Justin Bobby, the weirdest addition to The Hills cast ever. He’s part surfer dude, part really insecure hat aficionado, and part brain-dead fart face that could double as a model.
May he forever be a smelly-looking gem of fake reality show history.
Jessie Spano and her caffeine pills (that could totally be a band name). One of the most classic, semi-harmless addictions of all time. And to stay awake to study for tests, no less! Most people take drugs because they hate their boring lives, not to prepare for a better future. Well done, Jessie Spano. You took drugs to a whole nother level. Proud of you, girl.
The latest episode of “Girls” reads sort of like a 20-something sexual PSA. HPV, safe sex, virgins and temptation are all the rage!
“I’ve got HPV,” could have been uttered while looking into the camera. Only nervous puffs of a cigarette were missing from Hannah’s storyline this week where it is revealed that she has HPV. Of course accusations fly about where this pesky persona non-grata came from: Either her shitty current boyfriend or her shitty former flame. Neat!
Her shitty current boyfriend says he didn’t give it to her because he already got tested (Liar! Because there is no general test for all kinds of HPV), so Hannah contacts her college boyfriend to let him know/accuse him of giving it to her, but since there is no test, she doesn’t really know where it comes from. On top of the HPV mystery (new Nancy Drew-inspired series idea?) her ex-boyfriend reveals that he’s gay, which is probably one of the worst things anyone could ever hear about their ex, male or female. Awkward sexual memories flooding back, deception and feelings of inadequacy are never fun, especially when you have HPV.
Jessa gets a babysitting job and smokes pot with the dad. Not quite how I remember babysitting, but that was 8th grade and I didn’t know what weed was.
The virgin thing comes up again with Shoshana. Being a virgin in your 20s must be nerve-wracking and annoying due to the whispered and dead-serious tone she always takes. It’s like she’s admitting to murdering someone every time she says it. She also spills that Jessa, like Hannah, has HPV. Except that Jessa has a couple different strains, because”All adventurous women do.” Confusingly inspired.
I wish Shoshanna would get some more air time, because the actress plays the part really well. She’s endearing and funny, and everyone has a friend like her. If you don’t, then ew. I could use more Shoshana storyline time than Marnie for sure.
Which gets us to Marnie. She hates her boyfriend so much, it’s hard to watch. I get that people get comfortable in relationships, but good god. Her bf shaved his head and as a surprise revealed it to Marnie. She fucking hated it, but I’m pretty sure she hates his face anyways and would hate anything on him, even the biggest diamond and creme brulee in the world. He then told her that he shaved his head to support a coworker with cancer, which prompts Marnie to yell at him for “making her look like a bitch.” Yeah. That’s what made you a bitch.
Later on, at her hipper-than-hip job at an art gallery, she meets some pretentious and short artist who is the dick she always dreamed of and everything her sweet boyfriend is not. He tells her “to not give as much of a shit” about things which is so condescending and lame but she fucking loves it. They go on a quick walk during the show in which there is a lot of sexual tension that drives Marnie to masturbating, standing up (what a feat!) in the bathroom during the art show. Weird.
This episode pretty much only redeemed itself when Robyn’s “Dancing On My Own” came on. Hannah and Marnie start dancing despite their shitty and weird days which was the only realistic part in a show that’s supposed to be “crazy real.” Here’s hoping the show gets better and the story-lines thicken up a little bit, or I think this show is gonna go away faster than Jessa’s pregnancy/miscarriage from episode 2 that was never spoken of again!
Live TV is SO MUCH FUN. Especially when you have the best of the bests (and best pals of Tina Fey) stop by to help out. This episode is so amazing, with so many guest stars and awesome cameos that I don’t want to spoil for you. The best part is, the episode is in two versions. The east coast version and the west coast version. Both live, as the cast performed twice! Check out the east coast episode here and the west coast episode here.
Yes I watched both of them. Yes they are both awesome. 30 Rock forever. I LOVE YOU TINA FEY AND COMPANY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my GOD. Reality TV at it’s fakest and finest. In a world where the Kardashians plague anything and everything from credit cards, to jeans, to mothafuckin’ Kanye, The Hills is a refreshing step into the world pre-total serious shitfest reality tv. Think of a world before Teen Mom, Jersey Shore and Twitter. Yeah. Fucking. Bizarre.
First of all, Lauren and Whitney must be the most grounded human beings to ever have been on reality television. Through their internships at Teen Vogue, you see them getting demeaned by a demanding yet totally baller boss, Lisa Love. Lauren is also going to school and trying to balance a ‘normal’ life in front of the cameras, unlike the Kardashians who are millionaires a billion times over and flaunt it to no end. (Kim’s Bentley episode, anyone? “THIS IS MY SPECIAL DAY!!!!! AND YOU’RE RUINING IT KHLOE!!!” ahahahaha!)
Looking back at a reality show that kind of started the heavily scripted reality genre that we all know so dearly now (hello Real Housewives of Whatever), The Hills seems so, so tame. Granted, I’ve only seen a handful of episodes from the first season. But so far I haven’t seen anything too obscene except an alcoholic 18-year-old Jason, a famewhore 19-year-old Heidi and rich kids buying each other diamonds, puppies and Chanel bags at Christmas. Gawd, rich life in LA is so hard!
If anything, The Hills is everything you need to realize what kind of person in LA you’d want to be (which is totally more important than finding a third job to be a real working adult). Lauren is a grounding snap back to reality (for reality tv that is). A real hard worker with real bad taste in men. Whitney is the good friend you want and want to be, who is nice and gets nice things in return. Audrina is the girl you try not to sound like in public, and Heidi is everything you wish you never become (because we all saw what she became and that shit is scary sad).
What’s up with MTV never having any strong male characters on their shows? I can’t think of any. Jersey Shore=fake italian alcoholics. Teen Mom=shitty teens. Laguna Beach/The Hills=rich, drug addicted babies. The Real World=alcoholics who need serious therapy. Where the strong male characters at, MTV? Come on! The guys are mostly weak, insecure and reeeeally abusive. Being “passionate” is not an excuse for being verbally abusive, Jordan (Heidi’s bf from the first season. A total turd monger butt munch, smelly dirtbag of a sockface)
I know reality TV is not a great place to learn about relationships, especially on MTV, but for real. This shit is depressing. Can the current shitty teens of Amurrrica get ANY dudes who aren’t total cheating, mentally abusive sociopaths? Good GOD. Plus, addicts are only funny to a certain point, MTV. Exploiting them is rude as fuck.
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I LOVE me some New Girl. And I really, really don’t want to pick favorites because I love all the characters. But Schmidt is so fucking great. He’s a pest, but a lovable, beautiful, big-hearted pest.
Favorite comeback of all-time: “You’ve got some Schmidt on your face!”
Instead of living disgustingly bleak lives ourselves, we get a beautiful chance to live vicariously through other 20 somethings going through similar/worse problems that us. These are the days of Girls. (And we get to wait to find the new episodes on the internet, or a friend living with parents who have HBO! Exciting!)
It is going to take a while to get it out of our heads that this show is not fabulous-fabulous like Sex and the City was. Sure, they both share uncomfortable looking shoes, sex and relationships warbles, but unlike SATC it is not glamorized in the least. Girls is less high baller fashionista and more like “holy shit, I need to make rent/I’m unemployed/I’m thinking about doing softcore porn to pay my cell phone bill/Who’s free to take me to my abortion appointment?”
SPOILERS!
Episode 2 of Girls is just as bleak as the pilot. Jessa needs to get an abortion, but flakes because it’s either scary, she doesn’t care, or she can feel the impending miscarriage happening. White russians + boys who call their mom are apparently the new coat hanger. The boy she’s making out with is directed to her underpants when the aforementioned miscarriage luckily appears.
And to those who haven’t vaginas, let me tell you that they can indeed be panicky. The episode has a panicked feel that is unsettling, but vagina worries are no laughing matter, especially when one of those matters could turn into a child.
While Jessa is buggin’ about abortion shit, her friends all wait at the abortion parlor (I’ve always wanted to call them that. They should serve ice cream there). Marnie is annoying because she hates her nice boyfriend and likes to be on time, while Hannah is having weird, plot-ty sex with her less-than-amazing sexual partner. Who, by the way, is the embodiment of the boyfriend or fuck-buddy of at least one of your girlfriends who could totally do better.
Lastly, Shoshanna, the chatty, perky one, reveals that she’s a virgin and shocks absolutely no one.
The episode, steeped with mediocre sex and abortion kerfuffles seemed like it ended an hour too soon. Maybe it’s a symptom of watching Tiny Furniture a couple of times, but I just expect to watch Lena Dunham for more than 30 minutes. I’m seriously considering not watching this show until I can watch all of them in one, amazing, Panera Bread-coma filled day.
One of my favorite kid spies of all time. Can they get some reruns of this shiz plz?!
Funny, smart, SO FUNNY, hilarious, beautiful and a true role model. We can still have role models in our 20s, right? Mine are forever Britney, Madonna, Gaga and any woman (or man) who has ever been on SNL because they are so talented. There’s something shiny and special about someone who can make you laugh, and Kristen Wiig hits it on the head every time, even if the sketch is dull. I know I’m going to cry diamond tears when she leaves SNL this season with Jason Sudekis and Andy Samberg.
Here are some videos that will make your life better because Kristen Wiig is in them, while I work on conglomerating a Kristen Wiig tribute closer to her SNL departure. SADSIES. She’s so amazing.
If you aren’t watching Smash, you’re missing out on this guy being a total asshole in the absolute hottest way possible. SWOON.
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