Forever Young: Pay phones


Remember being stranded at the mall in the late 90s, and only feeling security in the fact that you had a quarter and there was a machine that would take it in exchange for one grim, helpless phone call? Then there was 1-800-CALLATT which was just a big fuck you to whoever you had to call.

Plus remember how scary it was to hear one ring?! who’s calling me?! Who knows I’m here????

Some of these unique devices still exist. Even more rare is to find one that still works AND doesn’t have a clipped cord. It’s a historical, technological monument!

But really. Thank God we have cell phones people. Just thinking about not having one gives me anxiety.

Forever Young: Justin Bobby

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Justin Bobby, the weirdest addition to The Hills cast ever. He’s part surfer dude, part really insecure hat aficionado, and part brain-dead fart face that could double as a model.

May he forever be a smelly-looking gem of fake reality show history.

Forever Young: Dick Clark

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 Rest in peace, Dick Clark.

New Years Eve, and television for that matter, will be way less rockin’ without your bright spirit.

“Whaddya think, I’m some kind of dumbo?!” 

Forever Young: 3 Ninjas

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Remember how awesome 3 Ninjas was? Colt and Rocky were smokin’ and the young one was annoying yet valiant.

Now that I think about it, all the movies we grew up on about beating adults up probably gave us a couple authoritative ass-kicking complexes. Sweet.

Forever Young: Dream

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Ahh, the playful and often terribly misguided talent of a manufactured group. Dream! One or two hits, and then never seen again. Except I think the blonde one acted once or twice in something. Note to self: Anything Diddy touches literally turns to entertainment kryptonite. J.Lo and the club shooting incident, Dream, Making the Band everything, his own rap career, etc. He was probably even involved in every major oil spill of the last two decades. But we’ll never prove it. DAMN YOU DIDDY!!!!

Anyways, Dream had a fun song or two. The girls desperately lacked personality though. Having a good voice is cool, but not necessary.  You need to be a STAHHHHHH. Sorry ladies. But we’ll fondly remember you always as that girl group that had that one okay song from around when Britney was an untouchable. Hugs!