sweats.

 Also seriously, this is like the best PR move EVER to get the “normal, everyday American” to like the Middle East. Well played, Pizza Hut, combiner of cuisines, cultures and nations.

Food: Strawberry pie is really, really good

Image via southernplate.com

I never hear people talking about strawberry pie. Well, I’m here to tell you it’s awesome. Dab a little whipped cream on top of that baby and you’ve got yourself an awesome dessert. For Easter, my ma made a strawberry pie with jello that is a little different than straight up strawberry sauce and maybe a bit lighter as well. Here’s a recipe if you’re feeling pie-happy.

Food: Yasso Frozen Greek Yogurt is fucking awesome

Image via teamyasso.com

This shit is so good. If you’re looking for a way lighter alternative to ice cream bars, these greek frozen yogurt bars from Yasso are a true delight. Sometimes ice cream can be heavy, super sugary and not congruent with yo fitness plan. I tried the strawberry ones and they were perfectly light and a hint of fruit that would be even more perfect on a super hot, sunny day.

Read all the nutrition facts. They are awesome. Like, 6 grams of protein and 70 calories awesome. Also, the same as eating one egg. Weird.

Doesn’t it feel good to be eating frozen treats again?! I’m sure there will be days when it’s banana float with caramel and whipped cream time, but for days when you want something light and sweet without all the added sugar, these are BOMB.

Food + Recipe: Garlic chicken avocado salad

Garlic Chicken Avocado Salad
Image via 20poorandfabulous.com

This salad was fucking awesome and yummy. As a money-crunched gal in the city, I’ve had to seriously curb my restaurant eating (dammit!). One thing I LOVE to eat out are really good salads. I’m not talking that iceberg shit with dry chicken, one grape tomato and a choice of 5 Garden Valley dressings. I’m talking amazing. My favorite it a roasted beet salad, but I have yet to try it homeward bound.

Anyways, I’ve thrown together an amazing and easy recipe for an awesome garlic chicken avocado salad.


Roasted Chicken (I buy a whole roasted chicken and eat it over a couple of days. It’s an easy and yummy alternative to baking or roasting your own chicken at home. The one I bought this time was a roasted garlic chicken)

1 Avocado (you want a softish avocado when you’re shopping. Don’t buy a hard one because it will take days to ripen)

Romaine lettuce

Cherry or grape tomatoes

Red onion


Newman’s Own garlic and parmesan salad dressing

Salt + Pepper

Stacy’s pita chips or croutons


Wash the lettuce. Even the lettuce that comes “pre-washed,” because people are big fat liars. (Do I need to say ‘put lettuce on a plate’? Do it.) Dice up however much cucumber and red onion you want, throw it on top of the romaine and put the rest in a bag or container for other meals. Throw on a few grape tomatoes now too.

Image via womentribe.com

Cut the avocado in half lengthwise. If you don’t know the 411 on avocados, they have a huge ball in the middle. When you cut the avocado in half, you want to leave the ball in one half of the avocado if you want to save it for later. For some science-y reason, the ball helps the avocado stay fresh longer than without. If you wanna use the whole avocado, don’t eat the ball, for the love of God. Use a spoon to scoop the avocado out, and then dice it up however you please. Throw on salad.

Next, peel some chicken off of the whole chicken and toss on the salad. Pour on the garlic and parmesan dressing and finish with salt and pepper. Then I topped everything off with Stacy’s pita chips or your favorite croutons.

Then, eat your heart out.