How now brown cow? Katie Holmes has finally had enough of Tom’s alien bedtime stories, so she is filing for divorce.
The details of this divorce are going to be PHENOMENAL. Can you imagine? “New details leak: Xenu pies for breakfast ONLY on Sundays or Suri gets no dessert on Tuesday”. This is gonna be sooooooooooo good. Best divorce ever.
The world is really changing, you guys.
What a guy! Cory’s best friend, leather-wearing gentle badass and CRAZY good hair.
Like all the hot hotties from our 90s hearthrob past (JTT or Devon Sawa anyone?), I had no idea what this dude is doing with his life, until wikipedia solves all your problems. He has a degree in English from Colombia and a Masters of Fine Arts. Smart dudes are hot, especially if they are actually hot. He also has a podcast called “Literary Disco” which sounds like a snoozefest but maybe his voice is still hot. He directs, produces, acts and writes screenplays too.
What a pretty normal child star’s adult life. Good for him. He must have good parents.
Thanks Rider Strong, for introducing us to porn names (his name is SO porny), for teaching us that there can never be enough leather if you want to be a badass, and great smiles.
I love JT so much. Really. But no.
I actually can’t tell what it is about the hair that shocks me so much. Is it that I’ve never seen him with Ken doll hair before? IS it the side part? What about the sideswept bang? Or the color?
There are just too many shocking things about his hair right now. He’s filming Runner, Runner in Puerto Rico. Maybe that’s why he’s been tweeting so much.
But for real, this is what imdb has to say about the movie:
“A businessman is caught up in the world of offshore online gaming.”
GTFO!
Oh JT. PLEASE. COME BACK TO MUSIC. WE BEG. WE WILL EVEN PAY FOR THE ALBUM, I SWEAR.
This is so exciting! A Spice Girls musical! They are walking in the footsteps of Abba with Mamma Mia. Pop music really does well on a stage. Let’s hope this time they all don’t crap out on it somehow, like they did with their reunion world tour. Granted, the girls aren’t actually in the musical, but still. They always find a way to butt heads with each other in a totally 90s tabloid sort of way.
“Scary is NOT speaking to Ginger!” instead of “Kim Kardashian televised a fake wedding and used to get peed on by Brandy’s brother!” is so, so tame it’s almost forgettable.
PS they all look REALLY good. I will always prefer their 90s clothing though. I hope the costumes in the musical are fucking SICK. Platforms and union jacks for everyone!
I’ve never heard a Drake song that I didn’t like. He’s got style, cool lyrics, great producers and Rihanna. And come on, he used to be Jimmy from Degrassi: The Next Generation (the best thing to ever come from Canada btw). So why did he throw a bottle at Chris Brown causing everything from cuts, a shut down club and a 20 million dollar lawsuit from Tony Parker? (Can somebody make a tumblr of people pretending to be cut from this fight?)
The details are messy, but rumors have it that CB sent D a bottle of something amazing I’m sure, and then Drake sent him a note across the cafeteria that said “I’m fucking the love of your life.” Then they got into a fight over Rihanna. That’s when the bottles smashing really took off. It’s rumored that Drake’s side threw the bottle(s).
For some reason, it seems really strange that Drake would get into this sort of trouble. Throwing a bottle in a club? Really? You played a handicapped kid on a popular Canadian teen show. He a Jewish Canadian African American who grew up in a wealthy neighborhood, attended a Jewish day school and had a bar mitzvah. I’m quite sure they didn’t teach throwing bottles and getting into fights with pop performers at the Jewish day school.
But no worries, because Drake has learned a valuable lesson in Being Famous. With our 24 hour news cycle and twitter on EVERY phone imaginable, everything is always news, and people luuuuuuv to talk. Furthermore, you’ve got to really do something crazy to stay in the media for weeks. You can’t just wear a revealing outfit these days. That’s like half a day news. You need to murder a homeless man a week before your new album comes out, just to break even. The more people are hearing about you, the more they know your name, the more they listen the more they buy. You’ve just really gotta do outrageous shit to stay relevant in 2012.
Just take a look at past Being Famous participants:
Well played, Drake. You are wisely following in some great big footsteps, my friend.
PLUS, getting into a fight with America’s least favorite person doesn’t immediately make people dislike him, because everyone has secretly been wishing for someone to kick the shit out of Chris Brown ever since he hit Rihanna. Don’t lie! The only negative is all the bystanders who got cut up. So it’s like win-win-ish.
I can’t wait to see what he does next. Will it be nude photos accidentally tweeted? Maybe it will be a weapons charge. OR he’ll get married to a stripper in vegas, then an annulment. The ridiculousness can only get better from here on out. Welcome, Drake.
WHAT THE WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you kidding me? Seriously? Come again? Carly Rae Jepsen is 26 years old. Whoa whoa whoa. I thought she was 15!!!! My mind is blown. We all know it’s a catchy song, but Jesus. Is a 26 year old really singing the teen anthem for phone calls? Moreover, this bitch can go to BARS?! Where are the drunk pictures of her stumbling out of Canadian bars (didn’t know she was Canadian either!)??? Maybe she doesn’t party, but shit. She probably does. She’s 26 and she has number 1 single in many countries around the globe. She’s probably getting so many free drugs and bottles it’s obscene.
It’s such a simple song and a simple message, that it’s almost kind of weird that she’s 26 and not 15. Definitely an appropriate teen anthem, but for the love of god, 26?! I’m weirded out. Shouldn’t you have more complex things to sing about by that age? Has she lived in a bubble? And hasn’t she learned to tell people to fucking call her instead of asking with indecision? Nobody likes a wimp. Pick a dude, tell him he’s in girl. You got enough looks for that. Change the song to “Fucking Call Me Dick (But Only If You Have A Job)” and then it will be age appropriate.
This person is 26.
Are you totally dying to hang out tomorrow night? Just go fucking nuts? You’re also craving downtown street parking and me people bumming cigarettes from you. Don’t forget about the “sign my shirt” guy, because he’ll probably start talking to you. But don’t be a dick and steal his marker unless you are a total piece of shit.
Check out the debut performance/EP release of Seyah at 7th Street Entry. 5 bucks, 18+ with a storm of other performers including Marcella Flame Wallace, who will be dancing onstage with Seyah, Phillip Morris with Scarlet Monk, Lizzo & The Larva Ink, Sophia Eris and DJ Connie Hawkins.
This show if gonna fuck the shit out of you, sonically. Not to mention there will probably be a lot of attractive people floating around, dying to get their d’s wet to some mpls beats. See ya there!
Oh god. Oh me oh my. This exists. You don’t have to watch it unless you don’t care about the next 3 minutes of your life. I don’t hate her personally or wish her ill, but professionally what the hell is she doing?! Who is her fan base? It’s another Pink situation. They’re huge but nobody you know listens to them. It’s like they are pop stars of an alternate universe that you will never enter because DUH Britney, Madonna and Gaga are the holy trifecta of ours.
Also, Lavigne shaved her head in a skrillex type cut. WHOA. SOMEONE’S EDGY OVER HERE. REALLY, REALLY EDGY. DAMN.
And really, what is the point of that music video. She lights a flower on fire in a creepy warehouse (girl, only people on heroin/meth/rusty nail fetishes stay in places like that. And you date Brody Jenner. Come on. You’re happy. Stop this weird non-edgy edgy shit. For ALL of us.
I miss the Sk8er Boi days. Sigh!
With the 24 hour news cycle and not really giving a shit, I totally forgot that Lady Gaga was making a perfume. I’m not sure she ever confirmed it or even commented on the rumor going around that it was going to smell like semen and blood. What a weird rumor to start. Seriously. Who the fuck thinks about spraying blood and semen on themselves, and then pushes the idea on a tad bit left of center pop star’s perfume idea? I bet it was someone in Hollywood who is balding and hates their life, and probably has an egg mcmuffin twice a week. Pathetic.
From first look, I’m not totally appalled at the packaging. The box looks nice in its black and gold coloring. The lid for some reason makes me think of Lady Gaga’s hair and how nutty and over the top it can be. Like a fancier version of the hair bow she used to wear back in her heydey as a rising star. I can almost see a pair of sunglasses peeking out from under the gold top. The black liquid looks pretty cool, except why the fuck is it black? Is that shit gonna stain? Probably not, that would be a pretty awful design flaw.
I will say this: I hope it doesn’t smell like vanilla like every other god damn celebrity perfume. Justin Bieber, Beyonce, J.Lo, Britney, Paris, Selena Gomez, Katy Perry and every one else. Vanilla. I guess if Gaga’s smelled like semen and blood it would at least be thinking outside of the box. Kim Kardashian has one, right? Does it smell like a business pyramid scheme and self-absorbed pee fetishes? I wish. Then I would TOTALLY buy it. Ke$ha’s will probably smell like that too, but with a little more essence of beard and whiskey-sweat tour bus balls.
Also, I guess you ain’t shit unless you have a perfume. Noted.
I think the Sarah Silverman Program is one of the funniest shows on Netflix Instant. Sarah plays a warped version of herself who is unemployed and highly childlike, self-obsessed and irresponsible. Sarah gets into ridiculous situations. Getting people fired, having sex with God and then not calling him back, and convincing the homophobic parents of her gay friend to take LSD to learn how to be accepting. These situations are completely insane and absolutely fun.
She also writes original songs in nearly all the episodes that will make you cry. There’s a Lisa Loeb cover that leads her to touring the country with her previously thought-to-be-deceased father in a group called “The Loeb Trotters”, penises aren’t father figures and an ode to poop. Take a look at some of the lyrics:
This is a Poop Song
It was brown and it had raisins
And we flushed it for those reasons
This is a poop song…
This is a poop song.
I was walking to the mall
And I had to make a poop
This is a poop song…
This is a poop song.
We pooped at the mall today
We pooped at the mall…
The Porn Song
there’s a dream in your head
that will never come true,
there’s a stickiness all over
and it didn’t come from you.
you wish your dad had been there
but more oftentimes he was not,
you can’t put your arms around
a dirty gang-bang cum shot,
but that’s all you et.
that’s all you get.”
do you ever take drugs
so that you can have sex
without crying?…yeah yeah
there’s a hole in your heart
where the sorrow pours out.
there’s a hole in your heart
where ambivalence sets in….
all the penises in the country
all the penises in the world
all the penises in the galaxy
won’t fill your heart hole….
Genius. Pure genius. You have to check out this show. It’s the right amount of ridiculous everyone could use, especially during election year. She’s hot, it’s funny, and there is a crazy big Tom Selleck mustache in every episode. What more could you ever ask for?
2PF 