Being Famous: Drake is channeling pop stars

Image via degrassi.wikia.com

What Would Jimmy Do? (He’d be a famewhore)

Drake and Chris Brown FightFightFight!

I’ve never heard a Drake song that I didn’t like. He’s got style, cool lyrics, great producers and Rihanna.  And come on, he used to be Jimmy from Degrassi: The Next Generation (the best thing to ever come from Canada btw). So why did he throw a bottle at Chris Brown causing everything from cuts, a shut down club and a 20 million dollar lawsuit from Tony Parker? (Can somebody make a tumblr of people pretending to be cut from this fight?)

The details are messy, but rumors have it that CB sent D a bottle of something amazing I’m sure, and then Drake sent him a note across the cafeteria that said “I’m fucking the love of your life.” Then they got into a fight over Rihanna. That’s when the bottles smashing really took off. It’s rumored that Drake’s side threw the bottle(s).

The bottle party! Image via thejasminebrand.com

For some reason, it seems really strange that Drake would get into this sort of trouble. Throwing a bottle in a club? Really? You played a handicapped kid on a popular Canadian teen show. He a Jewish Canadian African American who grew up in a wealthy neighborhood, attended a Jewish day school and had a bar mitzvah. I’m quite sure they didn’t teach throwing bottles and getting into fights with pop performers at the Jewish day school. 

But no worries, because Drake has learned a valuable lesson in Being Famous. With our 24 hour news cycle and twitter on EVERY phone imaginable, everything is always news, and people luuuuuuv to talk. Furthermore, you’ve got to really do something crazy to stay in the media for weeks. You can’t just wear a revealing outfit these days. That’s like half a day news. You need to murder a homeless man a week before your new album comes out, just to break even. The more people are hearing about you, the more they know your name, the more they listen the more they buy. You’ve just really gotta do outrageous shit to stay relevant in 2012.

Just take a look at past Being Famous participants:

Image via thejasminebrand.com

Well played, Drake. You are wisely following in some great big footsteps, my friend.

PLUS, getting into a fight with America’s least favorite person doesn’t immediately make people dislike him, because everyone has secretly been wishing for someone to kick the shit out of Chris Brown ever since he hit Rihanna. Don’t lie! The only negative is all the bystanders who got cut up. So it’s like win-win-ish.

I can’t wait to see what he does next. Will it be nude photos accidentally tweeted? Maybe it will be a weapons charge. OR he’ll get married to a stripper in vegas, then an annulment. The ridiculousness can only get better from here on out. Welcome, Drake.

Celebrité: Chris Brown’s new song title is shocking

Who the fuck in their right mind would ever believe a song called “Sweet Love” by Chris Brown? I guess if “Sweet Love” means “I’m a Fucking Dick” then he’s got it spot on! He is such a butthole sniffer, seriously. Beats the shit out of Rihanna, calls her a slut in a song, and then releases a song called “Sweet Love”. I’ve got some more realistic song titles for good ol’ CB to work on:

I Suck

I Don’t Deserve Anything I Have

My Fans are Delusional

I Don’t Sing Live (But I’ll Dance a Lot and Look Tired Doing It)

Remember When I Beat Up My Girlfriend (Me Too)

Jerkface (Imma get me some of dat)

I’ve seen everything now. Good Lord. Oy vey. Mamma mia. Dios mio. Chris Brown needs to please stop everything he’s doing. His anger issues, Rihanna, Good Morning America and God knows what else, are so sketchy man. Why is the industry promoting him? People make mistakes, but this guy is a fucking piece of dirty gum stuck inside a truck stop toilet that people are still chewing on. Gross. In the words of the great Liz Lemon, “I reject Chris Brown’s comeback!”

(and yeah, that is a video for Sisqo. The chord progressions are cool)

Alert the Pope: Rihanna unfollows Chris Brown on Twitter

Image via tmz.com

It’s exactly how it sounds. Rihanna has FINALLY come to her senses and unfollowed Chris Brown. Holy shit, breaking news. (so sad that our entertainment industry is so spotty that celebrity drama is like it’s own, real life show told through gossip bloggers in LA and magazines)

Thank you, Pope, for asking God for this miracle. We really owe you one. Image via polishamericancenter.org

After Chris Brown released a version of Kanye’s “Theraflu” in which he freestyles “Don’t f*ck with my old bitches / like a bad fur / every industry n*gga done had her.” WTF. Rihanna suspects it’s about her, because why wouldn’t it be she’s fuckingRihanna. Chris Brown is like the lowest life form imaginable. He beats the shit out of her, she forgives him and they remix songs together (and maybe some sex) and then she probably got bored and left him for good, spawning a tasteless verse in a remix of a Kanye song.

Is that gonna be a recurring plot? Like once a year someone gets salty at an ex in a remixed version of anything Kanye. Katy Perry would be first in line I bet.

Rihanna is becoming quite the leading lady in the tabloids. Unfollowing Chris Brown on Twitter is like the reality show star announcing a pregnancy. Those raggy mags are soaking up ALL the social media drama! What modern times!

Check it: Rihanna Unfollows Chris Brown on Twitter — You Finally Crossed the Line | TMZ.com.

Still upset with Rihanna and Chris Brown

Ughhhh not this again. Image via salon.com

I’m still upset over the recent Chris Brown and Rihanna collaborations. Mostly because I’m so confused by it. I’m still annoyed over douchebag things past boyfriends have said to me, so I just can’t get wrapped around the idea that not only has Rihanna “proven to be over it,” but that she was the one who actively sought out the collabo.

And what the fuck, Perez! Perezhilton.com seems to be all for the reunion calling it “genius.” You’re a fucking asshole, Perez. I take back my positive ‘On the fence’ score. You suck!

Making peace with the situation and the man who beat her violently is understandable, but working with him and inviting him to sing “Girl I wanna fuck you right now. Been a long time, I’ve been missing you body!” on your record is so literally crazy. Responding with “Remember how you did it? Remember how you fit it? If you still wanna kiss it, come, come and get it.” WHAT THE WHAT?!?!?!?!?! 

GO BACK TO DRAKE. Good, talented people are way more attractive than self-important pieces of shit with anger issues. Image via justjared.buzznet.com

Is this Rihanna’s rock-bottom, self-loathing sexual fulfillment or some serious self-destruction?

On top of that, there is speculation that they are hooking up while Brown is in an open relationship with some other shitty person who can only be described as “that idiot” who would date Chris Brown. Why would ANYONE date him?!?! Oh yeah, money and being photographed. Sadsies!

It seems like a sick and twisted ploy for attention/publicity. Lame! If you wanna get back with the man who beat you violently, do it out of the public eye for pete’s sake! It is seriously heartbreakingly disappointing to witness such a talented woman invite this man back into her life.

Take a walk down Chris Brown and Rihanna’s memory lane here.

Celebrité: Birds attack Chris Brown

Image via nme.com

 Fuck yeah angry, vigilante birds.

Can there be a version of Angry Birds where they only attack Chris Brown in various places of relaxation and enjoyment? That would definitely be 99 cents well spent.

Are Rihanna and Chris Brown the new Ike and Tina Turner?

WTF RIHANNA?! WHYYYYYYYY??? He sucks so hard. Image via blog.zap2it.com

What the serious F is going on with those two?

You know, the whole world, besides some lame girls on Twitter, is behind Rihanna when it comes to the Chris Brown vs. Rihanna debacle. He has proven he’s a fucking idiot time and time again.

Now, two new songs have surfaced that all but prove Rihanna is a masochist and Chris Brown will seriously not fuck off.

Image via blog.al.com

What IS IT with these two? It’s honestly really disturbing that anyone could return to being friends, or worse being lovers, with the person who beat them (and right before the Grammys, too!). It’s just so confusing. Almost to the point where there’s some kind of zeitgeist of women-beating men who run the music industry and are trying to brainwash us into thinking it’s acceptable and ok to have anger problems, beat women and be marginally talented. People will still give you money! Hooray!

I hate to say it, but I am really, really disappointed in Rihanna over these collaborations. She’s like that good friend you know who just makes stupid, terrible decisions when it comes to men. Like, always and without fail. Don’t go back to an ex, in any way shape or form, 3 years after he beat you bruised and bloody. That’s it. No discussion! Chris Brown hasn’t even done anything remotely redeemable in the time since he beat Rihanna.

Either way, good for them for getting more publicity and anger out of society, and showing women and men that no matter what happens, twisted, dark, sadistic love can find a way. Just what we need!

Pathetic.

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Gross: 25 Extremely Upsetting Reactions To Chris Brown At The Grammys

You can't just hold a puppy and expect to be loved again. Nice try, though. You almost fooled me. Photo via chrisbrownpictures.info
You can't just hold a puppy and expect to be loved again. Nice try, though. You almost fooled me! Photo via chrisbrownpictures.info

Holy. Shit. What is WRONG with these women? Check out some disturbing Grammys tweets about Chris Brown.

25 Extremely Upsetting Reactions To Chris Brown At The Grammys.