Rumour has it: Tom Cruise is a fucking nut

Watch out Oprah!!! Image via badadvice.typepad.com

The more details that come out about the Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise marriage contract and divorce bomb are really, really creepy. Here are some confusing and eery rumors that have come out surrounding the TomKat divorce:

  • Tom has divorced all 3 of his wives when they turned 33. 33 is connected to Scientology because the religion was founded by science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard in Phoenix, Arizona, which happens to lie on the 33rd parallel.
  • Katie Holmes reportedly got 3 million dollars for each year she was married to Tom.
  • She had to sign a 5 year marriage contract that not surprisingly ended when she was 33.
  • She’s being followed in NYC by men with guns who are suspected to be hired by Scientologists.
  • The straw that broke the camel’s marriage back is the fact that Tom Cruise wanted Suri to be a part of the Sea Org where there are reports of manual hard labor, a billion year loyalty contract and suspected forced abortion because family is discouraged as a distraction.
  • Scientologists held “auditions” for Tom Cruise wives that included Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Sofia Vergara, Penelope Cruz and Jennifer Garner.
  • He sent all his dates buttloads of chocolate and roses in cars. (Puke, I am forever aversion-ed to those things. TC must be an alien because that is some vanilla 1950s flirting right there. Regular modern folk settle for a sweet internet post)
  • A huge rumor now is that Katie Holmes and Suri walked in on David Beckham and Tom Cruise in bed together. It seems like a stretch, but HOLYFUCKINGSHIT if it’s true.
This is probably only the tip of the iceberg, which is awesome for the blogosphere.

Read 8 facts you may not know about Scientology here

Check out Tom Cruise’s explanation of being a Scientologist below. It doesn’t really make much sense. He kind of sounds like he was a confused teen/young adult who got famous, rich and needed a big crutch to help him understand his life. Evangelicals look SO fucking regular compared to this shit. Looks like TC needs to smoke some weed, join a bongo circle on a dirty beach somewhere and chill the FUCK out.

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Celebrité: Amanda Bynes has a DUI now. Waiting for her perfume deal to drop in 3, 2, …

Image via NY Daily News

Amanda Bynes joins the ranks of Khloé Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie in finally getting her very own DUI. Next, a perfume deal, a personal conversation with Tori Spelling, a minted plaque from the LA county jail and perfume line with a 2-year reality show contract on E!

I guess her dad claims she wasn’t drunk that night. No matter what, girlfriend is looking a little rough, no? Pink hair, 10th grade eye liner skills and cheap lipstick. Maybe she’s researching a part where she plays a girl who is secretly a high class call girl and she has to take drugs to get through all the madness. Oh wait. Rumour has it Ms. Bynes is already doing all of those things.

Is Hollywood really that weird? Maybe it’s just rich people. Perhaps the combination of the two make it a modern day Gomorrah.

Gotta love and respect the fame cycle. Except no love and respect for call girlin’ and drugs. Rich men with no personality and a wallet full o’ cash for “high class” ladies are gross.

Check out the simpler times of Amanda Bynes.

 

Rumour has it: Lana del Rey and Marilyn Manson

Photo by Target Presse Agentur Gmbh/Getty Images

Um, what?!

Rumour has it Lana del Rey and Marilyn Manson are an item. Also, her hair is really long. Jealsies!

Marilyn Manson is weird. Like, he STILL dresses like a 90s alternakid? I guess he’d get more ridicule for dressing like a 40 year old hipster. He feels much older than than though. Can you imagine Marilyn Manson in his 70s? He’s gonna be stoned as fuck.

But a nice George Clooney-esque suit would be a refreshing change for ol’ MM. Maybe LDR (which whenever I see LDR I think people are talking about FDR or maybe one of his relatives or a vice president or something) will whip him into shape with some Sinatra-inspired duds.

Let’s just hope this is a confusing moment in LDR’s life. Don’t be another Evan Rachel Wood, because she like drank his blood and piss and shit. I just made that up, but you never know. Some people like it supa freeky.

Zetus Lapetus! Foo Fighters want to record in space!!!

Space boys. Image via mxdwn.com

Zetus Lapetus! I bet you haven’t heard that in a while!

The Foo Fighters reportedly want to record in SPACE. They would be the first rock band, or any band for that matter to do so. Maybe they’ll back Newt Gingrich and have a music recording sesh party on the moon! Nah, they can do it without his crazy lurking around craters and harshin’ their vibe. He’d probably murder them and steal their music. Who’s the pirate now, Gingy?

This is a totally cool idea. And totally part of the plot of Zenon Girl of the 21st Century, that I am DYING TO WATCH now.

My early aught girlfriends. That's so Raven you guys! Pure gold. Those are some sick outfits too. Image via isambie.blogspot.com

I guess Beyoncé and Jay-Z wanted to be firsties to record in space. And to  be honest, they certainly have a TON of money and connections, probably more so than the Foo Fighters do. But for some reason, I think rock music in space would be way cooler than R&B/hip-hop.

I don’t doubt that Bey and Jay could make some sick music in the space waves, but I don’t you think rock music would sound even more badass in space? Plus, Protozoa showed us it’s pretty f-ing cool.

Besides, it may look a little something like this (ok it won’t at all but shit, it’s Protozoa!!!!!!!):

Rumour has it: Spice Girl Reunion… depending on Posh

Those were the days. Platforms! Photo via xahlee.org
Those were the days. Platforms! Photo via xahlee.org

Oh COME ON Posh Spice!!!

Rumour has it that Posh Spice is keen on joining the rest of the bunch for a couple of shows for the Summer Olympics in London, but she’s so busy with her fashion lines that she doesn’t know if she’ll have time. Cripes!

Granted, reunion tours are never the same as when the group was at their height. Maybe because their wardrobe isn’t the same anymore. I want to see union jacks and platforms EVERYWHERE.

I don’t know about you guys, but I remember the day I heard on the radio (yes the radio, back when they actually had breaking news) that the Spice Girls were breaking up. I was sitting in the back of my mom’s van, around 9 years old, and I cried my eyes out. I honestly don’t know if I could ever forgive Ginger for leaving the group. Still.

Unfortunately during their short-lived reunion tour, The SG didn’t come anywhere near where I lived. Plus I was in college with no money. Boo!

Let’s hope Posh will find it in her heart to commit to some Spice Girls shows. And come to me so I can fulfill a childhood dream.

Music: Fiona Apple to release new MUSIC!!!!!

Fiona, the legend, the master. Photo via last.fm
Fiona, the legend, the master. Photo via last.fm

OMG. OH emm effff G.

2012 is shaping up to be a phenomenal year of music. LA Reid tweeted today that new music from FIONA APPLE can be expected this year. Oh please oh please oh please let it be true!!

The instant I saw his tweet, “Criminal” started playing in my head. It almost makes me want to get wine drunk and sing “Tidal” at the top of my lungs. But that would wake my parents up. I’m cool you guys.

Also, she’s just so fucking talented. For real. I know I love me some pop stars, but Fiona is the real shit. She takes time in between albums, for what I don’t know. Maybe she gardens! It makes sense though, that artistic fury takes a while to build up inside of a person. Right, JT?

Pop music has it’s place in our lives, when we wanna get drunk and dance like straight up hussies. But there’s a time and a place for that. Just like there’s almost another time and another place for us to fall in love with the next Fiona Apple album. FIONA!!!!

What would an angel say, the devil wants to kno-ooooooooow.” DAMN that’s a good line. “Criminal” is so fucking epic.

Rumour has it: Madonna to kiss Nicki Minaj at Superbowl

The legendary Madonna. Photo: via kovideo.net
The legendary Madonna. Photo: via kovideo.net

Oh sweet Madge.

Rumour has it Madonna and Nicki Minaj are going to smooch it up during the Superbowl XLVI halftime show. Almost a decade after Madonna’s kiss with Britney and Christina Aguilera, (which got cut while they panned to Justin Timberlake’s face. Xtina has the worst luck) what’s the point of keeping this schtick up?

Madonna is known for reinventing herself time and time again, and doing that successfully. She began performing in 1979 and her career is entering into its fourth decade with the release of her upcoming 12th studio album MDNA (genius name). Her long career and habit of restarting her character with every album is why the rumored kiss is less shocking and more “really, again Madonna? This doesn’t sound like you!”

Let’s hope this is just a rumor. Madonna is THE living pop legend, and they are both talented and beautiful women. But this move should stay where it belongs: In the 2003 VMA archives. (This video brings a tear to my eye, I miss the pre-meltdown Britney and Christina! And where the F is Missy Eliot?!)