Rumour has it: Tom Cruise is a fucking nut

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The more details that come out about the Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise marriage contract and divorce bomb are really, really creepy. Here are some confusing and eery rumors that have come out surrounding the TomKat divorce:

  • Tom has divorced all 3 of his wives when they turned 33. 33 is connected to Scientology because the religion was founded by science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard in Phoenix, Arizona, which happens to lie on the 33rd parallel.
  • Katie Holmes reportedly got 3 million dollars for each year she was married to Tom.
  • She had to sign a 5 year marriage contract that not surprisingly ended when she was 33.
  • She’s being followed in NYC by men with guns who are suspected to be hired by Scientologists.
  • The straw that broke the camel’s marriage back is the fact that Tom Cruise wanted Suri to be a part of the Sea Org where there are reports of manual hard labor, a billion year loyalty contract and suspected forced abortion because family is discouraged as a distraction.
  • Scientologists held “auditions” for Tom Cruise wives that included Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Sofia Vergara, Penelope Cruz and Jennifer Garner.
  • He sent all his dates buttloads of chocolate and roses in cars. (Puke, I am forever aversion-ed to those things. TC must be an alien because that is some vanilla 1950s flirting right there. Regular modern folk settle for a sweet internet post)
  • A huge rumor now is that Katie Holmes and Suri walked in on David Beckham and Tom Cruise in bed together. It seems like a stretch, but HOLYFUCKINGSHIT if it’s true.
This is probably only the tip of the iceberg, which is awesome for the blogosphere.

Read 8 facts you may not know about Scientology here

Check out Tom Cruise’s explanation of being a Scientologist below. It doesn’t really make much sense. He kind of sounds like he was a confused teen/young adult who got famous, rich and needed a big crutch to help him understand his life. Evangelicals look SO fucking regular compared to this shit. Looks like TC needs to smoke some weed, join a bongo circle on a dirty beach somewhere and chill the FUCK out.

Celebrité: Katie Holmes was cast as Tom Cruise’s wife by Scientology

This is a VERY interesting read. It chronicles how Ton Cruise and Scientologists groomed and brought a number of actresses in for wife auditions. Yeah. It’s really fucked up. What happened to Tom Cruise? This shit is CRAY. Read it!!

Viva Suri!

Inside TomKat: How Katie Holmes was cast to play Tom Cruises wife and the role Scientology played in picking his leading lady –

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Celebrité: Katie Holmes to GTFAway from Tom Cruise

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How now brown cow? Katie Holmes has finally had enough of Tom’s alien bedtime stories, so she is filing for divorce.

The details of this divorce are going to be PHENOMENAL. Can you imagine? “New details leak: Xenu pies for breakfast ONLY on Sundays or Suri gets no dessert on Tuesday”. This is gonna be sooooooooooo good. Best divorce ever.

The world is really changing, you guys.

Netflix nightcap: The Romantics

The Romantics is a movie about a group of college friends reuniting for a wedding. A long burning love triangle makes things a little sticky and that’s basically the whole movie. That and a bunch of “we’re college friends” shit. Katie Holmes does a believable acting job, so good for her. I don’t much care for Josh Duhamel. He seems like a pretty face with not a whole lot of depth of character. Malin Ackerman was good too.

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As for the movie itself, it inches along without very much happening. 60 minutes go by and you still feel like it’s the first 20. The people are pretty, but none of the characters are really all that lovable and they don’t have any redeeming qualities whatsoever. Also, the story dwells on the obvious themes of relationship dramz between every friend in every possible way for way too long. Bleg. We get it! Everyone is horny for their friends because they’re not adult enough to not want to rub up against other shitty people.

With a few different cast change ups, the movie maybe would have faired better. Although I can’t really tell if it’s some of the cast that is blah or just the characters themselves that are so mootly unlikable that is the problem. They don’t even really seem to like each other that much.

I am definitely biased against witnessing annoying friends that only talk about how they all used to be such good friends. Almost as annoying as the entire How I Met Your Mother series. I fucking hate that show. Nothing is as annoying as HIMYM though. So hooray for The Romantics!

I’d suggest falling asleep to this movie. Otherwise, skip it for sure.