Netflix nightcap: The Sarah Silverman Program

Image via Netflix

The Sarah Silverman Program

I think the Sarah Silverman Program is one of the funniest shows on Netflix Instant. Sarah plays a warped version of herself who is unemployed and highly childlike, self-obsessed and irresponsible. Sarah gets into ridiculous situations. Getting people fired, having sex with God and then not calling him back, and convincing the homophobic parents of her gay friend to take LSD to learn how to be accepting. These situations are completely insane and absolutely fun.

She also writes original songs in nearly all the episodes that will make you cry. There’s a Lisa Loeb cover that leads her to touring the country with her previously thought-to-be-deceased father in a group called “The Loeb Trotters”, penises aren’t father figures and an ode to poop. Take a look at some of the lyrics:

This is a Poop Song

It was brown and it had raisins
And we flushed it for those reasons

This is a poop song…
This is a poop song.

I was walking to the mall
And I had to make a poop

This is a poop song…
This is a poop song.

We pooped at the mall today
We pooped at the mall…

The Porn Song

there’s a dream in your head
that will never come true,
there’s a stickiness all over
and it didn’t come from you.
you wish your dad had been there
but more oftentimes he was not,
you can’t put your arms around
a dirty gang-bang cum shot,
but that’s all you et.
that’s all you get.”

do you ever take drugs
so that you can have sex
without crying?…yeah yeah

there’s a hole in your heart
where the sorrow pours out.
there’s a hole in your heart
where ambivalence sets in….

all the penises in the country
all the penises in the world
all the penises in the galaxy
won’t fill your heart hole….

Genius. Pure genius. You have to check out this show. It’s the right amount of ridiculous everyone could use, especially during election year. She’s hot, it’s funny, and there is a crazy big Tom Selleck mustache in every episode. What more could you ever ask for?

Hilarious and supa fine. Image via israel-lightontonations.blogspot.com
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Dating: Don’t start with “I have a small penis”

Anime chicks mean business. Image via fullmetalalchemistwolfboundcrossover.typepad.com

Somebody actually tried “I have a really small penis” as a pick up line, after sharing that his friend has only one ball. His friend got pissed too, so the idea of trolls wearing Aeropostale shirts with slicked up bangs was immediately dismissed. Then they kept profusely apologizing (my favorite!) for “being hammered” and then asked us what our jobs were. Boring questions come from boring people. And anyone who probably reads pick-up artist shit literature.

Note to self and anyone with a small pp: Don’t blurt out your shortcomings when you meet someone. Why would you do that! Cut it out! Those are the things you bring up after you’ve already fallen in love. That’s when people don’t care about your shortcomings as muchI skull-fuck plastic dolls and I have $100,000 in debt from my second life house in virtual Boca Raton. What’s your name? should never happen.

And if you know anyone who wears Aeropostale, they have the worst possible taste in clothes, ever. You can buy cheaper, cooler and better quality clothes ANYWHERE ELSE. Like thrift stores, H&M, Forever 21, Target, etc. At least at those places, you don’t literally have “I am cheap and have terrible style!” written across your chest. Just in your heart. ❤

Watch this now: “Between Two Ferns” special with Zach Galifianakis

Image via Comedy Central

Have you ever seen Zach Galifianakis’ faux interview show “Between Two Ferns”? If not, you’re missing out. This shit is weird, awkward and hilarious. Here’s a link to Comedy Central’s “Between Two Ferns” special where big Z interviews Tina Fey, Jon Stewart and Sir Richard Branson in New York Citay.

Also, since it’s Monday and those suck, here are some other videos of “Between Two Ferns”

Natalie Portman

Michael Cera

Steve Carell

You guys, stream episode 1 of HBO’s “Girls” on Youtube fo free!!

So I guess HBO isn’t totally in the dark about the financial situation of every 20 something in the US. Here’s the first ep they’re streaming for free. I hope it’s as good as the hype!

UPDATE: I loved it!!! Pretty realistic, no matter what Jezebel says. I mean seriously, they can be sooooo annoyingly picky about details:

Girls opens with 24-year-old Hannah (played by Dunham) out for dinner at a fancy restaurant with her parents where she’s hunkering down on a plate of spaghetti like there’s no tomorrow. Later, she eats a cupcake in the bathtub. Maybe, you think, that Hannah was raised in the wild, like Nell, but no. Her parents are professors that just couldn’t be bothered to teach her how to eat at a table. 

Who gives a fuck! Has anyone ever met the child of a reverend or minister? They were the biggest party monsters of the high school crowd. Come on, what a weak argument. Maybe they’re trying to be cool in knocking a show down over picky details as “20 somethings are lazy, she’s ungrateful and needs a job” or “her parents are professors and she doesn’t know how to salsa dance? Totally unrealistic.” BLAH. Maybe if the show was unrealistically feminist and bitchy, someone at Jezebel might like it.

What did you think of Girls? I’m totally fangirling on Lena Dunham.

From Dick Montgomery on the Jezebel article: People love to hate millennials. We’re shifting the paradigm and it’s pissing old people off.

SNL’s Real Housewives of Disney should be a real show

I would SO watch this show. Image via theurbandaily.com

Lindsay Lohan didn’t quite have the comeback moment she desired this past SNL Saturday. The sketches were awkward, she had a few bumps along the way with the cards and skits, and they totally should have but didn’t bring back Rachel Dratch for her infamous “Debbie Downer” sketch. The most memorable one was with Ms. Lohan and brings tears to your eyes because it is that good. 

The only really, really good sketch with Linds was the Real Housewives of Disney. Sleeping beauty is a drunk and a floozy, Jasmine confesses to doing it with Iago because he “sounded like Aladdin”, and Belle is married to another Beast, Kelsey Grammar.

http://www.nbc.com/assets/video/widget/widget.html?vid=1388796

Is Kristen Wiig just the best woman alive? I admire so many ladies that hail from Saturday Night Live. They are really kicking ass and taking names. Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph (LUV HER) and Kristin Wiig are tearing it up everywhere they go and every project they do. They are so effortlessly funny, smart and cool. Definitely entertainers/writers that I look up to, and hopefully other females and males do too. Bridesmaids, Mean Girls, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Up All Night? These ladies rock so hard.