Will Britney’s new song “Work Bitch” deliver us from evil?

Britney released the video for her latest single, “Work Bitch” and it’s a step in a good direction. In the vid, Britster moves her legs way more in the dance scenes than in past videos of recent history. See “Till the World Ends” for the modern Britney arm wave dance-like reference. So yeah, this is pretty huge, folks. I can’t help but think every single time I see her perform in a video or live that her dancing just isn’t there anymore. But in this video, her dancing is creeping back to almost good again. As you may or may not know, in 2004 Ms. B broke her knee on the set of the video for “Outrageous,” thus leading into the downward spiral we all sort of lovingly remember. In the knee breaking video, you can see how FUCKING AWESOME she was moving. But she just can’t do it like she used to. Of course I feel like a shit fan for wishing and hoping she would dance like the old days.

Hope is such a dangerous drug.

“Work Bitch” also raises important societal questions like:

Will Britney’s new song inspire millions of people to work?

Will everyone who has been avoiding the gym finally get out of their laptop/couch coma and get to sweatin’?

Will Congress finally get their shit together after a Britney dance party?

if_britney_can_make_it_through_2007-4892
This is my favorite thing on the internet

Let’s hope so. I know I’ve gotten through some weird times by listening to Britney. There’s something ethereal and existentially comforting about listening to a woman ask a stranger to fuck her in the back room of the club, all over super hot club beats. The air of “Fuck it” and “Imma get what I want!” is so inspiring. When you’re knee deep in quarter-life crisis, it’s important to have Britney there as a reminder that you REALLY, REALLY can make it through anything.

CAN a pop song inspire a nation to quit being lazy shitbags on a personal and professional level and “Work Bitch”? Time will only tell if our Godney will deliver us from evil.

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Facebook political season Part 1: Kill me now

Image via kenny08.com

Oh great. In the eternal words of Mortal Kombat, “It has begun!”

Yet another season of “Why MY political candidate is the new Jesus and not yours.” Throw in a “Go America!” or a “Fuck America!” depending on intelligence.

I’m either gonna develop a drinking problem, get hooked on pills or delete my facebook account until November. It’s exhausting reading so many spelling and grammar mistakes and general flawed logic while ranting about the other side discussing politics on Facebook.

So, wonderful readers, tell your stupid friends to kindly “wake up, you turds. Politicians are liars. Choose the least evil one and get on with your life. No politician in the history of politics has EVER done every single thing they said they were going to do during their campaign.” Or at least think it in your head because talking to anyone on facebook these days is a huge drag.

Uh, can he be President? Image via politifake.org

If all our idiot facebook acquaintances we went to high school with could remember back to 6th grade social studies, they would know there’s these little things called the House of Representatives and the Senate. You know, as a way to SHARE POWER and not let just one person decide everything. Otherwise that would technically be a dictatorship. But they probably only think brown people who don’t speak English and don’t have Walmarts can live under dictatorships. Those silly kids fully developed adults!

Let’s get one thing straight: Times are tough. Well, tough-ish. Not being able to buy everything one wants all the time isn’t really considered tough by like, 90% of the world. No one politician short of God him/her/itself can solve all of our problems immediately. I think it’s forgotten that we have things like Congress set in place to do checks and balances. Those checks and balances take time, y’all.

We know who the democratic candidate is, Mr. Obama. Has a law degree, prior work experience, ok cool. But seriously, I could find a better set of republican candidates on the bottom of my shoe after a walk through a shitty park. That’s all they could come up with? There is no doubt in my mind that Obama will be re-elected. Santorum? Gingrich? Skin bags full of crazy. Romney? Rich asshole. Paul? Nice try, sweetheart.

Yup. THAT GUY wants to run our country, ladies. I don't fucking think so. Image via reverendbuki.wordpress.com

Nonetheless, it really makes me sad to see people putting all their faith behind any one candidate to be elected for President. Why? Let’s not divide this way, folks. It’s an old trick. Split the population, make us think we’re a “divided” nation, just to have either candidate do the same shit they always do. The entire republican vs. democrat shit is embarrassing for anyone older than 16 and not in high school government class. Honestly. It doesn’t do us any good.

We as people need to figure out what we want (remember that little thing called the constitution that says “We the People“?), not be told what we want by any candidate on any spot of the political spectrum. It’s not okay for politicians to tell US what to do. We tell THEM what to do, dammit. Let’s as a nation have a little bit of self respect for once.

Until we find ourselves united, there will be so so SO many facebook political gems just around the corner from every login. Happy FBP season, and please don’t kill yourself over all the stupidity. We need you.

Activism: The SOPA Blackouts

I LOVE the SOPA blackouts. It’s an interesting event happening on the internet, a place where it’s rare to have a realtime event. Image

When thinking about the SOPA debacle, my mind immediately goes to money, and a power struggle between the people at large vs. powerful corporations and powerful government officials. What bothers me most about the discussion is that the people holding seats in Congress and the House of Representatives are old. I don’t mean to be ageist, but if these people are as technically challenged as my own parents and basically anyone alive in the 70’s, then do they even know anything about the bills they support, and what they mean for mass communication, ACTUAL freedom of speech and liberty?

The Egyptian protests that were put together using Twitter and Facebook are a perfect example of why the government wants to pass bills like SOPA. Mass communication among the people is a huge threat to government control. What if the government had the power to shut down Twitter and Facebook, maybe during protesting times, under the vaguely written SOPA bill? And even certain news websites, because they were doing and saying things the government simply didn’t like? Is that free speech? Or is it free speech, government-approval pending?

This is not Democrat vs. Republican. Not by a long shot. This is censorship for the masses.

I read today on reddit that the entertainment industry paid Congress 93 million dollars to fast-track a bill like SOPA so they could get control over the piracy issue. Does that even make any sense? As a country, a body of people, is it O.K. that corporations are able to pay our politicians to create or not create certain legislation?  We’re the people, right? Shouldn’t they be working for us?Image

Maybe the entertainment industry should find better ways to sell their products, or (shockingly) try to be innovative, instead of trying to push government censorship in our alleged “land of the free.” Or maybe, the entertainment industry could stop producing movies with that “Get ‘Er Done” asshole and make quality things, that people would actually want to spend their money on. Piracy will always find a way, Jurassic Park style. I believe there is no way around it. Enforcing any kind of censorship in the United States of America is a disgrace to everything we as a people have ever believed our country to be.