Celebrité: Amanda Bynes is getting annoying

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

Everyone knows Twitter is full of useless information: jokes about dying alone, endless/useless fights about politics and details about strangers’ day to day lives. But once in a while, some fairweathered tweet about a useless celebrity sets me on fire.

Amanda Bynes erratic behavior is becoming a bore

Image via People
Image via People

It’s sort of beating a dead horse at this point to say “Why do we CARE about these people?” Is it because our love lives are stale? Our cubicle is depressing? We don’t have enough interesting things going on it our lives? Probs a combination of the three and a BAJILLION others, but I digress.

My problem with this tweet, and most gossip columns tweeting about AB, is that her crazy weird behavior is something we care to know about. Wearing crazy wigs to court because she shaved her head to wear bad wigs? SHOW ME THE PIC. Mumbling to herself all over NYC? YOU GOT A SOUND CLIP? Throwing a vase/bong out of a high rise window? I LOVE GLASS CHIPS. Entering stores and locking herself in bathrooms to “apply makeup”? DAMN THAT GURL IS HIP. Sure, calling Drake ugly and everyone else ugly is kinda funny and entertaining. But seriously, what the hell is her game?

I will dissect this in three ways:

  • Amanda Bynes is having a mid life identity crisis. Not legit crazy, which would explain why she has never been held by a court for incompetence. It also explains why her friend Drake Bell (granted I don’t know anything about him besides he starred on her show “The Amanda Show” in the early 00’s) said in an interview with OK! magazine that “She’s a sweetheart. I had lunch with her yesterday, and she’s brilliant. She’s good, and she’s healthy.” Without actual mental issues, there’s little anyone can do just because she’s acting weird and rude.
  • She is uneducated and starved for attention. At least Joaquin Phoenix’s weird year was for art. Unless Amanda Bynes is writing a dissertation on the absurdity of post-modern media, or planning to compile a book of tweets that mirror modern life in the era of useless information, I’m gonna continue to think she’s acting out for attention.
  • She thinks acting erratically and getting media attention will bring her career back to life. She’s not wrong, which is even sadder commentary on modern American pop culture and how to be successful. Be a dick! Be crazy! People Love it!

No matter what, the Amanda Bynes news is getting old. Either she’s going to continue to spiral into even more erratic behavior for more and more media/twitter attention, resulting in who knows what, or the public is gonna get bored of her weak attempts at staying relevant. Only sweet time will tell whether our fave semi-crazy B is gonna take it too far or reign herself back in. Oy. Vey.

Fashion icon: Temple Grandin

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

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Temple Grandin has mad style

Her. Shirts. Are. AMAZING.

Temple Grandin is definitely someone I want to learn more about. The little I know about her is this: she is an autistic woman who works as a scientist in humane livestock handling processes. She loves animals. She is really famous in the science world and in popular culture for her work in animal rights. That’s it. Also, Claire Danes played her in an HBO TV movie titled “Temple Grandin” that I must must must see soon. Catherine O’Hara is also in the flick. Can I get a hell yeah? (it’s on my brother’s HBO GO thingy, so SCORE, I have plans now.)

As the smallest cherry on top of an amazing life and important career, I really love her style. Her shirts are western chic meets animal rights fashionista. What’s not to love about that? Wouldn’t her shirts be cute with skinny jeans and riding boots? GOD I LOVE HER. Check out all of her killer shirts below.

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Prairie sophistication.

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The three dogs add so much style. Love it.

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THE COLORS. The details!

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Is that satin? SILK?! VELVET??! Chic.

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Love her. Wonderful style, big heart, great brain. We could all stand to be inspired by Temple, whether it’s with our own personal style or our dreams. AMEN.

Gross: Demi Lovato sells cars now

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

Demi Lovato, Car Saleswoman

EW. WHAT? Excuse me? Demi, are the first lyrics to your new song “Made in the USA” (PUKE TITLE) Our love runs deep like a Chevy? And is your chorus really cuz our love was made in the USA? Jesus. Nice try on the “Party in the USA” rip off, but no. Just… no.

Image via broadwayworld.com
She’s so edgy. Image via broadwayworld.com

How much do you think Chevy paid to have Demi Lovato, singer, actress, judge on The X Factor, to put a line referencing Chevy’s slogan in her song pukingly titled “Made in the USA”? Probably a lot. Oh, did I mention yet that Chevy is also the official car sponsor of The X Factor where Miss Lovato just happens to be a judge? Interesting! Transparent. And disgusting.

It’s like the mainstream music industry isn’t even trying to creatively cross promote anymore. Sure, Britney Spears made a couple of songs for Pepsi (and this AMAZING commercial that is my favorite commercial of all time), but she NEVER had a line in one of her albums about how good Pepsi is. It’s one thing to endorse a company and their product, but it’s another to bring it into your art or music and still call it art. It’s not art honey, it’s an ad. You make ads now.

Mental illness marketing is IN

The other thing that pisses me off about Demi Lovato is that she used/currently uses her mental illness(es) as a marketing tool. Come one, come all, o dearly afflicted teens! GROSS.

On one hand, she IS bringing awareness about mental illness into the homes of middle America. On the other, it seems a bit exploitative and confusing to talk about mental illness so much, and then release songs like this empty crap that have nothing to do with anything besides bringing brand awareness to said afflicted teens. Sort of like, Hey guys! I’m bipolar and depressed too. It really sucks, but you should check out this new 2014 Chevy. They are cool now. Skip the therapist to go for a test drive, cuz this shit runs DEEP. 

She's totally upset about the growing wealth disparity, you guys. Image via depotpicture.com
She’s totally upset about the growing wealth disparity, you guys. Image via depotpicture.com

Demi Lovato is the epitome of an uneducated, blank industry pawn. It’s not like she’s the first one ever, but she’s definitely the most obvious this year. It hurts me to know that these young stars, Miley, Justin, Selena, T-Swift, don’t have college educations, because I think a lot of them would be woken up to just how shitty of an influence they are on the world. It pains me to think about what’s going through their heads when they think of the world, life, entertainment, capitalism, commercialism, sexuality etc. *Shivers*

All in all, Lovato’s career is kinda doomed. She’s not ever going to be taken seriously as an ‘artist’ because of shit like this. There’s not really any coming back from corporate shillings. Cuz honestly, what’s next? A song about using Veet on your vag because boys think pubic hair is icky? “I love to Veet my vagina/it makes all the boys say ‘Hey Demetria!'” Wait that’s pretty good, actually.

I pray for my country.

Sex: What the fuck #1

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
Image via rounds.com
B Spears knows what I’m talkin about. Image via rounds.com

 

At the risk of sounding cliche/sexist/bored with my own sex life throughout this series, I’d like to offer these views on sexuality plaguing me and the 20-somethings in my life. Post #1.

American society and sexuality

How can a culture so fucking OBSESSED with sex be so bad at fucking? Of course it’s horrible of me to group every American (mostly the American straight dudes cuz those are the ones I’m doin’) into the category of being terrible in bed, because that obviously isn’t true. This is more for the dudes who have never heard of foreplay and how VITALLY IMPORTANT IT IS to have good sex with a woman, people who only get theirs and don’t share the O wealth, and those plagued with sex shame. Yikes!

Sex is everywhere. “Sex sells!” they say. So why is it that we are constantly surrounded by sexual images, sexual songs on the radio that sometimes play into rape culture, etc. but doing the actual deed gets people really stressed out, leading to bad bedroom experiences? I’ve got a few ideas.

Body image

Image via bodyandsoulactive.com
Every single day. Image via bodyandsoulactive.com

Everyone has insecurities. It’s practically unavoidable unless you’re some 50-year-old yogi who don’t give NO shits anymore. You’d think the fact that we all have insecurities about our bodies, our personalities and weird hair would cancel out in bed and we could all just have a good time. But no.

Is it that we’re all so self-centered? I know the times I’ve been deathly insecure in bed have been due to freaking out about something concerning my own naked body. Is he gonna think I’m disgusting for not shaving myself bald/I shouldn’t have eaten that burrito/If I have a double chin from this angle I’m going to kill myself are probably all things that used to run through my mind from the beginning of my sex life (18) to around 22.

What most people don’t realize until well into their sexual experimentation is that these insecurities read as crazy disinterest in your sexual partner. While you’re freaking out about how you look from a certain angle, they’re getting that you’re so uncomfortable, probably with them, that you can’t even enjoy or pay attention to the shared experience.

Tip: next time you’re in bed with someone, try to NOT think about yourself and your insecurites. Nobody is perfect. Celebrities crap/queef/feel unloved sometimes too, bro. I know it’s hard, but if you take baby steps to being secure with yourself, practicing self acceptance, trust and maybe having a bit of confidence, the sex will get SO SO SO much better.

Media

Image via frontpagemag.com
Faceless fucks. Image via frontpagemag.com

Ugh. THE MEDIA, DUN DUN DUN! What a crazy ecosystem of all the wrong ways to live. NO WONDER so many straight dudes think sex can start immediately without any foreplay for the lady parts. We need that shit. WE NEED IT. NEED. IT.

I guess for the sake of quick storytelling it makes sense (American Pie and their awful, horrible, no good sexualities come to mind), but in a culture where sex is a shameful act (damn you, Puritans!), it comes across sometimes as something to “get over with” as quickly as possible. Nu-uh. Cut it out right now.

Tip: Watch a bunch of artistic French or Latino films or something. Observe the sensuality. Have sex with a foreigner from a sensual land! Learn about sexuality in a different culture. It’s not like other cultures don’t have their own probs (yo misogyny, heavy gender stereotypes, bad outfits) but at least you can learn a bit about how other cultures express themselves sexually. It’s important to step outside of our own heads sometimes to get a different perspective. Also, just get sensual. Shame is lame!

Magazines

I would take sex advice from Khloe Kardashian over any Cosmo writer ANY DAY. Image via celebitchy.com
I would take sex advice from Khloe Kardashian over any Cosmo writer ANY DAY. Bonus: Shitty photoshop. These magazines are pure hell. Image via celebitchy.com

I remember when I used to buy and read magazines like Cosmopolitan. I was mostly a pre-teen to real teen during those years, because that shit is insufferable to read now. A friend in high school actually boycotted reading the mags after she read a tip similar to this: Keep your man satisfied in bed so he won’t leave you. SPIT TAKE! What the fuck. Seriously.

Here is a funny list of the worst Cosmo sex tips that’s pretty representative of the bullshit that gets printed in these sad mags. It’s seriously like none of these women have ever been in bed with a man and are taking descriptions straight from Harlequin romance novels and making them 10 times WORSE.

Tip: don’t take advice from magazines. They are the worst gender/sex/sexuality propaganda EVER. Go to a punk coffee shop, find a girl with a shaved head and ask her a bunch of questions about gender and sexuality. It will be the best conversation of your life. I promise. Or, you know, talk things out with your partner. Good communication is key to a great lay. HEY!

Fashion: Morality Crisis album release show was HOTTTTT

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

The Morality Crisis album release show (with Enabler, Nerves, Hardcore Crayons and SVOBODA) for their latest release “Boats” at the Triple Rock last night was AWESOME. Drum sticks were movin’ like that pencil trick from 4th grade and the energy was VIBRANT AS A MUTHAFUCK. Not only is Morality Crisis one of the KOOLEST bands in Minneapolis, but they have some fuckin’ STYLIN fans. Everyone looked rad as fuck. I can’t remember half the names because we got TURNT UP, most of the shoes are cut out bc I don’t know what I’m doing and the pics are blurry, late night iphone snaps. BUT FUCK IT, CUZ Y’ALL ARE HOT. Here are some of my fave looks from the nite.

Andrew
Andrew
I was really drunk when I talked to her. SWEET LOOK CUTE MYSTERY GIRL
I was really drunk when I talked to her. SWEET LOOK CUTE MYSTERY GIRL

 

Tess
Tess

 

Kool Dude
Kool Dude
Luann + Shelby
Luann + Shelby
Nick + Wyatt
Nick + Wyatt
Sarah wearing a color! Hooray!
Sarah wearing a color! Hooray!
Christ, muthafuckin' drummer of Morality Crisis
Christ, muthafuckin’ drummer of Morality Crisis
David + Rachel
David + Rachel
PAIGE (!!!)
PAIGE (!!!)
studded vests are IN. also too drunk to get his name
studded vests are IN. also too drunk to get his name

 

Mike
Mike
Kyle
Kyle

 

Jimi is the coolest
Jimi is the coolest
HALEYYYY
HALEYYYY
Kate's backside was all the rage in the ladies bathroom
Kate’s backside was all the rage in the ladies bathroom
amazing earrings!!!! again too drunk to get the name
amazing earrings GF / again too drunk to get the name
ANOTHER STYLIN DUDE
ANOTHER STYLIN DUDE
DENIM BABY
DENIM BABY

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beauty: Eyebrow pencilling is the shit

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
werk that eyebrow pencil, lady!
werk that eyebrow pencil, lady! Image via sarastoff.com

One cool thing about being in your 20s is discovering new looks. Last year, my girlfriends and I finally discovered the rainbow wonders of wearing lipstick. Why just last year, at the ripe-ish age of 24? Who knows cuz that shit cray. I shoulda hopped outta the womb with a fuckin’ coral lipstain. Sup, jags? It has transformed my friends looks and mine in awesome ways. This year, out of some kind of beauty zeitgeist, me and my bitches have finally discovered the wonders of eyebrow pencilling.

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MEGAN FOX KNOWS WHATS UP TOO

Ok, I actually don’t own an eyebrow pencil and I’m not sure my GFs do either. We are poor and hella fab, so we work with what we already have: eyeliner. I have dark brown eyebrows, so the dark brown eyeliner I use on a daily basis works perfectly for my eyebrows. I have a scar through one eyebrow and although I love having a badass scar on my face, it’s cool to have symmetrical brows every once in a while. BECAUSE THAT SHIT FANCY.

I definitely recommend trying out pencilling/eyeliner-ing your eyebrows. Make sure the color matches your natural color so it doesn’t look fucked up. One time I pencilled mine in with a black eyeliner for fun. Although it looked awesome in a Madonna 1992 sort of way, I looked pretty insane. GUUD LUK.

 

Music: Summer Hits of 2013: Troublemaker and Blurred Lines

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

“Troublemaker” by Olly Murs and Flo Rida

Good GOD. I love summer songs. They are full of life and love and sex (maybe, probably, HOPEFULLY). The first time I heard Olly Murs’ song “Troublemaker” I instantly loved it. It’s a refreshing move away from the synth-crazed hits of the radio over the winter. Plus there is not even one note in any of the melodies that is questionable. It just winds around the simple yet full instrumentation so sweetly. Plus PLUS Flo Rida adds a little FLORIDA FLAIR (oh god) making it a perfect A+ summer hit. Extra points for have a strong-willed female in the vid.

“Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke ft. Pharrell and T.I.

Robin-Thicke-NSFWThis song is pure sex. Robin Thicke is hot as FUCK, Pharrell is awesome and I guess T.I. is okay. Along the same lines as “Troublemaker”, the instrumentation is simple yet compelling and PHRESH because it’s not the same electro stuff we’ve heard for the past billion years on the radio (don’t get me wrong I love electropop but JESUS, instrument diversity is cool too RADIO). This song is just so fun. You can’t help but move around to it, and maybe kiss ur honey in the process.

BUT, the more I listen to the lyrics, the more I started to like the song less:

ok he was close

tried to domesticate you

but you’re an animal

Baby it’s in your nature

just let me liberate you

Knee-jerk reaction: bitch PLEASE.

One terrible part of loving pop music is the antiquated and rather dull views on gender roles and sexuality. A woman who was unhappy with a controlling man should let you liberate her because she can’t do it herself? COOL STORY BRO. NO, REALLY. I’m so glad another mainstream pop/r&b artist has written a song alluding to the fact that women can’t think for themselves. Real neat. SO 2013.

The uncensored video is kinda really fuckin lame too. I mean, it’s pretty and well shot, but super objectifying and YAWN. It’s full of topless and naked models with fully clothed men. Hey, here’s an idea dudes: why don’t you stop being so insecure about your stomachs/biceps/dicks/manhood and flop them around for a change? IDGAF if it isn’t as pretty as women being naked. EQUALITY MOTHAFUCKAS.

I know it’s a pop song and it IS a fun and catchy tune. But sometimes it’s still hard as a human, who respects not only herself but everyone regardless of gender, to hear lyrics that once again play into gendered stereotypes of sexuality, i.e. men are strong and women are weak. PUKE. All it tells me is that Robin Thicke and co. are living in a fantasy world where they think women need men to save them from other dudes cuz we can’t make a decision for ourselves. EW. YUCK. We’re all just human beings, man. Cut this gender shit out. It’s SUCH a bore and pretty intellectually embarrassing.

A- SUMMER HIT because the music is awesome but the lyrics are so 1873.

Fashion icon: Justin Bieber’s leather shirt

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

PacersHeatBasketball140615--300x300

I love this outfit. That leather shirt is rad, gold chains are always fun and the hat adds a little team spirit. You can take away someone’s self love by booing them in extremely public places, but you can’t take away their style! Way to go, Biebs. Werk that leather shirt n gold chains. And be good plz.

Watch this now: Gramma’s Boyfriend “I Have This Feeling & Shugar Crash”

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

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This is Gramma’s Boyfriend (best band name ever, right?!) The lead singer is Haley Bonar, who in my opinion is the coolest fucking chick in the Twin Cities area, possibly the nation. I’ve never seen her live solo or with Gramma’s Boyfriend because I’ve been hustlin, busy or broke. But I have seen a lot of her videos online and talked about her drunk with girlfriends. Consensus: this bitch can ROCK. “I Have This Feeling” sounds like a song right out of Clueless during the scene where Cher is throwin shade at all the gross high school boys. The music video for the song is also super fun. A+.

Her vocal style is amazing, her dancing is the shit and the music is fucking awesome. But not only is she kicking ass in her side-project punk/new wave jam Gramma’s Boyfriend, she’s released a ton of music solo as Haley Bonar. I haven’t listened as much to her solo music yet as I was first introduced to her in GB, but I’ve seen a few performances online and they are solid af too. There’s a lot of electricity in this woman. I like how she’s weird. It’s so fucking rad. Definitely an inspirational woman in the local music scene. HB + Gramma’s Boyfriend are must sees in Minneapolis. “I NEED TO SEE GRAMMA’S BOYFRIEND LIVE” should be the only thing you’re thinking this summer. Plus maybe “I should get laid by a hot and respectful individual.” New summer goals y’all.

Check out Gramma’s Boyfriend’s live video performance of “We R Ctrl” below. It’s insanely cool.

Also take a listen to her solo tunes here. Totally totally totally worth it. Luv her!!!

Listen: Har Mar Superstar’s “Lady, You Shot Me”

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

220px-Har_Mar_Superstar

 

Har Mar Superstar is a local Minneapolis craycrayawesome performer who has been around the block a few times. He now lives in Brooklyn AND is touring + promoting his new album “Bye Bye 17” like a madman. I just started getting into him from seeing him at my internship’s launch party at the end of March. He showed up after 3 AM at the Sound Gallery and played an impromptu set with who I’m assuming was his band from his show earlier that night. Or they were his really talented friends. Anyways, I LOVE his new single. It’s soulful, really well produced and a refreshing new retro sound to hear on the radio. The video just dropped and it’s got a lil soulful style to it as well. CHECK HIM OUT FO REAL.