Like any good Britney fan, I was worried when I read this morning that she had dyed her hair brown. If anyone remembers 2006/2007 correctly, you’ll know that brit brit dyed her hair dark brown circa the recording of “Blackout” (best B album ever) and set off her very public mental breakdown surrounded by episodes of umbrella bashing, a shaved head, and a couple of trips to rehab. It still almost brings a tear to my eye.
To my great relief, this time around it doesn’t seem like B has dyed her hair brown as any kind of mental health statement. It’s a good color for her skin tone, her dress is really great actually, and there appears to be life in her eyes. This is awesome. Yay Britney!
She is also busy-ish working on what she calls “Blackout 2.0”. Maybe she’s channeling her past insanity/genius to make the best Britney album EVER. Here’s hoping!
Britney Spears’ “Gimme More”
May the lord bless her precious little heart. And her dancing!!!!
Do you ever feel like things in your life are just a little bit off? Your roots are showing, you hate your clothes more than anything in the world, and cameltoe jokes just don’t make you laugh anymore. I’ve got the solution: Thairapy. A combination of a hair stylist and a therapist to really dig deep into your postmodern woes and better yet, fill your goddamn roots.
I have no idea if this shit exists. It should. I bet it could have in the 90s. Because really, a hair stylist is sort of a therapist. They ask you questions about your life while they’re touching your head, and for some reason this physical contact coupled with the life inquiries causes you to spill anything and everything to your stylist.
It helps that most hair stylists are chatty and like to keep the conversation going while they deal with your split-end situation, but what if our hair stylists were also licensed therapists? We could go in for highlights, a brow wax, and a little existential cleansing. I’m not talking heavy-hitting therapy sessions for people with legitimate weekly therapy sessions, but more like a little check-in with a licensed professional for the rest of us. Think of the breakthroughs! Think of the daring haircuts! “Do you feel like having short hair?” “What do you think this hair color means for your life?” “Your ends are telling me you’ve had a bad month.”
I think we carry so much of who we are and how we feel in our hair and our appearance in general. Constant maintenance or lack thereof for our friendly follicles can really say a lot about where we are in our lives. Craving a new ‘do? Maybe you’re craving a change of scene IRL. Split ends from the past 3 years? What are you holding onto? It could be that some people are just lazy or OCD with their hair, but maybe there lies a little more beneath the surface than just a new cut and color. Who better to dive in that someone who already helps you look and feel amazing? I WANT THIS SERVICE NOW. COME ON AMERICA.
Way back when nobody had even heard of a Gaga, our Lady Mother Monster was a brunette. She was running around Lollapalooza in lingerie and big brown hair. But, as fate would have it, Amy Winehouse also had a similar look at the time AND was a bigger star. Gaga needed to change her look, which led to the blonde Gaga with the bow made of hair that we all loved and adored.
She looks so wonderfully Italian and human in this photo, which is refreshing because pop stars’ looks are starting to get very overwhelming (I’m lookin’ at you, Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj). That Gaga, always ahead of the trends! Also, her all-black outfit makes me crave September and all the wonderful fall goodness that comes with the changing seasons.
TIP: If you are a dyed blonde looking to go brown like Gaga for fall, take it to a professional. My hair turned green once at the tips because it wasn’t taking the color. Fucking up your hair sucks, so spend the money and save the emotional distress!
Now is about time to change up the dingy, mousy, winter-worn hair and make it bright and beautiful for summer. There’s just something about winter that makes everyone’s hair look gross. Maybe it’s the cold weather or the fact that we’re so lost in winter depression stupors that we forget that roots exist and colors need to be kept up. Here are a couple of tips to get your hair looking summatime fly.
As it’s typically the trend to go dark for winter and light for summer, think about getting highlights. Sometimes people make the mistake of what I like to call mall highlights. Mall highlights are when the highlights are thin, frequent and about 50 color shades of different from your darker hair color. Don’t get mall highlights, even if your hair gets colored at the mall.
Second, highlights don’t have to be blonde-blonde. I see so many girls with strictly “blonde highlights” that it gets boring as shit, and they all tend to blend together like a fucking blonde Ashley parade. No thanks. If you have darker or light brown hair, try to lighten up your hair with warm metallic tones, like bronze or gold. They still give you the lighter hair fare without bleaching your hair within an inch of its life.
If you have blonde hair, fuck off. Just kidding! You can have your blonde Ashley highlights and your not-as-noticeable-roots cake too. Jealz!
Bangs are awesome. But for summer? DON’T DO IT. Seriously. Imagine: You’re sitting on the beach. You’re on a date. He’s cute. His wavy hair is blowing in the wind as he lights up a cig and offers you a drag. You’re thinking about cookies, but take the cigarette anyways. He looks over at you and gasps, as your newly cut bangs are frizzy, curling and halfway up your fore head in a sweaty pile of “never take me out in public again because I clearly can’t handle it.”
Ok, that guys a dick if he’s judging you for frizzy bangs. Dump him. Regardless, it’s such a pain in the ass to style bangs in the fall and winter, let alone a much sweatier season. Throw in a ton of outdoor fun, a tan line down to your eyebrow and constant hairs dangling drips of sweat in your eye while you’re learning how to bike in traffic. You’ll die looking like hair-do roadkill, and your family will be shamed forever knowing that you were the girl with frizzy summer bangs who died tragically at a four way stop. True story.
Maybe you’re one of those people who has stick straight hair and who doesn’t sweat. Then it’s really only down to the weird tan line and sweat trapping a ton of blackheads and new zit friends. Bangs are fun!
The most important thing to remember about summer hair is ease. You wanna be able to go to the beach, get in a river or day drink (that turns into night drinking) and know that your hair doesn’t need a lot of maintenance. Keep it simple, keep it fresh and if anyone tells you your hair looks frizzy, you fucking cut them, steal their wallet and run. Trust me. They deserved it.
We sort of grew up with Kelly Osbourne. She was in our lives on MTV’s The Osbournes and briefly as a singer. However, the troubled girl we grew up with has grown into quite a nice young lady.
First, I am OBSESSED with her hair color choices. Instead of being bright pink, blue, or whatever terrible dye job Katy Perry is doing (sorry gurl, you need a new hairstylist!), Kelly chooses lighter shades of purple, pink and grey to accent her ever changing chic personal style.
As far as her career goes, she has a drool-worthy gig as a Fashion anchor on E!’s Fashion Police, not to mention getting to work AND walk the red carpet at the events she attends. She’s really good as an anchor as well, so none of this “she only got the job because… xyz” shit. She’s charismatic, stylish and reasonably critical.
She is the poster girl for being able to turn one’s life around. On The Osbournes, we saw an out of control, unhealthy version of Kelly. Now she is healthy, in shape and in control of her life. A role model for anyone struggling with substance abuse and/or weight loss. Diet and exercise, folks!
Known for having a dirty mouth, Kelly has curbed a lot of her “fucks” but still keeps them going when the time is appropriate.
She was engaged to Luke Worrall, but kicked his ass to the curb after she caught him cheating on her. You go girl! Cheating is so passé.
All in all, Kelly Osbourne is our favorite working girl with great hair and great style. WERK!