Rumour has it: Tom Cruise is a fucking nut

Watch out Oprah!!! Image via badadvice.typepad.com

The more details that come out about the Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise marriage contract and divorce bomb are really, really creepy. Here are some confusing and eery rumors that have come out surrounding the TomKat divorce:

  • Tom has divorced all 3 of his wives when they turned 33. 33 is connected to Scientology because the religion was founded by science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard in Phoenix, Arizona, which happens to lie on the 33rd parallel.
  • Katie Holmes reportedly got 3 million dollars for each year she was married to Tom.
  • She had to sign a 5 year marriage contract that not surprisingly ended when she was 33.
  • She’s being followed in NYC by men with guns who are suspected to be hired by Scientologists.
  • The straw that broke the camel’s marriage back is the fact that Tom Cruise wanted Suri to be a part of the Sea Org where there are reports of manual hard labor, a billion year loyalty contract and suspected forced abortion because family is discouraged as a distraction.
  • Scientologists held “auditions” for Tom Cruise wives that included Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Sofia Vergara, Penelope Cruz and Jennifer Garner.
  • He sent all his dates buttloads of chocolate and roses in cars. (Puke, I am forever aversion-ed to those things. TC must be an alien because that is some vanilla 1950s flirting right there. Regular modern folk settle for a sweet internet post)
  • A huge rumor now is that Katie Holmes and Suri walked in on David Beckham and Tom Cruise in bed together. It seems like a stretch, but HOLYFUCKINGSHIT if it’s true.
This is probably only the tip of the iceberg, which is awesome for the blogosphere.

Read 8 facts you may not know about Scientology here

Check out Tom Cruise’s explanation of being a Scientologist below. It doesn’t really make much sense. He kind of sounds like he was a confused teen/young adult who got famous, rich and needed a big crutch to help him understand his life. Evangelicals look SO fucking regular compared to this shit. Looks like TC needs to smoke some weed, join a bongo circle on a dirty beach somewhere and chill the FUCK out.

Advertisements

THE SPICE GIRLS MUSICAL IS HAPPENING

Musical launch in London. Image via qctimes.com

This is so exciting! A Spice Girls musical! They are walking in the footsteps of Abba with Mamma Mia. Pop music really does well on a stage. Let’s hope this time they all don’t crap out on it somehow, like they did with their reunion world tour. Granted, the girls aren’t actually in the musical, but still. They always find a way to butt heads with each other in a totally 90s tabloid sort of way.

“Scary is NOT speaking to Ginger!” instead of “Kim Kardashian televised a fake wedding and used to get peed on by Brandy’s brother!” is so, so tame it’s almost forgettable.

PS they all look REALLY good. I will always prefer their 90s clothing though. I hope the costumes in the musical are fucking SICK. Platforms and union jacks for everyone!

AFP: Viva Forever! Spice Girls reunite for musical.

Don’t you wish this was your life: Beyoncé edition

She buries herself in sand! What DOESN’T this woman do?! Image via iam.beyonce.com

I want to be her. The images of Beyonce at the beach make me happy, in the sort of “you’re really rich, talented, famous, beautiful and successful, and I bet that drags you down a lot. I’m so glad you’re on yachts in the ocean with wifi, your sister, and a personal chef.”

It’s really cool to look through all her photos, because they aren’t just paparazzi shots. Paparazzi shots have a double dose of wicked behind them. You see Beyoncé at a basketball game in a magazine or blog, but seeing similar photos on her own blog puts a personal effect to it. Instead of a “STAR SPOTTING!!!” it’s date night at a b-ball game with beer, shitty food and Jay. In a way, it normalizes her vastly non-normal, high class life. Check out the rest of her pictures here. They are beautiful and awesome.

Image via iam.beyonce.com
Image via iam.beyonce.com

Just fucking beautiful.