If you’re not watching “Damages” you need to seriously reevaluate your Netflix subscription

Image via collider.com

Remember the days of “oohs!” and “aahs!” when it came to your Netflix instant queue? I HAVE to watch that. I heard the juxtaposition of post-modernity and consumerism coupled with Brad Pitt’s abs will scintillate both mind and loins. A cinematic mung bean fricassee for all! Well my friends, those days are long gone. No longer are we met with endless upon endless films that systematically wet our mind, body and soul. Because you’ve either already seen it, re-watched it a couple times (Arrested Development never gets old) or can’t get through the first 5 minutes of some British TV show that’s supposed to be funny, but just ends up being the poor man’s version of the 2012 London Olympic opening ceremony.

More or less a summary of the 2012 Olympic Opening ceremony. Gif via media.photobucket.com

Among all the terrible, horrible, good-for-nothing things on Netflix, there remains a couple gems that may have slipped under your radar. One of them is Damages

Here are three things I’ve learned so far from watching season 1 of Damages and why you should definitely be watching:

  1. What I find most appealing and thought provoking is that every single character solidifies the idea that there is no inherent good or bad in this world. And god damn is it refreshing. It never gives in to a society-at-large that wishes with all its Christmas spirit that cut-and-dried, good and evil truly exist. Instead, Damages exposes us to the cold hard fact that we live in a spectral continuum of being a huge dick or being pretty cool. In other words: Black and White, meet 50 billion shades of self-righteous gray.
  2. Glenn Close. GLENN CLOSE. When I was little and exposed to her in the live-action version 101 Dalmatians, I was like “that lady is MEAN!” and I didn’t care much for her. As I am older and a bit wiser, I realize what an uninformed jerk I was at 7. She is a phenomenal actress, and is the absolute anchor of this series in one of the best roles ever written on television.  Her portrayal of Patty Hewes has you questioning EVERYTHING about anything, whether it be character motives on the show, things in your own life, or why your stoned friend is eyeing the fuck out of your dessert.
  3. Trust no one. Is it a product of living in an untrustworthy society, or is it a dramatic, Hollywood interpretation of wading through the waters of Société Elite? Probably both. All I know is that if you have to ask someone if they can be trusted, they’re probably going to end up killing you right before they eat a mediocre sandwich. The more you know!
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Netflix nightcap: The Sarah Silverman Program

Image via Netflix

The Sarah Silverman Program

I think the Sarah Silverman Program is one of the funniest shows on Netflix Instant. Sarah plays a warped version of herself who is unemployed and highly childlike, self-obsessed and irresponsible. Sarah gets into ridiculous situations. Getting people fired, having sex with God and then not calling him back, and convincing the homophobic parents of her gay friend to take LSD to learn how to be accepting. These situations are completely insane and absolutely fun.

She also writes original songs in nearly all the episodes that will make you cry. There’s a Lisa Loeb cover that leads her to touring the country with her previously thought-to-be-deceased father in a group called “The Loeb Trotters”, penises aren’t father figures and an ode to poop. Take a look at some of the lyrics:

This is a Poop Song

It was brown and it had raisins
And we flushed it for those reasons

This is a poop song…
This is a poop song.

I was walking to the mall
And I had to make a poop

This is a poop song…
This is a poop song.

We pooped at the mall today
We pooped at the mall…

The Porn Song

there’s a dream in your head
that will never come true,
there’s a stickiness all over
and it didn’t come from you.
you wish your dad had been there
but more oftentimes he was not,
you can’t put your arms around
a dirty gang-bang cum shot,
but that’s all you et.
that’s all you get.”

do you ever take drugs
so that you can have sex
without crying?…yeah yeah

there’s a hole in your heart
where the sorrow pours out.
there’s a hole in your heart
where ambivalence sets in….

all the penises in the country
all the penises in the world
all the penises in the galaxy
won’t fill your heart hole….

Genius. Pure genius. You have to check out this show. It’s the right amount of ridiculous everyone could use, especially during election year. She’s hot, it’s funny, and there is a crazy big Tom Selleck mustache in every episode. What more could you ever ask for?

Hilarious and supa fine. Image via israel-lightontonations.blogspot.com

Netflix nightcap: Pop music live shows and documentaries

Image via Netflix

Somehow I stumbled upon a pop music search while browsing Netflix for a sweet little nightcap. In it I found the weirdest mix of pop music docs or live performances. None of them look particularly, good except Madonna: Truth or Dare because that shit is awesome. I don’t know if I wanna watch the Tina Turner ones. Or even Cher. Usher, maybe. If he’s dancing. Tori Amos? I hear she’s good. The Britney one is a pass (her dancing is all hands)! Check them out here.