Television: Girls “The Return”

Look at that nice, normal date at a pizza parlor. Way to go, Hannah!

The 6th episode of Girls is my favorite to date. Written by Lena Dunham and Judd Apatow, the story delves into Hannah’s character as she goes home to her parents house in Michigan for the weekend. There she reconnects with a really cute guy she went to high school with who is a pharmacist, learns that a classmate disappeared on vacation a la Natalee Holloway, and ends up going on a date with said pharmacist to a benefit to raise money for a PI for the missing girl.

The Date

Skipping over minor details, everything about the date with the pharmacist Eric was a refreshing reminder that not all guys are complete weirdo jerkfaces. I’m so happy for Hannah. It’s so nice to go on a date with a nice person, instead of the usual crazies that always end up stuck on you like a piece of city gum on your shoe.

The Parents
She had a “Party Girl” poster in her high school bedroom. A-MA-ZING.

The interactions with her parents resonates with me and presumably all of my friends. It’s so nice to go home, give your parents a good hug, sleep in your old bedroom and raid the fridge at night because you don’t have to ration your meals. They ask about jobs, wanna hang out with Hannah and are parent-y. There’s also some sex in the shower that goes awry (when isn’t there sex in the shower that doesn’t go awry?!), but I’ll leave that shocker for you if you haven’t seen it yet.

This show just keeps getting better and better. I love the focus on Hannah. It kind of felt like when your friend invites you home, and you get to see all of their childhood/ middle school/ high school things and get drunk with their parents. It’s so fun. It will be cool to see if they dive into the other characters. Jessa plz!!!!

Party Girl. Fuckin’ right.

You HAVE to watch Party Girl. HAVE TO.

Don’t you wish this was your life: Beyoncé edition

She buries herself in sand! What DOESN’T this woman do?! Image via iam.beyonce.com

I want to be her. The images of Beyonce at the beach make me happy, in the sort of “you’re really rich, talented, famous, beautiful and successful, and I bet that drags you down a lot. I’m so glad you’re on yachts in the ocean with wifi, your sister, and a personal chef.”

It’s really cool to look through all her photos, because they aren’t just paparazzi shots. Paparazzi shots have a double dose of wicked behind them. You see Beyoncé at a basketball game in a magazine or blog, but seeing similar photos on her own blog puts a personal effect to it. Instead of a “STAR SPOTTING!!!” it’s date night at a b-ball game with beer, shitty food and Jay. In a way, it normalizes her vastly non-normal, high class life. Check out the rest of her pictures here. They are beautiful and awesome.

Image via iam.beyonce.com
Image via iam.beyonce.com

Just fucking beautiful.

Television: Girls “Hannah’s Diary”

The latest episode of Girls was fucking AWESOME. Definitely the best one of the season so far, because so many “WHAT THE FUCK!” moments happened, and they were totally golden. Here’s what went down:

Shoshanna 

Girlfriend meets some dude she went to camp with, and makes plans to hang out later. A movie turns into a boner (obvi) and they wind up half naked on her bed. As this is her first sexual experience, I’m assuming, she felt very awkward when he went down on her, and just wanted to have sex. When she confessed that she’s a virgin, he stopped and was all “I don’t do that shit, because virgins get attached and they bleed.” #RUDE!!!!! What a dick. Get over yourself. Hopefully Shoshi gets what she wants from a nice dude not hung up on womanly stereotypes.

These are amazingly bad. I can never get penciled eyebrows to look right either.

 Hannah

The episode starts off with Hannah receiving a text of her kind of bf’s penis wrapped in some kind of fur. Then she gets a text that says “sry not for you” with “sry’ spelled exactly like that. Gross. Despite her roomies best judgements to not text him back, she texts him a picture of her boobs. Later on, after talking to her coworkers, they tell her some serious truths like ‘that shit is fucked up,’ ‘ew’ and ‘you need to leave him like right NOW’.

Also at work, Hannah’s new boss is suuuper touchy, but nice and buys people stuff for putting up with his touchy-feely fingaz. Conundrum! She confesses this to her new gal pals at work while they give her some disgusting new penciled in eyebrows that make her look silly. While she’s at her kinda-bfs house, she tells him everything she SHOULD be telling a fart stain like him. It’s amazing, until he thinks it’s hot and wants to make some luv. Screaming at the TV “DON’T DO IT HANNAH” doesn’t help, as she totally effed him. Sex is a tricky bitch.

Marnie

Fucking “Harriet the Spy” all over again.

Absolutely my least favorite character. She gets pissed at Hannah because Marnie’s boyfriend READS HANNAH’S JOURNAL (seriously, that’s your own painful fault. You don’t read other peoples’ inner thoughts, like AT ALL.) and writes a song for it at some empty, shitty show they’re playing. The words go something like “He has a vagina/ Marnie needs to get fucked by a real cock/ He’ll find someone who likes his smothering love.” Marnie THROWS HER DRINK at Hannah and calls her a bitch. WHAT THE FUCK! It’s not her fault she wrote down privately that your boyfriend is spineless and neither of you are strong enough to cut the dependable sex cord and breakup. #turdcouplealert

Jessa

She’s still a nanny. Her ass looks good in this episode because she has cool pants on. I really hope we get to see her out at a club and shit sometime, telling some guy what’s good, because this nanny shit is realistic but boring.

Television: Girls “All Adventurous Women Do”

Lena Dunham, director/writer/creator should have more photo shoots like this. Image via autumndewilde.tumblr.com

The latest episode of “Girls” reads sort of like a 20-something sexual PSA. HPV, safe sex, virgins and temptation are all the rage!

“I’ve got HPV,” could have been uttered while looking into the camera. Only nervous puffs of a cigarette were missing from Hannah’s storyline this week where it is revealed that she has HPV. Of course accusations fly about where this pesky persona non-grata came from: Either her shitty current boyfriend or her shitty former flame. Neat!

Recap

Image via businessinsider.com

Hannah

Her shitty current boyfriend says he didn’t give it to her because he already got tested (Liar! Because there is no general test for all kinds of HPV), so Hannah contacts her college boyfriend to let him know/accuse him of giving it to her, but since there is no test, she doesn’t really know where it comes from. On top of the HPV mystery (new Nancy Drew-inspired series idea?) her ex-boyfriend reveals that he’s gay, which is probably one of the worst things anyone could ever hear about their ex, male or female. Awkward sexual memories flooding back, deception and feelings of inadequacy are never fun, especially when you have HPV.

Jessa

Jessa gets a babysitting job and smokes pot with the dad. Not quite how I remember babysitting, but that was 8th grade and I didn’t know what weed was.

Zosia Mamet is the shit. Image via businessinsider.com

 Shoshana

The virgin thing comes up again with Shoshana. Being a virgin in your 20s must be nerve-wracking and annoying due to the whispered and dead-serious tone she always takes. It’s like she’s admitting to murdering someone every time she says it. She also spills that Jessa, like Hannah, has HPV. Except that Jessa has a couple different strains, because”All adventurous women do.” Confusingly inspired.

I wish Shoshanna would  get some more air time, because the actress plays the part really well. She’s endearing and funny, and everyone has a friend like her. If you don’t, then ew. I could use more Shoshana storyline time than Marnie for sure.

Marnie

Which gets us to Marnie. She hates her boyfriend so much, it’s hard to watch. I get that people get comfortable in relationships, but good god. Her bf shaved his head and as a surprise revealed it to Marnie. She fucking hated it, but I’m pretty sure she hates his face anyways and would hate anything on him, even the biggest diamond and creme brulee in the world. He then told her that he shaved his head to support a coworker with cancer, which prompts Marnie to yell at him for “making her look like a bitch.” Yeah. That’s what made you a bitch.

Later on, at her hipper-than-hip job at an art gallery, she meets some pretentious and short artist who is the dick she always dreamed of and everything her sweet boyfriend is not. He tells her “to not give as much of a shit” about things which is so condescending and lame but she fucking loves it. They go on a quick walk during the show in which there is a lot of sexual tension that drives Marnie to masturbating, standing up (what a feat!) in the bathroom during the art show. Weird.

This episode pretty much only redeemed itself when Robyn’s “Dancing On My Own” came on. Hannah and Marnie start dancing despite their shitty and weird days which was the only realistic part in a show that’s supposed to be “crazy real.” Here’s hoping the show gets better and the story-lines thicken up a little bit, or I think this show is gonna go away faster than Jessa’s pregnancy/miscarriage from episode 2 that was never spoken of again!

Interweb: Jenna Marbles’ Drunk Makeup Tutorial

F'real. Image via youtube

I’ve never watched a Jenna Marbles episode before on Youtube, mainly because her name is ‘Jenna Marbles’ and that kind of sounds like a D-list comedienne from Gary, Indiana or something. Like she eats farts and then vlogs about it. But no. She’s the kind of gal you wanna get day drunk with at a kid’s t-ball game deep in the midwest.

Her drunk makeup tutorial is so fucking true. Having to get ready for a night of drinking after a day of drinking is a serious hurdle. Eyeliner has never been harder, blush has never been so bright and mascara gets everywhere. I thought she look good until the the fake eyelashes, which I’ve never used before because they seem like way too much work. Dudes will never notice fake eyelashes. And if they do, they’re probably serial killers.

Screw 16 & Pregnant: Tavi Gevinson is 16 and Editor-in-Chief

Where’s that reality show, MTV? Let’s inspire the youth of the nation, instead of making them believe if they’re sixteen a pregz they can get a tv show and make money off being an F-list celebrity magazine star.

Check out this video of Tavi Gevinson giving a TED Talk on “figuring it all out” as a teen girl.

What a smart, cool kid. These websites, thestylerookie.com and RookieMag.com, are awesome and makes me jealous they weren’t around when I was a teen. Being a teen sucks, but having a place other than the regular  psychotic teen mags (Seventeen, Cosmo, etc) to read about growing up and “figuring it out” is pretty rad.

Image via thestylerookie.com

Watch this now: HBO’s “Girls” trailers

 

This shit is gonna by SO FLY. Mid-20s, poor and fabulous. Ring a bell?! Lena Dunham is the chick who wrote, directed and starred in Tiny Furniturewhich is basically the same premise of Girls, as it covers the same topics (20 something strife and living in New York City) and a couple of the same characters.

 

What I love about Lena is that she looks like a regular gal pal that you’d get drinks with, that would turn into being wasted on like, a Tuesday. But you’d have some really great conversations with even though you’re both kind of lost and confused about life. It feels a little bitchy to say she looks like a “regular gal,” but it shouldn’t. I just mean that she does not look starving nor perfectly formed from a surgeon’s table.  So many tv shows and movies just feature gorgeous human beings who are so unbelievably not human in their roles. J.Lo, anyone?! It’s refreshing and infinitely more interesting to watch people, as opposed to “stars” tell us stories. Nobody relates to J.Lo. People can relate to Lena.

As a 20 something gal, I’m super excited about this show. After all, it’s always fun to watch something that is frighteningly relatable to your current life situation. Dating, unpaid internships, never having any money, growing out of friendships and making new ones, etc.

Watch Judd Apatow interview Lena here. She describes the show as that time when you’re not a girl, but not yet a woman. And yeah, she name drops Britney. LOVE IT.

Also, jealz!!! I, along with EVERY 20 something of our generation, wants to be on this show. I hope they come out with contests and shit. Or if the show goes on for a couple seasons, we’ll have to make a pilgrimage to NYC to be an extra on the show.