Justin Timberlake’s ragtime “Sexyback” is fucking great

2690069-justin-timberlake-2013-suite-tie-617-409 JUSTIN TIMBERWEEK ON JIMMY FALLON RAGTIME “SEXYBACK”

Justin Timberlake is such a great performer. Everyone likes him so much. I’m just so proud of him for getting out of the rut it is to be in a defunct boy band. I mean, look at all the other boy bands of his era and before. Justin is the only really successful one with music, seeing as JC Chasez, with his holy-shit VOICE, kinda fucked his career over by writing/choosing terrible fucking songs.

I don’t even know what the fuck the boys of 98 Degrees are up to, and who cares. Nick Lachey just recorded some lullabys bc he had a kid with former MTV VJ Vanessa Manilo (who are his adult fans lol?! Seems like a decent chap but blegh, boring). And no one in the Backstreet Boys had any kind of a majorly successful solo career seeing as they are on tour with NKOTB and maybe some other people. THAT IS 10 MEN WHO SING. What a weird backstage probably.

Anyways, JT is awesome. I love his artistic self-worth (not putting out an album just because he could) and his dedication to performing, whether it’s on a stage singing or in his movie career. He’s a true performer and artist who is dedicated to authenticity, which is something you don’t see as much on the mainstream stage. Maybe his dedication to authentic music stems from his teens and early twenties in a boy band where everything was chosen for him by a bunch of gross, overweight suits in a tall, scary building somewhere.

JT, WE LOVE YOU. I can’t wait to see the rest of his Justin Timberweek performances on Jimmy Fallon. I’m holding out for “Like I Love You” cuz I really want him to do the dance from it. And bring back the stage from his first solo MTV performance in 2002. EEEEEP!! 2013 is so ballin’. It’s like 2003 all over again.

3 reactions I’ve heard about Justin Timberlake’s new single “Suit and Tie”

They look like a fun bunch! Image via popdust.com
They look like a fun bunch! Image via popdust.com

My friend Mark

My friend Mark texted me this morning, “This new JT is absolutely bangin!!!!! Hooooly shit. Sooo sophisticated.”

Perez Hilton is a JAG/rant about how much I do not like Perez Hilton

Sometimes, when I’m extremely bored and desperate for something mediocre to hate on, I visit perezhilton.com. A once veritable watering hole for bored teens/young adults is now a really dried up turd barely worth being called celebrity gossip (we all know you’re sucking up to everyone in Hollywood for professional gain and it is SO BORING). Anyways, I saw Perez’s opinion of Justin Timberlake‘s new song:

Image via Twitter
Image via Twitter

I mean, Perez Hilton’s entire being is steeped in everyone hating everything he says and does. So I’m not surprised that his shitty opinion of Justin Timberlake’s new song “Suit and Tie” infuriates me. I hate when artists get shit for not being EXACTLY like what already exists. That’s not innovative or interesting or exciting. That’s some un-creative, pop music fascism, Perez! Open up your world to different sounds other than ham farts and old phone messages from when Lady Gaga was using you for fame. #truthbomb




The new song rox, JT rox, and all the sane, non-idiot, non-buttworms are into it. Not just because it’s JT (but mostly am I right?!), but because that shit is fresh and genuine and so desperately needed in mainstream pop music right now.


I am brimming with emotions. Image via collider.com
I am brimming with emotions. Image via collider.com

HOLY FUCKING SHIT ON A MOTHERBOARD. I can’t believe this is real. I can barely type fast enough. I’m so sososososo excited!!!!

Watch his explanation video here of why it took him so long to release a new album. Short version- he cares so much about music and  he wanted to wait until the feeling was right about it to release something. It’s a lot more poignant and heartfelt in the video. And kudos to his team and friends for not leaking ANY of this to the press beforehand. When he tweeted this cryptic message last night:

Set an alarm bitches. Image via twitter
Set an alarm bitches. Image via twitter

that’s only when everyone started to heavily assume it was new music. But, after 6 years of hoping for a new album from one of our most beloved performers, we finally got the reprieve we have been waiting for all these years.

I have so many emotions on this Thursday morning. There is hope again in a once bleak and scary world. There is love where there once was nothing. There is an end in sight to the years of darkness that surrounded us all. Our Prince of Pop has returned. Welcome Back Sir. We’ve missed you more than can be conveyed in words or screams or ritual killings.


No wonder Justin Timberlake is scarred from making music ever again

This version of “I Want You Back” was obviously never released in America. It explains everything.

PS: I will cut a bitch who says this isn’t one of the best vocal groups of our modern age, even if they do have crazy terrible millennium-euro-dance videos. HOLLA JC.

Foiled yet again! Justin Timberlake NOT releasing new album

Instead of making music, Justin is playing pretend in Ken wigs in his backyard. Or something. Image via justjared.com

Just like the sands of time, rumors of a new Justin Timberlake album have resurfaced into our lives. And, just like disappointing fellatio, JT takes any hope of musical cunnilingus out of our dry, tired hands.

Come on, JT. Give the people what they want. Cornrows, amazing costumes and Timbaland-produced beats. With every passing year, the pressure and excitement grows. Which is probably annoying for him, and definitely excruciating for us. It’s like a boner that won’t ever stop, and won’t ever see a beautiful, majestic release.

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JT. Do it for all the boners in America. We are dying.

So Justin Timberlake is doing this now

This is just too funny. I can’t wait to see this movie. Image via laineygossip.com

I love JT so much. Really. But no.

I actually can’t tell what it is about the hair that shocks me so much. Is it that I’ve never seen him with Ken doll hair before? IS it the side part? What about the sideswept bang? Or the color?

There are just too many shocking things about his hair right now. He’s filming Runner, Runner in Puerto Rico. Maybe that’s why he’s been tweeting so much.

But for real, this is what imdb has to say about the movie:

“A businessman is caught up in the world of offshore online gaming.”



Forever Young: Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears

Holy shit. I'm 13 again. Image via fanpop.com

Wow. One of the most famous teen pop couples of all time. Actually, THE most famous couple of popdom. Selena and Bieber are awesome, but there was something sooooooo different and exciting about JT and Brit. Probably Brit’s oversexualized (but shit, I loved her) persona and all of Justin’s amazing pop dance hits with *NSYNC. Girls wanted to be Brit, guys loved her, guys (secretly, you know you did) wanted to be JT and girls luuuuuuuved him. The most perfect pop couple of all time.

No couple could last in that outfit. I don't even think a single person could survive that. Image via asapicnicbasket.blogspot.com

Until shit hit the fan.

It was so tragic (in a first world, small town teenybopper kind of way), because we had been raised on Disney fairytale relationships, and our B and JT were another product of Disney. That’s all a lot of us knew about relationships: You get your prince, a huge castle, sweet dresses and some waiters that dance and sing and shit that’s it! But then the bitchy stepsister of reality rings the doorbell during your Disney-valium-idea-of-life nap and totally fucks everything up.

Granted, the breakup was way good for their careers. Well, Britney’s not so much I guess. She went on to record In the Zone which was awesome. After that it was all barefoot cheeto K-fed shaved head madness.

But JT’s solo career pretty much needed that breakup. Even if it did crush all hope for fairytale teen love for the rest of us. I mean, Cry Me a River was amazing. And outed the alleged reason JT and Brit broke up. And got lots of people to pay attention to his music.

As much as my like, 12 year old self was idolizing a beautiful, popstar couple, it clearly makes sense that these two pop stars were not meant to be. JT tells us what happened:

“We were two birds of the same feather — small-town kids, doing the same thing,” Timberlake said to Vanity Fair. “But then you become adults, and the way you were as kids doesn’t make any sense. I won’t speak on her, but at least for me, I was a totally different person. I just don’t think we were normal; there was nothing normal about our existence. We spent way too much time being the biggest thing for teenyboppers.”

Totally makes sense.

Dear Britney and Justin,

You looked good on covers of BOP and the posters that lined our rooms. And I loved your sappy, kitchy b-side McDonalds CD release, as well as every CD you both ever put out. Everyone I know learned all your dances. I will always remember your pop outfits, songs and dances with the greatest teen adoration and love in my heart. It may have been a dark childhood to teen stardom for y’all, but you were truly entertaining and made fun music to dance to in our rooms. You will forever own the title of best pop couple, and that is fucking rad. Own it. Work it. Please do an album together (yeah right, but we can dream.)

LOVE, 20sum POOR & FAB

P.S. This Britney song “Heart” from the aforementioned McDonalds b-side CD release will help you move on from teen pop and everyday heartbreaks. (Or just drink a shit ton of wine and chain smoke)

Forever Young: Britney, Christina, Justin

Holy shit. Christina Aguilera was better at 8 than all of us now. Combined.

Britney at 10!!!! So cute!!! Great outfit, and she’s singing live! Love can build a bridge people, don’t you thing it’s time?

Justin, what a cute little kid. I don’t think anyone who was on Star Search and won did anything with their life. Seriously, from years of watching E! True Hollywood Story and VH1, nobody famous ever won that show, they always lost. It just goes to show, you can never, ever give up.

Music: Justin Timberlake?


Please come back to us, JT. Maybe you could be the one to save the economy with sweet dance and R&B beats.
Please come back to us, JT. Maybe you could be the one to save the economy with sweet dance and R&B beats.

Did I just hear correctly that our beloved Justin Timberlake has hit the music scene once again? Granted and unfortunately, it’s just a featured spot (boo!) with his musical bff Timbaland in unknown artist FreeSol‘s song titled “Fascinated.” FreeSol has been performing the song at least since last November where he performed in on Letterman, but this is the first I’ve heard of the song and JT from a video promo on E! rolling through the credits.

We can only hope this is a promising sign for JT’s loooooooong awaited return to music. But, don’t hold your breath. He’s reportedly gotten engaged, and happy people tend to have a harder time creating things because they’re too busy having sex. Please come back to us, JT. We miss your jams and dance moves. COME BACK TO US.