Well not really, but they totally should. Then that show would be worth watching for a change, instead of Tyra only taking in the sweet yet bitter aging qualities of her own farts.
Tyra sucks anyways. When has that show EVER produced a top model? They should call it “America’s Next Top Former Model Becomes TV Host to Berate Young Aspiring Women Because She Doesn’t Have Anything Better To Do (And No Other Talents).” I’ve seen one former ANTM girl doing a tampon commercial or something equally as meh and that’s about it. This show producing nothing but wafts of bullshit from Tyra and billowing clouds of ego from her shitty panel.
Remember on the television gem that was "Tyra" when Tyra always went undercover as a fat person or homeless, but it just turned into a photo shoot?! She so cray! Image via trojantopher.wordpress.com
And Kelly Cutrone is a bitch. Maybe being a huge bitch makes you good at your job, but there are ways to not be a huge ‘C you next Tuesday’. People are not assholes everyday in everything that they do. What a concept! To be nice. Oh, Hollywood types. Always trying to make a kerfuffle out of bupkis.
When Cutrone said “Ok I’m done talking to you now” after Louise said she was rude to her, is fucking hilarious. You can tell people working with Cutrone have been eating up all her sharts for the better part of forever. Get real Cutrone. You suck.
Way to go, Louise. You’re better than ANTM anyways. In fact, you’ll probably be way more famous because you didn’t take their bad career advice that doesn’t get anyone anywhere ever.
I would SO watch this show. Image via theurbandaily.com
Lindsay Lohan didn’t quite have the comeback moment she desired this past SNL Saturday. The sketches were awkward, she had a few bumps along the way with the cards and skits, and they totally should have but didn’t bring back Rachel Dratch for her infamous “Debbie Downer” sketch. The most memorable one was with Ms. Lohan and brings tears to your eyes because it is that good.
The only really, really good sketch with Linds was the Real Housewives of Disney. Sleeping beauty is a drunk and a floozy, Jasmine confesses to doing it with Iago because he “sounded like Aladdin”, and Belle is married to another Beast, Kelsey Grammar.
Is Kristen Wiig just the best woman alive? I admire so many ladies that hail from Saturday Night Live. They are really kicking ass and taking names. Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph (LUV HER) and Kristin Wiig are tearing it up everywhere they go and every project they do. They are so effortlessly funny, smart and cool. Definitely entertainers/writers that I look up to, and hopefully other females and males do too. Bridesmaids, Mean Girls, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Up All Night? These ladies rock so hard.
If this photo isn’t a warning to all young girls who “want to party” and think they’re still gonna look grat after years of substance and alcohol abuse, then I don’t know what is.
Linds! No more plastic surgery, pleeeeease. Being an actress, you need your face to move. Expressions come off less when your face can’t move or when it’s super bloaty from Juvaderm or whatever other creepy thing Hollywood has to offer as skin fillers. Gross! Doesn’t skin filler sound like something they’d put in chicken nuggets?
LL is hosting SNL tomorrow night, March 3. She reportedly badgered Lorne Michaels into letting her do the show. Oh boy. Let’s see if this is awkward self-deprication or just plain awkward. We’ve all tried to be hopeful about a Lindsay comeback for like 5 years, so we’ll believe it when we see it. Either way, we wish her good luck, right?!
It seems as though we’ve grown up with Ryan Seacrest. He’s been on our television screens since the first days of competitive televisión singing with his hosting gig on American Idol. Then he took a foray into radio with his own radio show (that is currently broadcasted throughout the US and Canada), and now he’s a producer for many shows on E! Our little Seacrest certainly has his teeny self into what seems like every hosting and television production on TV. Let’s examine Seacrest, and see how he fares on the fence.
Ahh, those were the days. Anyone remember “From Justin to Kelly”? hahaha. I miss our good economy. Image via nj.com
The Evidence
He started out hosting American Idol in 2002 with a guy named Brian Dunkleman. However, after the first season, Dunkleman quit due to the alleged terrible treatment of the hopeful contestants. He also said that the producers of American Idol would give the judges glycerin tears to make them look sympathetic and moved. However, Ryan stuck it out and made millions from doing what they do in show biz. Sorry Dunkleman, morals don’t exist in Hollywood. Didn’t you know that?! +3
“Seacrest out.” I hate it, but I love it. 0
He “feuded” with Simon a lot on American Idol, and maybe still does, but I haven’t seen that show since Jennifer Hudson got kicked off. Anyways, it was entertaining to see a short blonde, bleached-tooth host of a guy get in nit-picky fights with a saucy brit. The guy knows how to entertain. +2
He always compliments his girlfriend Julianne Hough when she’s on the red carpet and he’s interviewing celebs. Awwwww. +1
They are perfectly sized for each other. Image via dailymail.co.uk
Seacrest fucking WORKS. Network producer. Host of seriously anything that’s happening in Hollywood. American Idol. E!. Radio show producer and host (he took over for Casey Kasem for the top 40 countdown as well as Rick Dees). Produces lots of reality shows on E! like the Kardashians. I respect anyone working 5+ jobs. Holy shit, this guy is a media megastar. +5
He always keeps the conversation flowing with any celebrity he’s speaking with. Even if they are super boring, nervous or fucked up on drugs, he knows what to do. He even took getting ashed on by Sacha Baron Cohen like a champ, and will use the media coverage of it for promotional needs. +1
He’s so obsessed with clean teeth and fresh breath, that he paired up with Crest and Scope to help children with mouth deformities. What a specific charity! And a nice guy. +5
He parodied himself in Knocked Up. Good for him. A sense of humor is always a good thing. +3
This explains everything. You’re gonna be a star, kid. You just wait. Image via usmagazine.com
Seacrest will know what dress you’re wearing before you walk up to him on the red carpet. He knows everything. A straight guy into fashion? Yes please. +2
The Score
22
Ok, I fucking love Ryan Seacrest and I’m not on the fence about him at all. Which I feel weird about, because I don’t know anyone who thinks anything about Ryan Seacrest. But I can’t find anything wrong with him. But really. He’s such a moot point, but he’s everywhere you look. I also think he gets looked over for cuteness because he’s short (Shortys need luv 2) and he’s Ryan Seacrest. You know?
He’s managed to be involved in so many gigantic projects in television, he has the most amazing jobs in media and is always a professional. In this day and age a guy with a job, let alone 5 that pay him millions upon millions, is something to look up to. Good goin, Seacrest. I’m not embarrassed that I think you’re fantastic. I think.
Either right before or after SBC dumped Bisquick/Kim Jong Il’s “ashes” on Ryan Seacrest. Classless! Come on, SBC, it’s the Oscars. One of the ONLY classy nights in Hollywood. Leave the shenanigans for the Golden Globes, jerk!
Mandatory hugs at 4:00 pm and am every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday
The Veronica Mars movie will finally be made
Ice and Coco, America’s first presidential couple. Image via celebritywonder.ugo.com
Ice and Coco
Coco and Ice-T would be the PERFECT pair for the presidency. Ice would be the harder, tough love business side of politics, and Coco would have the tender heart and ass-pics to keep us all entertained.
Probable political stances
Law and Order SVU syndicate profits go to underdeveloped areas and at-risk kids in the US
Coco teaches us all how to be sweeter and sexier
Strong, monogamous relationships are encouraged and warrant tax breaks
Can you imagine the drama they would have in the White House?! The Dowager Countess’ soundbites would totally be better than Khloe’s, Mary would sleep with and then kill all foreign adversaries, and Isobel would definitely give us all universal healthcare.
Probable political stancesYesyesyesyes. Image via fanpop.com
Tea time
Anyone can marry their cousin if an inheritance is tied up with gender
Everyone must dress for dinner
Donald Trump and his new money cronies would be sent to Azkaban
Meat Cat from 30 Rock
Probable political stances
Cheesy blasters for school lunches
Sunglasses and skateboards required to be in public
What a beautiful classic. Image via misstoptenimage.blogspot.com
Ahhhh, Netflix instant. Many a nightcap and rainy day spent in front of the computer or Xbox watching Netflix.
One of the best parts of being an underemployed 20 something gal is delving into the arts. And yes, Netflix counts as delving into the arts. Call them films, if that makes you feel artier, or cinéma if you’re pretty annoying.
It can sometimes prove daunting and a huge waste of time to click your way through most of the crap that gets put on Netflix. So in order to indulge your lazy butt, I’ve compiled my favorite Netflix selections for your ease and enjoyment.
Favorite Movies
LOVE this movie so much. Image via iwannawatch.net
2 Days in Paris is one of my favorite movies. A lovebird vacation gone awry, but not in a lame, slapstick predictable way. Written, directed and starred in by the amazing Julie Delpy. Adam Goldberg plays her boyfriend, an American interior decorator dealing with meeting his foreign girlfriend’s parents. Goldberg’s character keeps learning new things about Delpy, especially her past sex life and her extreme closeness with her parents.
Breakfast at Tiffany’sis one of those classic movies that you always hear about but may have never seen. Watch it. It’s a great glimpse into not really wanting to work or have a real job, but in the 60s with great clothes, no cell phones and lots of cigarettes.
Louis C.K. Chewed Upis hilarious. Great stand up comedian who I have a crush on in a ginger, balding, 40something comedian sort of way.
Eagle vs. Sharkis an awkward and weird love story from New Zealand. Think Napoleon Dynamite meets 20 something nerdy love.
Howl’s Moving Castleis an instant, instant favorite the second you watch it. It’s a Hayao Miyazaki anime film with a beautiful and creative storyline. Based on a Japanese fantasy novel, it includes witches, flying castles and a oddly sweet love story. A wondrous fairy-tale for everyone.
Favorite TV
Downton AbbeyDuh! A PBS mini series chronicling the upperclass elite, yet oddly kindhearted Crawley family and their servants. Both upstairs and downstairs have an equal amount of drama that ranges from the Titanic’s sinking in 1912 through World War I up to 1920 when season two finishes. Season one is all that’s available on Netflix now, but you can still catch some season 2 episodes at PBS.com! Lucky you.
Don't you just love those manipulating, schemy little faces?! Image via backseatcuddler.com
Arrested DevelopmentOh God. So many memorable quotes and episodes from the Bluth family. Once in a while I’ll meet a person who hasn’t seenArrested Development yet. If that is you, you’re welcome and start watching NOW!
Parks and Recreation/30 RockI decided to put these two shows together because they are THAT GOOD. Both SNL alums Amy Poehler and Tina Fey shine in their respective NBC shows. Poehler plays Leslie Knope, a parks and rec lady who loves her town and parks more than anything. And Tina Fey’s Liz Lemon is the weirdo single gal/guy living inside us all who hates working out and loves philly cheese steaks. Perfection in both shows with amazing casts and even more amazing writing.
CheersIt’s impossible for me to even think about Cheers without hearing the theme song. “Where everybody knows your na-a-ame (bum bum bum!)” Friends, love and life at the neighborhood bar. And a young Ted Danson. Need I say more?
CouplingThe pilot episode is one of the best written pilots I’ve ever seen in my life. Think a raunchier Friends with way more sex, swearing and yes, coupling.
So many bad decisions. Yet so much fun! Image via netflix.com
The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd MargaretThis show is absolutely hilarious. Todd Margaret is a deprecated, sad, pathetic American man who moves to England to try and sell toxic energy drinks. Todd Margaret- you guessed it!- makes increasingly poor decisions. The title sets up the show perfectly. Sometimes I feel so bad for characters with bad luck that I can’t watch the shows. But when it’s laid out so wonderfully in the title, you can sit back with ease and watch the beautiful shit storm happen.
Also, check out Lost (best show ever!), Workaholics, Party Down, United States of Tara, America’s Funniest Home Videos, Anthony Bourdain No Reservations, Never Been Kissed, Shutter Island
Guilty Pleasures
Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Hoarders, Intervention, Gossip Girl, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, The City
Holy shit. Vanity Fair wins. Their Downton Abbey trading cards are even better than the paper dolls. Keep the fanmade Downton Abbey garb COMING! We need something to tide us over until season 3 starts!!!!
If you haven’t caught Downton Abbey fever yet, I am judging you harshly. GET ON IT. I mean, can you imagine how cool a show must be to have paper dolls be made by a fan? I don’t even think Twilight fans are that dedicated, nor cool. But in their defense, they probably don’t know what paper is.
Vulture writer and paper doll ingenue, Kyle Hilton, has imaginatively and amazingly given us these splendid printable paper dolls, including my favorite, Mary, Matthew and Mr. Pamuk, Thomas and O’Brien, Lady Sybil and the Dowager Countess herself, Maggie Smith.
2PF 