Is there nothing else an uncreative starlet can think of, other than a Marilyn Monroe tribute?
True, we all have a soft spot for Marilyn, whether it be Andy Warhol’s iconic Marilyn pop art, her movies or her unique persona + bod. People love her. They always will! But our sweet Marilyn is not the problem.
Kate Upton, how original! Image via hollywoodtuna.com
It is absurd how many semi-stars choose to do a Marilyn Monroe-inspired photo shoot. It’s so boring! Marilyn Monroe anything has been more than overdone. I’m talking Rayban Wayfayer overdone here. It’s not an exciting or artistic tribute shoot to do anymore, so why are so many fame hungry gals so eager to don a Marilyn wig and take their clothes off?
Also, shame on the art directors and photographers for not being more creative. Has art really hit a dead end or what? Get with it, turds!
Celebrity Marilyn Monroe photo shoots
You’ve probably lost count over how many times Lohan has put on a blonde wig and taken her top off. I think the count is at 3 now: 2008 New York Magazine, 2009 Vogue España, and Playboy in 2011. She’ll probably have 3 more Marilyn shoots this year for Dog Fancy magazine, vogueknitting.com and West London High’s critically acclaimed high school newspaper, The Shepard’s Pie.
Kate Upton just did a Marilyn Monroe-inspired nude photo shoot for Muse magazine. Bleg. What do you expect from a Sports Illustrated model though, really. They all can’t be as amazing as Heidi Klum!
Image via novafm.com.au
Courtney Stodden, everyone’s favorite child bride thrust into the dirty, tabloid spotlight, also did a Marilyn shoot. Cringe.
Scarlett Johansson has been compared to Monroe a lot because they look alike. So Johansson has done some photo shoots that either are an homage to Monroe or a coincidence because they are blonde and curvy. I’m gonna go with homage.
Michelle Williams’ portrayal of Marilyn in mags and appearances is understandable and encouraged. She starred in the critical darling film My Week With Marilynand did Marilyn-esque photo shoots to promote the film. This is acceptable Marilyn behavior!
Blake Lively portrayed Marilyn Monroe in Gossip Girl’s 100th episode.
However, NBC’s new show, Smash, is about a Marilyn musical on broadway. So we get to see Katharine McPhee and others dress up as Marilyn as well. I do enjoy the show, but even more Monroe exposure is just about insane.
Can we get another tragic, or better yet non-tragic old hollywood starlet to pay homage to? What about Katharine Hepburn, Bette Davis or Elizabeth Taylor? We need to give Marilyn a break, ladies. PLEEEEEEASE!!!!!!!
There she is again! Image via be.comMichelle as Marilyn, totally cool. Image via gazete5.comBAH! Stop it!!!!! Image via usmagazine.comLindsay, you REALLY need a new photo shoot concept. Please. Image via vogue.es
I’m still upset over the recent Chris Brown and Rihanna collaborations. Mostly because I’m so confused by it. I’m still annoyed over douchebag things past boyfriends have said to me, so I just can’t get wrapped around the idea that not only has Rihanna “proven to be over it,” but that she was the one who actively sought out the collabo.
And what the fuck, Perez! Perezhilton.com seems to be all for the reunion calling it “genius.” You’re a fucking asshole, Perez. I take back my positive ‘On the fence’ score. You suck!
Making peace with the situation and the man who beat her violently is understandable, but working with him and inviting him to sing “Girl I wanna fuck you right now. Been a long time, I’ve been missing you body!” on your record is so literally crazy. Responding with “Remember how you did it? Remember how you fit it? If you still wanna kiss it, come, come and get it.” WHAT THE WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
GO BACK TO DRAKE. Good, talented people are way more attractive than self-important pieces of shit with anger issues. Image via justjared.buzznet.com
Is this Rihanna’s rock-bottom, self-loathing sexual fulfillment or some serious self-destruction?
On top of that, there is speculation that they are hooking up while Brown is in an open relationship with some other shitty person who can only be described as “that idiot” who would date Chris Brown. Why would ANYONE date him?!?! Oh yeah, money and being photographed. Sadsies!
It seems like a sick and twisted ploy for attention/publicity. Lame! If you wanna get back with the man who beat you violently, do it out of the public eye for pete’s sake! It is seriously heartbreakingly disappointing to witness such a talented woman invite this man back into her life.
Take a walk down Chris Brown and Rihanna’s memory lane here.
“Though he has no medical training, and no business commenting on the medical decisions that women and their doctors make, he argues that such tests shouldn’t be provided, or that employers at least should be allowed to opt out of paying for them on ‘moral grounds.'”
Yeah, what the hell is up with Santorum and his opinions on sex, women, abortions and medical issues he has absolutely no degree in? He has never studied medicine. A government leader should not bring these topics up as American issues based on solely their religious beliefs. Being a Christian (insert any belief system here) does not make you and your religious opinions better than knowing actual science. It’s all sorts of wrong. He’s supposed to run a government, not our uteruses nor our lives. Why do these fart faces get attention? Seriously! This is the best republicans could come up with?
Obama is SO getting a second term if this is the turd he’s up against. WHAT ABOUT THE ECONOMY AND FOREIGN POLICIES, SANTORUM?! HMM? Are you the maler, more Christian, less gun-ny and more uterus-obsessed Sarah Palin? Quick, where’s Russia!!!! Seriously, all he talks about is uteruses and how much he hates the people around them and loves the fetuses inside them.
Fetus Fetish: The Rick Santorum Story.
Santorum, stay outta my sex life and uterus (this is a way disgusting sentence). Jesus!
We all know how not having full time employment, or any employment at all, can allow for a whole lot of nothing to do. At one point in your life this probably seemed like an amazing concept: Sleep in until 11, watch What Not to Wearand then quickly change it before the dreadfulBaby Storycomes on, eat lunch, look at yourself in the mirror, watch Netflix, see your parents get home from work, consider working out but don’t, eat and then go to bed.
However, the humdrum routine of absolute freedom and having nowhere to be and nothing on your to-do list can have its downsides. Back aches from sitting around, a gut from eating all day and being a huge bum are only a few of the less glamorous sides of unemployment. While you’re hanging in employment limbo, try out some of these amazing activities to get you off the couch and doing… anything else.
Watch Netflix foreign language films
El hombre maravilloso, Gael Garcia Bernal, habla español. Así que tu deberías hablar español también!! Think of the cute babies you could have. Image via rubyssecrets.blogspot.com
Hopefully you went to a high school, college or university that required second language study. Netflix has a fair amount of films in foreign languages on instant and an even larger selection for their mail-home DVDs. Sometimes the instant movies are already dubbed over in English, which is a huge drag. But the DVDs should have subtitle and audio options.
You can even get into a telenovela on Telemundo or whatever Spanish channels are available around you. They are so ridiculous and awesomely bad. Just think: Once you master your foreign language, you could be talking to men who look like Gael Garcia Bernal. Yeah. Get on it.
That could be you: Meditating for peace and job interviews. Image via organicsoul.com
Work out
There is absolutely no excuse to not workout if you’re under or unemployed. Not only will it keep your body looking good, you’ll feel better mentally and physically, which can definitely help your job hunt. Plus, exercise will help your focus and give you more energy and confidence in applications and interviews.
My favorite free yoga podcast is Yogamazing with a nice yogi named Chaz. You can download or watch them for free here or find the yogamazing podcasts through iTunes.
Invent something for incredibly lazy people
Maybe this is the time to create that invention you thought of when you were stoned freshman year. I’m pretty sure the Snuggie was invented by huge stoners whose arms kept getting cold when they reached for snacks or the remote. If you make something to make lazy people’s lives easier, they will buy it. That is a fact.
Volunteer
PUPPIES!!!!!! Image via hercampus.com
Volunteering can help your job hunt mucho. It gives you something to pour some energy into every week as well as being a great, philanthropic addition to your resume. Try to pick a volunteer position that you’re interested in. There are volunteer dog walkers in many cities at dog shelters, volunteer English language positions at many community centers, homework help for kids and teens, etc. You’ll have somewhere to go each week with the added bonus of building a network and good references.
Learn how to cook
If you’re living back at home with good ol’ ma and pa, this is the best time ever to learn how to cook. Tell them you’ll do all the grocery shopping and cooking (on their dime of course). This way you’re picking up a major part of running the household, groceries and cooking, as well as cooking what you want to learn with a little parental guidance nearby. Pick up a bottle of wine to sip on while cooking and get your iPod out; it makes cooking WAY more fun!
You could be in an attractive study group like this one. Image via film.com
Take a class
If you’re like me and studied something liberal artsy and then watched the economy collapse, leaving you no where to turn except free internship work, then it’s probably a good idea to take a class. You could go the take-something-you-like route, like medieval basket weaving, or something that will actually get you a job, like web development. Check out your local community college for offered classes, so you can take a class on the cheap AND pretend you’re a character in Community. Win-win.
Library
Remember all those books you wanted to read when you got older? That time is definitely now. And if you haven’t read The Hunger Games or Harry Potter yet, you are an alien and probably can’t get a library card without an address on Earth. But for real, reading is a great thing to do during un or underemployment. Plus it’s free at the library, which sadly some people probably don’t even know.
PS doesn’t it sadden you to no end when you hear people say they hate reading? It’s equal to saying they hate puppies.
Laundry
Yeah, laundry sounds lame. Until you get to the dryer part. Putting on warm pants is probably the best thing ever.
The main thing to do while sitting un or underemployed is to STAY BUSY. Especially in an economy like this, where the employer has their pick of the educated litter, it’s best to keep adding substantial things to your brain and/or resume. Who knows, maybe you’ll meet your future boss in a yoga class. Better yet, you’ll have a genius, million-dollar idea while trying on pants straight from the dryer. You never know! Just keep moving.
Can there be a version of Angry Birds where they only attack Chris Brown in various places of relaxation and enjoyment? That would definitely be 99 cents well spent.
Mandatory hugs at 4:00 pm and am every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday
The Veronica Mars movie will finally be made
Ice and Coco, America’s first presidential couple. Image via celebritywonder.ugo.com
Ice and Coco
Coco and Ice-T would be the PERFECT pair for the presidency. Ice would be the harder, tough love business side of politics, and Coco would have the tender heart and ass-pics to keep us all entertained.
Probable political stances
Law and Order SVU syndicate profits go to underdeveloped areas and at-risk kids in the US
Coco teaches us all how to be sweeter and sexier
Strong, monogamous relationships are encouraged and warrant tax breaks
Can you imagine the drama they would have in the White House?! The Dowager Countess’ soundbites would totally be better than Khloe’s, Mary would sleep with and then kill all foreign adversaries, and Isobel would definitely give us all universal healthcare.
Probable political stancesYesyesyesyes. Image via fanpop.com
Tea time
Anyone can marry their cousin if an inheritance is tied up with gender
Everyone must dress for dinner
Donald Trump and his new money cronies would be sent to Azkaban
Meat Cat from 30 Rock
Probable political stances
Cheesy blasters for school lunches
Sunglasses and skateboards required to be in public
What a beautiful classic. Image via misstoptenimage.blogspot.com
Ahhhh, Netflix instant. Many a nightcap and rainy day spent in front of the computer or Xbox watching Netflix.
One of the best parts of being an underemployed 20 something gal is delving into the arts. And yes, Netflix counts as delving into the arts. Call them films, if that makes you feel artier, or cinéma if you’re pretty annoying.
It can sometimes prove daunting and a huge waste of time to click your way through most of the crap that gets put on Netflix. So in order to indulge your lazy butt, I’ve compiled my favorite Netflix selections for your ease and enjoyment.
Favorite Movies
LOVE this movie so much. Image via iwannawatch.net
2 Days in Paris is one of my favorite movies. A lovebird vacation gone awry, but not in a lame, slapstick predictable way. Written, directed and starred in by the amazing Julie Delpy. Adam Goldberg plays her boyfriend, an American interior decorator dealing with meeting his foreign girlfriend’s parents. Goldberg’s character keeps learning new things about Delpy, especially her past sex life and her extreme closeness with her parents.
Breakfast at Tiffany’sis one of those classic movies that you always hear about but may have never seen. Watch it. It’s a great glimpse into not really wanting to work or have a real job, but in the 60s with great clothes, no cell phones and lots of cigarettes.
Louis C.K. Chewed Upis hilarious. Great stand up comedian who I have a crush on in a ginger, balding, 40something comedian sort of way.
Eagle vs. Sharkis an awkward and weird love story from New Zealand. Think Napoleon Dynamite meets 20 something nerdy love.
Howl’s Moving Castleis an instant, instant favorite the second you watch it. It’s a Hayao Miyazaki anime film with a beautiful and creative storyline. Based on a Japanese fantasy novel, it includes witches, flying castles and a oddly sweet love story. A wondrous fairy-tale for everyone.
Favorite TV
Downton AbbeyDuh! A PBS mini series chronicling the upperclass elite, yet oddly kindhearted Crawley family and their servants. Both upstairs and downstairs have an equal amount of drama that ranges from the Titanic’s sinking in 1912 through World War I up to 1920 when season two finishes. Season one is all that’s available on Netflix now, but you can still catch some season 2 episodes at PBS.com! Lucky you.
Don't you just love those manipulating, schemy little faces?! Image via backseatcuddler.com
Arrested DevelopmentOh God. So many memorable quotes and episodes from the Bluth family. Once in a while I’ll meet a person who hasn’t seenArrested Development yet. If that is you, you’re welcome and start watching NOW!
Parks and Recreation/30 RockI decided to put these two shows together because they are THAT GOOD. Both SNL alums Amy Poehler and Tina Fey shine in their respective NBC shows. Poehler plays Leslie Knope, a parks and rec lady who loves her town and parks more than anything. And Tina Fey’s Liz Lemon is the weirdo single gal/guy living inside us all who hates working out and loves philly cheese steaks. Perfection in both shows with amazing casts and even more amazing writing.
CheersIt’s impossible for me to even think about Cheers without hearing the theme song. “Where everybody knows your na-a-ame (bum bum bum!)” Friends, love and life at the neighborhood bar. And a young Ted Danson. Need I say more?
CouplingThe pilot episode is one of the best written pilots I’ve ever seen in my life. Think a raunchier Friends with way more sex, swearing and yes, coupling.
So many bad decisions. Yet so much fun! Image via netflix.com
The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd MargaretThis show is absolutely hilarious. Todd Margaret is a deprecated, sad, pathetic American man who moves to England to try and sell toxic energy drinks. Todd Margaret- you guessed it!- makes increasingly poor decisions. The title sets up the show perfectly. Sometimes I feel so bad for characters with bad luck that I can’t watch the shows. But when it’s laid out so wonderfully in the title, you can sit back with ease and watch the beautiful shit storm happen.
Also, check out Lost (best show ever!), Workaholics, Party Down, United States of Tara, America’s Funniest Home Videos, Anthony Bourdain No Reservations, Never Been Kissed, Shutter Island
Guilty Pleasures
Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Hoarders, Intervention, Gossip Girl, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, The City