Reality TV: Where mental illness, alcoholism and obesity are IN

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
Image via mylot.com

For realz. Reality TV is one of those genres that you really have know idea what kind of “creative” forces are working behind it, and this bugs me. Normal TV has writers, actors, directors, a story board, producers, etc. But reality TV is a little trickier. It’s supposed to lean a little to the documentary side of things, but that shit hit the fan after they realized alcoholics with rage issues who like to dance make reeeeeeeally good TV.

My Strange Addiction is nearly every first world problem you could ever dream of. Image via tlc.howstuffworks.com

My main problem with scripted reality shows are that they are fucking lazy. Seriously, were the big wigs over at studio xyz just super cheap fucks who didn’t want to pay for writers, directors or talented actors anymore? It’s gotta be suuuuper cheap to produce a reality show. You barely have to pay the “talent”, probably because they’re busy defecating on all the rented furniture. That shit adds up.

And forget writers! The producers probably get blasted on coke vodka redbulls and sloppily piece together ridiculous story lines, such as, “peeing on dancefloors“, “mental illness mambo” and my fave “alcoholicism is fun and not at all a serious problem!”

Image via locatetv.com

From watching hours upon hours of the Kardashians on Netflix (embarrassing, but whatevs) it is SO obvious that barely anything is spontaneous. The storylines just fit a little too perfectly, and everyone always seems to have a smirk on their painted on mugs that all but reveals “yeah, this is all bullshit. But you’d probably let Ray-J pee on you too if you had  my paycheck, filthy commoner.”

Is reality TV like meth?

In terms of reality shows, I’ve gotta say those dating shows like The Bachelor, Temptation Island (T.I. is sick as fuck) and whatever the fuck Tila Tequila has been in are pretty much the rockiest rock of all bottoms. Way more rock bottom than say, My Strange Addiction. I’d gladly hang out with anyone who ate cigarette ashes and had a sexual relationship with their car over anyone who has ever been on a reality dating show. (The “Where Are They Now?” section of the MSA website is fucking platinum speckled GOLD. “Did therapy and help from friends convince Mary to stop eating cat treats and change her ways?” )

I’ve seen better turds in my toilet after a night of drinking than any Bachelor. Fuck, I could find better men on public transit. And if you’ve ever been on public transit, you know that’s a bold statement.

Also, the weightloss shows make me sad.

Yep folks, it seems as if the big, bad corporations have got this reality TV smut down to a T. Put alcoholism, mental illness and obesity on TV and you’ll be richer than all the Kardashians combined in like 5 minutes. I’ve got it! OCD Happy Hour Confessions: I Ate My Family. TLC is picking it up as I type.

Watch this now: E Male’s “We Are E Male”

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Is it absolutely dumb as shit that I’m really into this? Yes. But the blond one is hot. I’m such a whore for 5 men dancing to pop music.

Happy Friday!!!!

Netflix nightcap: The Walking Dead

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
Image via screenrant.com

Seriously, WATCH THIS SHOW. Zombie apocalypse, but done in a way classier and storyteller way than most gory and campy zombie movies. It’s amazing.

A sheriff wakes up from a coma to a world completely changed. The zombie apocalypse has happened. He goes on to find his family and other survivors as they deal with an entirely different society chock full of new undead enemies. Even if you’re not into zombies, this show takes it to a more realistic level in terms of story and character development.

As of now, the first season is just on Netflix. But, the second season JUST ended, and you can either surf a way to stream it or wait until those turd businessmen finalize a “deal” to get it to us through some paid network. (Seriously, you;d think they’d get this shit together by now. We’re either going to watch it on Netflix or Hulu, their website or stream it somewhere else. Get with the times, Hollywood. You’re embarrassing yourself more than usual.)

WATCH THIS SHOW NOW!!!! But not before bed, because you WILL have nightmares about zombies eating your skull.

Dating: The “maybe sometime” relationship

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

Hate to break it to you, but that “maybe sometime” relationship you’ve been keeping in your back pocket is totally fucked up.

Some people are so into this. They probably saw it in an episode of Friends and thought it was a “real neat” idea. ‘If you don’t find the love of your life, marry someone who’s more pathetic so you don’t feel bad about not finding anyone better.’ Harsh! Why would anyone set themselves up for this amazing disaster?

This will never be you if you marry a fallback person. Image via goodreads.com

Cue Katherine Heigl filming this exact storyline. Except in her version, she actually falls in love with her fallback, and her fallback falls in love with her, despite her bad wigs. A true Hollywood love story.

Face it: It ain’t gonna happen. Why even have a fallback relationship? Would you really be that much happier with someone you didn’t care to date at your best and most mediocre of moments in life? The “maybe sometime” person is just a façade. Someone you think of when you’re afraid of being lonely, but not someone you think of when you picture a happy life and a good relationship.

At this point in our lives, and the way relationships have progressed throughout the years, we have a loooong time to figure out who we want to end up with. Unless you’re one of those 20 somethings that got married at 21, in which case, congratulations (and fuck you. Just kidding! kind of).

So there’s no rush. But I’m just sayin, don’t peg someone as your backup. Give them, and YOU a chance to find your very own Ryan Gosling or Rachel McAdams. Because they are awesome and mostly everyone, save total idiots, deserve a Ryan Gosling or a Rachel McAdams.

Got a tiny hand fetish? Solved.

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

This is genius. So creepy and hilarious.

One summer when I was a wedding DJ, the bride had a little hand. They were assholes though and didn’t tip for all the shitty music they made me play. Maybe it was because I couldn’t stop staring at the tiny hand all night. Whatevs, it was worth it.

Check out other celebs with tiny hands here: One Tiny Hand

F me on Facebook and Twitter

‘Teen Mom’ Jenelle Is Getting Implants. The positive messages from this show just keep comin’ in

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“By all means, Jenelle, don’t go too big. You wouldn’t want to turn into a cartoonish representation of everything wrong about a society that rewards morons with fame and wealth for making a TV show about their terrible life decisions that, in turn, a soulless network sells to advertisers schilling candy and shoes to teenagers who think getting knocked up is the thing to do because calculus is hard. A ‘C’ cup will still allow you to keep that “I’m a celebrity, but I’m not above blowing you for a dinner as long as the restaurant doesn’t have a drive-thru window” look that won’t draw stares.”

I LOVE the Superficial. Hilarious. And spot on.

‘Teen Mom’ Jenelle Is Getting Implants, Too, Now – The Superficial – Because Youre Ugly.

20 somethings: Take a dance class to meet new people

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
Image via fuckyeahlizlemon.tumblr.com

Growing into a 20 something life can be a bit awkward. We don’t have very much money, our high school friends are long gone and our college friends are thinning out. So how and where do entry-level adults meet each other? One place, two words: Dance class.

Yes, it may seem a little like child’s play. But fuck it. Dancing is super fun, good for your body and mind AND dance classes are a great way to meet people. If you’re single, lonely, missing that special groove thang in your life, get your ass to a dance class, stat!

Just think about all the advantages there are to taking a dance class:

You could look this cool. Image via downtowndancefactory.com

As a straight dude:

  1. You’ll be surrounded by women.
  2. You’ll be seriously outnumbered by women. Like, 11 to 1.
  3. These women prance around the room and would be happy to help you learn new dance moves (this is called flirting, or maybe just help if they seem annoyed that you haven’t figured out a Pas de bourrée yet).
  4. If you have crippling dance moves, then you’ll learn something new and gain confidence.
  5. It’s a workout!
  6. It’s fun!
  7. Even if you suck, people will think you’re awesome for trying new things out. And you’ll get attention, in a good way. For real. There’s nothing better than an open person who sucks at something but still works hard to maybe someday not suck.
Everyone else:
  1. Killer workout
  2. learn some new dance moves
  3. Meet new friends who like to dance
  4. Possibly meet a love interest, although this is totally unlikely unless more men, gay and straight, start going to dance classes. It’s all women people, come on! Diversify the genders!
  5. You get to pretend you’re at a practice session to be a Britney Spears backup dancer. Or, Britney Spears.
  6. More people knowing how to dance means more dance battles at night clubs on the weekends. HELL YES.

Need I continue? Even if you think you suck at dancing, just think of it this way: It’s a bunch of Liz Lemons, getting together every Tuesday to dance, just like the Timeless Torches!

Ok, so even though meeting a love interest is slim to none, dance class is still a great place to meet new people. Who knows, maybe your dance partner will have a hot brother, roommate, or non-crazy ex-boyfriend. And if not, you’ll meet some new people to be goofy with in dance class and get drinks afterwards. Win win!

Netflix nightcap: The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
Image via allmoviephoto.com

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is a film about Nazis and the Holocaust from the perspective of a little boy. He and his family move away to “the country” so the father, a Nazi soldier can be in charge of a concentration camp. The little boy, Bruno, gets bored at their new home and takes off to the country and for exploring. He runs into a strange “farm” where people wear striped pajamas and act peculiar. He meets a little boy on the other side of the fence, wearing those funny striped pajamas, and befriends him.

The storyline is a unique one in terms of Holocaust films, as the story mostly flows from a child’s thought process and confusion about the Holocaust. It’s interesting to view all of this through a child’s perspective, as young Bruno was lonely and met a nice friend, albeit on the more unfortunate side of the fence.

The thought that anyone, let alone confused, sweet children were killed in the Holocaust (or in any genocide) is just soul-crushing. Image via ncowie.wordpress.com

The movie is in English, which confused me at first because it was British English, so I thought they were British Nazis for the longest time. Languages and accents can be confusing in movies if the subject matter doesn’t pertain to a specific language. But yeah, they are German.

It’s a touching film that opens up a realm of thought focused on what children on both sides of the fence understood and didn’t understand about what was happening throughout Nazi Germany. It makes you think about your curiosity and confusion about certain things as a child as you put yourself in these little boys mindsets about death, imprisonment and friendship. Definitely a good movie.

Oh, and Lupin from Harry Potter plays the Nazi dad. It’s always fun to spot a Harry Potter actor!

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Listen: The 2 Bears remix Santigold’s “Disparate Youth”

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
Image via diary.welikeitindie.com

WOOORRRDDDDD.

May 1st, y’all. Until then, check out the 2 Bear’s remix of Santigold’s “Disparate Youth”.