This is a VERY interesting read. It chronicles how Ton Cruise and Scientologists groomed and brought a number of actresses in for wife auditions. Yeah. It’s really fucked up. What happened to Tom Cruise? This shit is CRAY. Read it!!
Viva Suri!
Celebrité: Katie Holmes to GTFAway from Tom Cruise
How now brown cow? Katie Holmes has finally had enough of Tom’s alien bedtime stories, so she is filing for divorce.
The details of this divorce are going to be PHENOMENAL. Can you imagine? “New details leak: Xenu pies for breakfast ONLY on Sundays or Suri gets no dessert on Tuesday”. This is gonna be sooooooooooo good. Best divorce ever.
The world is really changing, you guys.
Forever Young: Rider Strong
What a guy! Cory’s best friend, leather-wearing gentle badass and CRAZY good hair.
Like all the hot hotties from our 90s hearthrob past (JTT or Devon Sawa anyone?), I had no idea what this dude is doing with his life, until wikipedia solves all your problems. He has a degree in English from Colombia and a Masters of Fine Arts. Smart dudes are hot, especially if they are actually hot. He also has a podcast called “Literary Disco” which sounds like a snoozefest but maybe his voice is still hot. He directs, produces, acts and writes screenplays too.
What a pretty normal child star’s adult life. Good for him. He must have good parents.
Thanks Rider Strong, for introducing us to porn names (his name is SO porny), for teaching us that there can never be enough leather if you want to be a badass, and great smiles.
So Justin Timberlake is doing this now
I love JT so much. Really. But no.
I actually can’t tell what it is about the hair that shocks me so much. Is it that I’ve never seen him with Ken doll hair before? IS it the side part? What about the sideswept bang? Or the color?
There are just too many shocking things about his hair right now. He’s filming Runner, Runner in Puerto Rico. Maybe that’s why he’s been tweeting so much.
But for real, this is what imdb has to say about the movie:
“A businessman is caught up in the world of offshore online gaming.”
GTFO!
Oh JT. PLEASE. COME BACK TO MUSIC. WE BEG. WE WILL EVEN PAY FOR THE ALBUM, I SWEAR.
Being Famous: Drake is channeling pop stars
What Would Jimmy Do? (He’d be a famewhore)
Drake and Chris Brown FightFightFight!
I’ve never heard a Drake song that I didn’t like. He’s got style, cool lyrics, great producers and Rihanna. And come on, he used to be Jimmy from Degrassi: The Next Generation (the best thing to ever come from Canada btw). So why did he throw a bottle at Chris Brown causing everything from cuts, a shut down club and a 20 million dollar lawsuit from Tony Parker? (Can somebody make a tumblr of people pretending to be cut from this fight?)
The details are messy, but rumors have it that CB sent D a bottle of something amazing I’m sure, and then Drake sent him a note across the cafeteria that said “I’m fucking the love of your life.” Then they got into a fight over Rihanna. That’s when the bottles smashing really took off. It’s rumored that Drake’s side threw the bottle(s).
For some reason, it seems really strange that Drake would get into this sort of trouble. Throwing a bottle in a club? Really? You played a handicapped kid on a popular Canadian teen show. He a Jewish Canadian African American who grew up in a wealthy neighborhood, attended a Jewish day school and had a bar mitzvah. I’m quite sure they didn’t teach throwing bottles and getting into fights with pop performers at the Jewish day school.
But no worries, because Drake has learned a valuable lesson in Being Famous. With our 24 hour news cycle and twitter on EVERY phone imaginable, everything is always news, and people luuuuuuv to talk. Furthermore, you’ve got to really do something crazy to stay in the media for weeks. You can’t just wear a revealing outfit these days. That’s like half a day news. You need to murder a homeless man a week before your new album comes out, just to break even. The more people are hearing about you, the more they know your name, the more they listen the more they buy. You’ve just really gotta do outrageous shit to stay relevant in 2012.
Just take a look at past Being Famous participants:
- Britney: head shaving and mental breakdown
- Madonna: everything
- Gaga: being a bisexual pop star and wearing ridiculous outfits
- Christina: divorce, public weight gain and getting her period at Etta James funeral
- Everyone who has gone to jail (Lindsay, Chingy, Lil Wayne, etc)
Well played, Drake. You are wisely following in some great big footsteps, my friend.
PLUS, getting into a fight with America’s least favorite person doesn’t immediately make people dislike him, because everyone has secretly been wishing for someone to kick the shit out of Chris Brown ever since he hit Rihanna. Don’t lie! The only negative is all the bystanders who got cut up. So it’s like win-win-ish.
I can’t wait to see what he does next. Will it be nude photos accidentally tweeted? Maybe it will be a weapons charge. OR he’ll get married to a stripper in vegas, then an annulment. The ridiculousness can only get better from here on out. Welcome, Drake.
Celebrité: Carly Rae Jepsen is 26 years old. For real
Carly Rae Jepsen is 26. What. the. fuck.
WHAT THE WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you kidding me? Seriously? Come again? Carly Rae Jepsen is 26 years old. Whoa whoa whoa. I thought she was 15!!!! My mind is blown. We all know it’s a catchy song, but Jesus. Is a 26 year old really singing the teen anthem for phone calls? Moreover, this bitch can go to BARS?! Where are the drunk pictures of her stumbling out of Canadian bars (didn’t know she was Canadian either!)??? Maybe she doesn’t party, but shit. She probably does. She’s 26 and she has number 1 single in many countries around the globe. She’s probably getting so many free drugs and bottles it’s obscene.
It’s such a simple song and a simple message, that it’s almost kind of weird that she’s 26 and not 15. Definitely an appropriate teen anthem, but for the love of god, 26?! I’m weirded out. Shouldn’t you have more complex things to sing about by that age? Has she lived in a bubble? And hasn’t she learned to tell people to fucking call her instead of asking with indecision? Nobody likes a wimp. Pick a dude, tell him he’s in girl. You got enough looks for that. Change the song to “Fucking Call Me Dick (But Only If You Have A Job)” and then it will be age appropriate.
This person is 26.
Forever Young: Alex Mack
The Secret World of Alex Mack. In yo face.
What I wouldn’t give for a dump truck filled with nuclear waste to almost run me over and spill toxic chemicals all over my body that give me special powers. Nuts.
Remember how creative tv was in the 90s? Yeah. We should get back to that.
Also, remember how hot it was when she morphed into goo and all her clothes came off, but Ray, her bff would never look, but you know he really wanted to?
I can’t remember if they ever did, but I REALLY wanted her and Ray to fall in love. Fuck Disney for that one. Friends can happen across sexes. GENDER IS A CONSTRUCT. So is caffeine!
Forever Young: Michelle Tanner
Ok, this is the creepiest episode of Full House ever. That leather-clad Michelle Tanner has haunted me for years.
Celebrité: So Lady Gaga has a perfume now
Lady Gaga’s got a p-p-perfume
With the 24 hour news cycle and not really giving a shit, I totally forgot that Lady Gaga was making a perfume. I’m not sure she ever confirmed it or even commented on the rumor going around that it was going to smell like semen and blood. What a weird rumor to start. Seriously. Who the fuck thinks about spraying blood and semen on themselves, and then pushes the idea on a tad bit left of center pop star’s perfume idea? I bet it was someone in Hollywood who is balding and hates their life, and probably has an egg mcmuffin twice a week. Pathetic.
From first look, I’m not totally appalled at the packaging. The box looks nice in its black and gold coloring. The lid for some reason makes me think of Lady Gaga’s hair and how nutty and over the top it can be. Like a fancier version of the hair bow she used to wear back in her heydey as a rising star. I can almost see a pair of sunglasses peeking out from under the gold top. The black liquid looks pretty cool, except why the fuck is it black? Is that shit gonna stain? Probably not, that would be a pretty awful design flaw.
I will say this: I hope it doesn’t smell like vanilla like every other god damn celebrity perfume. Justin Bieber, Beyonce, J.Lo, Britney, Paris, Selena Gomez, Katy Perry and every one else. Vanilla. I guess if Gaga’s smelled like semen and blood it would at least be thinking outside of the box. Kim Kardashian has one, right? Does it smell like a business pyramid scheme and self-absorbed pee fetishes? I wish. Then I would TOTALLY buy it. Ke$ha’s will probably smell like that too, but with a little more essence of beard and whiskey-sweat tour bus balls.
Also, I guess you ain’t shit unless you have a perfume. Noted.
Celebrité: Lady Gaga got pretty fucked up
Baby girl!! I can’t believe she doesn’t look worse actually after getting hit in the head with a metal prop during a concert in New Zealand. She probably has a goose egg the size of her poofy hair back there. A natural, injury-induced bumpit! She still looks beautiful. This girl will do anything for her little monsters, even completing 16 songs with a concussion. Seriously, I can’t believe she could do that. Amazing. So nice to her fans. Gaga 4 eva.
2PF 