7 Questions in Heaven with DJ_BASKETBALL

7 Questions DJB

I met DJ_BASKETBALL on Twitter after a friend of a friend told me that if I like funny and weird, I should definitely follow @focra. We became Twitter friends, and then he told me he was releasing his album of midi covers sometime. THAT SOMETIME IS NOW. DJ_BASKETBALL sat down at his computer last week and answered all my questions for your reading pleasure. HERE IT IS. Download his album MIDI MIXXES for free here and WELCOME TO THE TECHNICOLOR WORLD OF DJ_BASKETBALL.

1. Describe your new album in 3 emoticons.

Emoji ghost (I like the android one better than iOS tbh,) cat smiley :3 and probably the o___o

2. Why is your name DJ_BASKETBALL?

I was talking to a friend online (and I guess I’ve only known him online, so) and we were spitballing DJ names.  DJ_BASKETBALL was one of mine and it stuck.
from haroldsavage.com
from haroldsavage.com

3. If you could pick any actress to live in a world where your music was the constant soundtrack, who would it be and why?

Maaaaaan.  Uh.  Emma Watson and / or Christina Ricci because they would probably “get it.”  But I’m probably projecting.

4. Who is your favorite pop star and why?

I thought about this one a whole lot and I think I’ve settled on Nicki Minaj.  While she hasn’t really been around to stand any test of time, I appreciate her vivid, up-front persona.  I like the fact that it doesn’t come off as forced, or manufactured by anyone outside of herself, but I’m sure many would disagree.  (Haven’t caught her on American Idol because I don’t think I’ve watched American Idol in years.)
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5. Why did you pick the songs you covered for the album? Which one is your favorite?

Just naturally drawn to all of the songs.  The process was disappointing sometimes, because some of them would just turn out to be poorly made / orchestrated MIDI files, but these made the cut on that front.  With that in mind, I think that OVENS and BENNIE_JETS are my personal favorites, because they’re the most dynamic tracks.

6. You are also a chapbook author by your IRL name. Give an excerpt of your favorite chapter.

this is from my first chabook, and I usually make it a point to read this out loud:
courtney love is tap dancing somewhere, at some point in time
robert rodriguez is channelling someone distant
during the penultimate refreshor other kinds of archiving gmails
i call out a really
i want to get powerfully drunk with you for only five minutes
i want to climb on top of a building and be very scared
during your life
and about it
there was a boring synchronicity of costco memberships

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7. You’re ALSO a visual artist. Describe what you listen to/drink/eat/scream when you’re drawing alone in your apartment.

1.  Listen –  put my 15+ year library on shuffle, and if something STRIKES me I’ll listen to more of it / stuff along those lines / music I listened to around that point in time.  If not that, all kinds of RAP.
2.  Drink – Whiskey, usually.
3.  Eat – Big fan of pretzels.
4.  SCREAM – Not usually.
from haroldsavage.com
from haroldsavage.com

Birthday weeks are self indulgent and insane

your birthday week is insane

As we’ve gotten older, birthday celebrations have obviously changed from Mom packing classroom snacks to getting waaay too drunk with people you don’t hate. No longer do we gift cups of dirt to our classmates (extra gummy worms for your BFF and the boy who chased you at recess DUH). Instead, we go out to dinner, throw crazy house parties, or go bar hopping. (fuck party buses. gross.)

With the help of Facebook and its inherent self indulgent methods of updating your cousins, aunts, and old math class partners about your mixed feelings regarding the latest Toyota commercial, I have noticed a disturbing trend related to birthdays:

YOU GUYS IT’S MY BIRTHDAY WEEK!!!!

What. The. Fuck. NO.

I’ve even seen ” IT’S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH” posts. Not joking. So terrifying. Like sleepy children in nightgowns walking the streets from Hocus Pocus level of terrifying.

*Cue Twilight Zone music*

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONTH PRESENT TO ME”

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*SCREAMS*

Maybe it’s just a symptom of the new-ish social media age. By now in 2013, everyone is so used to incessantly updating their followers about their day-to-day lives that perhaps it’s par for the course to think everyone would ALSO enjoy spending an entire week celebrating their hideous glorious birth. But really, it’s just self indulgent as fuck and everybody knows it–except for the Birthday Unstable.

Here are some people who are annoyed about the emergence of the Birthday Week celebration:

“Oh my god, no one likes birthday weeks except for the birthday person. Personally, I find them extremely annoying. I wouldn’t even want to celebrate my own birthday for a solid week — WAY too self-indulgent. Makes me uncomfortable.” -Anonymous IRL friend

“You get one day.” -Both of my roommates

“I’d like to celebrate birthday hour, or birthday minute.” -My friend who fucking hates birthdays

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And here are some tweets from the type of people who support celebrating birthday weeks:

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Don’t get me wrong–it is absolutely wonderful to celebrate the birthdays of friends and family. These are the people who fill our lives with joy and love, who make us laugh when we’re depressed and who buy us candy bars on the fly just cuz. It’s a good thing to celebrate a birthday, because it gives us the opportunity to show our friends and fam just how meaningful and important they are in our lives. It’s one designated day of the year, that everyone gets equally and allows us all time to express a little “Hey, you rock so fucking hard. I love you. Please accept this baby kitty collage as a token of my love and appreciation.”

But that’s gotta be it, man. One day. A Birth Day. Not a week. Jesus doesn’t even get a week and he like, invented unicorns or something. And holy shit, absolutely NOT an entire birthday month. 

I’ve devised this helpful chart to guide us and the Birthday Unstable through the accepted durational options of celebrating a birthday:

NORMAL ZONE

Birthday Celebration = Happy Birthday Lovely Human Who Understands Time and Society, Who Respects Others

Birthday Weekend Celebrations = Happy Birthday Person Who Hopefully Only Expects Me To Attend One Event

BIRTHDAY UNSTABLE ZONE

Birthday Week Celebrations = Happy Birthday But This Is Not Cute At All, Not One Bit

Birthday Month Celebrations = Bitch R U INSANE

Birthday Year Celebrations = *guttural sounds due to crippling shock and a swallowed tongue from debilitating rage*

Thankfully, none of my close friends are socially diagnosed as Birthday Unstable. Maybe together, us sane human beings with a grasp on functioning society and who interact with those suffering from Unstable Birthday Syndrome, can band together and encourage just one special day of birth celebration–for everyone.

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Your holiday guide to meeting the family and not being an idiot

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Tis the season to be jolly az fuck, homies.

It’s also the season for traveling with your new boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend to their hometown for the holidays. It’s stressful meeting other people’s parents and family because all families are pretty weird and have their own fucked up origin stories. It’s like stepping into a new little country where you have to learn the rules quick and not piss off the dictator–or else you’re eating at the kids table with little Damien who pees on shoes and cuts hair when you’re not looking. Here are some tips to avoid being peed on completely ostracized that will hopefully ease your holiday travel nerves.

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1. Take a gift. It is always good manners to present your host, especially around the holidays, with a small gift. Wine is a really safe and classy bet because what kind of total grinch doesn’t love wine? (Alcoholics, that’s who. Find out if the family drinks, and if they don’t, a nice apple cider is perfect.) This Chilean wine from Concha y Toro called Casillero del Diablo is relatively inexpensive for how good it is. I believe it is around 8-10 dollars a bottle. If you have even less money to spend, baking brownies or cookies is a really great, super cheap and very sweet alternative.

casillero-del-diablo

2. STAY OFF YOUR PHONE. There is absolutely no excuse for being a rude piece of shit and sitting on  your phone during a holiday trip, ESPECIALLY if you are meeting your friend’s or new lover’s parents and family for the first time. Nothing says “you’re boring and I think you suck” more than a set of eyes glued to a smartphone screen during any kind of party, dinner or hang out. There’s no way around it. Rude. As. Hell. In the eternal words of Uncle Joey, “Cut. It. Out.”

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3. Keep the conversation light. Unless your gf/bf/bff’s parents are Serious Intellectuals who openly welcome thoughtful debate on controversial topics, keep your opinions about abortion and gun control to your Twitter feed. Nothing sours a first impression quite like a heated political debate, amirite? To detract from a conversation in dangerous territories, say a series of vague statements like “Life is so complex! Can you pass me the rolls? I LOVE your shirt!”

Don't be this awkward. Image via the age.com.au
This is what you look like during awkward conversations and probably also during sex. Image via the age.com.au

4. Don’t shy away from conversation. I am extremely social and conversational so I have no idea what it’s like to be “awkward” or “shy”. But I do know this: most people really don’t care if you’re shy or a little strange as long as you’re also nice/not a huge asshole. You can ask people questions about themselves. You can tell people things about yourself, even if you think it’s sorta weird. Just don’t casually bring up how you like to eat paper or the fact that you save your toenails cuz that shit is definitely weird as fuck.

5. Offer to help with anything. Normally there are too many cooks in the kitchen, but offer to help chop, set the table or pour the drinks anyways because it shows that you’re not a completely useless human guest. If you don’t help in the preparation or setup of dinner, the least you can do is offer to help clean up afterwards. Large holiday dinners are stressful to prepare, and the last thing your gf/bf/bff’s family probably want is to clean up after your freeloading meal. In other words, get a job, hippie!

This is a rendering of what René Magritte's childhood hand turkey might have looked like. Image via blouinartonfi.com
René Magritte’s imagined childhood hand turkey. Image via blouinartonfi.com

6. Err on the side of being really gracious. It is better to come off as overly enthusiastic about the generosity bestowed upon you by your bf/gf/bff’s family than to come off as ungrateful. Really. At least they’ll be left with a positive impression of you rather than “that guy sucks.” Don’t be that guy, man. You’re better than that. So even if it sucked, be gracious, be kind and you’ll be fine.

7. Don’t get too drunk. Don’t be an idiot.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM 20POORANDFABULOUS

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7 Questions in Heaven with Phillip Morris

In heaven, there is Phillip Morris times 5. You better behave.
In heaven, there is Phillip Morris times 5. You better behave.

I met Phillip Morris at a sick ass Halloween party in Northeast a couple weeks ago. He was in charge of the cups, very polite and dressed as Dartanian from the 3 Musketeers. I was a little bummed because I thought his gigantic wig was his real hair (hey, it was a great look). Later in the evening, we were sitting by the fire and started talking about music and shit. I had recognized his name from my friend in Seyah and their CD release show a year and a half ago at the Entry (local famous musico babez Lizzo and Sophia Eris performed at that show well). However, I don’t think I got to see Phillip Morris that night because he was on his way back from Chicago and got to the show extra late, or I was being a total bum and had to be in bed by midnight. WHATEVER OK.

Anyways, the night partied on beautifully, twitter handles were exchanged, and the rest my good internet pals is this: Phillip Morris and Wide Eyes (which consists of Minneapolis artists/producers Sean Anonymous, Tony Phantom, DJ NAME and Dimitry Killstorm) have banded together to collaborate on an album released last week titled “The Sick and the Dead“. It is awesome and really cool. Download it below, throw these talents a few bones, and settle in all cozy-like with an awesome interview below from your new favorite rapper, Mr. Phillip Morris.

1) How long have you been making music? Why did you start making music?

I originally started writing short stories in 4th or 5th grade, as my defense mechanism. I was getting picked on and bullied pretty frequently since i was really short and uber nerdy. That ended up resulting in me starting to make music approximately 15 years ago. After I ate LSD for the first time, i decided that I wanted to seriously make music for a living. I was NOT a good rapper then, but that was the turning point where i decided to take it much more seriously and start practicing a lot more. It took me about 6 more years to finally get to a point where I was comfortable performing in front of Chicago crowds.
Phillip Morris. Foto de Facebook
Phillip Morris. Foto de Facebook

2) You just released an album with Wide Eyes called “The Sick and the Dead“. What inspired this album?

First of all I have a lot of love and respect for Wide Eyes. Not only are they some stand up dudes, but they are definitely responsible for me becoming popular in Minneapolis. I was living in Chicago when i met them, the first big Mpls show I did was at their video release party for Borrowed Time, and after that show the momentum just kept going. So yeah, one day my younger whiter twin brother by the name of Sean Anonymous approached me with the idea of doing a collaborative project together and I was like YUP YUP HOME SKILLET THAT’S A STELLAR IDEA and then we began working on it. The official release party is 11/15 at Triple Rock (West Bank in Minneapolis).
Sean Anonymous and Phillip Morris lookin' all rad as hell and shit.
Sean Anonymous and Phillip Morris lookin’ all rad as hell and shit.

3) Lady Gaga is going to be the first artist to perform a song in space in 2015. Which planet would you most like to perform on, and why?

I would most like to perform on Uranus because then when girls would ask me when’s my next show I could be like “Hey there girl…thanks for asking! I’m currently touring across Uranus.” and they might just mistakenly think i was talking about touring their bootyhole. (Okay that was a bit juvenile, but it made me giggle) Yup. Uranus all day. But okay, the real reeeeal reason is that it’s the only planet named after a Greek God (as the rest are named after Roman gods) and I am a huge mythology buff but i prefer Greek over Roman. (Sidenote: I have won 1st place in 3 separate citywide mythology competitions in Chicago. Mythology nerd. Yup. Okay, I’m done)
Look! It's Phillip Morris touring Uranus.
Phillip Morris touring Uranus, 2017.

4) Describe your new album in 3 words.

Fastidious Metaphor Jamboree?

5) If you were taking your soulmate on a date to a live show, which Minneapolis artist would you see perform and why?

Hmmmmmm, that’s a really hard question. So much talent in this city. I’d have to say though, out of all the live shows I’ve seen from Minneapolis the one that might have blown my mind the most was Carnage The Executioner when he headlined the Rogue Citizen Art Opening back in October. It might have honestly been one of the best live shows I’ve ever seen in my life. The energy was phenomenal. So yeah, I’d have to say him (but I’d ask him in advance if he was willing to give my soulmate a shoutout in beatbox format, so that’d make me look a little cooler)
Carnage the Executioner's City Pages cover.
Carnage the Executioner’s City Pages cover.

6) What’s your favorite line from your new album?

“I know that there’s no containing the craziness baby, maybe it’s the shiniest of thoughts on the stormiest days…maybe it’s heinously redundant explaining the story…maybe it’s a Delorean painted a glorious shade of Dorian Gray”

7) Who is your dream collaboration, dead or alive?

I’d have to say…I’d either like to collaborate with Saul Williams or Corey Feldman, but I have a very difficult time deciding which one. Can I pick both? On the same track? Please? 😉
Your wish is my free online photo editor's command.
Your wish is my free online photo editor’s command.

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Follow me on facebook + twitter for more artist interviews, terrible dating stories and other crazy shyt, babies

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Fashion icon: Ruth Bader Ginsburg

images-26Ruth Bader Ginsburg: the second female justice of the United States Supreme Court.

Fashion icon AFFIRMED.

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Ginsburg.podium

Obama Hosts Reception For New Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor

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Watch this now: Pages Matam “Piñata”

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“You are too ugly to be raped.”

Watch this.

7 Questions in Heaven with Jus Post Bellum

jus post bellum band music

I was first introduced to Jus Post Bellum‘s music over too many cocktails with band member Hannah Jensen’s sister Kitty (who is also a musical wunderkind along with their Minneapolis music scene ICON mother Wendy Lewis). I can’t even being to quote her, but it was summer, we were drunk on the sidewalk patio of Cause, and Kitty said something like “my sister’s band is fucking awesome!!!” Which is all you really need to hear to give something a listen.

Pic from Lauren of Bonnie and Lauren
Pic from Lauren of Bonnie and Lauren

It’s so cool when you listen to music like Jus Post Bellum, especially because it’s something that transports you directly to another era with one bass note or a drum cadence. In “Stonewall Jackson” you are sent to a field, feeling the sluggish heat and bugs biting your ankles; in “Shotgun Wedding” you’re riding in the back of a truck driving down a dirt road; from the title track of their first full album release, “Devil Winter”, you can hear the existential drain of winter, yet hopeful defiance that spring is on its way. It’s the kind of music that draws you in to listen, instead of demanding your attention like the sometimes obnoxious thump of a dubstep drop.

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Anyways, as for the actual people behind Jus Post Bellum, there is Geoffrey Wilson (lead vocals, guitar), Hannah Jensen (vocals), Zach Dunham (drums, percussion, vocals), and Daniel Bieber (bass, cello, vocals). Below, Geoffrey answers my 7 Questions in Heaven about the birth of Jus Post Bellum, race in America and drinking with the hottest emancipator of all time, Abe Lincoln.

1) How did the idea behind Jus Post Bellum come about? What is it about the civil war that inspired you to start a band? 

jus post bellum music
Pic by Lauren of Bonnie and Lauren
One version goes that Jus Post Bellum got its start in the apartment I had while living in the New York Hudson Valley. I had just graduated from college(I studied music and American Studies) and was working full-time at a school for kids with developmental disabilities. I was also waiting tables and bar tending. I was gifted one of those 70’s era organs with foot pedals and funny analog instrument sounds from a man named Dr. Kim, a loop pedal from a friend John, an old Kay guitar from another friend John. I also had an array of woodwind and and percussion from my collection(*note I am a hoarder of instruments and other stuff) I played saxophones in a Minimalist-Afrobeat band and in my free time recorded weird multi-layered acoustic tracks on the looper. Fast-forward a couple years, I moved to Brooklyn for grad-school and and continued secretly writing and recording ambient singer song-writer inspired tunes. At a very low point, I went alone to a party and met a girl named Hannah. During our year long courtship I wrote the first official JPB song ‘Stonewall Jackson’ in homage to that complicated war hero, and realized my interest in American History and folk style music worked very well together. Duh! Hannah encouraged me to come out of my shell a bit and sing her some songs. Then we started singing together. The rest is history.

2) If you had one night to drink whiskey with any civil war era historical figure, who would it be and why?

Obviously Abe Lincoln. Though I am most interested in the lesser known subtleties of that era. It would really be foolish to skip that chance. I so admire his pragmatism and in a big way it is at the root of how I approach the characters in my songs. I often choose to write from the perspective of a white southern man, a woman, a child. I look to find the good in “villains” and tell complicated histories, and injustices borne by both sides. This all is an effort to illuminate the complexity of our American History. Jus Post Bellum means Justice After War, and one of my goals has been to explore the full scope of what is just and unjust in that period of time.

 

Baebraham Drinkin'
Baebraham Drinkin’
 

3) You just released a beautiful teaser trailer (directed and filmed by Alyssa Pagano, William Hereford and Oscar Hudson) for “Gimme That Gun”, a song off your upcoming album Oh July. Does this mean you will you be releasing more music videos for this album? 

[vimeo 72355432]
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Indeed! We have 2 full length videos set to be released over the coming weeks [one of which is shot by Drew Weigel and Bushwick Happy Hour]. We are so excited for them and so thankful for the many people that dedicate their time to help us make these works of art happen. One will be a more classic “Music Video” directed and shot by Oscar Hudson in upstate NY at a house where I used to live. It was an overnight shoot and a bunch of our friends and local folks jumped in last minute to play characters. Its a bit light hearted, and was so much fun. The second was done by a collective of artists here in Brooklyn (and fellow minnesotans!) and is a beautifully conceived and executed work of art. Both are very different from one another but serve the music really well.
 

4) This article by Andrea Swensson about local Minneapolis fave Caroline Smith’s new soul sound and of course Miley Cyrus’ self-described new “black sound” are hot topics concerning race and cultural appropriation in America today. Being that your sound and subject matter is inspired by the American Civil war and American history in general, are racial issues something you guys talk about on your new album? Why or why not?

 
Pic by Wendy Lewis
Pic by Wendy Lewis

This is a great question, and perhaps more than I can tackle at one time. Speaking for myself as an African American person and more broadly as an American, addressing the topic of race is a complicated task. It is fraught with many differing opinions, and one which opens you up much criticism wherever your opinion may fall. If we limit this conversation to race as it relates to art, we are inevitably going to discuss the performative aspects of art, specifically music. In my mind these are inextricable from the larger context of the performative aspects of culture. I.E Blackness, whiteness, wealth, poverty. I’m writing you as a black guy, singing a fairly white American(at least in appeal) style of Folk derived music, likely appropriated in large part from black musicians in the rural south.

Growing up I lived for 10 years in North Minneapolis on Washburn Avenue, and then moved to Golden Valley for my adolescent years. Both my folks are from the economically poor, and predominantly black and hispanic side of San Antonio, Texas. I think moving to Minnesota, and specifically to the suburbs, my parents wanted to provide us with a sense of community with a more broad range of identities and possibilities. It should come as no surprise I’m not big on overtly performative aspects of race. More than once I’ve been asked indirectly or very directly why I don’t act black. I’ve never had a great answer other than to say all I can do is be myself. Like Prince;)

You mentioned Caroline Smith. We shared a bill out here in NYC a while back, but I haven’t seen her new, more soul inspired work. My estimation is that stylistically her performance might be a larger reflection of “pop music” moving towards a more stereotypically black aesthetic. Hip Hop and Pop music becoming more and more synonymous. Much is being said about this topic so I wont go into it except to say that if as Andrea Swensson suggested in her recent article music deserving an equal audience is being ignored in the nearby North Minneapolis community in favor of something more palatable and in fact co-opting the label “black music”, we may have a problem. And no doubt this happens all over the country. But if it is as I expect, simply that audiences enjoy Caroline’s voice, music, etc, and are excited about her expanding her palate and genre as a larger reflection of enthusiasm over soul music, so be it. What right do we have to deny her talent because of her race?  While I’ve turned more than a few heads, especially singing our more country tinged numbers, name dropping “Stonewall Jackson” and the “N Word!”, especially in the south, no one has told me I can’t sing “white folks music”, yet…

In regards to the record: I intentionally say the songs are inspired by the Civil War. Some of them are overtly about figures or topics directly related to the period, others simply use that time period as a sort of working point and may not mention it at all. “Abe and Johnny” is most obvious, it is an homage to their parallel tragedies. “Sonny” is a fictionalized story about a confederate army deserter and pacifist. Others like “Oh July”, “Tell Me Mama”, or “For the Brokenhearted” mention elements of war or conflict as a backdrop for a romantic, or other tragic occurrence. Race certainly plays a part in the songs, but as in the war itself, race was only one element of a larger conflict.

 

Pic by Lauren of Bonnie and Lauren
Pic by Lauren of Bonnie and Lauren
 

5) Describe your new album in 5 words.

Harmonious
Raw
Reflective
Searching
Romantic
Still from the "Gimme That Gun" video shot, directed and produced by William Hereford , Alyssa Pagano and Oscar Hudson.
Still from the “Gimme That Gun” video shot, directed and produced by William Hereford , Alyssa Pagano and Oscar Hudson.
 

6)  What has been your favorite place to tour so far and why? Are you planning a tour to support this album? 

Much of our touring has been through the south. I’d hate to offend any one of the many amazing folks who helped us along the way, that wouldn’t be very Minnesotan of me now would it? So suffice it to say, we ate a lot of delicious BBQ and stayed in many great towns. And if your town has a great BBQ joint and a thrift store, we will come, eat, play, and stay the night.

We will be touring the first couple weeks of november. We will also be doing a show or two in Minnesota over the Christmas holiday, so stay tuned. Dates below:

11/5/13: Washington DC –Hill Country, 8:30PM FREE

11/6/13: Cincinnati, OH – MOTR Pub with The Young Heirlooms, 10PM FREE

11/7/13: Chicago, IL – The Burlington, Doors 9PM $5 donation

11/8/13: Louisville, KY – Atlantic No5  TBD

11/10/13: New York, NY – RECORD RELEASE SHOW! with Cassandra Jenkins,Rockwood Music Hall, Stage 2 – 9PM FREE

11/12/13: Boston, MA – The Beehive, 8PM-12AM FREE

11/13/13: Cambridge, MA – The Beat Hotel, 8PM-12AM FREE

11/14/13: Philadelphia, PA – Tin Angel  TBD

 

Pic by Wendy Lewis
Pic by Wendy Lewis

7) If you had to pick one pop star, dead or alive, to feature on a track, who would it be and why?

Woody Guthrie or Bob Dylan. Both of them made folk-art in service to their times, but not limited by that context. This is something I greatly admire. There are many other lesser known American Blues and Folk artists who contributed greatly to this cannon but for me these guys are the top. Guthrie continues to inspire me to look closely at complicated and real histories and capture them in plainspoken, simply executed ways. Dylan encourages me to be aware of my time and place, and to not be afraid to use language, metaphor, and more importantly things said, unsaid, or merely suggested lyrically to stretch the boundaries of songwriting and the tolerance of our audience. And they also happened to have great voices 😉
Woody Guthrie Bob Dylan

Music MPLS: Lizzo is tearin’ shit up on her new album “LIZZOBANGERS”

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Have you heard of Lizzo yet? HAVE YOU?! She’s everywhere in the Minneapolis music scene. For real. Last year she was girl-groupin’ it with The Chalice, a 3-piece girl group comprised of staples in the Mpls music scene: Ms. Lizzo, Sophia Eris, Claire de Lune. This year, she’s been busy with another girl group called GRRRL PRTY (Lizzo, Manchita and Sophia Eris) and her own solo release radly titled LIZZOBANGERS (which, by the way, I believe was titled waaaaay before Miley Cyrus swooped in with her Bangerz album BUT WHATEVS MILEY. WHAT-EVZ).

Anyways, LIZZOBANGERS was released this week out of local Minneapolis cool kid record label Totally Gross National Product. The album was produced by Lazerbeak (Doomtree) with creative guidance by Ryan Olson (Poliça). If you listen to the Current or Radio K, you’ve probably heard her first single “Batches and Cookies” (featuring Sophia Eris) allllll ova the airwaves. It’s a hip ass song for two reasons: sick beat and WHO THE FUCK DOESN’T LOVE COOKIES. Maybe we’re entering into a new trend in the Minneapolis music scene. After all, Caroline Smith sings about lemons in her latest single “Magazine.” Perhaps as a metro area, we really connect and identify with songs featuring foodstuffs. I know I do.

SO. If you’re into hip hop, kool chicks and mpls tunes, LIZZOBANGERS is the album 4 U. There are 13 tracks and there’s a song called “Bus Passes and Happy Meals” which is basically my new Wednesday afternoon anthem on the 16. Pick it up on iTunes RIGHT HERE BABIES.

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The real Minneapolis dating scene: Don’t talk to me unless I know you already

Downtown_Minneapolis_at_night

This New York Times article chronicling the dating habits of Minneapolis residents is missing a few key elements of our *wonderful* dating scene. Here are my thoughts on the article and what they left out:

  1. Minnesota nice? People are jerks here just like everywhere else – except when your car gets stuck in the snow. Then they come out of the woodwork like a beautiful termite infestation of goodwill and camaraderie.
  2. The Minneapolis dating scene consists of going out with your friends and not talking to anyone else except your group of friends. That’s seriously it. Maybe it’s because on some level we all know that everyone else will be just as shitty of a human being as our horrible friends, so why bother meeting anyone new? It’s either smart or incredibly lazy with a side of depressing as hell. But hey, that’s us!
  3. My boss once said something really great about Minnesotans and why our dating scene sucks: if you start talking to someone in an elevator, some light chat about the afternoon or the weather, they get so nervous that you’re gonna follow them to their car or ask for their personal home address that they become extremely paranoid and ruin the entire light-hearted experience all because they think you’re gonna murder them. I don’t know what it is or why it exists, but it is very real.
  4. It’s nearly impossible to have a nice conversation with another person in Minneapolis, possibly the entire state, without it being extremely awkward and feeling like a gigantic waste of time. There’s just something about the look in everyone’s eyes that screams “I don’t want to be talking to you. I have enough friends and I’m probably sleeping with one of them when I get black out drunk/horny/sad enough to make a move.”

So: who’s packin’ their bags for good ol’ MPLS?!

Certainly there are very different realities among the different types of people who reside in Minneapolis. Some may be more romantic; others even more bleak than the sad outline I provided above. bad-first-date

And maybe it’s just my age group. I represent the 20-something U of M grad who is still friends with mostly all her college friends, friends of those friends, and friends from work. If you’re not a constant, forced upon presence in somebody’s life here, there ain’t gonna be no out-of-the-blue phone calls happening to hang out or “get a juicy lucy.” (Which, ew.)

Winter also plays a huge part in our disjointed dating scene. For over 6 months of the year, you are confined to the walls of your home, the numbers in your telephone and your Facebook chat list. Making friends in the winter is nearly impossible. Why would you dig your car out of 2 feet of hardened snow to meet up with someone who you don’t even know if you’ll like? That’s why we tend to stick to our group of tried and true friends and don’t bother to branch out unless we absolutely have to. Because chances are, we’ve already got one of you in our circle of friends:

Gay and love dancing? I’ve got two of those already. Going through a never-ending existential crisis with a side of seasonal depression? Yup. See him once a week. In a band? SO AM I AND EVERYONE I KNOW. (Thingamabobs? I’ve got twenty!) And if you work at Target Corporate, you better keep movin’ pal cuz nobody wants that Stepford/hipster hybrid cramping their heroin chic apartment.

Furthermore, maybe our dating scene really isn’t any shittier than any other city in the US. In fact, I’d be even MORE skeptical if a city was REALLY good at dating. So what, does that mean you’re all a bunch of honestly nice people who like to go out and have fun with each other? Sickening.

These are the dates I went on this year:

Love.
Dating.
  • A shorter-than-me bartender who believed strongly in gender roles. I’m 5’7″ and he wouldn’t stop mentioning our height difference or being really intense about how a woman and a man should act in a relationship.
  • A fun guy I ran into randomly 3 times who I met downtown MPLS and a thrift store in St. Paul. He picked me up the night gay marriage was legalized in MN, we shared a PBR tallboy and celebrated at the Townhouse, and then drank beers on a bridge by the train tracks until it was time to go home. It was the most fun and exhilarating date I’ve had all year, but he was also living in his car at the time. I mean, I’m down for whatever, but it’s pretty hard to date someone who’s living in their car. In the words of Liz Lemon, that’s a dealbreaker, ladies.
  • A guy I met at work where I dj who wouldn’t stop bothering me until he finally broke me down and got my twitter handle, then my snapchat name, and then my number. We had a really awesome date and then he bailed on the second date citing “baseball” as the reason.
  • A brief snapchat romance with a guy I grew up with as a kid. Snapchats turned sexy, sexy turned into hour long phone convos, amazing phone convos turned into an invitation to his hometown for a 4th of July IRL hangout. Not surprisingly, Snapchat had not wielded a magical forum for love through timed photos, and we were set to self destruct from the beginning, just like the photos themselves.

You see, folks? Those weird romances could have happened to anyone in any city across the country, even the world. So maybe we should stop thinking that every time the NYT comes in to town to chronicle our weird dating scene that we’re special or especially fucked up when it comes to finding a mate. I mean, isn’t one of the most common human denominators the fact that dating sucks? Why else would Sex and the City be such a big hit, or How I Met Your Mother? The real truth is that dating sucks no matter where you live; we’re all just uniquely bad at it. WE ARE THE WORLD (of bad daters). Let it bring us together. Hallelujah.

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