Minneapolis: Check out Seyah’s EP release and debut show

Image via Facebook

Are you totally dying to hang out tomorrow night? Just go fucking nuts? You’re also craving downtown street parking and me people bumming cigarettes from you. Don’t forget about the “sign my shirt” guy, because he’ll probably start talking to you. But don’t be a dick and steal his marker unless you are a total piece of shit.

Check out the debut performance/EP release of Seyah at 7th Street Entry. 5 bucks, 18+ with a storm of other performers including Marcella Flame Wallace, who will be dancing onstage with Seyah, Phillip Morris with Scarlet MonkLizzo & The Larva InkSophia Eris and DJ Connie Hawkins.

This show if gonna fuck the shit out of you, sonically. Not to mention there will probably be a lot of attractive people floating around, dying to get their d’s wet to some mpls beats. See ya there!

Netflix nightcap: Britney Spears’ Femme Fatale Tour

Oh. MY. GOD. I can’t believe they let her put on that show. Honestly.

Image via Netflix

First of all, I am a HUGE Britney fan. I love the songs and her early choreographed dance sequences. I spent all of the 2007/2008 school year forcing people to listen to Blackout. But Britney Spears Live: The Femme Fatale Tour makes me really sad. And it will probably make you sad too.

It was forgivable in the beginning of Brit’s career that she lip-synced here and there because she was gracing our eyes with the coolest dance moves of the new millennium to the coolest dance hits by the biggest and most successful pop producers in the world. She used to put on a high-energy dance performance while acting out the song. Now she moves around semi-mindlessly, clearly lip-syncing and disappointing fans with her lackluster dance production to songs that were made for a pop-dance breakdown.

After countless knee-surgeries and a likely prescription for lithium (never forget Britney 2007), she can’t quite move like she used to. Which is understood by everyone. But continuing to lip-sync during a show where you’re not even heavily dancing is just getting absurd. What’s the point of the live show if you get little more than seeing a famous person?

Image via liveconcertevents.blogspot.com

The concert is full of Britney’s greatest hits. She performs them by walking back and forth on stage, moving her arms with our best 6th grade dance moves and lip-syncing the whole time. The costumes looked cheap. At some points in the concert, she would just stand next to things, like a pole, and touch them from time to time. She was also allowed to sit (after the exhaustion of “singing” and “dancing”) on a huge swing that a guy climbed while she mouthed along to a ballad.

This woman is either an autistic savant pop/dance music genius who has gone aloof or a seriously damaged famous person being medicated and put on stage to walk around perform because she makes lots of money.

Do not watch this movie. It will do nothing besides make you feel sad that Britney isn’t the Britney we grew up with and angry that somebody makes millions of dollars for walking around on a stage sort of giving a shit about what’s going on.

I love Britney so much. A part of her will be in my heart forever. But this concert movie is a harsh reality check. We better keep admiring her saucy dance tracks from audio sources only because watching it live is hard. You’ve been warned.