Celebrité: Heidi Klum files for divorce from Seal

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Say it ain’t so!

Heidi Klum and Seal divorce

Heidi Klum and Seal, in better times.
Heidi Klum and Seal, in better times.

It’s being reported that Heidi Klum is going to file for divorce from Seal, citing “irreconcilable differences.” They seemed like one of the Hollywood couples that were truly in love and had the goods to make it in the long run. They even renewed their vows every year and had amazing Halloween costumes.

First Katy Perry and Russell Brand, then Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis, and NOW Heidi and Seal. Come on, Hollywood, make one that sticks!

If Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt ever break up, I’m going to be crushed and it will be proven that love cannot last a lifetime. Or maybe I’ll base it on Elton John and his hubby David Furnish. Neither of which are technically Hollywood couples. Maybe that’s the real problem: Hollywood is too full of deranged, self-obsessed, megalomaniacs who are mentally and physically incapable of commitment with other deranged, self-obsessed, megalomaniacs.

Just like Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore and their open relationship, which is bogus in the first place because human beings get jealous no matter what the arrangements are. Especially if your much younger husband is fooling around with much younger women who don’t respect the sanctity of marriagebecause it’s Ashton Kutcher and maybe he will buy them a new purse, or a cream to get rid of the rash in the morning. Gross. Ashton Kutcher continually looks like a dirty fart. No thank you.

More like jerkface!
More like jerkface!

But come on, dudes in Hollywood. Marriage isn’t easy. But stop shitting all over it.

My advice to any megalomaniacal celebrity looking for love in Hollywood is the following: If you’re obsessed with yourself and think you’re the best/prettiest/smartest/most powerful in the world etc., marry one of your stalkers because at least they’ll worship you forever. But they may make dolls out of your hair. Only if you’re lucky.

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