Why I love the Kardashians and why you should respect them

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom Renew Their Wedding Vows on Their 1st Anniversary-Party I am sick of celebrities, random twitter and my dad saying that the Kardashians are stupid. Or bullshit. Or talentless. Or whores. Just stop it already. I am floored that people like Katie Couric, who are ALSO intelligent entertainment and business talents, don’t realize why the Kardashians are famous. Really?! REALLY. Have you ever seen their show, Ms. Couric? Do you not realize how opportunity mixed with insanely smart marketing, naturally entertaining personalities and EIGHT SEASONS of a successful reality show made this family famous and a household name? REALLY?!

alg-kardashian-sisters-jpg You know what, Katie Couric and everyone else who hates the Kardashians? They are awesome. I have seen every episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians and their spinoffs, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami and Kourtney and Kim Take New York and I (along with my kool friends) have loved every minute of the rich, beautiful and super dysfunctional family drama. It’s like a modernized version of a soap opera where the characters live on forever on screen and in the pages of our real life magazines. Talk about some meta as fuck, never-ending performance art.

And really, you don’t have to like them. That’s not what I’m writing about. But can we put an end to the tired “Why are they famous?” question? This is why they’re famous and super awesome:

  1. Kim Kardashian made a sex tape. And? A) quit shaming women for having sex and seeking kinky pleasure. We R ppl with sex parts 2. It’s boring, rude and misogynistic.  Get. Over. This. One moment in time defines no one. B) who cares, this country is obsessed with sex anyways, so why not take advantage of a leaked/distributed sex tape to launch your career? Opportunity people. Take an unfortunate thing and turn it into a fortunate thing. This is like, success 101. C) If you haven’t taken naked selfies I feel bad for you son / you got 99 problems and naked pics is one. 

    The-Kardashian-Sisters-the-kardashians-11869128-729-1000
    dat biz
  2. They are business women.  Long before the sex tape release, the Kardashians ran a small business-and still do. Their chic fashion boutiques called D-A-S-H first opened in Calabasas, CA in 2006. The stores are owned and operated by Kourtney, Khloe and Kim. They now have stores in Miami and New York City. D-A-S-H is also the underlying story line of the first couple of season of KUWTK and the main reason for the spinoff season in Miami and New York. It’s cool to see young women in their 20s owning and operating their own store. Dare I say it’s inspirational for young girls to see a group of young, hip, beautiful women successfully running a small business?
  3. Their family is dysfunctional as fuck, blended and beautiful.
    When Brody confronted Kris about her materialistic lifestyle and why he wasn't included as much in their family as a child.
    When Brody confronted Kris about her materialistic lifestyle and why he wasn’t included as much in their family as a child.

     Really, what family isn’t dysfunctional? There’s like a billion kids in the Kardashian/Jenner family due to marriage, divorce, marriage, children, half siblings, step kids, etc. This probably looks waaaay more like the modern American family more so than parents who have been married since high school and have 2.5 kids. The show doesn’t shy away from the more awkward moments of family dynamics, like when Khloe’s biological father mystery was brought into question, or when Bruce’s sons from his second marriage (Brody and Brandon) began to vocalize why they felt they were never included much in the Jenner/Kardashian family growing up. Sometimes it’s hard to watch, but it’s relatable as all hell to a lot of different people who grew up in blended families.

  4. They have really great vagina moments. Like when Khloe burns her vagina on wax and has Kourtney put mayonnaise on it for her because mayo soothes AND shines the good ol’ vag. When Kourtney delivered her own baby and they filmed it (if that isn’t punk rock as shit I don’t know what is). When they had a vagina smell-off in London to see if eating pineapple really makes it smell sweeter. Hilarity. Vaginas vaginas vaginas.
  5. They provide a different kind of reality programming.
    that shit CRAY
    that shit CRAY

     Think about the other reality programs that are on TV. I don’t want to demean the other shows because they are super entertaining too. But come on, Real Housewives? Heyo plastic surgery, rampant materialism, alcoholism, dated gender roles, horrible role models for how any woman or man should act. Bridalplasty? Bridezilla? All women are SO crazy on their wedding day! All they care about is the perfect wedding! PUKE. Pretty Wild? Anything Paris Hilton was in? Every girl is a wild party girl who doesn’t know anything about anything! I think the Kardashians are the most positive role models for young women on reality television, given the competition. They run multiple businesses, have difficult personal relationships that they constantly work on (just like us!), are honest about feeling inadequate/fat/ugly, get cosmetic shit done and show it on television because lookin’ good takes WORK (vampire facelift, cellulite removal), support each other, get in fights with their siblings and later apologize, show a strong work ethic, take care of themselves, spend time with family, etc.

  6. THEY ARE ENTERTAINING. Khloe is absolutely hilarious, it’s fun to watch the whole family make fun of Kim and Kris, and Rob embodies every moment of self doubt, worthlessness and self fat-shaming you’ve ever had in your life.  Despite the fame and wealth, these people are fucking relatable.

The Kardashians are entertaining. They have a crazy family dynamic. They are a successful bunch of strong, business-minded women who totally outshine all of the men in the show (sorry dudes but it’s true). I’m not asking anyone to like them, but you can at least give credit where credit is due. *Drops Kardashian Kollection mic*

U LUV THEM
U LUV THEM
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The Kardashians take some weird family photos

Image via buzzfeed.com

DAYUM Kris!! Your tits are THAT on display for a family pic? On one hand, if ya got it, flaunt it. On the other, it’s a family photo, and those usually aren’t sexy. They are usually embarrassing in a totally different way than this exercise themed pic.

The 30 Rock live shows are everything right with TV

Yes that is Kim Kardashian. Blarg. Image via hollywood.com

Live TV is SO MUCH FUN. Especially when you have the best of the bests (and best pals of Tina Fey) stop by to help out. This episode is so amazing, with so many guest stars and awesome cameos that I don’t want to spoil for you. The best part is, the episode is in two versions. The east coast version and the west coast version. Both live, as the cast performed twice! Check out the east coast episode here and the west coast episode here.

Yes I watched both of them. Yes they are both awesome. 30 Rock forever. I LOVE YOU TINA FEY AND COMPANY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jennie and Peter F divorce.

You'll be okay, Kelly Taylor. Image via mymissus.tumblr.com

For the first time ever, I didn’t feel ultimately crushed by another celebrity divorce. I actually sighed a sigh of relief for Jennie, and I have no idea why because I don’t necessarily like or dislike Jennie or Peter. It was more because two people were married, had children, were happy and then separated. After a really long separation, they decided to divorce.

Normally, I feel sad about yet another Hollywood breakup. But this one was different. Peter and Jennie weren’t all over the tabloids for their entire weak ass relationship like Katy Perry and Russell Brand, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, etc.

Image via exposay.com

P and J had kids, were quietly being human beings somewhere in California and were married for 11 years. Marriage years in Hollywood are like dog years. So they were technically together for 77 years. And then they figured out that they couldn’t be together anymore. It happens. And at least this time there was a lot of thought and consideration involved instead of an 18 million dollar paycheck, Kim. 

I’m happy for Peter and Jennie. Starting anew. Good for them. I mean, after so much thought put into their divorce, one can only assume this decision will make them both happier people. To say that love is a mystery is an understatement. We go in and out of lives, love, lust and loss. and that’s life. It’s beautiful, beautifully hard but its ours and we gotta get through it.

So, Jennie and Peter, I dedicate Daniel Bedingfield’s “Gotta Get Through This” to both of you. You can do it.

Infuriation: Celebrity marriages and divorces

Photo via radaronline.com
Photo via radaronline.com

EVIDENCE:

  • Demi Moore is in the hospital while Ashton Kutcher is drunk and partying at fashion shows and a Florence + the Machine concert in Brazil. (What the fuck is wrong with Ashton Kutcher. He’s gross.)
  • Kim Kardashian will reveal the moment she broke things off with Kris Humphries this Sunday on E!
  • Tabloids are making things up left and right and Katy Perry and Russell Brand: Sex addictions, drinking problems, tell-all books, etc.
Yuck. A cheater is one of the lowest form of humans, right above murderer and twilight fan. Photo via snarkfood.com
Yuck. Take all that money girl. A cheater is one of the lowest forms of humans, right above murderers and twilight moms. Photo via snarkfood.com

Breakups are super gross, for real. But the divorce rate in Hollywood disgusts me. It’s nearly every week some other marginally talented celebrity is getting press because their relationship is crumbling due to crazy infidelity, or the fact that they didn’t really know each other in the first place.

Can you imagine MARRYING someone you had only known for a year? Let alone six months? I’ve had iffy relationships with crappy hair dryers longer than some celebrities get married and divorced.

Relationships and marriage are very, very hard work. I won’t sit here and judge people who couldn’t honestly work out their differences and decided to get a quiet divorce. But when real-life marriage and divorce seems like little more than something to fill the tabloids and get a quick paycheck, one starts to wonder what the real motives are behind these fanatical relationships in Hollywood. (COUGH COUGH Kim Kardashian!)

This story line is SO played out, Hollywood. Like, shitty Katherine Heigl romantic comedy played out. Can’t we go back to plastic surgery accusations or something? It’s a little less soul-crushing than constant divorce battles.

What do you think about marriage in Hollywood?

On the fence: The Kardashians

Kardashian over-saturation hit an all-time high in 2011 with Kim’s 72-day marriage and subsequent divorce from Minnesotan basketball player Kris Humphries. The is-it-or-isn’t-it PR move has given the Kardashians higher ratings and a less-than-favorable public opinion.

My favorite Kardashian oscillates between Kourtney and Khloe. Kourtney has great style and has the zen-like attitude of not giving a shit about any drama that goes on with her sisters. And Khloe is hilarious.

But the Kardashians as a whole have more than a few smudges on their record.

The Evidence

Kim and Ray J film a sex tape, and then profit off of it. It also skyrockets her into the media as the new Paris Hilton. -3

The Kardashians aren’t known for being drunks, drug users or extreme hot messes. +1

They are business women. And in the world of reality TV shows, being successful at something is a HUGE accomplishment. +1

The Kardashians will promote ANYTHING. -1 

Keep it up, you crazy kids.
Keep it up, you crazy kids.

Kourtney and Scott’s relationship is rocky and weird at times, but they have a child together and keep working on their relationship. In the day and age of the quickie marriage and divorce (Kim!), these two unmarried people show that real commitment and hard work goes into staying together. +2 

Kim took a shit on the state of Minnesota. BOO! -1 

Reports of their clothing lines being made by children working in sweatshops. They claimed to be none the wiser, which is probably bullshit. Nothing gets by Kris Jenner. -2 

The Score

As much as I like Kourtney and Khloe, the Kardashians come out with a -3. They’ve got a lot of work to do if they want to keep their empire on the move. I suggest ditch the child labor; make your clothes in the states! Even if they’re more expensive, everyone loves homemade goods. A little social consciousness goes a long way. Keep the midwest bashing to a minimum, Kim. Minnesota is awesome. And make sure you know everything about the products you promote!

What do you think about the Kardashians?

Editor’s Note: They have health body images. +1 

Follow 20poorandfabulous on Facebook and Pinterest. Just do it. Do it for the Kardashians. They want you to. They told me. Khloe’s here now.