Pat Robertson wants marijuana legalized

Image via inquisitr.com

WHAT the what?!?!?

Pat Robertson wants marijuana legalized. A surprisingly sane move for a normally nutty Pat Robertson!

He cites the pointless and costly war on drugs as the culprit, saying that the US should “treat marijuana like we treat beverage alcohol.” And also that it’s a waste of taxpayer dollars to imprison people for possession of marijuana.

He also stated that the US “has gone overboard on this concept of being tough on crime.”

“It’s completely out of control. Prisons are being overcrowded with juvenile offenders having to do with drugs. And the penalties, the maximums, some of them could get 10 years for possession of a joint of marijuana. It makes no sense at all.” He also goes on to note that while the upper class folks can get out of drug offenses scot-free, it’s the middle class and poor kids who get in trouble for similar offenses.

Tying in Christianity with the legalization and/or decriminalization of marijuana may be the missing link to getting some traction in this long overdue policy. “If you follow the teaching of Christ, you know that Christ is a compassionate man. And he would not condone the imprisoning of people for nonviolent offenses.” I hear that!

Then we can all be as fun and weird as James Franco, legally! Image via tvrecappersanonymous.wordpress.com

His legion of conservative Christian followers have yet to cry out against his support for the legalization of marijuana. It sure would crack down on a lot of the drug trade throughout Central America, especially in Mexico where the war on drugs has taken 47,515 lives since 2006 when Felipe Calderón became President. Me no likey that our sweet neighbors to the south are in a bloody drug war when it could be greatly helped by legalization.

This is absolutely a step in the right direction. Legalization for the safety of all is really what matters most to me personally. No more creepy drug lords murdering people left and right for minor offenses, no more drug dealers with guns in the streets, no more policemen being tied up with nonviolent crimes, no more hiding.

Also, tax the shit outta weed, guvnahs! There’s your tried and true economy boost right there. Job creation, free up policemen and women to focus on actual crimes, free up jail space and make the weed business safer for everyone involved. Snack sales and Netflix subscriptions will go through the ROOF. Also, we’ll see an uptick in community craft nights. What’s the harm in that?

Go Pat Robertson for saying something that is clearly logical. Let’s get your followers to agree now too.

Rush Limbaugh, Turd champion of the year

Rush Limbaugh, one of the turdiest of turds that was ever crapped out of a genderless hole somewhere outside of Buttfuck Nowhere, Iowa, is losing a mountain of advertisers after he called Sandra Fluke, a college woman who supports affordable and accessible birth control for women regardless of their employer/school’s religious affiliation, a “slut” who wants America to pay for her “prostitution.”

HA HA! Maybe Rush has forgotten that despite republican/democratic/conservative/liberal made-up lines of “divided nation-ness”, women hold positions of power too. Positions that deal with money and advertising money. And a great deal of the country is quite alright with women having birth control, and hopefully applauding the fact that Rush Limbaugh sucks. Birth control really isn’t a political stance anymore, but a dwindling religious, hate-filled, judgmental stance that only controlling psychopaths care about.

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA I hope his show gets cancelled. Advertisers taking money away from him will do for now, though.

Can somebody start a “Rush Limbaugh is a dirty slut” tumblr? This one will do for now.

When unlimited texting plans are your enemy

This has NEVER, not once EVER been true. And if you're taking advice from a pair of boobs and an ad that looks like that, PLEASE GOD don't take that advice. Image via textingagirl.com

I’d like to say that modern day dating is a lot more annoying that our ancestors 20 years ago. We can thank unlimited text messaging plans for that!

Have you ever given your number to a cute guy or gal and then get bombarded with way too familiar texts using pet names you haven’t created together yet? Those people should be excommunicated from the dating world and sent to text each other into oblivion. Or, we can make them stand in a foot of water and dare them to keep texting. Or make them be cannibals so their thumbs fall off a la The Road. It can be called “The Texting Games.”

Maybe these serial texters think it’s hot, or attentive, or a good way to drag you down and make you cave into hanging out with them (in their parent’s basement or worse-Applebees). Buuuut just about everyone I know gets immediately turned off with a newbie that doesn’t know when to stop sending the dumbest messages alive. Don’t you? I’m not talking about a guy or gal you’re really into keeps texting you because you’re BOTH really into each other. I’m talking, met last night, drunkenly handed over your number, and the grammatically incorrect texts haven’t stopped since then.

Yup! Image via stoppopculture.com

Seriously, where has society failed these people? Was it our dwindling class schedules during the Bush years? The unavoidable era of emo kids who didn’t speak but emoted through text and spoken word recitals? The cancellation of Arrested Development? Or is it those $40 all-inclusive phones you can buy near the register at Walmart and the gas station? Great. So the people you and I hand our numbers out to probably buy their cell phones at gas stations and wore black exclusively from 2003-2008.

My advice for them: If you want to have a long conversation to get to know someone, get a fucking cocktail, don’t text them for three hours and then stalk their facebook ‘likes’ for possible points of interest. It’s creepy, unattractive and every other apalling adjective you can think of.

I’ve always thought the “text three days later” thing was bullshit. Of course there are exceptions, but maybe there’s some serious truth to it for most interactions. It’s nice to want and miss things, right? If they’re just handing over their affection immediately, it feels cheap and mass produced, like a hamburger from McDonalds. There’s nothing special about a hamburger from McDonalds. Don’t be a hamburger from McDonalds! For the love of God, make a plan to be with humans and put the phone down. It’s really best for us all.

 

Read: Why Rick Santorum Would Have Killed My Daughter

A must read.

“Though he has no medical training, and no business commenting on the medical decisions that women and their doctors make, he argues that such tests shouldn’t be provided, or that employers at least should be allowed to opt out of paying for them on ‘moral grounds.'”

Yeah, what the hell is up with Santorum and his opinions on sex, women, abortions and medical issues he has absolutely no degree in? He has never studied medicine. A government leader should not bring these topics up as American issues based on solely their religious beliefs. Being a Christian (insert any belief system here) does not make you and your religious opinions better than knowing actual science. It’s all sorts of wrong. He’s supposed to run a government, not our uteruses nor our lives. Why do these fart faces get attention? Seriously! This is the best republicans could come up with?

Why Rick Santorum Would Have Killed My Daughter.

Obama is SO getting a second term if this is the turd he’s up against. WHAT ABOUT THE ECONOMY AND FOREIGN POLICIES, SANTORUM?! HMM? Are you the maler, more Christian, less gun-ny and more uterus-obsessed Sarah Palin? Quick, where’s Russia!!!! Seriously, all he talks about is uteruses and how much he hates the people around them and loves the fetuses inside them.

Fetus Fetish: The Rick Santorum Story.

Santorum, stay outta my sex life and uterus (this is a way disgusting sentence). Jesus!

What a freak moron.