Celebrité: Brad and Angelina have their own Downton Abbey

As I lay here, dying from Downton Abbey withdrawal (the clothes! the accents! the incest!), Brad and Angelina have obviously found a cure for their very own DA withdrawals. They’ve just purchased a 13 million dollar mansion in London called Whornes Place, presumably to live out their own sort of upstairs/downstairs drama while we all feverishly wait for season three of Downton Abbey (fuck you September!).

Can you imagine a Mr. Pamuk dying in the bedroom of an 18-year-old rebellious Zahara? Or Pax going off to valiantly fight the Germans? Will they have their very own Mr. Bates and Anna? Will Shiloh be the heart-on-her-sleeve modern version of Lady Sybil? Only time will tell folks, only time will tell.

All I know is Whornes Place would be the best show in the history of shows, ever. PLEEEEEEEASE BRANGELINA! They won’t do it because they’re all eloquent and shit. But maybe SNL could pick it up as a recurring skit. Or webisodes on Youtube. Someone’s gotta have enough free time. Yeah? YEAH?!

Movies: The OSCARS

Hello gorgeous! Photo via johnfarr.typepad.com
Hello gorgeous! Photo via johnfarr.typepad.com

I am a total Academy Awards slut. I LOVE the show. The outfits, the epicness of the whole night and watching actors win (and lose gracefully as they practiced in the mirror with their publicist) is highly entertaining. Can you believe this is Meryl Streep’s 17th nomination?! She is the fucking queen of cinema and acting. Amazing. Phenomenal. Best of all time.

I also have to admit that I’m a huge loser as I have only seen one of the best picture nominations, Midnight in Paris. Don’t worry, I’m judging myself too for not seeing “The Help” yet. I’m pretty much the worst person alive.

Le Queen du cinema. Photo via nndb.com
Le Queen du cinema. Photo via nndb.com

I’m SO happy for Brad Pitt. He deserves some recognition. I’m pretty sure Jean Dujardin is gonna win though. And Clooney! Who doesn’ love a Clooney nomination?! Jonah Hill and Melissa McCarthy are awesome nominations as well, just because I like them so much.

I really hope either Midnight in Paris or Bridesmaids wins for Best Original Screenplay. They were both amazing a refreshing films. Hollywood needs to stop being so lame about threequels and fourquels and invest in some great writing talent!

I put a star next to the person/movie/costume I’d like to win just because. Some I just can’t decide, so there are two… or three stars. Because choosing between favorites is just plain cruel.

And the nominees are…

Best Picture 

Señor Allen. Photo via Michael Ochs Archives/Corbis
Señor Allen. Photo via Michael Ochs Archives/Corbis

The Artist
The Descendants
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
Midnight in Paris *
The Help
War Horse
The Tree of Life

Best Actress

Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis, The Help
Rooney Mara, Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady *
Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn * 

Best Actor

Demian Bachir, A Better Life
George Clooney, The Descendants *
Jean Dujardin, The Artist 
Gary Oldman, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy *
Brad Pitt, Moneyball *

Best Supporting Actor

Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn
Jonah Hill, Moneyball *
Christopher Plummer, Beginners
Nick Nolte, Warrior
Max von Sydow, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

Best Supporting Actress 

What a fine wine. Photo via sodahead.com
What a fine wine. Photo via sodahead.com

Berenice Bejo, The Artist
Jessica Chastain, The Help
Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids *
Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs
Octavia Spencer, The Help

Best Director

Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Alexander Payne, The Descendants
Martin Scorsese, Hugo
Terrence Malick, Tree of Life
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris *

Best Original Screenplay

The Artist
Margin Call
Midnight in Paris *
A Separation

Best Adapted Screenplay

The Descendants
Hugo *
The Ides of March
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy

Best Animated Feature

A Cat in Paris *
Chico & Rita
Kung Fu Panda 2
Puss in Boots

Art Direction

The Artist
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -Part 2 *
(HP 4 EVA)
War Horse

Costume Design

The Artist *
Jane Eyre

Original Song

“Man or Muppet” from The Muppets * (This HAS to win)
“Real in Rio” from Rio