Face It with @MissCooooooool: Makeup tips for hot people who hate New Years Resolutions

MissCooooooool

Written by makeup artist @MissCooooooool

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This is not a list of resolutions.

I know. The new year started weeks ago. But it’s OK because this is NOT a list of resolutions.

There seems to be this collective sentiment that making resolutions is for the birds. That people who resolve to lose weight, be nice, complain less, and be more awesome at the start of the year will fall off the wagon by February. Sure, most people who make resolutions will not keep up with them, but personally I think that’s a symptom of society’s collective resistance to real change and growth (don’t get me started.) Goals are awesome. Taking a stance against making resolutions because it seems to be what everyone on your Twitter feed is doing is lame, but it seems to be how a lot of you feel so I’ll compromise.

I’ve made a list of beauty things that we as a collective makeup-loving group of beautiful people will NOT do in 2014. They are not-resolutions. It’s easy to follow because all you have to do is NOT do them. How’s that for a compromise, you Resolution-Grinches?

1. WE WILL NOT HAVE DIRTY FACES.

This is number one for a reason. I know too many bitties that don’t wash their faces daily and it hurts me. It breaks my heart. Do not go to bed wearing makeup. Do not forget to wash your face even if you didn’t wear makeup that day. Even if you didn’t wear makeup, the environment has been all up on your face. Wash that gunk off. I don’t care if it’s 4AM and you’ve been out drinking all night and all you want to do is fall asleep on your bathroom floor. Take 5 minutes to wash off that winged eyeliner. Your hungover self will feel that much better about life when you wake up with clean skin.

wash yo face. it's 2014. image from zimbio.com
wash yo face. it’s 2014. image from zimbio.com

2. WE WILL NOT FORGET TO MOISTURIZE.

Start and end your day by moisturizing your skin. And for the love of all that is good in this world, do not use your body lotion on your face. Buy a FACIAL moisturizer. The skin on your face and the skin on your body is very, very different; it must be treated as such. Moisturized skin not only looks better, but feels better, and will hold up better against aging in the long run. Makeup will look much better on well moisturized skin. Moisturized skin is oh so sexy. Imagine you’re a guy and you’re going in to kiss a girl, but you get distracted by the GIANT FLAKES OF DRY SKIN ON HER FACE. Mood killer.

3. WE WILL NOT GO OUT WITHOUT SPF.

Don’t ignore what dermatologists have been telling us about skin cancer and aging effects of the sun. Skin cancer is very real and trust me, having someone cut a chunk out of your skin is not a fun way to spend a day. Plus, fair skin is in, people! A cloudy winter day does not mean that you can get away without putting SPF on your face. There are tons of makeup products and moisturizers that come with SPF in them. My BB cream has SPF 35 and my foundation has SPF 10. Going to the beach? (Lulz, it’s January. I’ve forgotten what a beach looks like.) Goop on at least SPF 30 on your whole body.  And don’t even get me started on tanning beds. I’d rather have my pale skin be wrinkle free in my 40s than attempt to get a tan in my 20s. I’m Irish. I don’t tan and I’ve embraced it.

idiot. image via realclubresorts.com
idiot. image via realclubresorts.com

4. WE WILL NOT AVOID WASHING OUR MAKEUP BRUSHES.

Don’t go more than a week without washing your makeup brushes. Go to MAC, get their brush cleaner, and pick a day each week to thoroughly wash your brushes. Brushes perform better when they’re clean. Your brushes will last longer overall. I have brushes that are going strong after 5 years because I take great care of them. But the real reason you should be cleaning your brushes weekly is bacteria. You might as well apply your foundation with that nasty dish sponge you’ve been neglecting to throw out if you skip washing your makeup brushes. That shit’s gross.

5. WE WILL STOP TOUCHING, PICKING AT, SCRATCHING, AND MUCKING UP OUR FACES.

Don’t pick at your skin. I shouldn’t even have to explain why you shouldn’t. Just don’t. Your hands are gross, they touch gross things all day long. Keep them off your face. Wash your hands before you touch your face. Actually, just wash your hands all the time. It’s just good practice for, you know, avoiding illness and stuff. But it’s also super important for keeping your skin clear and happy. While I’m at it, wipe down your nasty cell phone and change your pillow cases weekly, at least. And as a side note: if you value your fingers in their unbroken state, don’t touch my face or anyone else’s for that matter.

this chick is nearing climax because she doesn't pick at her skin. AND YOU COULD TOO. image via sassisamblog.com
this chick is nearing climax because she doesn’t pick at her skin. AND YOU COULD TOO. image via sassisamblog.com

6. WE WILL NOT KEEP OUR MAKEUP IN THE BATHROOM.

This is a top peeve of mine. A friend of mine kept her makeup on top of her toilet, less than a foot away from where people took shits. Take a moment to think about that. Yuck. The bathroom is a wet, warm place. You know what likes all that steamy air more than you do? Bacteria. You might as well throw a bacteria party in your eyeshadows and gel eyeliners. Steam also breaks down makeup a lot faster than it would normally. Keep your makeup in your bedroom, away from the toilet and away from the steam.

7. WE WILL NOT BE AFRAID TO TRY BOLD LOOKS.

I first tried purple eyeshadow in 6th grade. But all the catty bitches in school were not having it (I saw you bitties whispering about me.) I didn’t care what they had to say, it looked fucking awesome. You want to try blue eyeshadow? I can show you some great looks with electric blue and teal. My next adventure is going to be colored eyebrows, specifically purple eyebrows. (Stanley Tucci in Catching Fire has it goin’ on!) Wear that orange lipstick with pride because you look great. I know some of you might be a bit gun shy with new looks, so I’ll do a post on how to balance bright and bold so you end up looking fierce and not like a clown.

SO HOT
SO HOT image via lovethispic.com

 8. WE WILL NOT FUCK UP OUR EYEBROWS.

Look in the mirror. Do your eyebrows resemble a textbook drawing of sperm? You’ve overplucked. Can you barely see your eyebrows? You need to seek help. Did you shave your eyebrows and get them tattooed on? Stop reading because you are too far gone and I can’t help you. I always recommend that girls find a really good eyebrow waxer/threader and have them shape their brows and then just pluck the strays as they come in to keep a nice shape. Even if your brows are a good shape, don’t underestimate the power of an eyebrow pencil. Well groomed brows can transform your face for the better. I could go on and on about eyebrows so I’ll be doing a post on brows very soon.

Don't end up like this poor dog. image via tumblr
Don’t end up like this poor dog. image via tumblr

9. WE WILL NOT FEEL UGLY.

It kills me when women (and even men) say they look and feel ugly. As cliché as it is to say this, everyone is beautiful. My years of practice with makeup and beauty has lead me to notice and really see everyone’s unique beauty. My goal is to teach people how to use makeup to play up what they have, bring out their specialness, not to adhere to society’s “standards of beauty.” You cannot look like her just like she cannot look like you, so why are you comparing yourself to her? Own your own look. I want to help people shine in their own way.

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Politik: Obama healthcare is a GO!!!

Image via cia.gov

This is absolutely priceless. “Fuck universal healthcare, I’m moving to Canada!!” Gotta love sweet fucking morons, because they make your day brighter and remind you that at least you are not them.

People Who Say They’re Moving To Canada Because Of ObamaCare.

Poor Canada.

Healthcare in America, a fresh start

I’m not really ever noticeably proud of my country, because the US government does a lot of shady things to other countries and to their own citizens. But today, a small victory for the health of all of my compatriots.

I don’t understand anyone’s reasoning that doesn’t like universal healthcare. I have 3 jobs and no healthcare from any of them. I can’t even afford to pay for my own insurance under my parents insurance plan. Thanks to Obama and his extension of healthcare benefits to children until the age of 26, I have access to affordable birth control, regular check-ups and prescriptions for when I get sick.

Check out Obama’s thoughts on the Supreme Court’s decision here

How is this NOT a step in the right direction? I’m a responsible citizen, college educated and working. I (and you, and that girl down the street, and especially grandmas and grandpas everywhere) deserve to have affordable healthcare that isn’t connected to what job I’m doing where, or how many hours I’m working. I’m still a human being with a beating heart that some cute doctor should examine twice a year to see if I’m healthy, and help me out if I’m not healthy, affordably. Healthcare need not be elite.

Check this out to see the facts about Obama’s healthcare plan.

FUCK YEAH OBAMA. Thank you. I want to hug every single person in the country right now. Let’s try to take care of each other more and more. YAY!!!

Turns Out Being Born a Woman Is a Major Financial Mistake via Jezebel

This is why I will always welcome free things from men. They get paid more, and things cost less for them. No more complaining from dudes that society thinks they “have to pay for everything.” Damn straight, turd face! All my money is going into paying MORE because of gender discrimination. It evens out. Poor lesbian couples though, they really get the economic shaft.

Equality, bitches.

Turns Out Being Born a Woman Is a Major Financial Mistake.

Infuriation: Healthcare costs

The good people of this earth need to start kicking some serious, big business/government sociopathic ass. Photo via michpsych.org
The good people of this earth need to start kicking some serious, big business/government sociopathic ass. Photo via michpsych.org

OH MY GOD.

I just got a bill from a clinic for 3 doctors visits. Each visit lasted less than 15 minutes. Guess how much the bill was?

Total before insurance: 1031.32 

Insurance covered: 455.92

Total after insurance: 575.40 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!!!?!? HOW can less than 45 minutes of talking to someone about getting a cat allergy prescription and a podiatry meeting cost over $1000? 

This is NOT okay. What are insurance companies/corporations/the government/people against socialized healthcare thinking? Honestly. How could 45 minutes ever amount to $1000 in health coverage. What are they, high class hookers? (YES, yes they are.)

Photo via suzieqq.wordpress.com
Photo via suzieqq.wordpress.com

Since I am college educated and vastly underemployed (thank you, Bush-era everything and Wall Street jerkfaces), I’m on my mother’s health insurance. She is a school teacher. 6th grade. Do you think paying $575.40 in three minor, less than 15 minute doctor appointments is something a school teacher salary should be paying? Or that a school teacher’s monthly paycheck could afford?

I am afraid for my future man. Healthcare shouldn’t cost that much. I don’t care about doctor’s salaries and how they feel they should be paid a lot. You know what, everyone feels they should be paid a lot of money for the job they do. Janitors, anyone? Waste management? Teachers dealing with this awful corn-syrup, ADHD generation? Yeah.

There are families that can’t even go to the doctor, because their job doesn’t provide healthcare. Why do some people feel it’s more important for businesses to make money that to care for their employees? We live in a sick, sad, disconnected world.

INFURIATION. What can be done about this healthcare issue? This is SO ridiculous.

You know, for being conditioned to think we have the highest standard of living in the world, it’s pretty blaringly obvious that we don’t, when the majority of the country can’t afford healthcare.