Way back when nobody had even heard of a Gaga, our Lady Mother Monster was a brunette. She was running around Lollapalooza in lingerie and big brown hair. But, as fate would have it, Amy Winehouse also had a similar look at the time AND was a bigger star. Gaga needed to change her look, which led to the blonde Gaga with the bow made of hair that we all loved and adored.
She looks so wonderfully Italian and human in this photo, which is refreshing because pop stars’ looks are starting to get very overwhelming (I’m lookin’ at you, Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj). That Gaga, always ahead of the trends! Also, her all-black outfit makes me crave September and all the wonderful fall goodness that comes with the changing seasons.
TIP: If you are a dyed blonde looking to go brown like Gaga for fall, take it to a professional. My hair turned green once at the tips because it wasn’t taking the color. Fucking up your hair sucks, so spend the money and save the emotional distress!
Girl’s got a great aesthetic. She’s an H&M model, a new artist on the scene with a retro vibe, and a totally hot babe. I like 3 of her songs from her debut album “Born to Die”. Summertime Sadnessis my jam right now, because fall is sooooo almost here and I’m over summer and all its philandering ways. In my quest to reevaluate my lukewarm feelings towards Lana Del Rey, I decided to do a little more research. Who knows, maybe her ethereal-old timey Nancy Sinatra angle just needed some time to seep in. Maybe not.
Image from Buzzfeed
In my research, I came across this article on Buzzfeed called “26 Meanest Quotes From Reviews of Lana Del Rey’s ‘Born to Die.‘” They’re not so much mean as they are a “what the fuck, commercial industry?! If you’re gonna push some shit in our face, make it better than… this.” She really does have an opposing magnets vibe. Most of her songs are listenable, but listenable isn’t a “HOLY FUCK IF WE DON’T LISTEN TO THIS SONG RIGHT NOW I’M GONNA FUCK YOUR HEAD.” And isn’t that what most mainstream pop music strives for? True, her tunes ain’t dancepopsynthpuke, but the target market is similar. That’s why her entire existence is confusing. You don’t market lukewarm tea to coke addicts. That’s like, marketing 101. You market cocaine to cocaine addicts and lukewarm tea to people who like to stay indoors.
I also wanted to watch her SNL debacle performances again, because I forgot what was so bad about them. Was she standing still too much? Was she pitchy? Was she boring? It’s so much more than that. This person does not look ready to have a career as a mainstream singer. She looks, acts and sings like she’s empty: a shell of a guaranteed faux-indie consumer success. And maybe she is empty. Sometimes we’re all a little empty. What’s weird is that she isn’t using that emptiness in her performance or art, which is the biggest cardinal sin of being an artist: use what’s screwed up about you and turn it into gold. She’s using what she’s not and turning it into ‘meh’. Good plan!
Kind of empty. Image via nydailynews.com
She’s also landed a campaign with H&M for fall 2012. The clothes look good, and again her aesthetic is appealing. But there’s not anything behind her stares. Her poses seems fragile and shy. Maybe in a pop world full of Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Katy Perry and Nicki Minaj, LDR’s understated image is calculated as some kind of counteract to the exhausting, never-ending motion of the modern pop star. All of the aforementioned pop stars have a clearly defined personality/music/market that we all know and either love or hate. LDR severely lacks personality, spark, that je ne sais quoi that sends the right participants on a one way journey to superstardom.
She seems like a nice girl, someone you would get frozen yogurt with and watch a movie you’ve already seen 100 times. As for being some sort of pop star, we’re still waiting for a personality to emerge from behind the technically beautiful and commercially calculated image that is barely conceivable as human.
Ahh. The fresh, new yearnings of a baby famewhore! Their diapers are full of lost dignity and sentence structure, and their tummys are gassy with commercial deals that will make them millions and probably involve child slavery in Asia. It always does.
He’s already acting, and it’s proving to be quite the feat for the Olympic Gold medal winner. This guy has left absolutely no time in between his Olympic dreams and publicity schemes. A True American Hero. Hey, that would make a great reality show name for the deal he is currently seeking. Olympic Dreams to Hollywood Schemes. I demand royalties!
His first acting spot is on the this show is still on? pristine and delicate piece of television history, also known as the 90210 reboot.This is what he had to say about diving head first (heh) into acting:
“Memorizing lines, and trying to like, say them and still like, do movement and all that. That was hard.”
Truly inspiring, Ryan. I can’t wait until he starts to get really engrained in celebrity life. I hope he starts a blog called “Jeah Boi: Ryan Lochte’s Truly-Amazing-Can’t-Get-Enough-Baller-on-Baller-Status Adventures in H-Wood HOLLA MUNEY.” However, he’s got a long way to go. If he truly wants to stay on top, he’s gotta release a sex tape, get a public fake marriage, make foreign children sew together a shitty fashion line for Sears and then start fucking Kanye West. I have faith. A new star has been born.
Her hair looks EXACTLY like the strands of the coolest bitch in pop, Robyn!!! I dig it. I support any former Disney star doing something else besides hair extensions and substance abuse. Kudos, Miley!
Robyn is a gift to humanity. Image via stereogum.com
Obviously, if you’ve been reading gossip rags via cell phone all day at work like everyone else in the first world, you’d know that Miley Cyrus is fucking bored. Not like a bored-because-it’s-Sunday-and-all-of-my-friends-are-hungover-bums type of bored, but a deep-seeded boredom that stems from a ridiculously rich girl who can’t find a place in the mainstream market anymore. Sadsies!
What’s going on with Miley:
She’s engaged to Liam Hemsworth which I can only cringe about (I’m sure he’s a great guy, but if I married the doorstop that I dated at 19… it’s too dark to even joke about) but at least she has something to plan, even if they ARE super young.
She’s obviously experimenting with her style.
Shopping.
Aaaaand that’s about it for ol’ Miley! Someone get her a indie comedy co-starring William H. Macy before she becomes another can’t-stop-watching underage party girl trainwreck. This will be a fun one to watch.
I’m not sure how this has flown under my radar. But shit, the 24 hour news cycle coupled with trying to get laid really narrows a girl’s news intake. Plus I don’t really read Perez anymore. All the positivity makes me disgruntled.
First of all: Lady Gaga, our dear leader, has reportedly cast Lindsay Lohan in an upcoming music video. It makes a lot of sense actually, considering that Gaga’s entire career theme is playing the part of a pop star. Now she has allegedly cast one of Hollywoods greatest-still-living trainwrecks in a music video, probably to play some kind of “tragic” persona as well, which obviously isn’t a stretch for Ms. Lohan.
Image via littlemonsters.com
Anyways, it seems like a strange career move for Lady Gaga to put her in her music vid. She is notoriously bad-behaved on sets and Gaga is a notorious hard worker. Maybe she thinks she’ll be able to save her. Trying to save anyone is always a huge disappointment, and we’ve all had enough Lilo comeback/”She’s back!” disappointments for a lifetime.
Secondly, Gaga’s next album will be titled ARTPOP, an acronym for “Artistic Revolution Through the Potential of Pop.” She even tattooed it on her arm and took a picture of it to release to her fans at littlemonsters.com. I know Gaga is talented, we all do. She’s the credible popstar who is actually involved in the composition, writing and theme of each of her albums. And for this we are grateful. However, it will be interesting to see if this is going to be another “Born This Way” uplifting, accept yourself anthem-y album, or if she’ll break out some dance hits like her first 2 albums, “The Fame” and my personal Gaga favorite “The Fame Monster”. We all know Gaga is one for absolute artistic expression, so it’s all up in the air until we hear it. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that she doesn’t take a seriously left field turn with ARTPOP, because having Gaga on the dance floor is always a delight.
Oh my god. YES. Just yes. This is honestly the best picture I’ve ever seen on the internet. There’s just so much truth and depth. Image via baffomette.tumblr.com
THERE ARE SUBTITLES ON ALL OF THEIR WORDS. YOU GUYS. IS THIS GOLD?
Honey Boo Boo Child and fam. literally cannot be trusted to be understood on national television, in their own country and in their native language. You know it’s gonna be good. In a “holy shit, I’m going back to school and never eating high fructose corn syrup again” sort of way. Maybe this is just what America needs to boost our economy and push people to be better. We can only hope.
Plus, I’m sure there are going to be SO many good memes and drinking/drugging games to this show. For example, the drinking game could go like this:
you see something unhealthy? take a drink
someone is reading a book? meth
someone is watching tv doing nothing? down a gin martini
you can understand syntax? heroin to the eyeball
a misguided and incorrect statement about anything pertaining to societ? 1 shot
you see a vegetable? animal sacrifice
You get the gist. There is a multitude of entertainment that will spawn from this show. Yes it’s fucking absurd, but maybe it will inspire us and even the hardcore reality fans to go “Ok, that’s enough. No more reality tv.” Orrrr maybe it will be the cataclysmic beast that descends from the gates of Walmart Hell to rot our brains and make us gain a second neck-chin. (my fourth biggest fear) Only time will tell kids, only time will tell.
Instead of making music, Justin is playing pretend in Ken wigs in his backyard. Or something. Image via justjared.com
Just like the sands of time, rumors of a new Justin Timberlake album have resurfaced into our lives. And, just like disappointing fellatio, JT takes any hope of musical cunnilingus out of our dry, tired hands.
Come on, JT. Give the people what they want. Cornrows, amazing costumes and Timbaland-produced beats. With every passing year, the pressure and excitement grows. Which is probably annoying for him, and definitely excruciating for us. It’s like a boner that won’t ever stop, and won’t ever see a beautiful, majestic release.
PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JT. Do it for all the boners in America. We are dying.
Scandalous!!!! But really? In a car? If I was followed constantly like her, it’s like almost wanting to get caught. Maybe she let him go down on her in a car to get caught and feel human, maybe come down from the millionairess-adored-by-billions-of-vampire-addicts cloud she sat on last week.
Or maybe it’s a feminist move, like “hey, women can cheat too!” Which is kinda bullshit that she’ll take more flack for this whole mess. Yes, she broke a sparkly, British vampire’s heart and is waaay more famous than this previously no name director. But Rupert Sanders has two kids and is MARRIED. That’s a lot larger of a bond to break with your dick than a girl in a relationship gettin’ it on with her clit. Truth!
Dayuuuuum he is dreamy. Sadsies all around. Image via fanpop.com
What a shitty situation for EVERYONE involved. Cheating never ends well. The cheaters always sound SO insincere when they apologize. Via People, Kristen released this statement:
“I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry.”
And from Rupert Sanders:
“I am utterly distraught about the pain I have caused my family,” Sanders tells PEOPLE in an exclusive statement. “My beautiful wife and heavenly children are all I have in this world. I love them with all my heart. I am praying that we can get through this together.”
I think I’ll write a song called “I Love Him, I Love Him (I’m So Sorry)”. Fucking gold. But really, it’s pointless to lambast either of them because people make mistakes. However, the affair/tryst/romp in the car happened last week, so who knows if it would have gone on for longer or not. It is, however, highly unfortunate that all of this had to be dealt with in the media. It’s embarrassing for everyone involved.
And now we wait for Robert Pattinson to comment. Come on! It’s been almost a whole day! (I’m so sorry)
WHAT THE FUCKKKK this is amazing gossip. Who knows if it’s true or what actually happened, or if the “evidence” of them cheating isn’t just a great photographic angle. What I do know is that a bunch of tween girls, lame teens, depressing 20 somethings and scary adults will be mad at her for “breaking” Robert Pattinson’s heart. Or, in a parallel universe, they will rejoice that their prayers came true and Rpatz is finally single after what seems like decades with his Twilight co-star.
Kristen Stewart seems like a cool chick, and so does Rob. They’ve done so great with the media storm that follows them due to their multi billion dollar franchise. But now, it’s gonna get NASTY. Kristen will be labeled a badass whore with a pill/coke/whatever addiction, something a la Brit Brit and Lindsay. And dear Robert will be celebrated as a sensitive bloke with a fragile soul that will take this situation as fuel for his movie career. Because once you get supernova big, the public loves NOTHING more to tear you down to your last shred of dignity and survival, and then when they’re ready, build you up again into a celebrity phoenix. Classic!
Well well well, what do we have here?! A little slip of the nip I see? Ms. Demi Lovato, you are playing all your X Factor hype cards right. Congrats!
I’ve been following celebrity gossip since like, 2005. This is fucking textbook right here. Because:
A) Why wouldn’t you wear a dress that you could wear a bra under to a teen awards show? Because there’s no chance of press nipple exposure, which is necessary at all events in Hollywood apparently, even the kid ones!
Image via blauearth.com
B) You can always go with pasties. Gaga is a big fan of the blatant double X black tape nipple cover up when she wears see through things. No pasties? Definite nip slip opportunity, definite press.
I have long ago lost the gal in the back of my mind that feels embarrassed for celebs giving peeks of their nips, vag, peens, etc. This stuff is probably NEVER an accident. Except poor Tara Reid and her botched surgery exposure. We may never know. If I was on a red carpet in a sheer dress with no bra or pasties on, I would be a fucking wreck thinking about my nipple making its famewhore debut without my consent. Nip slips are lucrative people, so why try to cover up moneymakers?!
I wouldn’t be surprised if nip slips were built into her X Factor contract. Britney needs to seem like the stable one, because people really like seeing her stable with a regular job. But Demi is our wildcard here. We shall look forward to her crazy antics for the upcoming X Factor season. Nip slips, continuing the discussion of her stint in rehab, etc. are free press for a show that’s still trying to compete with the other 80 singing competition shows on TV (that are little more than what famous people do in between doing actual albums/movies/etc.)
2PF 
