5 reasons the polar vortex is the best thing to happen to winter

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

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I am LOVING the polar vortex. Do nothing and eat a bunch? I didn’t know it was so cold in HEAVEN. Here’s why I’m having the time of my life.

1. Lay in bed and watch Netflix ALL DAY

Are you kidding me? Is this my birthday, Christmas, AND Halloween combined? Check it: Lay in bed, wear whatever crazy combination of sweaters, hot pants and fun socks your heart desires. Throw on a tiara if you want. Paint your face up like Heath Ledger in that Batman movie (I know it’s the Dark Knight u shoulda seen ur face) or like Gaga in her “Applause” video. Scare your roommates with said faces, and then after a good stabbing laugh, invite them into the living room for an afternoon of Netflix. Pick the most disgusting guilty pleasure shows that have ever existed to man and watch them, like Bridalplasty or The Swan. Or maybe you like really good things and don’t waste your time watching the worst humans alive compete for plastic surgery (u suck but whatever). I hear Breaking Bad is good. Also MELROSE PLACE has all the murder, love triangles and personality disorders you could EVER dream of.

You’ve been gifted HAVING to stay indoors under blankets and watch TV. Don’t fuck it up by doing anything else, like productive shit. PRAISE BE TO ARCTICA, GOD OF POLAR WINDS, UNLIMITED STREAMING AND EARLY BED TIMES.

2. Eat whatever you want images

It’s a polar vortex outside! Are you kidding me! High temperatures are in the high -10s! YOU EAT THAT FROZEN PIZZA. You eat it good, and eat it by yourself. After that, eat a bag of chips. Then ice cream. Then an apple because you should eat one healthy thing at least sometimes. But most importantly eat whatever you want because you might need those calories when your ’03 Ford Taurus hits black ice on the highway and sends you careening over the side of a bridge only to be caught in the strong and sexy limbs of a frozen tree. Yes you’re STRANDED  in a car, stuck in a tree, and even though you’ve survived a harrowing once-in-a-lifetime experience, your dad is still gonna KILL YOU for playing Candy Crush while driving. But at least you ate enough pizza and chips beforehand to be able to survive falling off a bridge in a car and being saved by a tree. You’ll be a Facebook star for like 5 hours (suck it, people with cute kids)!!  Pretty sure that’s called living the dream.

3. FUR

Um, if there’s any time to bust out that fur coat your politically incorrect yet fabulously stylish grandmother gave you before she moved into some old person orgy center in Florida, it’s now. I don’t care what that vegan says on Facebook (why are you facebook friends with a vegan). WERK DAT FUR OR DIE A BITING DEATH IN THE FRIGID ELEMENTS.

you could look THIS fabulous in the polar vortex. you kno you wanna
you could look THIS fabulous in the polar vortex. you kno you wanna. GAGA YAAAAAS

4. Social obligations are nil

You know what? You DON’T have to go to your ex-roommate’s new roommate’s boyfriend’s free rock show tonight. Maybe your car battery seriously isn’t working, or maybe it is buuuuuuut there’s no need to push it. Maybe it’s too cold out to find parking and then walk 5 blocks in the hip part of town for drinks because frostbite really DOES set in after 5 minutes! Maybe you’re an alien working for a galactic organization hell bent on taking over Earth and the subzero temperatures don’t affect you. But who’s to say you don’t deserve a couple of quiet nights in? YOU DESERVE IT.

Guilt-free stay-ins? THANKS POLAR VORTEX!!!!

5. Bonding time

The polar vortex is a GREAT way for some extra bonding time with your roommates. Get to know the person who smells your shit in the morning a little better. Do they like Katy Perry? Do they “get” performance art? Have they ever murdered anyone on purpose? Who did they vote for in the last People’s Choice Awards? Throw a pizza in the oven, pop a stale 40, and open up those floodgates, baby.

this is you during the winter vortex. you've never looked happier.
this is you during the winter vortex. you’ve never looked happier.

THANKS POLAR VORTEX!!!

Liz and Dick was exactly what you’d expect

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
Image via goldderby.com
Image via goldderby.com

Oh dear. By now you’ve either read all the horrible reviews of Liz and Dick, or you’ve actually seen the movie and know what’s what. Well, here are my thoughts.

  1. Lindsay Lohan was either playing a present-day version of Liz Taylor, or a 60s version of Lindsay Lohan.
  2. The guy who played Dick is WAAAAY too fucking old! Why would they pick him to be Richard Burton? I might have believed Aaron Carter more.
  3. The costumes were fucking AWESOME. At least Lindsay Lohan had some sweet fucking threads to wear. She definitely looked better in this movie than she does in any paparazzi shot, even with the cheek implants!
  4. Creed from The Office is in this movie. Also, Miranda’s boyfriend/baby daddy from Sex and the City. They do Lifetime
    Image via eonline.com
    The smoking scenes in the movie were the moments when Linds really shined. Image via eonline.com

    movies too!

  5. I’m not sure Lindsay’s shoddy performance was ENTIRELY her fault. The entire breaking-down-the-fourth-wall flashes where Liz and Dick were speaking directly to the audience was SUCH a horrible call. What kind of good director would EVER think that’s a good idea? I thought somebody decided that nobody likes breaking the fourth wall? I know I hate it. WE WANT TO BELIEVE DAMMIT!
  6. Granted, we were trying to play the Liz and Dick drinking game, so memories of most of the movie get fuzzy. But the story seemed hard to follow regardless with all the scene jumping and bad wigs.
  7. Lindsay really looked at home whenever she had a cigarette in her hands or a bottle of vodka to pull from. Method acting/her IRL behavior.

It is starting to feel gross making fun of Lindsay Lohan. This was the best she could do, and a pretty accurate view of why she was even filming a Lifetime movie in the first place. However, it is crucial to note that an equal amount of blame for this bad Lifetime movie should fall on the writers, producers and director. Regardless of the actors, Liz and Dick is a steaming pile all on its own without Lindsay’s wobbly star power to reel in the ratings.

Sidenote: gross, Danielle Fishel. Topanga has suddenly found her star reignited, so she made a spoof of Lindsay’s Liz on The Soup. It’s almost like making fun of Britney post head-shaving. Not cool bitch. Nobody was thinking of you a week ago, and now you’re shitting on a crazy actress with substance abuse problems who hits Floridan psychics?! Ugh, get off your Disney channel high horse you turd!

Lady Gaga’s first movie role in “Machete Kills”

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

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WHAT!!!! I am blindsided by this news! Lady Gaga has already finished filming her first movie role as La Chameleon in Robert Rodriguez’s latest film “Machete Kills“. This should be interesting. I am absolutely shocked, in this day and age of media and Internet gossip, that this wasn’t public knowledge before. Kudos to everyone who worked on this movie and kept the secret!

Celebrité: Katie Holmes to GTFAway from Tom Cruise

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
Image via marieclaire.com

How now brown cow? Katie Holmes has finally had enough of Tom’s alien bedtime stories, so she is filing for divorce.

The details of this divorce are going to be PHENOMENAL. Can you imagine? “New details leak: Xenu pies for breakfast ONLY on Sundays or Suri gets no dessert on Tuesday”. This is gonna be sooooooooooo good. Best divorce ever.

The world is really changing, you guys.

So Justin Timberlake is doing this now

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
This is just too funny. I can’t wait to see this movie. Image via laineygossip.com

I love JT so much. Really. But no.

I actually can’t tell what it is about the hair that shocks me so much. Is it that I’ve never seen him with Ken doll hair before? IS it the side part? What about the sideswept bang? Or the color?

There are just too many shocking things about his hair right now. He’s filming Runner, Runner in Puerto Rico. Maybe that’s why he’s been tweeting so much.

But for real, this is what imdb has to say about the movie:

“A businessman is caught up in the world of offshore online gaming.”

GTFO!

Oh JT. PLEASE. COME BACK TO MUSIC. WE BEG. WE WILL EVEN PAY FOR THE ALBUM, I SWEAR.

Television: “Bored to Death” movie?

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

 

Um, YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE. We could all use some more Jonathan Ames & co. You can never have enough Ted Danson/Zach Galifianakis sidekick action. NEVER!!!!! Plus, the love between these three male friends is such a unique take on male friendships in general. It really shows that dudes aren’t just obsessed with pussy or trying to fight some ugly dudes over chicks that don’t care 24/7. Unlike Entourage, ew. Those guys are grade A beef farts.

Bored to Death Could Continue as HBO TV Movie – Hollywood Reporter.

Celebrité: Robert Pattinson hates Perez Hilton

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

Image via robertpattinsonwho.com

“When I got this part, every single article that came out, was, ‘R-Patz’s struggle for credibility!’; I don’t understand who invented that thing, ‘R-Patz’, I want to strangle them.”- Robert Pattinson talking with The Guardian about his nickname and his new film Cosmopolis

Robert Pattinson HATES Perez Hilton, wants to strangle him

I swear Perez Hilton started it. He at least made it mondo popular.

This is both Perez’s dream and worst nightmare to be hated by a teen sensation Twilight cast member. On one hand, someone famous is talking about him. A real ‘dear diary’ moment. On the other, the famous person he creepily fantasizes about  adores say he hates the nickname he more than likely spawned for him. Ya can’t win ’em all, Perezy.

Gossip – Gawker

F me on Facebook

Movies: 2 Days in New York

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
Image via collider.com

2 Days in New York

WHAT THE WHAT?! Julie Delpy has written a sequel to her 2007 movie 2 Days in Paris, which just happens to be one of my favorite movies ever. The sequel is called 2 Days in New York and chronicles her French relatives going to New York. Chris Rock plays Delpy’s new boyfriend Mingus, as opposed to Adam Goldberg who isn’t back for the sequel as Jack. But from the first movie I can see their onscreen characters not lasting. However, they did have a movie baby, and Delpy’s character Marion lives with their kid.

It’s really cool to see Chris Rock branching out from whatever he was doing before. He hasn’t been in anything corporate/mainstream that I can think of recently. It’s definitely nice to see his face in an indie role. Pretty refreshing actually. In the interview below, he says he thinks of himself as a writer first because of his comedy background, so going into indie films with great directors and freer ideas was a natural decision for him. Cool shit, Chris Rock.

Plus, Julie Delpy is fucking AWESOME. She’s a super talented gal who writes, directs and stars in her own movies. You may remember her from the 90s as the lass from Before Sunrise with Ethan Hawke and the sequel Before Sunset. 

2 Days in New York already hit theaters in France in March, and will be at select theaters in the US in August 2012. Yay!!

Check out the neuroses trailers for the movie here, and an interview with Julie Delpy and Chris Rock below.

Netflix nightcap: Adaptation

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
Image via netflix.com

 Adaptation for me was always one of those movies you remember hearing about during some Oscar season a decade ago, but were too young to care about or to even understand.

The film takes you to Hollywood where an overweight, unhappy and absolutely self-conscious/insecure Charles Kaufman (played by Nicolas Cage) is a screenwriter struggling to adapt a book about a cray-cray orchid thief Floridian named John Laroche. Charles is having trouble adapting a book about flowers and one peculiar man into a Hollywood-type film, so he goes to New York to meet the writer of the book (played by Meryl Streep) who he’s been secretly obsessing over. He really doesn’t have a way with women, this one.

Charlie’s twin brother Donald, also played by Nicolas Cage (what CAN’T he do?!) is the sunnier side of the egg. He’s kind, sincere and also a screenwriter, except he writes action thrillers instead of deeper, emotional pieces. They end up in New York together to meet Streep, as a way to gain better insight into her character for the screenplay, and chaos ensues! Hint: They go to Florida and some crazy shit goes down. (When doesn’t crazy shit happen in Florida? Dexter, anyone?)

Chris Cooper is amazing in all his roles. Granted they are normally mean, scary or insanely creepy. Image via movies.zap2it.com

It’s refreshing to watch a movie with a interesting plot. Can you even remember a time? Now that they’re turning boardgames into movies (Ya, seriously?! Hollywood is SO coked out), it’s a real treat to watch something with an original thought somewhere in its midst.

Nicolas Cage is amazing in this movie. You may be used to seeing him in horrible trailers for those skull-fucking blockbuster movies he makes every couple of years, like National Treasure and Ghost Rider. However, mixed in with his movies that make him shameless millions are little gems like Adaptation. Meryl Streep and Chris Cooper are fantastic in this film, as are Tilda Swinton. Maggie Gyllenhaal, although a small part, is in the flick too. AAAnd part of the movie is “behind the scenes” of the amazing movie Being John Malkovich. You have to watch that one too, because it is GENIUS and creative. Do it! Reruns of Parks and Rec can wait!!