Carly Rae Jepsen is 26. What. the. fuck.

WHAT THE WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you kidding me? Seriously? Come again? Carly Rae Jepsen is 26 years old. Whoa whoa whoa. I thought she was 15!!!! My mind is blown. We all know it’s a catchy song, but Jesus. Is a 26 year old really singing the teen anthem for phone calls? Moreover, this bitch can go to BARS?! Where are the drunk pictures of her stumbling out of Canadian bars (didn’t know she was Canadian either!)??? Maybe she doesn’t party, but shit. She probably does. She’s 26 and she has number 1 single in many countries around the globe. She’s probably getting so many free drugs and bottles it’s obscene.

It’s such a simple song and a simple message, that it’s almost kind of weird that she’s 26 and not 15. Definitely an appropriate teen anthem, but for the love of god, 26?! I’m weirded out. Shouldn’t you have more complex things to sing about by that age? Has she lived in a bubble? And hasn’t she learned to tell people to fucking call her instead of asking with indecision? Nobody likes a wimp. Pick a dude, tell him he’s in girl. You got enough looks for that. Change the song to “Fucking Call Me Dick (But Only If You Have A Job)” and then it will be age appropriate.

This person is 26.