This could be you. But like 10 years older and with more booze and touching involved. Image via nick.com
Can I get a hell yeah for scary movies?!
Can you think of a better film genre to watch on a date than a scary movie? Think about it: After the first jumpy part, you’ll squeeze in close together. At this point, you can definitely smell his/her cologne/perfume. Yum.
Then, at every jumpy or scary part, you can grab and hold each other through the horror that is developing on the screen. After all the hacking, zombie brain-eating, apocalyptic kerfuffle, you’ll both feel like you truly experienced something special together.
You should also be drinking wine/cocktails throughout the entire scary movie. This needs no explanation.
At the end of the movie, you two will feel buzzed, both by the liquor and the jarring experience of seeing people die horrible deaths. It really is romantic.
GAGA. THE GAGA. Happy Birthday, you wonderful weirdo girl. You’ve made pop music something to be proud of, and you’ve definitely made me dance and sing a lot more than usual. I LOVE you so. Your style, fashion and performances are so entertaining and amazing. Thanks for being our favorite Mother Monster.
Take a look at our girl Gaga back in 2009 at the VMA’s. This will always be my favorite performance of hers, because it was, of sorts, her debut into main stream pop music. She sang wonderfully live (a feat for pop music, let’s be honest), danced, played the piano and scared the shit out of everyone in the audience and the world. And that, folks, is how the legend was born…
Saved by the Bell has recently become available on Netflix instant. From all the mornings before school watching this show, I thought I’d give it another chance as a learned adult. Here are a couple of thoughts concerning early 90s programming gold.
Cuz I’m saved by the be-e-elllllllll
I love that in the first episode of season 3, titled “The Prom,” that Kelly’s hard-hitting decision of the day is to choose who she wants to go to prom with. Problem is, Zach AND Slater both want to take Kelly to prom. God, to be in 1990 again.
Yeah, because it’s what all the cool kids do, DUH. Image via loldrugs.com
Also, many of the episodes are not even trying to hide the fact that they have a political/social agenda. For example, during the same episode, Kelly’s father gets laid off from a job at a defense company due to “growing world peace.” PUKE!!! The next episode in season 3 also mentions growing world peace during an ROTC visit to the school, that ends with a wary Zach deciding the Army is like, totally cool. Yikesssssss. Talk about some war propaganda during breakfast. I’d hate to live in a world where ‘growing world peace’ is seen as a bad thing. I guess the threat of nuclear war and a corporate 1% dystopia (yo what up Hunger Games!) is a sunnier world than people worried about the reality of world peace. YUCK.
DAYUM GURL! This is some straight up early 90s softcore porn. Image via popstar.com
The kids also tell us on numerous occasions to “not smoke dope.” I mean, it’s annoying, but do you remember high school? It was chock full of “abortion kills” bumper stickers, pledges to not drink alcohol until 21 and threats that weed would murder your soul and your family, instead of just make you hungry and giggly. Then you got to college and smoked the first thing someone handed to you, and realized that high school was a tiny bubble of fascists just trying to fit in. Awwwww.
The SBTB kids listen to tapes, fight over Paula Abdul vs. Janet Jackson, and can actually afford snacks at the movies. Jerks!
There’s also a lot of diversity that isn’t stereotypical. Lisa is a fashionista black girl and Slater is a iron-pumping latino who both don’t fall into the all too often played racial or cultural stereotypes. Granted, I haven’t seen every episode of this show. But it does suck to notice that 2 decades later dumbass stereotypes haven’t been erased. Somehow, I blame Dick Cheney.
The role of Mr. Belding is also interesting to watch. After a Bush decade of education budget cuts, a terrible generation of children and general educative tomfoolery, I could NEVER see a principal act the way he does with students as Mr. Belding did. Granted, it was a TV show. But any principal on TV nowadays would probably be some portrayed as a huge asshole who’s fucking some “slut” teenager for drug money. So bleak. I wish we were bored with world peace again. In the 90s, Zach offers to wash Belding’s car to get out of detention. In this day and age, students’ parents would sue Mr. Belding for ‘abuse.’ God I hate people.
On a lighter note and shying away from apparent societal (tv) decay, the fashion is AMAZING. I want Kelly and Lisa’s wardrobe, and Jessie’s for when I wanna workout/lounge around. Screech has some pretty amazing outfits too.
Jessie is a staunch feminist. And it is fucking AWESOME.
Dream couple of the early 90s. Zach is pretty awesome though. Maybe the best while male teenaged character of all-time. Big heart, quick made-for-squeeky-clean-tv vernacular. Brilz. Image via popstar.com
All in all, I’d say put it on in the background at parties, or in the background of an afternoon on the internet. In terms of observing American television from the late 80s/early 90s, it is a fascinating look into what the world on television was like when we were babies.
They get into crazy food fights that symbolize their connection, although part of the connection appears to be in danger. Image via toutlecine.com
Ils Se Marierent et Eurent Beaucoup D’Enfants
Happily Ever After (Ils Se Marierent et Eurent Beaucoup D’Enfants) is a movie about a couple and their thoughts and actions about love, marriage and affairs. The English title is actually a lame translation, but this happens often during translated movie titles. The French translation is roughly along the lines of “They Married and Had Many Children” which could be interpreted as their childish actions in regards to their relationship, love and commitment.
Image via wikimedia
The premise of the story is a married couple with a child who both have thoughts of infidelity. Stereotypically, the men in the film pine over women that are equally as desirable as their wives who they are annoyingly bored with. The men come off as weak, child-like creatures who want new, shiny toys to fuck up their lives with.
The female perspective on affairs and cheating is more contemplative. I don’t know if it’s because this is a true portrayal of a woman straying or if it’s kind of another stereotype in cheating. But then again, maybe the path to affairs is unique depending on gender. Dudes seem to go for it, without much thought, and women seem to really think about it before taking the leap.
The couple obviously loves each other, but for some reason there has been a disconnect somewhere don the line that has them both thinking of other lovers.
I really liked the movie though. It’s sometimes hard to watch infidelity in film, because it’s something I don’t understand. However, I’ve been watching a few films that deal with the subject to understand it more, like the film Last Night. Straying in a relationship or a marriage is a lot more complex than writing any individual off as a total jerkface. After all, we are all single human beings with a unique life and unique desires. Who are we to really judge someone else’s relationship and choices?
I love Charlotte Gainsbourg. She has this look in her eyes whenever she casts a sideways glance that would make you believe she is looking through different dimensions. Just amazing.
It’s in French with subtitles, and I definitely recommend it.
PS let’s learn French!!!! I’m a little bit of a francophile. They seem so fabulously salty and stylish. My fave combination.
“I’m still I’m still Jenny from the block. Now, go get my fucking Evian and warm it to exactly 72 degrees. Then lightly spray in on my breadless sandwich, and stand 32 degrees away from me facing east. It’s best for digestion, peasant.” –Not an actual quote from Jennifer Lopez
Image via imdb.com
I’ve been on the fence with J-Lo ever since her movie with Ben Affleck totally ruined my life. Remember reading Gigliover and over and pronouncing it “giggly” and then being forever confused for the rest of your life? Thanks J-Lo, you dick.
In all seriousness, there’s a lot of cool and not so cool things about Jenny from the huge-fucking-mansion-in-the-gated-community (new song?). Let’s examine.
The Evidence
The tagline for the movie Gigli is: “The violent story about how a criminal lesbian, a tough-guy hit-man with a heart of gold, and a retarded man came to be best friends through a hostage.” And you’re telling me that movie was a flop? GET OUT! It actually sounds kind of genius. Like, Tropic Thunder genius. I bet someone went full retard. I hear you’re not supposed to do that. Gigli makes me miss the days where Hollywood could literally produce pieces of excrement and not even care if they were successful. I say, kudos to J-Lo for picking a movie with that tagline. +1
She totally changed Ben Affleck into a suity kind of bourgeois guy that we know he is not. He’s a Boston-y dude who likes beards and plaid. Plus, we shouldn’t change our significant others so dramatically. Getting them to do the dishes or cut down on cigarettes is way different than making them dress and act different. Boo! Maybe Benny was into it, but seeing as the wedding never happened and he’s back to beards and plaid, I’d say Jenny had a firm wrist in that relationship.
-3
She’s known for being a diva, but who isn’t? 0
Holla at a girl! I LOVED On the 6 when I was in middle school. That shit was my jam. Image via virginmedia.com
You can’t deny this bitch knows how to make some BANK. Celebrity clothing lines/perfumes (no matter how trashy) make a lot of money. Just look at Jessica Simpson and her billion dollar empire. J-Lo’s music career kind of revived itself with her clubby hit “On the Floor.” And who can forget her *amazing* acting career. She’s a stahhhh, so she gets s set amount of dough before each movie. That’s why you never see her in indie flicks. And lastly, her stint on American Idol, where pop stars kind of go to die. Right, Paula? Anyways, you can’t deny she is a successful and powerful lady who deserves the recognition for making a shit ton of moolah. +5
She picks really, really terrible movies to be in. -4
She’s always handled her tabloid drama well. Divorces, marriages, rumors, etc. She’s got the media down. +5
Jenny represents her latino/a heritage well for an American born lady. It’s good to have a powerful woman around, not to mention a great, hot, successful latina running a bunch of shit. Good for her. +5
J-Lo got her start on In Living Color as a fly girl, which is probably the coolest start to a career anyone could ever have. +2
Image via people.com
She wasn’t born with a silver spoon in her future silver spoon-y mouth. +1
She’s known for not drinking alcohol or taking any drugs. Which sounds boring (who doesn’t love a cocktail?!) but have you seen her? She looks amazing. Pretty much like 20 years haven’t gone by. Yeah she probably has some sweet-ass creams that are a million dollars an ounce. But her genetics and lifestyle also come into play. Jealz! +2
The Score
20
Omg, I think I like J-Lo. Not enough to buy her latest music (yet), but enough to play On the 6 while putting eyeliner on.Plus, she was a fly girl. Nuff said.
Perez looks a little thin, no? He’s been on a health kick for the past couple of years, dropping from an unhealthy weight to exercise and smart eating. And over the course of a couple years, he has transformed himself. However, this picture definitely makes him look a little skinny skinny. Every Hollywood socialite’s dream, right?!
Being healthy is what counts, Perez. Keep that in mind!
Possibly my biggest relationship inspiration. They’re fun, funny and successful.
And they seem happy, which is only solidified by their penchant to stay the fuck out of the tabloids. We all know those tabloid relationships are doomed, because the people in them are famewhores. But this ain’t the case here. It’s true love. I can feel it.
My Google homepage recently revealed a new tab (or I just now noticed it): Google Play. Here at Google Play, you can buy music, books, movies and Android apps. Oh, no iPhone apps you say?! Shocking!
This will seriously only be interesting to me and probably a lot of other people if this creates some competition for the pricey shit over at the iTunes store. Because really, if we stopped renting movies from actual video stores for $3.99, what makes anyone think we’re going to ‘rent’ a 24-hour digital copy for that much?!
Sherlock Holmes investigates: The stolen platform. Image via zdnet.co.uk
They need to lower their shit to Redbox prices. I think people would rather drive to Redbox and spend $1.29 on a movie than rent one for $3.99 at either iTunes or Google Play. Especially since there is barely any overhead cost in renting a movie online. It’s just downloading. At least with Redbox we get the actual video, and can keep it for longer than 24 hours (once we start watching it. iTunes has some pretty sophisticated rulez) with an extra charge (the beauty being that the extra charge is within our power, and we’re all power hungry mofos who love being in control). iTunes telling us we have 30 days to begin the movie and then 24 hours after that to watch the movie is bogus and self-harmworthy. It causes our brains to melt in judgmental disgust anyways from A) watching something presumably dumber than rocks that was made in Hollywood and B) vastly overpaying for it.
It’s no surprise people want the fuck out of our money, but come on. Sell it to us cheap and we’ll buy it. Otherwise that shit gonn’ get stolen. That’s what capitalism is, right?!
Up All Nightis a refreshingly progressive show. In the day and age of old, crusty white men hating on the womenz, NBC totally has their shit together with talented, powerful ladies like Amy Poehler on Parks and Rec and Tina Fey on 30 Rock. Up All Night is no exception.
The lady half, of the relationship, Christina Applegate, goes to work. She’s a producer at a successful daytime talk show that stars Ava (Maya Rudolph). She also happens to be a pretty type-A personality that would go absolutely batshit staying at home all day. And the man-y half, Will Arnett, leaves his post as a lawyer to stay at home with the baby. It’s less gender-forced roles and more focused on these two people as individuals with different personalities and talents that lead them to work or staying at home. Can you feel the fresh air? Ahhhhh.
The legend, the dame, Maya Rudolph. Image via hollywoodofficial.com
Christina Applegate and Will Arnett are an awesome on screen couple too. Their characters are very normal and reasonable, kind of hipster-ish, but the kind of hipsterism (that’s the worst word in the world btw) that exists in mid 30s folk who still have a yearning to be cool burning in them but they have a kid and jobs and responsibilities and shit.
Plus, anything with Maya Rudolph is totally worth watching. I can’t take my eyes off her. She’s brillz!!
What to expect when you’re expecting (this movie to be awful)
Speaking of men being hands-on fathers in entertainment, the movie What to Expect When You’re Expecting also spends a fair share of the film centered on a group of dads that tote their babies around parks and have a secret dad society. In this dad society, they totally own being a hands-on dad in their own way. It’s not feminized, like so many ‘stay at home dad’ movies in the past.
I am totally digging this new foray into movies and television featuring hands-on parenting by either sex. It really doesn’t matter which gender is staying at home, walking their kids, feeding them, etc., however it is nice to see some progressive jaunts into men’s men taking on the mighty task of staying home with the kids. Kudos, Hollywood!!
2PF 