Kristen Stewart caught cheating on Robert Pattinson, world to explode

Image via Usweekly.com

WHAT THE FUCKKKK this is amazing gossip. Who knows if it’s true or what actually happened, or if the “evidence” of them cheating isn’t just a great photographic angle. What I do know is that a bunch of tween girls, lame teens, depressing 20 somethings and scary adults will be mad at her for “breaking” Robert Pattinson’s heart. Or, in a parallel universe, they will rejoice that their prayers came true and Rpatz is finally single after what seems like decades with his Twilight co-star.

Kristen Stewart seems like a cool chick, and so does Rob. They’ve done so great with the media storm that follows them due to their multi billion dollar franchise. But now, it’s gonna get NASTY. Kristen will be labeled a badass whore with a pill/coke/whatever addiction, something a la Brit Brit and Lindsay.  And dear Robert will be celebrated as a sensitive bloke with a fragile soul that will take this situation as fuel for his movie career. Because once you get supernova big, the public loves NOTHING more to tear you down to your last shred of dignity and survival, and then when they’re ready, build you up again into a celebrity phoenix. Classic!

 

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Christian Bale, what a guy!

Image via Facebook

Here is Christian Bale, star of The Dark Knight Rises and Newsies, meeting with Carey Rottman, one of the Aurora shooting victims. What a guy. So effing cool that he went there to visit, and reportedly on his own without representing Warner Brothers.

Demi Lovato struts her nip down the Teen Choice Awards red carpet

Cool look. Even cooler nip. Image via jezebel.com

Well well well, what do we have here?! A little slip of the nip I see? Ms. Demi Lovato, you are playing all your X Factor hype cards right. Congrats!

I’ve been following celebrity gossip since like, 2005. This is fucking textbook right here. Because:

A) Why wouldn’t you wear a dress that you could wear a bra under to a teen awards show? Because there’s no chance of press nipple exposure, which is necessary at all events in Hollywood apparently, even the kid ones!

Image via blauearth.com

B) You can always go with pasties. Gaga is a big fan of the blatant double X black tape nipple cover up when she wears see through things. No pasties? Definite nip slip opportunity, definite press.

I have long ago lost the gal in the back of my mind that feels embarrassed for celebs giving peeks of their nips, vag, peens, etc. This stuff is probably NEVER an accident. Except poor Tara Reid and her botched surgery exposure. We may never know. If I was on a red carpet in a sheer dress with no bra or pasties on, I would be a fucking wreck thinking about my nipple making its famewhore debut without my consent. Nip slips are lucrative people, so why try to cover up moneymakers?!

I wouldn’t be surprised if nip slips were built into her X Factor contract. Britney needs to seem like the stable one, because people really like seeing her stable with a regular job. But Demi is our wildcard here. We shall look forward to her crazy antics for the upcoming X Factor season. Nip slips, continuing the discussion of her stint in rehab, etc. are free press for a show that’s still trying to compete with the other 80 singing competition shows on TV (that are little more than what famous people do in between doing actual albums/movies/etc.)

Congrats Demi! You’re on your way.

Watch this now: No Doubt performs at the Teen Choice Awards

I love No Doubt. And I think it’s kinda funny that they performed at the Teen Choice Awards, because if you asked any teen before this award show if they knew who No Doubt was, they would probably be sweating drops of Bieberfever all over their shoes in anxiety that some other bitches were stealing stage time from their Dear Leader. But good marketing to a younger crowd anyways, because they are the only folks who pay for things these days thanks to good ol’ Mom and Dad.

The kids also may be confused about live music, vocals, band things, etc. as well. Oh, kids! So sweet.

Fashion: Jeffrey Campbell rollerskates

Image via nastygal.com

Holy shit. These are way better than those light up atrocities strange kids used to wear in middle school. Reminicent of Doc Martens circa 95. The wheels are retractable too! Drive in workers at Sonic just got a lot more fashionable.

Check out the new No Doubt video!!!!

Look at that fucking skin. Awesome. Image via ryanseacrest.com

I am so excited to watch No Doubt back in action again. Strangely, it feels different and foreign to see a woman jumping around like a rock star in a music video, instead of shooting guns or spraying cream from her tits. Popular music is so full of ladies and mens trying to one up each other in crazy outfits and even crazier gossip. Gaga’s blood and semen perfume and everything she has ever worn, Katy Perry’s fantasy divorce, marriage and candy themed life, Nikki Minaj with her butt implants and multiple personalities, even Frank Ocean coming out as bi right before his debut album dropped (most definitely commendable in the hip hop scene, but also great publicity); it all gets a little exhausting to keep up with after a while. (Damn you 24 hour news cycle!)

I need a nap. Image via extraordinaryintelligence.com

Gwen and the ND boys are a refreshing departure from everyone on the radio right now, not only musically but fashionably as well. Gwen isn’t showing us her crack or tits or wearing anything too crazy. I love her tank tops and her hair back and her pants and FLATS, because could you ever imagine Lady Gaga, Katy Perry or Nikki Minaj stepping outside, let alone in a music video, without some RIDICULOUS AS FUCK outfit on? Don’t get me wrong- the crazy outfits are fun. But when everyone in the industry is doing it to constantly one up each other, is it really unique anymore?

Check out the vid below. Welcome back guys!!!!