The Voice is a bullshit vehicle for stars with dead careers

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
image from an episode of 30 Rock
Image via an episode of 30 Rock

I do not watch shows like The Voice or American Idol. I think they are lame. I’m all for entertainment and shit, capitalism is whatever, but the false hope that these shows instill in the thousands of forgettable people who are featured season after season makes me sick.

It’s true that SOME people have come out of singing competitions like American Idol with a successful singing career. Kelly Clarkson had a good run. That bald guy from American Idol is doing okay I guess. Clay Aiken was on an episode of 30 Rock once. Out of the 13 seasons of American Idol, Carrie Underwood is by far the most successful. But that’s 13 seasons and only 4 people that are only kinda-maybe culturally relevant today.

As for “The Voice”, I can’t even tell you one person who has had mainstream success. That’s because it’s a pretty transparent vehicle to launch the stagnant careers of its already famous, millionaire coaches.

Exhibit A: Gwen Stefani’s new single “Baby Don’t Lie”

As you may or may not know, Gwen Stefani is a coach on the current season of “The Voice.” Which is weird, right? Because she hasn’t been relevant in the music industry since her solo albums in the mid 2000s. Sure, No Doubt tried to come back in 2012 with their album “Push and Shove” but it didn’t really land anywhere mainstream.

But wait! Today (October 27) she just released a new solo single called “Baby Don’t Lie,” while she is currently serving as a coach on “The Voice.” What a coincidence. Where does she find the time?! I mean, when’s a better time to try and restart your music career than when you’ve been hired to “coach” a “singing competition” on network television?

Exhibit B: Rotating judges on “The Voice” and subsequent releases

Christina Aguilera? Dead career. Usher? Pretty sure dead career, but maybe I’m just not aware of his phantom hits somewhere. Cee Lo Green? “Fuck You” was cool 4 years ago. Shakira? Released a song with Rihanna called “Can’t Remember to Forget You” in between her season 4 and season 6 coaching duties.

Don’t even get me started on Maroon 5. (PLZ for the love of god stop howling at the moon on the radio) I don’t even know what a Blake Shelton is so I won’t go there.

In addition to using the show to promote their own music careers, the fact that the coaches actually perform on “The Voice” chaps me to the core of my chapable human parts. It’s not about you, famous people. JESUS. 

Take this video, for example, of Gwen Stefani performing her biggest solo hit ever “Hollaback Girl” on “The Voice.” I love Gwen Stefani, really. But she is not a singer that I would regard as being able to give anyone a whole lot of singing tips. Especially when the song she chooses to perform on the singing competition show is one where she is talk-singing over backing vocals. Which is totally fine, I ain’t no vocal performance snob. But it’s a singing competition show. The point of it is singing well, not getting by with what ya got. That’s called real life.

Exhibit C: The music industry has been wearing sweatpants in its mom’s basement for over a decade

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Look, we all know the music industry struggles everyday to make money. Small artists definitely struggle, and big artists struggle to make millions off of their music, not including the 7 perfumes they launched this year and a fucking clothing line at Kmart.

Blame it on Napster, blame it on people not respecting time-based art, blame it on the rain. Probably blame it on MTV somehow too.

Let’s not be idealistic idiots. Money is fun. These coaching gigs pay a fuckton of money, so I understand why someone would want to be a coach on a huge show like “The Voice.” They not only get a sick paycheck but they also get to promote their brand. Neat. But taking advantage of these idiot nobody singers (I say with love!) trying to make it big in a show that will never make them big is fucking rude.

Let’s get real: most of these nobody singers are not going to have a singing career after their stints on “The Voice.” They are used as props to fuel viewer engagement and promote the artists telling them they’re “great” and they “love what ur doing” and “ur gonna b a star.” As sickly entertaining as it is to watch people’s dreams get crushed on shows like these, can’t we find another way to promote music on primetime TV that doesn’t involve monetizing false hope in the hearts of starving singers?

COMMENT BELOW and tell me what you think.

Lindsay Lohan’s docuseries is ridiculous

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
photo from blog.zap2it
photo from blog.zap2it

I don’t know if any of you have been watching “Lindsay” on Oprah’s network (or streaming it illegally online bc wtf cable is stupid expensive) but it is all kinds of subdued hot mess.

The first 3 episodes are pretty boring. They deal with Lindsay getting out of rehab and trying to find an apartment in NYC. She throws a huge tantrum about having to live in a hotel and how stressful her monthlong search for an apartment has been. She even yells at her personal assistant a little! It’s a frustrating show to watch because it’s not that entertaining. But it’s hard to look away from a pretty, famous, rich girl. Why are we so interested in her? is the question running through my head the entire time I’m watching this show. It’s boring, but I can’t stop watching. Probably something about wanting people to succeed coupled with the devil inside of me waiting for her to snort lines of blow off an old Parent Trap DVD. We’re only 4 episodes in, so here’s hoping (j/k kind of)! This is what has happened so far in episodes 1-4.

Apartment hunting sucks for everyone

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Linday’s new NYC apartment.

I don’t know what it’s like to be fresh out of rehab, so I can’t judge her fully for her apartment searching meltdown. Her life coach keeps saying that stability and routine is key after rehab in order to foster a good environment in the real world for recovering addicts. Got it (baby girl should NOT have signed on for a documentary right out of rehab then, but that’s another story).

On the other hand, post-rehab stresses aside, apartment searching/house hunting is like one of the most stressful thing ANY person has to go through, regardless of socio-economic status and level of confusing fame. Watching Lindsay complain that she has to spend ANOTHER couple of days in a high end hotel room is not really something a person who lives with 2 roommates and has a specific job just to pay rent can relate to. That sounds like a fucking vacation.

Is this Absolutely Fabulous?

The parts in this show that are clearly norms in the upper class elite are hilarious for us fabulously poor fucks. Her private stripper pole workout class in episode 4 is hilarious. “It’s actually a really good workout,” she says. Her “Celebrity Health and Wellness Coach” is also fucking ridiculous. You could follow a few Pinterest boards for free that give you the same amount of sage advice as this lady.

Who the fuck is paying for her lifestyle?

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Lindsay yelling at her main personal assistant. Also, SHE DRINKS REGULAR POP??!?!

The big drama in episode 2 was Lindsay needing an advance on her docuseries check so she could get an apartment. She’s going shopping because she’s bored. SHE’S DRINKING SAN PELLEGRINO DURING THE WEEK FOR CHRISSAKE. At one point she even had two personal assistants. For what, you ask? To help her unpack and organize her apartment. It makes me feel really sad that she doesn’t even have a small group of good close friends that will help her move, but maybe rich people don’t know that helping someone move is what friends do.

But really, who is paying for this lifestyle? I know Oprah is reportedly paying her $2 million for this series. That seems like a LOT of money to a normal person, but she’ll probably blow through that in no time. Then what? She can’t show up on time anywhere, nobody will hire her (this is actually the trailer for episode 5) and she obviously hasn’t been able to keep her shit together all the other times after rehab. So why does Hollywood still keep “saving” her financially? Who decided that she HAS to have this lifestyle? What’s wrong with a really small apartment and a reasonable job for Lindsay Lohan? Sometimes I think it’s a blessing to have to work hard in life for the things you want, because watching people give her things and watching her become more unhappy in the process looks like a nightmare. There’s a lot of merit in earning shit yourself that I think a lot of famous people lose the privilege of experiencing.

Community service

The best part of the series so far is when Lindsay goes to her community service gig where she’s working with underprivileged little kids because it’s like the only time she laughs and looks actually happy. The kids are climbing on her, drawing and she’s helping them glue shit together. She looks normal and like she’s having fun being out with the masses. It can’t be good for a human being to lock themselves up anywhere. It must be hard because she’s trying to be sober, but shit. I have a lot of friends who aren’t heavy drinkers and who don’t take a lot of drugs who are cool. Those people exist. Just hang around a Whole Foods for like, 20 minutes. Weed through the dreadlocks and find a cool person.

We are now halfway through the series since it is an 8 week special. GOOD LUCK LINDZ. I hope you find a real job and can show up on time and don’t relapse. But there are still 4 episodes left so WHO KNOWS.

liloterry7

In defense of Ted Mosby

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

RADNOR

I get it. You hate Ted Mosby. His obsession with finding “the one” and confessing his love within 5 minutes of meeting any pretty girl who doesn’t have the personality of a bag of rocks is a little infuriating. His romantic style is definitely annoying to the point where many people couldn’t watch the show because they hated him so much. I used to be one of those people. But now I’m not. Right before the series finale, I must admit: I kinda like Ted Mosby. Stay with me.

  1. It is so fucking easy to be cynical. Suspiciously too easy. Ted may have had his moments of hopelessness when it came to finding love, but he never actually gave up. As stupid as it sounds, we need people like that who keep reminding us that magic could exist, if only we could just stop being pessimistic, horrible cool kids.
  2. He tried everything. I just went through the series for the first time this year after years of “ew, no.”  After a couple of seasons, a pattern of spontaneity emerged in Ted. Sure, it’s insane that he jumps the gun on any possible romantic moment that could ever be squeezed out of a crusty turd, but god dammit, the kid’s got spunk. If you ever needed someone to do something insane with, he’d probably be there with you.
  3. He’s probably a freak in bed. I said that to a friend the other day and they were begging me to stop the imagery. Whatever. Ted has slept with so many people, he’s had to have picked up some good moves. Or a couple of STIs because he slept around a LOT. Either way, All Adventurous Women Do. You do you, Ted.
  4. He’s a really good friend. He would do anything for any of his friends. Like, probably hide a dead body or not tell the police that you set your ex’s mailbox on fire. That’s respectable.
  5. He has a job. He’s probably got a savings account you could steal from when you tell him you love him and he proposes a joint checking after like a week.
  6. He’s not totally disgusting. Inside OR out, he’s a pretty alright dude if you can get past the incessant soulmate searching. But really, maybe people hate him so much because we’ve all got a little Ted Mosby living inside of us, wishing that a soulmate existed and that we would find them someday, and it would be the coolest day of our lives.

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I haven’t watched any of season 9 of How I Met Your Mother, because binge watching is so much more fun than week to week. But for those of you who are watching the final episode live tonight on TV, I hope the episode is everything you dreamed a series ending and an insanely long love saga would be.

5 reasons the polar vortex is the best thing to happen to winter

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

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I am LOVING the polar vortex. Do nothing and eat a bunch? I didn’t know it was so cold in HEAVEN. Here’s why I’m having the time of my life.

1. Lay in bed and watch Netflix ALL DAY

Are you kidding me? Is this my birthday, Christmas, AND Halloween combined? Check it: Lay in bed, wear whatever crazy combination of sweaters, hot pants and fun socks your heart desires. Throw on a tiara if you want. Paint your face up like Heath Ledger in that Batman movie (I know it’s the Dark Knight u shoulda seen ur face) or like Gaga in her “Applause” video. Scare your roommates with said faces, and then after a good stabbing laugh, invite them into the living room for an afternoon of Netflix. Pick the most disgusting guilty pleasure shows that have ever existed to man and watch them, like Bridalplasty or The Swan. Or maybe you like really good things and don’t waste your time watching the worst humans alive compete for plastic surgery (u suck but whatever). I hear Breaking Bad is good. Also MELROSE PLACE has all the murder, love triangles and personality disorders you could EVER dream of.

You’ve been gifted HAVING to stay indoors under blankets and watch TV. Don’t fuck it up by doing anything else, like productive shit. PRAISE BE TO ARCTICA, GOD OF POLAR WINDS, UNLIMITED STREAMING AND EARLY BED TIMES.

2. Eat whatever you want images

It’s a polar vortex outside! Are you kidding me! High temperatures are in the high -10s! YOU EAT THAT FROZEN PIZZA. You eat it good, and eat it by yourself. After that, eat a bag of chips. Then ice cream. Then an apple because you should eat one healthy thing at least sometimes. But most importantly eat whatever you want because you might need those calories when your ’03 Ford Taurus hits black ice on the highway and sends you careening over the side of a bridge only to be caught in the strong and sexy limbs of a frozen tree. Yes you’re STRANDED  in a car, stuck in a tree, and even though you’ve survived a harrowing once-in-a-lifetime experience, your dad is still gonna KILL YOU for playing Candy Crush while driving. But at least you ate enough pizza and chips beforehand to be able to survive falling off a bridge in a car and being saved by a tree. You’ll be a Facebook star for like 5 hours (suck it, people with cute kids)!!  Pretty sure that’s called living the dream.

3. FUR

Um, if there’s any time to bust out that fur coat your politically incorrect yet fabulously stylish grandmother gave you before she moved into some old person orgy center in Florida, it’s now. I don’t care what that vegan says on Facebook (why are you facebook friends with a vegan). WERK DAT FUR OR DIE A BITING DEATH IN THE FRIGID ELEMENTS.

you could look THIS fabulous in the polar vortex. you kno you wanna
you could look THIS fabulous in the polar vortex. you kno you wanna. GAGA YAAAAAS

4. Social obligations are nil

You know what? You DON’T have to go to your ex-roommate’s new roommate’s boyfriend’s free rock show tonight. Maybe your car battery seriously isn’t working, or maybe it is buuuuuuut there’s no need to push it. Maybe it’s too cold out to find parking and then walk 5 blocks in the hip part of town for drinks because frostbite really DOES set in after 5 minutes! Maybe you’re an alien working for a galactic organization hell bent on taking over Earth and the subzero temperatures don’t affect you. But who’s to say you don’t deserve a couple of quiet nights in? YOU DESERVE IT.

Guilt-free stay-ins? THANKS POLAR VORTEX!!!!

5. Bonding time

The polar vortex is a GREAT way for some extra bonding time with your roommates. Get to know the person who smells your shit in the morning a little better. Do they like Katy Perry? Do they “get” performance art? Have they ever murdered anyone on purpose? Who did they vote for in the last People’s Choice Awards? Throw a pizza in the oven, pop a stale 40, and open up those floodgates, baby.

this is you during the winter vortex. you've never looked happier.
this is you during the winter vortex. you’ve never looked happier.

THANKS POLAR VORTEX!!!

Will Britney’s new song “Work Bitch” deliver us from evil?

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

Britney released the video for her latest single, “Work Bitch” and it’s a step in a good direction. In the vid, Britster moves her legs way more in the dance scenes than in past videos of recent history. See “Till the World Ends” for the modern Britney arm wave dance-like reference. So yeah, this is pretty huge, folks. I can’t help but think every single time I see her perform in a video or live that her dancing just isn’t there anymore. But in this video, her dancing is creeping back to almost good again. As you may or may not know, in 2004 Ms. B broke her knee on the set of the video for “Outrageous,” thus leading into the downward spiral we all sort of lovingly remember. In the knee breaking video, you can see how FUCKING AWESOME she was moving. But she just can’t do it like she used to. Of course I feel like a shit fan for wishing and hoping she would dance like the old days.

Hope is such a dangerous drug.

“Work Bitch” also raises important societal questions like:

Will Britney’s new song inspire millions of people to work?

Will everyone who has been avoiding the gym finally get out of their laptop/couch coma and get to sweatin’?

Will Congress finally get their shit together after a Britney dance party?

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This is my favorite thing on the internet

Let’s hope so. I know I’ve gotten through some weird times by listening to Britney. There’s something ethereal and existentially comforting about listening to a woman ask a stranger to fuck her in the back room of the club, all over super hot club beats. The air of “Fuck it” and “Imma get what I want!” is so inspiring. When you’re knee deep in quarter-life crisis, it’s important to have Britney there as a reminder that you REALLY, REALLY can make it through anything.

CAN a pop song inspire a nation to quit being lazy shitbags on a personal and professional level and “Work Bitch”? Time will only tell if our Godney will deliver us from evil.

Why I love the Kardashians and why you should respect them

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom Renew Their Wedding Vows on Their 1st Anniversary-Party I am sick of celebrities, random twitter and my dad saying that the Kardashians are stupid. Or bullshit. Or talentless. Or whores. Just stop it already. I am floored that people like Katie Couric, who are ALSO intelligent entertainment and business talents, don’t realize why the Kardashians are famous. Really?! REALLY. Have you ever seen their show, Ms. Couric? Do you not realize how opportunity mixed with insanely smart marketing, naturally entertaining personalities and EIGHT SEASONS of a successful reality show made this family famous and a household name? REALLY?!

alg-kardashian-sisters-jpg You know what, Katie Couric and everyone else who hates the Kardashians? They are awesome. I have seen every episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians and their spinoffs, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami and Kourtney and Kim Take New York and I (along with my kool friends) have loved every minute of the rich, beautiful and super dysfunctional family drama. It’s like a modernized version of a soap opera where the characters live on forever on screen and in the pages of our real life magazines. Talk about some meta as fuck, never-ending performance art.

And really, you don’t have to like them. That’s not what I’m writing about. But can we put an end to the tired “Why are they famous?” question? This is why they’re famous and super awesome:

  1. Kim Kardashian made a sex tape. And? A) quit shaming women for having sex and seeking kinky pleasure. We R ppl with sex parts 2. It’s boring, rude and misogynistic.  Get. Over. This. One moment in time defines no one. B) who cares, this country is obsessed with sex anyways, so why not take advantage of a leaked/distributed sex tape to launch your career? Opportunity people. Take an unfortunate thing and turn it into a fortunate thing. This is like, success 101. C) If you haven’t taken naked selfies I feel bad for you son / you got 99 problems and naked pics is one. 

    The-Kardashian-Sisters-the-kardashians-11869128-729-1000
    dat biz
  2. They are business women.  Long before the sex tape release, the Kardashians ran a small business-and still do. Their chic fashion boutiques called D-A-S-H first opened in Calabasas, CA in 2006. The stores are owned and operated by Kourtney, Khloe and Kim. They now have stores in Miami and New York City. D-A-S-H is also the underlying story line of the first couple of season of KUWTK and the main reason for the spinoff season in Miami and New York. It’s cool to see young women in their 20s owning and operating their own store. Dare I say it’s inspirational for young girls to see a group of young, hip, beautiful women successfully running a small business?
  3. Their family is dysfunctional as fuck, blended and beautiful.
    When Brody confronted Kris about her materialistic lifestyle and why he wasn't included as much in their family as a child.
    When Brody confronted Kris about her materialistic lifestyle and why he wasn’t included as much in their family as a child.

     Really, what family isn’t dysfunctional? There’s like a billion kids in the Kardashian/Jenner family due to marriage, divorce, marriage, children, half siblings, step kids, etc. This probably looks waaaay more like the modern American family more so than parents who have been married since high school and have 2.5 kids. The show doesn’t shy away from the more awkward moments of family dynamics, like when Khloe’s biological father mystery was brought into question, or when Bruce’s sons from his second marriage (Brody and Brandon) began to vocalize why they felt they were never included much in the Jenner/Kardashian family growing up. Sometimes it’s hard to watch, but it’s relatable as all hell to a lot of different people who grew up in blended families.

  4. They have really great vagina moments. Like when Khloe burns her vagina on wax and has Kourtney put mayonnaise on it for her because mayo soothes AND shines the good ol’ vag. When Kourtney delivered her own baby and they filmed it (if that isn’t punk rock as shit I don’t know what is). When they had a vagina smell-off in London to see if eating pineapple really makes it smell sweeter. Hilarity. Vaginas vaginas vaginas.
  5. They provide a different kind of reality programming.
    that shit CRAY
    that shit CRAY

     Think about the other reality programs that are on TV. I don’t want to demean the other shows because they are super entertaining too. But come on, Real Housewives? Heyo plastic surgery, rampant materialism, alcoholism, dated gender roles, horrible role models for how any woman or man should act. Bridalplasty? Bridezilla? All women are SO crazy on their wedding day! All they care about is the perfect wedding! PUKE. Pretty Wild? Anything Paris Hilton was in? Every girl is a wild party girl who doesn’t know anything about anything! I think the Kardashians are the most positive role models for young women on reality television, given the competition. They run multiple businesses, have difficult personal relationships that they constantly work on (just like us!), are honest about feeling inadequate/fat/ugly, get cosmetic shit done and show it on television because lookin’ good takes WORK (vampire facelift, cellulite removal), support each other, get in fights with their siblings and later apologize, show a strong work ethic, take care of themselves, spend time with family, etc.

  6. THEY ARE ENTERTAINING. Khloe is absolutely hilarious, it’s fun to watch the whole family make fun of Kim and Kris, and Rob embodies every moment of self doubt, worthlessness and self fat-shaming you’ve ever had in your life.  Despite the fame and wealth, these people are fucking relatable.

The Kardashians are entertaining. They have a crazy family dynamic. They are a successful bunch of strong, business-minded women who totally outshine all of the men in the show (sorry dudes but it’s true). I’m not asking anyone to like them, but you can at least give credit where credit is due. *Drops Kardashian Kollection mic*

U LUV THEM
U LUV THEM

Pop culture: Is the lyric video the new music video?

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

Lady Gaga’s lyric video for “Applause”

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Katy Perry and Lady Gaga both released singles this week ahead of schedule due to leaks (duh, welcome to the internet and 2008). Along with their single releases, they both have released lyric videos to go along with their singles. You know, to give the drooling pop obsessed masses (yo what up thats me 2) something to look at while the real video gets made, and so the artist/record label can make official money off the ads from youtube. Holla fo that dolla. But really, have we entered a new era of the music video?

TRL! my heart strings are a-pullin'. miss u 4ever.
TRL! my heart strings are a-pullin’. miss u 4ever.

The first music video to ever grace MTV was The Buggles “Video Killed the Radio Star.” LOL. 4shadowing FTW. MTV gave music videos a great place to live until they decided ain’t nobody got time fo that shit. They cut down the regularly scheduled music video programming to an hour and a half after school on Total Request Live, or belovedly, TRL. In case you were living on Mars, Russia or a home where your parents banned television (my condolences), TRL was awesome. It was a place where kids got to call in (USING LANDLINE PHONES!!!!!) to request their favorite music videos and hopefully get their Britney or NSYNC vid to the number 1 spot. It was such a big fucking deal. I actually miss it.

Since TRL’s cancellation in 2008 (R.I.P. 4ever and PLEASE bring this show back on the internet. seriously. SRSLY), the music video has had a pretty much exclusive internet platform, because let’s be real: MTV2 couldn’t even keep to its word that it would be the real music video channel, and VH1 LOL. Throw in internet file sharing and the money-losing scramble of the music industry over the past decade, our poor little Music Video has suffered quite a lot in quality, budget and creativity.

first lyric video However, out of a seemingly doomed medium of sonic visual expression came a little thing called the Lyric Video. It’s a modest, bastardly child of the once great Music Video. The first lyric videos started off with horrible fonts and and a gross blue screen. You’ve seen them. They’ve come a long way since Windows 2000 though. Now they’ve got pretty colors and exciting fonts. The joy!

a still of Ke$ha's lyric video for "Die Young"
a still of Ke$ha’s lyric video for “Die Young”

Somewhere along the line, a music exec/artist/manager not completely fucked up on blow realized how many views theses videos get, how CHEAP it is to make them, and how useful it would be to slap ads on an official lyric video and make some extra dollaz.

Good job, music industry. It only took you about 8 years to figure that shit out.

Anyways, it seems more and more with big time releases to put out a lyric video while the actual video gets made, if one even gets made. The lyric video has sort of become a toe in the water to see if a real music video would be a lucrative venture or a compete waste of time and money. But is this creating a greater creative divide between video formats for songs? If the lyric video is the cheap, low-key video version of the song, then will real music videos in turn become something more cinematic? Maybe. Hopefully. We’ll see.

Taylor Swift released both a lyric video and an official video for her single “We Are Never Getting Back Together.” Swift’s lyric video has over 27 million views, and the official video has nearly 175 million views. That’s over 200 million views combined. That’s a lot of fucking views.

T swift and her font-y lyric video
T swift and her font-y lyric video

Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber, Demi Lovato and Ke$ha have all released lyric videos this year for songs. If it hasn’t become a huge norm to release a lyric video, it’s going to be. Especially since both Katy Perry and Gaga released lyric videos quickly after their songs leaked. It’s a great way to make a little quick, extra money ahead of a budgeted music video, give the fans something official to watch and deliver a cheaply made but (hopefully) creative video to accompany a new single.

After all, throwing money at something like art doesn’t always make it good. Put restrictions in place, like money, time and scrolling lyrics, and see how creative artists can get within those boundaries. Who knows. We may have our next piece of musical cinematic brilliance in a 2 Chainz lyric video. Maybe not. All I know is, we are entering a new era of videos made for visually enjoying and interacting with modern music. Thank god a new creative platform has come to the music industry, cuz it’s about goddamn time.

Gaga vs Perry: Life is better when two pop stars reign at the same time

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

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Lady Gaga’s “ARTPOP” 11.11.13

vs.

Katy Perry’s “Prism” 10-22-13

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There seems to be a special alignment of the planets (or corporate music industry strategy. whatevz) when a huge pop star releases an album.  Madonna vs. Cindi Lauper, Britney vs. Christina, and now Gaga vs. Katy Perry. What would be the fun in releasing a major diva studio pop album without some healthy competition?! GOD THIS FALL IS GOING TO BE AWESOME.

Lady Gaga and Katy Perry rose to fame together, both have two albums under their sparkly belts and are slated to release their third albums this fall, respectively titled “ARTPOP” and “Prism”. I have no idea which one I’m more excited for. Dare I say I’m excited for both? Pop blasphemy! Pop music tyrant! To the VMA stakes!

I’m excited for Gaga’s “ARTPOP” because:

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Single art for Gaga’s “Applause”. Me gusta.
  • I like all of the aesthetics so far. Her first single titled “Applause” has a fresh look to it. I’m digging the white a lot. It’s a whole lot better than her “Born This Way” album art, that’s for sure.
  • Gaga lives for art. She puts a lot of effort into her artistic process. “ARTPOP” is said to be a journey through collaborations with famous artists like Inez & Vinoohd (worked with Björk in the music biz and a lot of fashion photography), Robert Wilson, Marina Abramovic (famous performance artist and recently in Jay Z’s latest video release) and Jeff Koons.
  • Girlfriend ain’t afraid to get a little weird, which is always makes for an interesting time.

I’m excited for Katy Perry’s “Prism” because:

  • She is a quintessential pop star. I get the vibe that Katy Perry will (and does) do everything she is directed to do by her label. I like her music a lot, but it is very cut and dried classic pop music. It will be like 200 feet in front of new trends, but won’t stand anywhere near what would be called innovative. She is here for one purpose: Sexy. Hot. Pop. Star. And we love her for that.
  • You know she’s gonna have the best pop song of fall on her new album. She works with the best pop music producers in the business (Max Martin, Dr. Luke) and the best pop music songwriters (Sia, Bonnie McKee). She gets the best of the best of the BEST to help produce and write her music.
  • Her fashion sense is good, even though it’s completely fucking commercial “I’m a sexy lady! Gee whiz! Boobs! Firework!”

“Born This Way” and “Teenage Dream” were both great sophomore releases but totally pandered directly to “troubled” and  “bullied” teens and less towards an artistic, grown up sound. I think both of their upcoming albums will show long overdue maturity, however Gaga probably has more freedom to grow up in the limelight than Katy Perry. Katy Perry is the pop music, number 1 hit maker slave, and Gaga is the weirdo artist but still has to appeal to a wide audience. Life is hard in Pop World, y’all.

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Pop Predictions

All things considered, I think Gaga’s album will be way more interesting and creative than Katy Perry’s. It’s like if Madonna from 30 years ago (holy fucking shit it has been THAT long) split in half, birthing two opposing pop star molds: with Gaga you get the edge, the art, and the cravings for controversy. With Katy you get the “I’m the Queen of Pop now” who releases really great but kind of predictable #1 hits that are about as stimulating as a cold Diet Coke with a really great sandwich. Sure, everyone loves Diet Coke and good sandwiches, but it’s no orange San Pellegrino with a side of classical piano training and a penchant for performance art. Only time (internet leaks) will tell which album will prevail. BRING. IT. ON.

7 Questions in Heaven with Celia Inside

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

7 Questions Celia Inside

Celia Inside (@celiainside) is an artist I met on Twitter. HELL YEAH TWITTER. We bonded over music, tv and HORRIBLE fucking dating stories. It’s cool to be out on the web and randomly stumble across people you vibe with. Sometimes the internet is great. Anyways, CI just released an EP called Remodel that is full of relationship deconstruction, electric guitar and really, very pretty vocals. (Download the EP for free here)

Check out what this very fresh artiste de Boston has to say (on the very first 7 Questions!) about breakups, the very solo recording process and loving Solange.

1. What was your main inspiration to record the Remodel EP? A break-up, a boring winter, an angel speaking to you in dreams?

There was definitely some post-breakup inspiration, but it was mixed with other stuff. I was going through a kind of perfect storm of huge life changes that happen in those first couple years after college. My friends were moving away and getting super busy with work, and I was busy too, but less well-adjusted about it, I think. So I pressed pause on everything, disappeared for a while, and turned my feelings about those challenging and confusing times into angsty songs! And then the title came about later — it was (and still is) the perfect one-word sentence/truth/tough love advice I need to hear. Remodel. Change, evolve; find a way to live your life that won’t make you miserable!

2)Which song is your baby, the one you love the most or that you feel the strongest connection with and why?

 

“Leaving Girls” is pretty near & dear to me, partly because it was the first song to really take shape both instrumentally and lyrically. There are a couple lines there that have really resonate with people, me included, and I like how the title/words leave lots of room for interpretation. I originally wrote it as a kind of friendship breakup song but it can really apply to anyone who is… leaving, I guess. Haha. I also like how dark and unpredictable it can be… along with the many layers going on between the harmonies and the spastic guitars and the synth. That’s my St. Vincent-wanna-be song.

3)The recording process: You recorded everything yourself (KUDOS bc that shit is HARD). Describe the last week of recording/mixing/mastering. Was there a lot of caffeine/alcohol/pot/sex/cuddles with puppies?

Haha — thanks, girl! Yeah, it wasn’t so fun at times. I couldn’t sleep because I was really stressed out, so I would just drink black tea and stay up super late tweaking this and that. I became super nocturnal — more-so than usual, haha. And yes, I definitely cuddled with my puppy on the reg! She’s so affectionate; bless her heart! She should get a producer credit.

4)Where do you see your music going in the future? Are there any new genres you’re exploring now that may influence your next record?

Ah, there is so much I want to do! On one hand, I’m into R&B in a big way. I grew up listening to so much hip-hop and R&B — it’s a part of me — and I definitely want to experiment more with making beats. I’d love to make an R&B mixtape and rap some on it. I used to rap a bit and I miss it a lot! Especially when I hear some inspired hip-hop. I also feel like a lot of people are loving “Stranger,” which is kind of my Mariah Carey/R&B experiment on Remodel. So yeah, definitely more of that hotness. 😉

On a totally different note, I’d like to rock a little harder; I want to see what I can come up with working with a more traditional set-up: guitar, bass, drums, and that’s it. I’m so amazed at what some bands can do with only three or even two people live. Hop Along and Wye Oak come to mind. When you see them play, you’re definitely going to rock out, but there’s so much genre-bending and style-blending going on with their music too. Those are both bands that make me cry while I bang my head!I’ve always been musically pulled in so many different directions. It makes perfect sense to me to make different albums in totally different styles (ala PJ Harvey or The Cardigans, who are both huge inspirations of mine).

5)You’re gearing up for some live shows in the Boston area (right?). How do you feel about performing these songs live? What is your live set up?

 

That’s the goal — to play live in Boston/New York/wherever I am in the near future. And I feel… conflicted. Because these songs obviously require some drums and synth and PEOPLE that I don’t currently have, yet I want to perform solo & acoustically, at least for a little while. Celia Inside is a veryyy new car and I need to put some miles on it before I, like, plan a cross-country road trip, you know? I’m still very new to performing. I actually just played an original song for the first time tonight at an open mic night! So I have some work to do on this front. But ask me again in a year! 🙂

6)If you could collaborate with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be and why?

Hmmm. So I thought about this for a while and came up with the BEST answer: Solange. When you talk about artists, truly original people doing new and incredible things creatively like only they can, Solange is at the top of that list. I’m so in awe of the True EP, partly because her last release (SoL-Angel and the Hadley Street Dreams) was SO good and fresh and then she somehow managed to top that by like 100%. I love the choices she makes — vocally, lyrically, image and PR-wise, everything — and I just… feel her spirit (lol). Completely. She’s totally brilliant and down to earth and cool. So yes, in my dreams, I would collaborate with Solange and we’d become besties and Beyonce would get dinner with us occasionally and stuff.

7)What’s the most embarrassing artist/song you absolutely LOVE?

Haha. First, I want to note that I’m not easily embarrassed when it comes to this stuff! Like, I regularly go to bat for artists I adore that people are too cool for like Paramore and Danity Kane and whoever. With that said… Ashlee Simpson! When I listen now, her vocals can be ROUGH. Like, oh man. But I think there are some GREAT songs on those first two albums she did. “Unreachable” pops into my head to this day. That whole first album is money and then, on the second one, I LOVE “In Another Life,” “Dancing Alone,” “Say Goodbye”…. Omg, I forgot how solid they were! I think her team had a really cool sound going on. Ugh, I love it.