Liz and Dick was exactly what you’d expect

Oh dear. By now you’ve either read all the horrible reviews of Liz and Dick, or you’ve actually seen the movie and know what’s what. Well, here are my thoughts.

1. Lindsay Lohan was either playing a present-day version of Liz Taylor, or a 60s version of Lindsay Lohan.
2. The guy who played Dick is WAAAAY too fucking old! Why would they pick him to be Richard Burton? I might have believed Aaron Carter more.
3. The costumes were fucking AWESOME. At least Lindsay Lohan had some sweet fucking threads to wear. She definitely looked better in this movie than she does in any paparazzi shot, even with the cheek implants!
4. Creed from The Office is in this movie. Also, Miranda’s boyfriend/baby daddy from Sex and the City. They do Lifetime

   

   movies too!

5. I’m not sure Lindsay’s shoddy performance was ENTIRELY her fault. The entire breaking-down-the-fourth-wall flashes where Liz and Dick were speaking directly to the audience was SUCH a horrible call. What kind of good director would EVER think that’s a good idea? I thought somebody decided that nobody likes breaking the fourth wall? I know I hate it. WE WANT TO BELIEVE DAMMIT!
6. Granted, we were trying to play the Liz and Dick drinking game, so memories of most of the movie get fuzzy. But the story seemed hard to follow regardless with all the scene jumping and bad wigs.
7. Lindsay really looked at home whenever she had a cigarette in her hands or a bottle of vodka to pull from. Method acting/her IRL behavior.

It is starting to feel gross making fun of Lindsay Lohan. This was the best she could do, and a pretty accurate view of why she was even filming a Lifetime movie in the first place. However, it is crucial to note that an equal amount of blame for this bad Lifetime movie should fall on the writers, producers and director. Regardless of the actors, Liz and Dick is a steaming pile all on its own without Lindsay’s wobbly star power to reel in the ratings.

Sidenote: gross, Danielle Fishel. Topanga has suddenly found her star reignited, so she made a spoof of Lindsay’s Liz on The Soup. It’s almost like making fun of Britney post head-shaving. Not cool bitch. Nobody was thinking of you a week ago, and now you’re shitting on a crazy actress with substance abuse problems who hits Floridan psychics?! Ugh, get off your Disney channel high horse you turd!