Remember when the economy was good and 5/5 pop stars had jobs, instead of 1/5? Where are you, 1999?
Music: Justin Timberlake?
WHAT THE WHAT?!
Did I just hear correctly that our beloved Justin Timberlake has hit the music scene once again? Granted and unfortunately, it’s just a featured spot (boo!) with his musical bff Timbaland in unknown artist FreeSol‘s song titled “Fascinated.” FreeSol has been performing the song at least since last November where he performed in on Letterman, but this is the first I’ve heard of the song and JT from a video promo on E! rolling through the credits.
We can only hope this is a promising sign for JT’s loooooooong awaited return to music. But, don’t hold your breath. He’s reportedly gotten engaged, and happy people tend to have a harder time creating things because they’re too busy having sex. Please come back to us, JT. We miss your jams and dance moves. COME BACK TO US.
On the fence: Taylor Swift
Taylor Swift 
The first time I watched anything dealing with Taylor Swift was a performance of “Should’ve Said No” where she had a costume change and ended her performance under a rain machine. Besides being a little pitchy, that performance rocked and I decided to check out her album.
But then came the Kanye-VMA debacle. It gave the gossip and entertainment mags something more interesting to talk about, you know, other than the Paris Hiltons or whichever socialite was being a general annoyance to the American public. Kanye got way too drunk and interrupted Swift during an acceptance speech for Best Video, which was obviously rude and spawned a year of never ending internet memes.
The Evidence
What I thought was unsavory about Swift during this debacle was that West’s mother Donda died less than two years earlier, and Kanye hadn’t stopped working since then. Cue, spiraling out of control. He issued countless apologies on countless crappy tv shows, all of which Swift half-assedly accepted, as she looked as thought she enjoyed the free press more. 0
Swifty rips her shitty, metrosexual ex-boyfriends new b-holes after they dump her via text message. +2 
Her backup bands have the worst hair imaginable. But that’s not her fault. 0
She is always writing songs about having a broken heart, and is starting to sound like a broken record. -1
Great hair. +1
She has great, classy style, and a new spread and cover for Vogue. +1
She covers a new song relevant to the city she is touring in. Way cool. +1
Her surprise face. -1
The Score
Taylor comes out with a +3 advantage. Her style and penchant for embarrassing guys who totally deserve it is way awesome. However, she really should do something about those backup dancers’ hair. Yuck.
Celebrité: Heidi Klum files for divorce from Seal
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Say it ain’t so!
Heidi Klum and Seal divorce
It’s being reported that Heidi Klum is going to file for divorce from Seal, citing “irreconcilable differences.” They seemed like one of the Hollywood couples that were truly in love and had the goods to make it in the long run. They even renewed their vows every year and had amazing Halloween costumes.
First Katy Perry and Russell Brand, then Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis, and NOW Heidi and Seal. Come on, Hollywood, make one that sticks!
If Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt ever break up, I’m going to be crushed and it will be proven that love cannot last a lifetime. Or maybe I’ll base it on Elton John and his hubby David Furnish. Neither of which are technically Hollywood couples. Maybe that’s the real problem: Hollywood is too full of deranged, self-obsessed, megalomaniacs who are mentally and physically incapable of commitment with other deranged, self-obsessed, megalomaniacs.
Just like Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore and their open relationship, which is bogus in the first place because human beings get jealous no matter what the arrangements are. Especially if your much younger husband is fooling around with much younger women who don’t respect the sanctity of marriagebecause it’s Ashton Kutcher and maybe he will buy them a new purse, or a cream to get rid of the rash in the morning. Gross. Ashton Kutcher continually looks like a dirty fart. No thank you.
But come on, dudes in Hollywood. Marriage isn’t easy. But stop shitting all over it.
My advice to any megalomaniacal celebrity looking for love in Hollywood is the following: If you’re obsessed with yourself and think you’re the best/prettiest/smartest/most powerful in the world etc., marry one of your stalkers because at least they’ll worship you forever. But they may make dolls out of your hair. Only if you’re lucky.
Gross: Dane Cook
Dane Cook has finally resurfaced out of the probable dirty butthole he was living in. And oh hey! He performed a terrible set at the Laugh Factory in LA that was described by T.J. Miller as “vicious, misogynistic, cruel, and arrogant.”
GROSS.
First of all, anyone who likes Dane Cook needs to be in life rehab. That guy has never been funny. He’s like the marginally acceptable kid who clung on to the popular turds in high school, hoping to be a huge turd himself. Sadly, he never achieved turd status and had to settle in with the dingleberries.
Seriously, fuck any guy who thinks talking about women like this is funny. It’s just sad. Nobody thinks it’s cool when you “fuck whores” like a chainsaw. A) that’s bad form and B) GROSS. Sleeping around isn’t that cool, it’s kinda sad, man.
Trusted friend and future guest blogger Michael says “I feel like now he’s doing way too much coke to be funny.” Sounds about right!
FINAL WORD
Dane Cook, and any man who thinks or acts like this, listen up. Stop it. It’s not cool to be a total jerkface dingleberry. So cut the string and dingle your berry somewhere else.
On the fence: Rooney Mara
Rooney Mara. You’ve heard of her, or seen her in the past couple of years: Either in The Social Network as the girl who dumps Zuckerberg on his ass or the girl with the dragon tattoo. She’s been talked about around the style blogs as having an edge and the gossip blogs as being kind of an ungrateful bitch.
Background information
Girlfriend’s family is LOADED. Great-grandparents on both sides of her family founded the Pittsburg Steelers and the New York Giants. Her uncle co-owns the Giants. More football shit. Wow.
Her sister is Kate Mara, an actress you may or may not have seen in her slew of indie movies and supporting roles.
Rooney Mara’s real name is Patricia Rooney Mara. I can see why one would drop the ‘Patricia’. It’s not the edgiest name alive, if that’s what she’s going for.
She went to NYU for psychology, international social policy, and nonprofits. +1
She started acting in television and film in 2005. Biggest jobs: A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Social Network and The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.
The Evidence
Straight from her mouth
On the campaign trail for GWTDT, she spoke about her first major role on an episode of Law and Order: Special Victim’s Unit. She played a formerly obese girl who beats up fat people with her boyfriend. Rooney ungratefully dished her opinion on the episode.
“Being on Law & Order: SVU was so awful. So stupid. People are obsessed with that show. I don’t get it. Me and my boyfriend—although I don’t look old enough to have a boyfriend—went and beat up these fat people, and at the end of the show you find out that I used to be obese and I hate fat people. It’s ridiculous. Who would ever do that? Who would beat someone up because they’re fat? And as retribution, they sodomized her. I mean, I’ve been sodomized since the beginning of my career. I should have known then it would come full circle.”
Yeah, it sounds like a pretty stupid premise for an episode, but there’s something so unkempt and ungrateful about a successful actress criticizing roles that supported her rise to fame. I’m all for eccentric artists, actors and musicians. It makes their work more interesting. +1 But it’s a fine line to walk, especially in Hollywood, when it comes to telling the truth. The majority of the time, the poor little rich kids end up sounding like huge turds.
-1
Style
Her style has been pretty bold and interesting. She’s been wearing lots of cutout dresses that definitely play up her edgy media persona. Everyone was waiting to see what she would wear at the Golden Globes. She chose a Nina Ricci dress with her seemingly signature cutout style. +1
The Score
Rooney comes out slightly ahead with a +2 advantage. She’s definitely a girl to keep an eye on in 2012. Either for brilliant movie roles or something outrageous that comes out of her delightfully uncensored mouth.
Celebrité: Photoshop madness, Beyoncé edition
How far is too far when it comes to Photoshop?
The latest photoshop outrage has hit the net in the form of Beyoncé’s lighter-than-usual skin color. The questions begin: Is it just bright lighting, a weirdo and possibly pseudo or fully racist photoshopper, or Beyoncé supported lightening of her skin?
As far as photoshop regulation goes, the UK has placed a ban on misleading makeup ads, meaning that any celebrity or model that looks flawless and wrinkle-free on beauty product ads are subject to investigation (seeing as we see these women in movies and on perezhilton with obvious wrinkles, but when it comes to selling beauty products they miraculously disappear.) False advertising= huge no-no in Britain. But the deeper sociological question lies in what the message of lighter skinned and physically altered models sends to the public, namely women and young girls.
It’s no new idea that manipulating women’s, i.e. celebrity’s bodies and faces to look thin, wrinkle free and sometimes perfectly robotic, has left an unreachable impression of the female form for the rest of the country, let alone the world.
The question remains in America. With our overly exposed entertainment industry and an undying thirst for everything perfect perfect perfect, when is it time to stop the photoshop? Are the celebrities themselves so hell bent on “having it all” that they insist on perfection in every photo they take? Or is it something deeper than that?
Also, who ARE the people who photoshop black women lighter, models even skinnier and celebrities without limbs? What’s their beef with people as they are? Or is it their upper management telling them what to do? Getting rid of blemishes and cellulite by way of photoshop is understandable, but some of this is undoubtedly taken too far.
2PF 