HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF A SHIT. Yes. Yes it’s true. Stupid TLC doesn’t have full eps of one of the most brilliant “hey, make yourself feel better by shopping and not looking like shit!” shows ever, What Not to Wear. But have no fear: a simple google search between a bored and tired roommate/bff will uncover a HOT LOAD of amazing hot mess for us all to watch from our sweatpants pristine outfits and old boxed wine nightly cocktails. Because really, it’s better to be on the observational side of constructively bitchy than on the horrible, plaid corduroy downward spiral that is being 32.
Fur is the shit. There’s something that changes you when you put on a fur. Lights feel brighter, wine tastes better, and if anyone gets in your way they’re like half scared that you’re a prostitute with a switch blade.
I have a rabbit fur coat that I got from Savers in Rochester (MN). It’s second hand fabulous. There are a couple of seam rips and the thing sheds like a dog, but I can’t give it up because some rabbits died and why waste their sacrificed life wearing a fucking Columbia jacket and looking like a bad tipper.
And yeah, every time I think about how a REAL fur coat is made, I feel bad. I love animals. But I also eat meat and live in the waaaaay far north where a fur coat is actually used for it’s warmth. The added coat fierceness is a bonus. But either way, eating meat, wearing fur, having poor asian peasants make our iPhones for 8 cents so we can find the nearest Taco Hut; this world is fucked and we are big assholes. But that’s why faux fur exists: so you can only kind of be a dick human being, instead of a slightly bigger dick of a person. Progress.
She will be the most fabulous tween ever. Look at her faux fur! and she’s only what, 6?! Look out Willow Smith, this gal is already a supa star, and she hasn’t even hit double digits. Love her!
Girl’s got a great aesthetic. She’s an H&M model, a new artist on the scene with a retro vibe, and a totally hot babe. I like 3 of her songs from her debut album “Born to Die”. Summertime Sadnessis my jam right now, because fall is sooooo almost here and I’m over summer and all its philandering ways. In my quest to reevaluate my lukewarm feelings towards Lana Del Rey, I decided to do a little more research. Who knows, maybe her ethereal-old timey Nancy Sinatra angle just needed some time to seep in. Maybe not.
Image from Buzzfeed
In my research, I came across this article on Buzzfeed called “26 Meanest Quotes From Reviews of Lana Del Rey’s ‘Born to Die.‘” They’re not so much mean as they are a “what the fuck, commercial industry?! If you’re gonna push some shit in our face, make it better than… this.” She really does have an opposing magnets vibe. Most of her songs are listenable, but listenable isn’t a “HOLY FUCK IF WE DON’T LISTEN TO THIS SONG RIGHT NOW I’M GONNA FUCK YOUR HEAD.” And isn’t that what most mainstream pop music strives for? True, her tunes ain’t dancepopsynthpuke, but the target market is similar. That’s why her entire existence is confusing. You don’t market lukewarm tea to coke addicts. That’s like, marketing 101. You market cocaine to cocaine addicts and lukewarm tea to people who like to stay indoors.
I also wanted to watch her SNL debacle performances again, because I forgot what was so bad about them. Was she standing still too much? Was she pitchy? Was she boring? It’s so much more than that. This person does not look ready to have a career as a mainstream singer. She looks, acts and sings like she’s empty: a shell of a guaranteed faux-indie consumer success. And maybe she is empty. Sometimes we’re all a little empty. What’s weird is that she isn’t using that emptiness in her performance or art, which is the biggest cardinal sin of being an artist: use what’s screwed up about you and turn it into gold. She’s using what she’s not and turning it into ‘meh’. Good plan!
Kind of empty. Image via nydailynews.com
She’s also landed a campaign with H&M for fall 2012. The clothes look good, and again her aesthetic is appealing. But there’s not anything behind her stares. Her poses seems fragile and shy. Maybe in a pop world full of Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Katy Perry and Nicki Minaj, LDR’s understated image is calculated as some kind of counteract to the exhausting, never-ending motion of the modern pop star. All of the aforementioned pop stars have a clearly defined personality/music/market that we all know and either love or hate. LDR severely lacks personality, spark, that je ne sais quoi that sends the right participants on a one way journey to superstardom.
She seems like a nice girl, someone you would get frozen yogurt with and watch a movie you’ve already seen 100 times. As for being some sort of pop star, we’re still waiting for a personality to emerge from behind the technically beautiful and commercially calculated image that is barely conceivable as human.
OH GOD. The month where all summer activities become stale. The clothes are worn. You don’t even think about the sun anymore, because it’s there all the time. Then when it goes away, it’s like “what the fuck is going on.” Fall clothing hasn’t HIT THE FUCKING STORES YET. All the shitty summer clothes are on sale. Summer romancing is starting to fuck with your life. This is summertime sadness my friends.
ALL HAIL THE RETURN OF FALL. Gaga’s ready. Are you?
Holy moly!!! That is some fierce shit. A lot better than her first Vogue cover. I feel like she’s channeling RuPaul in the best way ever. Is that red banner shit a September issue thing or what? It looks weird. Besides that, awesome cover. If only I had money to go fall fashion shopping. SIGH. This 20 poor and fabulous shit isn’t glamourous come fall fashion season!
If only they filmed The September Issuewhen Gaga was the muse! Sienna Miller is awesome, but it would have been cool to see Gaga from an angle that isn’t her own. Right?!
Remember those red framed glasses? And her AMAZING talk show? I don’t know why, but that show was my shit when I was a kid. It was too humid in Kansas summers to go outside and play anyways. She had awesome, 90s ma/grandma style that always felt kinda exciting.
As for those ICONIC red glasses, SJR spilled to Oprah a while back:
“I couldn’t see the teleprompter. So I saw an ad that said, ‘We do a Pap smear and give you red glasses.’ They were going to trade me up [to a better pair]. I said: ‘You’re not going to trade me up. I don’t have that kind of money.’ It’s all they had for $19.95.”
That makes me like her even more. Taking care of her lady parts, AND getting inexpensive (and awesome) frames. Gotta love it. Fierce bitches on a budget ain’t gotta spend big dollaz to look fresh. She’s like the true essence of 20poorandfabulous. I will be forever grateful.
Holy shit. These are way better than those light up atrocities strange kids used to wear in middle school. Reminicent of Doc Martens circa 95. The wheels are retractable too! Drive in workers at Sonic just got a lot more fashionable.
Look at that fucking skin. Awesome. Image via ryanseacrest.com
I am so excited to watch No Doubt back in action again. Strangely, it feels different and foreign to see a woman jumping around like a rock star in a music video, instead of shooting guns or spraying cream from her tits. Popular music is so full of ladies and mens trying to one up each other in crazy outfits and even crazier gossip. Gaga’s blood and semen perfume and everything she has ever worn, Katy Perry’s fantasy divorce, marriage and candy themed life, Nikki Minaj with her butt implants and multiple personalities, even Frank Ocean coming out as bi right before his debut album dropped (most definitely commendable in the hip hop scene, but also great publicity); it all gets a little exhausting to keep up with after a while. (Damn you 24 hour news cycle!)
I need a nap. Image via extraordinaryintelligence.com
Gwen and the ND boys are a refreshing departure from everyone on the radio right now, not only musically but fashionably as well. Gwen isn’t showing us her crack or tits or wearing anything too crazy. I love her tank tops and her hair back and her pants and FLATS, because could you ever imagine Lady Gaga, Katy Perry or Nikki Minaj stepping outside, let alone in a music video, without some RIDICULOUS AS FUCK outfit on? Don’t get me wrong- the crazy outfits are fun. But when everyone in the industry is doing it to constantly one up each other, is it really unique anymore?
2PF 
