Fallon, Roots, and Jepsen
Are we having fun yet?!
Television: Ok, is this seriously a show? Bunheads. It’s called Bunheads.
Bunheads. Is. The. Name. Of. This. Show.
Are you kidding me. OBVIOUSLY this is a summer schedule show on ABC Family, and it is called Bunheads. If I wasn’t gagging at the sight of “ABC Family” already, I’d definitely be gagging at this entire premise.
Lemme guess every single plot line:
- Boyfriend trouble because practice is so tough and grueling. Also, boyfriend is a huge piece of shit.
- Grades are slipping because practice is so hard
- Pressure from mom and dad to get into a good school but practice is hard it’s eating up all the time
- Anorexia/bulimia problems cuz bunheads gotsta be skinny
- Some kind of drug/alcohol overly dramatic related arc that makes people who drink alcohol look like Satan
- Aaand a rivalry between two girls (or a group) to better reinforce for the generations to come that nobody can get along, and women should be pitted against each other for all eternity until the gates of hell explode and ruin all of our silk things.
Here are a couple better show premises for Bunheads that would be 10 times better:
- Princess Leia fanatics who have strange addictions
- Chronicling the life and times of Jimmy Bunhead, an existentialist living in his parents’ basement
- A reality show about Cinnabon workers and their
sad, patheticday-to-day in store and dealing with “charming” regular Cinnabon clientele - People who literally sit in front of the screen for 17 minutes with sticky buns taped to their heads and sing “The Cupid Shuffle”, the worst song in the entire world
Hollywood is snorting bath salts. That’s the only explanation for this. Fuck Florida, the zombie apocalypse is coming straight from LA.
Beauty: Beth Ditto’s MAC line has launched
Beth Ditto’s MAC line is love long distance
Get ready to look freaky cool with Gossip frontlady Beth D’s new line of makeups and whodizzles. I can admire from afar, as my tight budget allows solely for jovial cocktails twice a week and no makeup unless this bitch needs it.
The line is filled with bright colors, but not annoyingly bright like Nicki Minaj’s MO these days. My favorite piece is a pink lipstick called “Dear Diary,” because that’s a great name for lipstick dammit. It’s already sold out.
Check out the line over at MAC babiez. I have lipstick, eyeshadow and mascara from the MACksterz. I really like the lipstick, the eyeshadow is sparkly and awesome, but the mascara is kind of like any ol’ mascara: black shit to rub on your eyes. Next! Plus it’s like $15 so maybe mascara can be a Target run type of thing instead of an internet, limited edition type of thing. Yeah?! YEAH!
Listen: Lil Louie and the World “I Called You”
A song about love and stalking to start your Thursday off right.
Television: 28 ways Sex and the City would be different today
Amazing. And pretty accurate!! Charlotte would be all the FUCK over Pinterest. My GOD.
28 Ways “Sex And The City” Would Be Different If It Were On TV Now via Buzzfeed
Celebrité: Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth engaged. O great.
Miley and Liam, Together For Now Forever
Ya know, I don’t wanna turn into a cynical B about love and marriage. But good GOD. Yes she’s been through a lot, made a shiz ton of money and already has career options, blah blah blah. But I don’t think Nick Jonas breaking your heart over at the Disney compound really prepares you for anything short of learning that people in the band “The Jonas Brothers” are fucking weird. Liam seems nice, I guess. I know an Australian, he’s nice too. But getting engaged at 19?! Good GOD! I know so much more now about what I like, what I don’t like, what I want to do with my life, etc. I can’t imagine picking the person I’d “be with forever” (because we know that shit ain’t real in Hollywood. More like, “Forever until you’re staining my career.” Right Kim? Katy? Everyone else?!) at 19. Or even now. Cray cray!
Good luck you two. I will not be completely surprised when if this doesn’t make it past 2015. But not just because you’re celebrities, because you’re young and people including change. That’s a very generous time frame btw. If you’re gonna Kim K this shit, you’ll be single by next year! Ahh, modern romance.
F me on Facebook + Twitter
This is cool: Girls Paper Dolls
OH MY GOD. YES. I would actually play with these Girls paper dolls way more than the Downton Abbey paper dolls. Holy holy moly, these are fun!! Whoever makes these over at Vulture is fucking AWESOME.
PS Jessa’s paper doll does not do her crazy cool clothes any justice. She looks like a drunk grandma!
Ok, Marnie’s is hilarious.
Girlfriend needs to work on her posture!!
Music: Talking Heads “Burning Down the House”
This song, “Burning Down the House” by Talking Heads was always one of those songs you heard as a kid and knew it was older than you, therefore shat on it because it wasn’t Hanson or Spice Girls. Fuck old shit, mom. I want whatever is on Nickelodeon. Something like that.
Anyways, this song is amazing. Brian Eno and David Byrne be mad cool y’all. Little kid me was so fucking wrong. But in defense of past me, anything overplayed in midwestern restaurants, no matter how good, can become shit to you reeeeal quick. Adele, anyone? Still love her though. But g damn.
Forever Young: The Ice Cream Man
Ahh, the days of the Ice Cream Man. You’d pray for him to come down your street, count your nickels 10 times over to make sure you had a whole dollar and wait for what seemed like fo. ev. a. Once in a while I’ll hear the bells of the ice cream man, and be taken back to a time where our parents warned us about strangers and pedophiles but we didn’t give a shit because “that big van has ice cream, suckaz!!” Those were the days!
Music: DIE ANTWOORD ON TOUR
You HAVE to go to this show. It’s gonna be NUTS.
August 4th in Minneapolis. Fuck YES.
Check out the rest of the tour dates here. Europe + North America BABY
2PF 