Why do all these old, white men hate women and their reproductive rights?

All this abortion talk is getting me riled up. It is beyond frustrating to hear religious fanatics delegate laws. It’s even more disturbing that they hold official positions in the government. In a perfect world we’d have a bunch of reasonable, moderate people running things instead of extremists trying to control everything about our lives. It’s not okay at all!

Oklahoma

YES. Image via wguide.uchicago.edu

Thankfully my state isn’t pulling any crazy shit like Oklahoma is. Some representatives in the Oklahoma state government are trying to pass a Personhood bill, that would grant equal rights to the cells growing in a woman’s womb at the exact moment of conception.

What I see this as is body slavery. Because it absolutely is. Forcing a woman to bear a child she isn’t ready to raise due to economic or personal reasons is wrong. It’s really none of the government’s business (or anyone’s business) what women do with their bodies. It’s a VAST invasion of privacy. Any government within the United States of America should not have a say in what is going on in my abdomen. What’s next, no beans for women because girl farts are icky? (Oklahoma next hot-button issue, I’m sure of it.)

One representative brought up the fact that damaging an eagle’s egg is punishable by law. But eagles are an endangered species. Humans are NOT endangered whatsoever. Maybe they’ve never been to the Mall of America on a Saturday. It is hell on earth.

People aren’t even that great. Most people I know hate people in general. People suck! Why would we ever want more of them? And don’t these old, white men hate people too? Isn’t that why they’re in power, so they can tell the people they hate how to live? Oh, I get it now! It’s madness, I tell you! Madness!

Yup. Image via zeldalily.com

Plus, it’s a little ironic that historically conservatives who are against abortion are also against welfare and social programs that are set up to help people in need like, say, a young teen mother whose boyfriend left her and won’t pay child support. Because that happens. We’ve all seen Teen Mom. Having a child when you are not ready is not pretty. And sometimes, maybe a lot of the time the men responsible for said impregnation can just go off and do whatever the fuck they want. That seems fair! Apparently it’s ok to force a woman to have a child, but it’s their problem and they shouldn’t get any help. This is SO fucked up. These people are mentally ill.

Anyone remember why abortion was legalized in the first place? Because scared young girls and young women were getting coat hanger and back alley abortions that were unsafe and deadly. Whether or not there’s a law in place, women w

And what about men’s reproductive rights? Do they know home many times men jerk off daily? Why isn’t that considered a Personhood right?

THESE people are the terrorists. Terrorizing women into believing they must have babies they don’t want and get married to men they might not want to marry. Marriage and babies isn’t for everyone. But sex IS for everyone. Making our bodies legal fodder and deciding what kind of life women can lead? That is NOT ok. Where are the laws saying men have to be in their not-aborted child’s life? Money ain’t no father.

There are just too many things wrong with this Personhood bill that directly attack women but leave men off scott-free. You know, there are two people doing the fucking.

No man, better yet no gender should tell another gender how to live. And no religion should tell other religions or spiritual beliefs what they can and can’t do with their bodies. IT’S WRONG. It’s un-American down to the very core of the Constitution and generally just a shitty thing to do all around.

What’s up with all these men attacking women these days? It’s devilish and awfully frightening. But what they don’t know is we’re not putting up with this shit. We are equal beings on this planet and no legislation is going to tell my gender what it can and cannot do.

Virginia

No thanks, doc. I'll keep that out of my vag. Image via kutnews.com

The ultrasound abortion bit in Virginia is absolutely infuriating as well. Basically if a women wanted to get an abortion, she would be required by law to get a vaginal ultrasound by way of some phallic tool inserted into her vagina by a doctor. The reason? Who knows. It’s not even medically necessary.

So, with all the healthcare problems and high costs in this country, Virginia politicians see it reasonable to force a procedure on an already fragile woman and situation with sticking a medical penis-tool into her for no reason at all other than “it’s law.”

One senator from Virginia, Janet Howell, proposed an amendment that would force men to get rectal exams and heart exams prior to receiving viagra prescriptions, as those exams are just as unnecessary as the ultrasound for women. It got voted down, but brought more light to the fact that there are vast gender imbalances among the people in power and government.

The story is still developing, but whether or not these women will be forced to pay for the ultrasound, which could be quite expensive, or if the state is going to foot the bill is unclear. In a recession, that sounds like a whole lot of unnecessary spending both personally and governmentally.

Is this some epidemic of perverted old white men passing bills into law dealing with our vaginas? Seriously. It’s so creepy, wrong, offensive and out of line. Absolutely unacceptable. It would still be appalling if it were all women passing these things into laws. But men with no experience vaginally other than not being able to satisfy their dull wives are not the people I want passing laws about the goings-on of my vagina.

Outrageous.

Facebook political season Part 1: Kill me now

Image via kenny08.com

Oh great. In the eternal words of Mortal Kombat, “It has begun!”

Yet another season of “Why MY political candidate is the new Jesus and not yours.” Throw in a “Go America!” or a “Fuck America!” depending on intelligence.

I’m either gonna develop a drinking problem, get hooked on pills or delete my facebook account until November. It’s exhausting reading so many spelling and grammar mistakes and general flawed logic while ranting about the other side discussing politics on Facebook.

So, wonderful readers, tell your stupid friends to kindly “wake up, you turds. Politicians are liars. Choose the least evil one and get on with your life. No politician in the history of politics has EVER done every single thing they said they were going to do during their campaign.” Or at least think it in your head because talking to anyone on facebook these days is a huge drag.

Uh, can he be President? Image via politifake.org

If all our idiot facebook acquaintances we went to high school with could remember back to 6th grade social studies, they would know there’s these little things called the House of Representatives and the Senate. You know, as a way to SHARE POWER and not let just one person decide everything. Otherwise that would technically be a dictatorship. But they probably only think brown people who don’t speak English and don’t have Walmarts can live under dictatorships. Those silly kids fully developed adults!

Let’s get one thing straight: Times are tough. Well, tough-ish. Not being able to buy everything one wants all the time isn’t really considered tough by like, 90% of the world. No one politician short of God him/her/itself can solve all of our problems immediately. I think it’s forgotten that we have things like Congress set in place to do checks and balances. Those checks and balances take time, y’all.

We know who the democratic candidate is, Mr. Obama. Has a law degree, prior work experience, ok cool. But seriously, I could find a better set of republican candidates on the bottom of my shoe after a walk through a shitty park. That’s all they could come up with? There is no doubt in my mind that Obama will be re-elected. Santorum? Gingrich? Skin bags full of crazy. Romney? Rich asshole. Paul? Nice try, sweetheart.

Yup. THAT GUY wants to run our country, ladies. I don't fucking think so. Image via reverendbuki.wordpress.com

Nonetheless, it really makes me sad to see people putting all their faith behind any one candidate to be elected for President. Why? Let’s not divide this way, folks. It’s an old trick. Split the population, make us think we’re a “divided” nation, just to have either candidate do the same shit they always do. The entire republican vs. democrat shit is embarrassing for anyone older than 16 and not in high school government class. Honestly. It doesn’t do us any good.

We as people need to figure out what we want (remember that little thing called the constitution that says “We the People“?), not be told what we want by any candidate on any spot of the political spectrum. It’s not okay for politicians to tell US what to do. We tell THEM what to do, dammit. Let’s as a nation have a little bit of self respect for once.

Until we find ourselves united, there will be so so SO many facebook political gems just around the corner from every login. Happy FBP season, and please don’t kill yourself over all the stupidity. We need you.

Read: Why Rick Santorum Would Have Killed My Daughter

A must read.

“Though he has no medical training, and no business commenting on the medical decisions that women and their doctors make, he argues that such tests shouldn’t be provided, or that employers at least should be allowed to opt out of paying for them on ‘moral grounds.'”

Yeah, what the hell is up with Santorum and his opinions on sex, women, abortions and medical issues he has absolutely no degree in? He has never studied medicine. A government leader should not bring these topics up as American issues based on solely their religious beliefs. Being a Christian (insert any belief system here) does not make you and your religious opinions better than knowing actual science. It’s all sorts of wrong. He’s supposed to run a government, not our uteruses nor our lives. Why do these fart faces get attention? Seriously! This is the best republicans could come up with?

Why Rick Santorum Would Have Killed My Daughter.

Obama is SO getting a second term if this is the turd he’s up against. WHAT ABOUT THE ECONOMY AND FOREIGN POLICIES, SANTORUM?! HMM? Are you the maler, more Christian, less gun-ny and more uterus-obsessed Sarah Palin? Quick, where’s Russia!!!! Seriously, all he talks about is uteruses and how much he hates the people around them and loves the fetuses inside them.

Fetus Fetish: The Rick Santorum Story.

Santorum, stay outta my sex life and uterus (this is a way disgusting sentence). Jesus!

What a freak moron.

Politik: 5 people I’d prefer over the Republican candidate nominees

So presidential. Photo via your-hairstyler.com

Khloe Kardashian 

Lamar Odom would be the sensitive, basketball-playing first man and Khloe’s soundbites would be absolutely hilarious. “China, honey, get it together.”

Probable political stances

  • Pro-photo shoot for everyday events including going to the mall, eating a taco and surfing the web
  • Reality shows for everyone!
  • More money for the arts and sports
  • Kim has to live in Guam. Forever.
Kristen Bell
Kristen Bell would be the awesomest president EVER.
She can sense when a sloth is near. Perfect candidate. Image via thefw.com

Probable political stances

  • Sloths everywhere
  • Hunger Games Day is celebrated every year
  • No more wars
  • Mandatory hugs at 4:00 pm and am every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday
  • The Veronica Mars movie will finally be made
Ice and Coco, America’s first presidential couple. Image via celebritywonder.ugo.com

 Ice and Coco

Coco and Ice-T would be the PERFECT pair for the presidency. Ice would be the harder, tough love business side of politics, and Coco would have the tender heart and ass-pics to keep us all entertained.
Probable political stances
  • Law and Order SVU syndicate profits go to underdeveloped areas and at-risk kids in the US
  •  Coco teaches us all how to be sweeter and sexier
  • Strong, monogamous relationships are encouraged and warrant tax breaks
  • Licious online discounts for everyone
Anyone from Downton Abbey 
Can you imagine the drama they would have in the White House?! The Dowager Countess’ soundbites would totally be better than Khloe’s, Mary would sleep with and then kill all foreign adversaries, and Isobel would definitely give us all universal healthcare.
Probable political stances

Yesyesyesyes. Image via fanpop.com
  • Tea time
  • Anyone can marry their cousin if an inheritance is tied up with gender
  • Everyone must dress for dinner
  • Donald Trump and his new money cronies would be sent to Azkaban

Meat Cat from 30 Rock

Probable political stances

  • Cheesy blasters for school lunches
  • Sunglasses and skateboards required to be in public
  • Pants are “immoral”
  • Cats deemed higher class citizens

F me on Facebook + Twitter, baby.

Politik: Why are these people the Republican candidates?

Look how cute. They're playing dress up again. Bless their hearts! Image via onntv.com

Every time I hear a soundbite of the Republican political trail, I have to remind myself what kind of crazy is speaking and why I shouldn’t get red-in-the-face pissed off.

It seems pointless to even speak about the candidates who wish to run against Obama, because there isn’t even a chance in ironic hell that any of these people would be nominated to be President of the United States over Obama. But let’s give crazy a fun gander anyways, shall we?

The 2012 Republican candidate nominees

He looks quiet, yet he's probably thinking about how immoral your sex life is. Or death in utero and the Netherlands. Bummer. Photo via theatlantic.com

Rick Santorum pretty much wants to be a Christian moral guide for a country that is supposed to have religious liberties. Funny, I haven’t heard much about his foreign policies or anything else besides him talking about sex, death and abortion, none of which are our biggest problems nationally nor globally. Fetish, anyone?

Mitt Romney is a rich, white guy who is so out of touch with the country and people he wants to lead. He pays less taxes than the masses, and wants us to sympathize with the banks throughout the whole economic crisis. He’s right. The poor banks. He also probably bathes in money, eats gold salt on his mungbean salads and then attaches a small, immigrant family to the top of his car, for charity.

Ron Paul is the moderate-who-leans-right-man’s wet, political dream. I get the libertarian appeal. And to be honest, he definitely is the least crazy of the candidates.

RP, you are the least crazy of the bunch and probably the most in touch with reality. Good for you. Image via wethepeopleforpaul.com

But really, he wants to extend Bush tax cuts for the rich, yet accept an almost $40,000 a year salary to “stand with the American People,” from his “Plan to Restore America.” Restore it to what, exactly? His message sounds a lot more like ad-libs using “constitutional government,” “freedom-loving Americans” and “cut spending” in every grammatically correct free space. He likes peace though. If only the rest of his ideas were as good as that one.

 Newt Gingrich. Gingy as I like to think of him in my head. Probably my favorite candidate because I believe he truly IS a sociopath. Left a sick wife for another blonder, scarier, mistress-y wife who probably eats children, likes moon colonies, and wants to run America under what sounds like a “Freedom Dictatorship because Newt Rocks” agenda that’s written on his 7th grade trapper keeper. His doodles are good too.

Lessons learned

This woman will eat your soul, and then wear your face to bed. Would you want this to be first lady? Photo via sternfannetwork.com

So what have we learned about the Republican candidates? Just put the word freedom, liberty, cut spending and God in front of anything you want to do, and somehow, somewhere, you will be a republican candidate for presidency. Because people really enjoy being told by religious nuttys and millionaires how to live their lives and that they really aren’t all that poor. Who knew it was that easy?!

20poorandfabulous 2016.

“Freedom, Liberty, God, Justice, Blogs, Free ice cream for people named Steve, and Mac computers for all Latinos who can dance really well. Because this is the United States, dammit!”

Hey Santorum, stay outta my sex life

Photo via thinkprogress.org

In more ways than one, please.

So I guess presidential hopeful(ly not) Rick Santorum cares about our sex lives, folks.

“…the whole sexual libertine idea… It’s not okay because it’s a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”

Oh pray tell, Mr. Santorum!

…[sex] becomes deconstructed to the point where it’s simply pleasure. And that’s certainly a part of it–and it’s an important part of it, don’t get me wrong–but there’s a lot of things we do for pleasure, and this is special, and it needs to be seen as special.”

Um, hello. A politician named Rick Santorum is not seriously talking to us about the decency of sex, is he? Sure, the last name is an easy and ironic target, but politician mixed with sexual moral high ground is also a frothy mixture best left hidden in cheap hotel bathrooms.

BBC News – Viewpoint: V for Vendetta and the rise of Anonymous

 

BBC News – Viewpoint: V for Vendetta and the rise of Anonymous.

Politik: Trump endorses Romney (nobody cares)

Photo via bbc.co.uk
This was shot in Trump's bedroom in front of his dollies and action figgies. Photo via bbc.co.uk

So Donald Trump, I mean billionaire Donald Trump, has endorsed Mitt Romney as the Republican party nominee. Oh, no one cares? Astounding!

First off, I don’t think the current state of affairs in the United States warrants any billionaire to be doing anything besides being Warren Buffett. (Taxing millionaires is not class warfare. What we currently live in is class warfare. Bazinga!)

Cut your eyebrows and get real. Photo via socialhype.com
Cut your eyebrows and get real. Photo via socialhype.com

Second, Ron Donald Trump tried to be president, or at least the republican nominee in ’08, and failed miserably. Oh, and some of his companies have filed for bankruptcy 4 times. Not what our country needs at the moment Señor Trump; we have enough debt and annoying businessmen who think they can be president, thank you!

Thirdly, who the fuck listens to Donald Trump anymore? Is he still relevant? I mean, his ‘your fiyad’ bit was funny for like a week in math class circa 2006. Maybe there’s a group of nomads trapped in a cave with a television permanently on, and the only thing playing is whatever the fuck his crappy show is called. I mean, he can’t even get real celebrities on his show. He’s no better than the producers of Teen Mom 2. Think about it.

Fourth, he supported the birther claim. Proof he’s a jerkface ninny muggins who needs to be shaved and left outside in June with no sunscreen on. Yeah, I mean business.

Rich people are annoying. Go away, Donald Trump. Forever.

 

Infuriation: Healthcare costs

The good people of this earth need to start kicking some serious, big business/government sociopathic ass. Photo via michpsych.org
The good people of this earth need to start kicking some serious, big business/government sociopathic ass. Photo via michpsych.org

OH MY GOD.

I just got a bill from a clinic for 3 doctors visits. Each visit lasted less than 15 minutes. Guess how much the bill was?

Total before insurance: 1031.32 

Insurance covered: 455.92

Total after insurance: 575.40 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!!!?!? HOW can less than 45 minutes of talking to someone about getting a cat allergy prescription and a podiatry meeting cost over $1000? 

This is NOT okay. What are insurance companies/corporations/the government/people against socialized healthcare thinking? Honestly. How could 45 minutes ever amount to $1000 in health coverage. What are they, high class hookers? (YES, yes they are.)

Photo via suzieqq.wordpress.com
Photo via suzieqq.wordpress.com

Since I am college educated and vastly underemployed (thank you, Bush-era everything and Wall Street jerkfaces), I’m on my mother’s health insurance. She is a school teacher. 6th grade. Do you think paying $575.40 in three minor, less than 15 minute doctor appointments is something a school teacher salary should be paying? Or that a school teacher’s monthly paycheck could afford?

I am afraid for my future man. Healthcare shouldn’t cost that much. I don’t care about doctor’s salaries and how they feel they should be paid a lot. You know what, everyone feels they should be paid a lot of money for the job they do. Janitors, anyone? Waste management? Teachers dealing with this awful corn-syrup, ADHD generation? Yeah.

There are families that can’t even go to the doctor, because their job doesn’t provide healthcare. Why do some people feel it’s more important for businesses to make money that to care for their employees? We live in a sick, sad, disconnected world.

INFURIATION. What can be done about this healthcare issue? This is SO ridiculous.

You know, for being conditioned to think we have the highest standard of living in the world, it’s pretty blaringly obvious that we don’t, when the majority of the country can’t afford healthcare.

Activism: Cher Horowitz


“So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, “What about the strain on our resources?” Well it’s like when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. ’cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin’. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.” -Cher Horowitz