Music: “No Strings Attached” is best NSYNC album

NSYNC on a farm? Sure, why not. Image via blue-box.blueislands.net

I take pop music seriously. Not creepy serious to where I’m sweating while imagining that Joey Fatone (someone recently pointed out to me that his last name is literally ‘fat one’ and I died laughing) is feeding me fruit while quoting NSYNC love songs and poking me in the eye with his dangerously pointy frosted tips. I don’t have fantasies about these people.

I mean that I take pop music seriously to the point where the songs are well crafted, feel-good, emotive and filled with choreographed dance. The compilation of choreographed dance while singing amazingly solid pop music is probably the single greatest entertainment thrill of my life. So when it comes to my favorite era of pop music, I like to take a step back and examine which albums were the best of the best.

Image via indyposted.com

The best NSYNC album for me was No Strings Attached. I still remember dancing for hours in my room to all the fast songs on that CD (and then slow jamming to the ballads when I was feeling vulnerable). They had some awesome dance hits on there. The title track was never released as a single, but No Strings Attached is SUCH a good early 00’s dance song. Most of the dancey songs on NSA seem like they were tailored for sick dance breakdowns. They had so many punches, dramatic pauses and fast beats that it’s impossible even as a listen to stay still.

In terms of album theme construction, NSA was an album about cutting ties with their former business partner Lou Pearlman who Ponzi-schemed the shit out of their success and finances. They got into legal battles with him and his record label and eventually were freed of contracts with shady Pearlman and moved on to Jive Records (home of B. Spears at the time.) Bye Bye Bye is written about a relationship thats totally fucked up, and in the beginning of the vid the dudes are held up by puppetmaster strings until they’re cut free.

The second release from the NSA album was It’s Gonna Be Me, in which the dudes are packaged and lined up in a store, mass produced and ready to be sold, just like they were in real life! Either it’s a scathing review of modern capitalism or an amazing product placement. Probably both. Nonetheless, NSA sold 2.42 million copies in its first week. Then on to 9 million by the time 2000 ended. The last great era of record sales for sure.

Image via stillnsync.com

The other notable thing about NSYNC and others alike from this era of pop music is that it’s more like pop performance music. If you go back and watch videos of New Kids on the Block, they are singing live, dancing, sweating and flirting with the crowd. It’s a lot to do at one time. Throw into that mix heavily choreographed routines and often times ridiculous layers of costumes plus themed songs where you need to act as well, and you my friends have got a nice, thick piece of pop performance art.

So many times I hear from people that this sort of pop music is lame or unworthy of its success because most of the time-but not all of the time– the performers don’t write their own lyrics or music. But if you look at pop performance art like actors in a theatrical performance, it starts to shine a different light on the honest talent that it takes to be a pop performance star. Music preference and personal opinion aside, it’s always good to respect talent.

Favorite Tracks from No Strings Attached

Bye Bye Bye 

No Strings Attached

Digital Get Down

It Makes Me Ill

It’s Gonna Be Me

Just Got Paid 

Fuck, now I want to go learn all these dances. (YESSS!!!!!!!) Check out the good ol’ days of amazing choreography and solid as fuck pop songs from the best dancers and singers of the boy band era.

Follow 20poorandfabulous on Facebook and Pinterest. Just do it. Do it for pop music. 

EDITORS UPDATE:

I just came across this song off the European version of NSYNC’s first album called “Riddle” and it’s a TOTAL clubby european electronic. So obvious it wasn’t released in America because apparently we could handle clubby hits until this decade.

This Glee performance almost makes me like the show

This is just SUCH A GOOD song. And Darren Criss is the least doofy looking person on Glee, so it’s good that he’s the one to cover Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know.” Amazing. My interest is piqued with this one. Way to go, Criss. You’re dramatic, an amazing voice and a cool performance of a killer song.

WTF: Ashton Kutcher to play Steve Jobs

Oh my god. Kelso is going to play Steve Jobs. Better yet, someone on Two and a Half Men is going to play Steve Jobs. Eye roll city. Uh, good luck Ashton. We’ll see about this one.

Ashton Kutcher to play Steve Jobs – Entertainment News, EXCLUSIVE, Media – Variety.

Can you see him playing Steve Jobs? I won't hold my breath. Image via that70sshow.wikia.com

Forever Young: Carson Daly and Tara Reid

Image via ibtimes.com

Talk about dodging a fucking bullet! If you’ve seen pictures of them recently, they both aged a little eccentrically. Carson is super thin and we all know Tara Reid had some knifey fun that went awry, which sucks because she looks like she has all the right curves and a sunny, pretty face.

Don’t do plastic surgery kids!! Unless you get Madonna’s surgeon. Fact.

Netflix nightcap: Saved by the Bell

The whole, crazy SBTB gang. Image via wikipedia

Saved by the Bell has recently become available on Netflix instant. From all the mornings before school watching this show, I thought I’d give it another chance as a learned adult. Here are a couple of thoughts concerning early 90s programming gold.

Cuz I’m saved by the be-e-elllllllll

I love that in the first episode of season 3, titled “The Prom,” that Kelly’s hard-hitting decision of the day is to choose who she wants to go to prom with. Problem is, Zach AND Slater both want to take Kelly to prom. God, to be in 1990 again.

Yeah, because it’s what all the cool kids do, DUH. Image via loldrugs.com

Also, many of the episodes are not even trying to hide the fact that they have a political/social agenda. For example, during the same episode, Kelly’s father gets laid off from a job at a defense company due to “growing world peace.” PUKE!!! The next episode in season 3 also mentions growing world peace during an ROTC visit to the school, that ends with a wary Zach deciding the Army is like, totally cool. Yikesssssss. Talk about some war propaganda during breakfast. I’d hate to live in a world where ‘growing world peace’ is seen as a bad thing. I guess the threat of nuclear war and a corporate 1% dystopia (yo what up Hunger Games!) is a sunnier world than people worried about the reality of world peace. YUCK.

DAYUM GURL! This is some straight up early 90s softcore porn. Image via popstar.com

The kids also tell us on numerous occasions to “not smoke dope.” I mean, it’s annoying, but do you remember high school? It was chock full of “abortion kills” bumper stickers, pledges to not drink alcohol until 21 and threats that weed would murder your soul and your family, instead of just make you hungry and giggly. Then you got to college and smoked the first thing someone handed to you, and realized that high school was a tiny bubble of fascists just trying to fit in. Awwwww.

The SBTB kids listen to tapes, fight over Paula Abdul vs. Janet Jackson, and can actually afford snacks at the movies. Jerks!

There’s also a lot of diversity that isn’t stereotypical. Lisa is a fashionista black girl and Slater is a iron-pumping latino who both don’t fall into the all too often played racial or cultural stereotypes. Granted, I haven’t seen every episode of this show. But it does suck to notice that 2 decades later dumbass stereotypes haven’t been erased. Somehow, I blame Dick Cheney.

The role of Mr. Belding is also interesting to watch. After a Bush decade of education budget cuts, a terrible generation of children and general educative tomfoolery, I could NEVER see a principal act the way he does with students as Mr. Belding did. Granted, it was a TV show. But any principal on TV nowadays would probably be some portrayed as a huge asshole who’s fucking some “slut” teenager for drug money. So bleak. I wish we were bored with world peace again. In the 90s, Zach offers to wash Belding’s car to get out of detention. In this day and age, students’ parents would sue Mr. Belding for ‘abuse.’ God I hate people.

On a lighter note and shying away from apparent societal (tv) decay, the fashion is AMAZING. I want Kelly and Lisa’s wardrobe, and Jessie’s for when I wanna workout/lounge around. Screech has some pretty amazing outfits too.

Jessie is a staunch feminist. And it is fucking AWESOME.

Dream couple of the early 90s. Zach is pretty awesome though. Maybe the best while male teenaged character of all-time. Big heart, quick made-for-squeeky-clean-tv vernacular. Brilz. Image via popstar.com

All in all, I’d say put it on in the background at parties, or in the background of an afternoon on the internet. In terms of observing American television from the late 80s/early 90s, it is a fascinating look into what the world on television was like when we were babies.

 

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Just do it. Zach would. So would Kelly. 

On the fence: Jennifer Lopez

Image via hfwww.fanpop.com

I’m still I’m still Jenny from the block. Now, go get my fucking Evian and warm it to exactly 72 degrees. Then lightly spray in on my breadless sandwich, and stand 32 degrees away from me facing east. It’s best for digestion, peasant.” –Not an actual quote from Jennifer Lopez

Image via imdb.com

I’ve been on the fence with J-Lo ever since her movie with Ben Affleck totally ruined my life. Remember reading Gigli over and over and pronouncing it “giggly” and then being forever confused for the rest of your life? Thanks J-Lo, you dick.

In all seriousness, there’s a lot of cool and not so cool things about Jenny from the huge-fucking-mansion-in-the-gated-community (new song?). Let’s examine.

The Evidence

The tagline for the movie Gigli is: “The violent story about how a criminal lesbian, a tough-guy hit-man with a heart of gold, and a retarded man came to be best friends through a hostage.” And you’re telling me that movie was a flop? GET OUT! It actually sounds kind of genius. Like, Tropic Thunder genius. I bet someone went full retard. I hear you’re not supposed to do that. Gigli makes me miss the days where Hollywood could literally produce pieces of excrement and not even care if they were successful. I say, kudos to J-Lo for picking a movie with that tagline. +1

She totally changed Ben Affleck into a suity kind of bourgeois guy that we know he is not. He’s a Boston-y dude who likes beards and plaid. Plus, we shouldn’t change our significant others so dramatically. Getting them to do the dishes or cut down on cigarettes is way different than making them dress and act different. Boo! Maybe Benny was into it, but seeing as the wedding never happened and he’s back to beards and plaid, I’d say Jenny had a firm wrist in that relationship.

-3

She’s known for being a diva, but who isn’t? 0

Holla at a girl! I LOVED On the 6 when I was in middle school. That shit was my jam. Image via virginmedia.com

You can’t deny this bitch knows how to make some BANK. Celebrity clothing lines/perfumes (no matter how trashy) make a lot of money. Just look at Jessica Simpson and her billion dollar empire. J-Lo’s music career kind of revived itself with her clubby hit “On the Floor.” And who can forget her *amazing* acting career. She’s a stahhhh, so she gets s set amount of dough before each movie. That’s why you never see her in indie flicks. And lastly, her stint on American Idol, where pop stars kind of go to die. Right, Paula? Anyways, you can’t deny she is a successful and powerful lady who deserves the recognition for making a shit ton of moolah. +5

She picks really, really terrible movies to be in. -4

With the exception of Selena. +3

“On the 6” was fucking awesome. +3

She’s always handled her tabloid drama well. Divorces, marriages, rumors, etc. She’s got the media down. +5

Jenny represents her latino/a heritage well for an American born lady. It’s good to have a powerful woman around, not to mention a great, hot, successful latina running a bunch of shit. Good for her. +5

J-Lo got her start on In Living Color as a fly girl, which is probably the coolest start to a career anyone could ever have. +2

Image via people.com

She wasn’t born with a silver spoon in her future silver spoon-y mouth. +1

She’s known for not drinking alcohol or taking any drugs. Which sounds boring (who doesn’t love a cocktail?!) but have you seen her? She looks amazing. Pretty much like 20 years haven’t gone by. Yeah she probably has some sweet-ass creams that are a million dollars an ounce. But her genetics and lifestyle also come into play. Jealz! +2

The Score

20
Omg, I think I like J-Lo. Not enough to buy her latest music (yet), but enough to play On the 6 while putting eyeliner on. Plus, she was a fly girl. Nuff said.

Relationship Inspiration: Will Arnett and Amy Poehler

Image via weblogs.thecwdc.com

Possibly my biggest relationship inspiration. They’re fun, funny and successful.

And they seem happy, which is only solidified by their penchant to stay the fuck out of the tabloids. We all know those tabloid relationships are doomed, because the people in them are famewhores. But this ain’t the case here. It’s true love. I can feel it.

LONG LIVE Wamy/Amill/Poenett

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Rumour has it: Lana del Rey and Marilyn Manson

Photo by Target Presse Agentur Gmbh/Getty Images

Um, what?!

Rumour has it Lana del Rey and Marilyn Manson are an item. Also, her hair is really long. Jealsies!

Marilyn Manson is weird. Like, he STILL dresses like a 90s alternakid? I guess he’d get more ridicule for dressing like a 40 year old hipster. He feels much older than than though. Can you imagine Marilyn Manson in his 70s? He’s gonna be stoned as fuck.

But a nice George Clooney-esque suit would be a refreshing change for ol’ MM. Maybe LDR (which whenever I see LDR I think people are talking about FDR or maybe one of his relatives or a vice president or something) will whip him into shape with some Sinatra-inspired duds.

Let’s just hope this is a confusing moment in LDR’s life. Don’t be another Evan Rachel Wood, because she like drank his blood and piss and shit. I just made that up, but you never know. Some people like it supa freeky.

Netflix nightcap: The Walking Dead

Image via screenrant.com

Seriously, WATCH THIS SHOW. Zombie apocalypse, but done in a way classier and storyteller way than most gory and campy zombie movies. It’s amazing.

A sheriff wakes up from a coma to a world completely changed. The zombie apocalypse has happened. He goes on to find his family and other survivors as they deal with an entirely different society chock full of new undead enemies. Even if you’re not into zombies, this show takes it to a more realistic level in terms of story and character development.

As of now, the first season is just on Netflix. But, the second season JUST ended, and you can either surf a way to stream it or wait until those turd businessmen finalize a “deal” to get it to us through some paid network. (Seriously, you;d think they’d get this shit together by now. We’re either going to watch it on Netflix or Hulu, their website or stream it somewhere else. Get with the times, Hollywood. You’re embarrassing yourself more than usual.)

WATCH THIS SHOW NOW!!!! But not before bed, because you WILL have nightmares about zombies eating your skull.

On the fence: Nicki Minaj

Image via clumzybarbie.tumblr.com

Nicki Minaj. Loud, weird, split-personalitied. What’s her deal? I’m leaning off the fence with her antics and uninteresting career. Let’s give her a good look.

The Evidence

She made a name for herself by doing feature spots on lots of successful songs, namely “Monster” by Kanye West. Her part in that song is so fucking rad. She was getting “50k for a verse” when she had “no album out.” That’s pretty awesome. +5 

Embarrassing and tired. Image via obama.net

Her Grammys performance was tired. The Catholic church thing has been done by Madonna, Gaga, Sinead O’Connor, etc. Not to say that only ladies growing up under Catholicism can perform using Catholic imagery and metaphors, but it’s just a tired concept. It’s boring. It’s no longer shocking or edgy to dance suggestively while criticizing Catholicism. It’s been done. A BILLION TIMES. Next! -2

The split personality thing is exhausting and a little mentally frightening. It seems like a cheap marketing ploy and a creatively busy subject. Sure, Madonna reinvents herself. But that floats along with an album. Is it too much to deal with multiple personalities on one album? Beyoncé’s Sasha Fierce was way cool, but Garth Brooks’ split personality Chris Gaines pretty much ended his career. Nicki’s personalities are hard to keep up with, especially this early on in her career. Is one personality not enough to keep Nicki Minaj’s career afloat? -3

Her style always looks as if she’s trying to out-gaga Gaga, and also like she’s just putting on crazy shit for the sake of putting on crazy shit. Musicians tend to dress a little cray though, so it’s nothing really new or specific to Nicki Minaj. Her style is just annoying. 

Does anyone else think that's an unflattering pose. Image via http://www.xxlmag.com

Ahh, the hip hop feud. Yes. You’re coming right along, Nicki Minaj! Granted, Lil Kim probably started this one to garner press for her non-existent career. The “hip hop” feud is kind of a right of passage into the world of hip hop and beyond. If you’ve ever been to rap battles or simply listened to hip hop or rap, it’s a sort of art form lyrically speaking within the genre. Biggie and Tupac did it, 50 Cent and Ja Rule, Jay-Z and Nas, etc. So what’s wrong with the ladies getting into it? Besides, who knows how deep many of these feuds run. After what happened to Biggie and Tupac, many of these “beefs” may be mostly for publicity. Red meat kills! 0

Plastic surgery? Ugh. It’s so passé. Gaga’s got a nose and she fucking rocks. The nose job, the alleged butt implant?! WTF is that anyways? It’s hard to take people seriously and to see them as “real” when their bodies are created in a surgical room? Embrace yourself, don’t break and remake yourself. Aight? -2

Her new song with David Guetta is a definite departure from hip hop into electronic pop. But can she actually sing, or is this a bunch of auto-tune baloney? Because she sounds exactly like Rihanna in the chorus. You wouldn’t know this was Nicki Minaj until she started rapping in the short bridge. Exploring different genres is cool, but this song is kind of a bland and easy foray into pop music money. 

Speaking of POP, Nicki just signed a deal with Pepsi to be the spokeswoman for their new product, creatively called Pop. Amazing marketing, as it’s apparent from her David Guetta collab that she will indeed be dipping a toe into the money mountain that is pop music and pop music’s endorsement deals. I foresee a lot of four-chord song variations with edgy yet radio-friendly rap spurts and an obligatory Kanye/Drake/whoever the industry tells us is “hot” collab. It’s not like this isn’t what happens on every pop music album, but as a probable genre switcher from hip hop to pop, I’d expect a little more creativity. 

Honey, no. Image via mojosteve.blogspot.com

The Score

-2

A lot of my scoring comes from my honest inability to find anything that Nicki Minaj does interesting. Her weird outfits are nothing new, fashion forward or exciting. Her features on other people’s songs are awesome, but her album Pink Friday was only OK. And her split personalities are lame. She’s exhausting and confusing. I will be surprised if she is still around in 5 years.