“I don’t think the common person is getting it. Nobody understands why Obama is hurting them. My college kid, the baby sitters, the nails ladies — everybody who’s got the right to vote — they don’t understand what’s going on. I just think if you’re lower income — one, you’re not as educated; two, they don’t understand how it works, they don’t understand how the systems work, they don’t understand the impact.”
Look how cute. They're playing dress up again. Bless their hearts! Image via onntv.com
Every time I hear a soundbite of the Republican political trail, I have to remind myself what kind of crazy is speaking and why I shouldn’t get red-in-the-face pissed off.
It seems pointless to even speak about the candidates who wish to run against Obama, because there isn’t even a chance in ironic hell that any of these people would be nominated to be President of the United States over Obama. But let’s give crazy a fun gander anyways, shall we?
The 2012 Republican candidate nominees
He looks quiet, yet he's probably thinking about how immoral your sex life is. Or death in utero and the Netherlands. Bummer. Photo via theatlantic.com
Rick Santorum pretty much wants to be a Christian moral guide for a country that is supposed to have religious liberties. Funny, I haven’t heard much about his foreign policies or anything else besides him talking about sex, death and abortion, none of which are our biggest problems nationally nor globally. Fetish, anyone?
Mitt Romney is a rich, white guy who is so out of touch with the country and people he wants to lead. He pays less taxes than the masses, and wants us to sympathize with the banks throughout the whole economic crisis. He’s right. The poor banks. He also probably bathes in money, eats gold salt on his mungbean salads and then attaches a small, immigrant family to the top of his car, for charity.
Ron Paul is the moderate-who-leans-right-man’s wet, political dream. I get the libertarian appeal. And to be honest, he definitely is the least crazy of the candidates.
RP, you are the least crazy of the bunch and probably the most in touch with reality. Good for you. Image via wethepeopleforpaul.com
But really, he wants to extend Bush tax cuts for the rich, yet accept an almost $40,000 a year salary to “stand with the American People,” from his “Plan to Restore America.” Restore it to what, exactly? His message sounds a lot more like ad-libs using “constitutional government,” “freedom-loving Americans” and “cut spending” in every grammatically correct free space. He likes peace though. If only the rest of his ideas were as good as that one.
Newt Gingrich. Gingy as I like to think of him in my head. Probably my favorite candidate because I believe he truly IS a sociopath. Left a sick wife for another blonder, scarier, mistress-y wife who probably eats children, likes moon colonies, and wants to run America under what sounds like a “Freedom Dictatorship because Newt Rocks” agenda that’s written on his 7th grade trapper keeper. His doodles are good too.
Lessons learned
This woman will eat your soul, and then wear your face to bed. Would you want this to be first lady? Photo via sternfannetwork.com
So what have we learned about the Republican candidates? Just put the word freedom, liberty, cut spending and God in front of anything you want to do, and somehow, somewhere, you will be a republican candidate for presidency. Because people really enjoy being told by religious nuttys and millionaires how to live their lives and that they really aren’t all that poor. Who knew it was that easy?!
20poorandfabulous 2016.
“Freedom, Liberty, God, Justice, Blogs, Free ice cream for people named Steve, and Mac computers for all Latinos who can dance really well. Because this is the United States, dammit!”
This was shot in Trump's bedroom in front of his dollies and action figgies. Photo via bbc.co.uk
So Donald Trump, I mean billionaire Donald Trump, has endorsed Mitt Romney as the Republican party nominee. Oh, no one cares? Astounding!
First off, I don’t think the current state of affairs in the United States warrants any billionaire to be doing anything besides being Warren Buffett. (Taxing millionaires is not class warfare. What we currently live in is class warfare. Bazinga!)
Cut your eyebrows and get real. Photo via socialhype.com
Second, Ron Donald Trump tried to be president, or at least the republican nominee in ’08, and failed miserably. Oh, and some of his companies have filed for bankruptcy 4 times. Not what our country needs at the moment Señor Trump; we have enough debt and annoying businessmen who think they can be president, thank you!
Thirdly, who the fuck listens to Donald Trump anymore? Is he still relevant? I mean, his ‘your fiyad’ bit was funny for like a week in math class circa 2006. Maybe there’s a group of nomads trapped in a cave with a television permanently on, and the only thing playing is whatever the fuck his crappy show is called. I mean, he can’t even get real celebrities on his show. He’s no better than the producers of Teen Mom 2. Think about it.
Fourth, he supported the birther claim. Proof he’s a jerkface ninny muggins who needs to be shaved and left outside in June with no sunscreen on. Yeah, I mean business.
Rich people are annoying. Go away, Donald Trump. Forever.
2PF 
