Celebrité: Amanda Bynes is getting annoying

Everyone knows Twitter is full of useless information: jokes about dying alone, endless/useless fights about politics and details about strangers’ day to day lives. But once in a while, some fairweathered tweet about a useless celebrity sets me on fire.

Amanda Bynes erratic behavior is becoming a bore

Image via People
Image via People

It’s sort of beating a dead horse at this point to say “Why do we CARE about these people?” Is it because our love lives are stale? Our cubicle is depressing? We don’t have enough interesting things going on it our lives? Probs a combination of the three and a BAJILLION others, but I digress.

My problem with this tweet, and most gossip columns tweeting about AB, is that her crazy weird behavior is something we care to know about. Wearing crazy wigs to court because she shaved her head to wear bad wigs? SHOW ME THE PIC. Mumbling to herself all over NYC? YOU GOT A SOUND CLIP? Throwing a vase/bong out of a high rise window? I LOVE GLASS CHIPS. Entering stores and locking herself in bathrooms to “apply makeup”? DAMN THAT GURL IS HIP. Sure, calling Drake ugly and everyone else ugly is kinda funny and entertaining. But seriously, what the hell is her game?

I will dissect this in three ways:

  • Amanda Bynes is having a mid life identity crisis. Not legit crazy, which would explain why she has never been held by a court for incompetence. It also explains why her friend Drake Bell (granted I don’t know anything about him besides he starred on her show “The Amanda Show” in the early 00’s) said in an interview with OK! magazine that “She’s a sweetheart. I had lunch with her yesterday, and she’s brilliant. She’s good, and she’s healthy.” Without actual mental issues, there’s little anyone can do just because she’s acting weird and rude.
  • She is uneducated and starved for attention. At least Joaquin Phoenix’s weird year was for art. Unless Amanda Bynes is writing a dissertation on the absurdity of post-modern media, or planning to compile a book of tweets that mirror modern life in the era of useless information, I’m gonna continue to think she’s acting out for attention.
  • She thinks acting erratically and getting media attention will bring her career back to life. She’s not wrong, which is even sadder commentary on modern American pop culture and how to be successful. Be a dick! Be crazy! People Love it!

No matter what, the Amanda Bynes news is getting old. Either she’s going to continue to spiral into even more erratic behavior for more and more media/twitter attention, resulting in who knows what, or the public is gonna get bored of her weak attempts at staying relevant. Only sweet time will tell whether our fave semi-crazy B is gonna take it too far or reign herself back in. Oy. Vey.

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Dayum! Kristen Stewart cheating pics, so much (alleged) tongue

Image via Usweekly.com

Scandalous!!!! But really? In a car? If I was followed constantly like her, it’s like almost wanting to get caught. Maybe she let him go down on her in a car to get caught and feel human, maybe come down from the millionairess-adored-by-billions-of-vampire-addicts cloud she sat on last week.

Or maybe it’s a feminist move, like “hey, women can cheat too!” Which is kinda bullshit that she’ll take more flack for this whole mess. Yes, she broke a sparkly, British vampire’s heart and is waaay more famous than this previously no name director. But Rupert Sanders has two kids and is MARRIED. That’s a lot larger of a bond to break with your dick than a girl in a relationship gettin’ it on with her clit. Truth!

Dayuuuuum he is dreamy. Sadsies all around. Image via fanpop.com

What a shitty situation for EVERYONE involved. Cheating never ends well. The cheaters always sound SO insincere when they apologize. Via People, Kristen released this statement:

“I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry.”

And from Rupert Sanders:

“I am utterly distraught about the pain I have caused my family,” Sanders tells PEOPLE in an exclusive statement. “My beautiful wife and heavenly children are all I have in this world. I love them with all my heart. I am praying that we can get through this together.”

I think I’ll write a song called “I Love Him, I Love Him (I’m So Sorry)”. Fucking gold. But really, it’s pointless to lambast either of them because people make mistakes. However, the affair/tryst/romp in the car happened last week, so who knows if it would have gone on for longer or not. It is, however, highly unfortunate that all of this had to be dealt with in the media. It’s embarrassing for everyone involved.

And now we wait for Robert Pattinson to comment. Come on! It’s been almost a whole day! (I’m so sorry)

While you’re at it, F me on Facebook

Celebrité: Robert Pattinson hates Perez Hilton

Image via robertpattinsonwho.com

“When I got this part, every single article that came out, was, ‘R-Patz’s struggle for credibility!’; I don’t understand who invented that thing, ‘R-Patz’, I want to strangle them.”- Robert Pattinson talking with The Guardian about his nickname and his new film Cosmopolis

Robert Pattinson HATES Perez Hilton, wants to strangle him

I swear Perez Hilton started it. He at least made it mondo popular.

This is both Perez’s dream and worst nightmare to be hated by a teen sensation Twilight cast member. On one hand, someone famous is talking about him. A real ‘dear diary’ moment. On the other, the famous person he creepily fantasizes about  adores say he hates the nickname he more than likely spawned for him. Ya can’t win ’em all, Perezy.

Gossip – Gawker

F me on Facebook

Alert the Pope: Rihanna unfollows Chris Brown on Twitter

Image via tmz.com

It’s exactly how it sounds. Rihanna has FINALLY come to her senses and unfollowed Chris Brown. Holy shit, breaking news. (so sad that our entertainment industry is so spotty that celebrity drama is like it’s own, real life show told through gossip bloggers in LA and magazines)

Thank you, Pope, for asking God for this miracle. We really owe you one. Image via polishamericancenter.org

After Chris Brown released a version of Kanye’s “Theraflu” in which he freestyles “Don’t f*ck with my old bitches / like a bad fur / every industry n*gga done had her.” WTF. Rihanna suspects it’s about her, because why wouldn’t it be she’s fuckingRihanna. Chris Brown is like the lowest life form imaginable. He beats the shit out of her, she forgives him and they remix songs together (and maybe some sex) and then she probably got bored and left him for good, spawning a tasteless verse in a remix of a Kanye song.

Is that gonna be a recurring plot? Like once a year someone gets salty at an ex in a remixed version of anything Kanye. Katy Perry would be first in line I bet.

Rihanna is becoming quite the leading lady in the tabloids. Unfollowing Chris Brown on Twitter is like the reality show star announcing a pregnancy. Those raggy mags are soaking up ALL the social media drama! What modern times!

Check it: Rihanna Unfollows Chris Brown on Twitter — You Finally Crossed the Line | TMZ.com.

Celebrité: Brad and Angelina have their own Downton Abbey

As I lay here, dying from Downton Abbey withdrawal (the clothes! the accents! the incest!), Brad and Angelina have obviously found a cure for their very own DA withdrawals. They’ve just purchased a 13 million dollar mansion in London called Whornes Place, presumably to live out their own sort of upstairs/downstairs drama while we all feverishly wait for season three of Downton Abbey (fuck you September!).

Can you imagine a Mr. Pamuk dying in the bedroom of an 18-year-old rebellious Zahara? Or Pax going off to valiantly fight the Germans? Will they have their very own Mr. Bates and Anna? Will Shiloh be the heart-on-her-sleeve modern version of Lady Sybil? Only time will tell folks, only time will tell.

All I know is Whornes Place would be the best show in the history of shows, ever. PLEEEEEEEASE BRANGELINA! They won’t do it because they’re all eloquent and shit. But maybe SNL could pick it up as a recurring skit. Or webisodes on Youtube. Someone’s gotta have enough free time. Yeah? YEAH?!