Well not really, but they totally should. Then that show would be worth watching for a change, instead of Tyra only taking in the sweet yet bitter aging qualities of her own farts.
Tyra sucks anyways. When has that show EVER produced a top model? They should call it “America’s Next Top Former Model Becomes TV Host to Berate Young Aspiring Women Because She Doesn’t Have Anything Better To Do (And No Other Talents).” I’ve seen one former ANTM girl doing a tampon commercial or something equally as meh and that’s about it. This show producing nothing but wafts of bullshit from Tyra and billowing clouds of ego from her shitty panel.
Remember on the television gem that was "Tyra" when Tyra always went undercover as a fat person or homeless, but it just turned into a photo shoot?! She so cray! Image via trojantopher.wordpress.com
And Kelly Cutrone is a bitch. Maybe being a huge bitch makes you good at your job, but there are ways to not be a huge ‘C you next Tuesday’. People are not assholes everyday in everything that they do. What a concept! To be nice. Oh, Hollywood types. Always trying to make a kerfuffle out of bupkis.
When Cutrone said “Ok I’m done talking to you now” after Louise said she was rude to her, is fucking hilarious. You can tell people working with Cutrone have been eating up all her sharts for the better part of forever. Get real Cutrone. You suck.
Way to go, Louise. You’re better than ANTM anyways. In fact, you’ll probably be way more famous because you didn’t take their bad career advice that doesn’t get anyone anywhere ever.
I would SO watch this show. Image via theurbandaily.com
Lindsay Lohan didn’t quite have the comeback moment she desired this past SNL Saturday. The sketches were awkward, she had a few bumps along the way with the cards and skits, and they totally should have but didn’t bring back Rachel Dratch for her infamous “Debbie Downer” sketch. The most memorable one was with Ms. Lohan and brings tears to your eyes because it is that good.
The only really, really good sketch with Linds was the Real Housewives of Disney. Sleeping beauty is a drunk and a floozy, Jasmine confesses to doing it with Iago because he “sounded like Aladdin”, and Belle is married to another Beast, Kelsey Grammar.
Is Kristen Wiig just the best woman alive? I admire so many ladies that hail from Saturday Night Live. They are really kicking ass and taking names. Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph (LUV HER) and Kristin Wiig are tearing it up everywhere they go and every project they do. They are so effortlessly funny, smart and cool. Definitely entertainers/writers that I look up to, and hopefully other females and males do too. Bridesmaids, Mean Girls, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Up All Night? These ladies rock so hard.
The album art for Santigold’s new album, Master of My Make-Believe, has been released, as well as a release date for the new album which is out May 1. YAY! In the meantime, check out the video for “Disparate Youth.” Sweet outfits, locale and song!!!
YES. Clarissa as a rock star. I thought this day would never come. Image via avclub.com
THIS IS REAL PEOPLE.
Apparently Melissa Joan Hart as Clarissa from the 90s darling show Clarissa Explains it AllRECORDED A ROCK ALBUM. This shit is so fucking awesome. This is the legitimately coolest kid/teen album I’ve ever heard. A hip lead singer, bass, guitar and drums. It’s annoying tween problems like stupid little brothers (we’re looking at you, Ferguson) and a longform version of the famous “na na na” theme song.
The coolest part is you can absolutely picture Clarissa singing and performing in a garage. Oh if only there were a VHS that was unreleased as well. That would make my YEAR.
I’m dying!!!!!!
I’m instantly 8 years old again. With a leather jacket on, a candy cigarette and dancing in my room to a brand new CD. Seriously amazing.
If this photo isn’t a warning to all young girls who “want to party” and think they’re still gonna look grat after years of substance and alcohol abuse, then I don’t know what is.
Linds! No more plastic surgery, pleeeeease. Being an actress, you need your face to move. Expressions come off less when your face can’t move or when it’s super bloaty from Juvaderm or whatever other creepy thing Hollywood has to offer as skin fillers. Gross! Doesn’t skin filler sound like something they’d put in chicken nuggets?
LL is hosting SNL tomorrow night, March 3. She reportedly badgered Lorne Michaels into letting her do the show. Oh boy. Let’s see if this is awkward self-deprication or just plain awkward. We’ve all tried to be hopeful about a Lindsay comeback for like 5 years, so we’ll believe it when we see it. Either way, we wish her good luck, right?!
This is my least favorite Perry look. No more short hair please! You're such a doll with long long long locks. Image via heart.co.uk
I’ve never been a huge fan of Katy Perry.
When Katy Perry hit it big, I was studying abroad and drinking caipirinhas in Brazil. Fresh off of sophomore year of college, I could just imagine all the girls who hang out at frat parties making out to Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” for attention and free drinks they would have gotten for free anyways because they are girls talking to shitty frat boy people.
Anyways, a friend of mine once pointed out that “I Kissed a Girl” brought Perry to the beginning of fame, but she neglected to speak out on behalf of gay rights after she used lesbianism to shoot her to the top. Gross, KP. What else puts Katy Perry on the fence? Let’s examine.
The Evidence
Get your roots done, gurl! You aren't a poor 20 something! Image via blog.lockandmane.com
Katy has never been one for good style. She wears outlandish getups and has crazy hair, but when it comes to fashion she has none. I can’t tell if she’s just trying to keep up with Lady Gaga, but honey please. You ain’t Lady Gaga. -5
At least she isn’t trying to be Gaga. She’s smart enough to leave all the Gaga-esque things to our lady of Gaga. +2
Vapid song choice and writing makes for pretty shallow albums. She kissed girls, noticed that boys can be hot’n’cold and that california girls are better than everyone else. We know pop music is known for it’s shallow yet good sounding songs, but good God. Madonna, the Queen of Pop, never sounded this stupid. And once Gaga hit the scene, I thought everyone would step up the songwriting a little. I guess not. -3
However, she does know how to make pop songs that people will buy and eat eat eat all up. That takes some smarts, no matter how dumb the songs are. People buy them, and music is a business, right? +3
More times than not, she has awful fucking hair. Just bad bad bad. The colored bob with roots is just bad. You have money, you should have the best hair! -2
She married Russell Brand, and then a year later got divorced, lending to the ever growing number of celebrity quickie marriage and divorces. Boo! Yes, people sometimes make mistakes. But especially in Hollywood with so many crazy, global work schedules, you’d think they’d have some kind of marriage counseling for stars to warn them of the hardships of a traveling marriage. New reality show? -1
Please don't let Rihanna help you date! Image via jenniferbrix.com
I’ve never seen a truly breathtaking live performance. She always has a lot of big and bold fruits and candies flying around, but in terms of “Holy shit, that was the best performance ever”, that has never once happened during a Katy Perry concert. -4
Her best friend is Rihanna. And Rihanna is reportedly trying to find her a new man. Oh boy. Run, Katy, RUN!!!!! 0
Her songs ARE fun to dance too after like 3 vodka Redbulls, and they are also good workout music. +5
“E.T.” sounds exactly like T.A.T.U.’s “All The Things She Said.” Don’t rip off the Russians, Katy. You never know what kind of vodka potato guns they’ll shoot at you at European music awards. -1
It’s being reported that her next album will be a return to her “roots,” both follicle-y and musically speaking. She said “I’ve always just been me and my guitar; and I’m not saying I’m going to make that record, but I do want to get back to my roots. I’ve been changing my hair color too much!” Oh the puns! And the record execs would never let her make a just her and her guitar album, because we’d be yawing 2 minutes in. But good for her for having goals! +1
The Score
-5
Katy Perry is on the top of the Pop charts at every turn of the corner. There’s no doubt that she’s solidified her presence in the oftentimes superficial arena of pop music. But will she ever get a little more artistic than ripping off Russians and dancing around with candy glued to her chest? Only time will tell!
I don’t know why, but sometime this weekend, probably a couple drinks in, I thought about Fergie. It was probably the vodka Redbull talking, but I really began missing Fergie’s solo career.
Image via Rolling Stone
Remember in 2006 when it was really fun to get drunk “London Bridge” and dance like hussies? I miss that.
Fergie’s solo music was woman-powered, “go down on me bitch”-esque much like Rihanna circa now. But without the sadistic overtones of collabing with the shittiest of shitty ex-boyfriends. Ferg’s was more akin to “I’m hot, but I’m no slut, and I will dance a dress however I please.” YES YES YES.
Maybe all this Fergie nostalgia is coming from way too much Katy Perry-like boob and blah exposure. I want a pop woman owns her sexuality and who tells men what’s up, instead of a 26 year old “girl” singing about high school relationships with the boys that got away. Blegh. Britney did that like a fucking decade ago, Perry. Next!
Unfortunately, at the Grammys Fergie said she wanted to take a year off, since she had been touring and doing things with the Black Eyed Peas for the last couple of years. Boo! Get going on a solo album Ferg, we miss you and your woman power.
A little walk down memory lane for all you Fergalicious fiends out there. Remember what it’s like to dance like a huss and OWN it!!
Her third-THIRD!!!!- Oscar award for Best Actress. This lady is all over amazing. I dream of being half as good as she as at her profession and passion. So, 1.5 Oscars for me would do.
The OSCARS!!!! I love the glamour, the excitement and the true stars with talent gracing our television screens for their work on the big screen. The majority of the time, entertainment gets so wrapped up in trashy reality shows and socialite sex tapes. But tonight, the true entertainers get recognized for their work in the greatest films of the past year. Congratulations to all of the nominees, I wish all of you could win.
A HUGE perk of the Oscars is the red carpet. George Clooney in a bowtie? Yes please! Björk in a swan dress, amazing. The Oscars is as much an awards show for film as it is a fashion show. The best dresses in the world, and unfortunately some of the worst, are on display for the world to drool over on the red carpet. Let’s see how our favorite film stars fashioned this year, and who’s stylists are getting fired tomorrow!
***Hits, misses and hot messes of Oscar fashion 2012***
Hit: Jessica Chastain in McQueen
Beautiful colors. The top of the dress looks like a regal, fantasy corset dripping in gold. The dress looks really great with her skin tone, and her hair is perfect for this dress. Win!!!!
Image via celebuzz.com
Hit: George Clooney and Stacy Keibler
Ahh, the golden couple. They look fabulous. I imagine it can be hard to dress as a couple, but holy moly! They look all sorts of hollywood glamour with happy smiles on their faces. Stacy’s dress alone would be a little too much 80s homecoming queen, but paired with Clooney’s amazing suit, the look WORKS and they just look fabulous together. Keibler even tweeted that she feels like shes going to prom!
Image via celebuzz.com
Hit: Jonah Hill
LOVE Jonah Hill’s all black tuxedo and side part. Perfection!
Image via tmz.com
Hit: Rooney Mara in Givenchy
Meh. Her red carpet interview was boring, which kind of ruined looking at her dress. But after examining via photo, I like that she’s wearing a white dress. It’s a change up from the dark persona she’s adopted throughout the promotion of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. The dress really looks like a vintage futuristic piece that mimics a rib cage. Super interesante.
Image via celebuzz.com
Hit: Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton
First, what a beautiful color. Coraly-red amazingness.Vibrant and different than a lot more muted colors that seem to be associated with Oscars fashion. The peplum dress is soooooooooo perfect, elegant and fun for her. I just wanna stare at this dress, it’s that beautiful. Showstopper, just like Marilyn.
Image via celebuzz.com
Hit: Octavia Spencer
Octavia Spencer looks amazing in this dress. The dress is beautiful with intricate beadwork and a perfect shape. Stunning.
Image via celebuzz.com
Hit: Tina Fey in Carolina Herrera
This is probably the best Tina Fey has ever looked on a red carpet. Another peplum dress that simply stuns so well. Custom-made for Tina Fey too. Work it, gal!
Image via celebuzz.com
Hit: Jean Dujardin
Handsome. SO SO SO handsome. I want to crawl up his face and kiss him forever. Le sigh!!! The bowtie is all over the place for the Oscars. But there’s just something about Dujardin that makes it so much better.
Image via celebuzz.com
Hit: Meryl Streep
Meryl Streep, goddess. This gold, sparkly dress is absolutely fantastic. How can you not describe all of the Oscars dresses as glamourous?! This one takes the cake.
Image via dailymail.co.uk
Miss: Sarah Hyland in Alberto Ferretti
I am SO not a fan of this dress. The different straps look messy and cheap. Definitely a dress you could find at some discount prom store. Come on, Sarah! Fire your stylist. Or get one.
Image via celebuzz.com
Miss: Viola Davis
I do not like this dress, which is weird because I think she looks good. Her hair color looks amazing contrasted with the dress. However, the color of the dress reminds me of children’s bright, playroom carpet, and the changing textures throughout the dress are sort of reptilian and frighten me. Eeek!
Image via celebuzz.com
Miss: Natalie Portman in Vintage Christian Dior
I hate saying Natalie Portman is a miss. Because she looks fucking great. It’s just the polka dots on the dress that I despise for a red carpet event like the Oscars. I love love love the necklace, jewels, hair and color of the dress. She looks like perfect hollywood glam-from the neck up. However this dress would be better for something like a movie premiere. She still looks so, so stunning despite the polka dots. I can’t get over the polka dots.
Miss: Emma Stone
Yes, the bow is definitely overkill. The dress isn’t that bad itself. The color is nice and the fit is good. The bow does her in!
Hot Mess: Sasha Baron Cohen as the Dictator
Jerkface! Showing up to the Oscars and spilling Bisquick on Ryan Seacrest. What an annoying marketing ploy for his new and probably not that great movie The Dictator if it’s anything like Bruno. I can get behind lapels and military-inspired design, but this is so over the top and unsavory. Can’t we have one, glamourous night without turds?
Image via eonline.com
Overall, the dresses and outfits were glamourous and a lot of stars looked really beautiful. None of the looks are amazing-amazing, though. Not quite disappointing, lots of great color, but no dresses that will really have people talking. Where’s Björk when you need her?!
2PF 