I don’t know why, but sometime this weekend, probably a couple drinks in, I thought about Fergie. It was probably the vodka Redbull talking, but I really began missing Fergie’s solo career.
Image via Rolling Stone
Remember in 2006 when it was really fun to get drunk “London Bridge” and dance like hussies? I miss that.
Fergie’s solo music was woman-powered, “go down on me bitch”-esque much like Rihanna circa now. But without the sadistic overtones of collabing with the shittiest of shitty ex-boyfriends. Ferg’s was more akin to “I’m hot, but I’m no slut, and I will dance a dress however I please.” YES YES YES.
Maybe all this Fergie nostalgia is coming from way too much Katy Perry-like boob and blah exposure. I want a pop woman owns her sexuality and who tells men what’s up, instead of a 26 year old “girl” singing about high school relationships with the boys that got away. Blegh. Britney did that like a fucking decade ago, Perry. Next!
Unfortunately, at the Grammys Fergie said she wanted to take a year off, since she had been touring and doing things with the Black Eyed Peas for the last couple of years. Boo! Get going on a solo album Ferg, we miss you and your woman power.
A little walk down memory lane for all you Fergalicious fiends out there. Remember what it’s like to dance like a huss and OWN it!!
Remember when that was our world? God, the MOVES! The video! The poppy goodness! Pre-9/11 and pre-recession splendor. Also, 8th grade.
I wish boy bands would come back, but none of this shit like Perez Hilton is trying to pull off. He’s starting a boy band cringingly called IM5. All those guys are short and look 9 years old, but are actually between 14 and 16. PUKE! Money hungry Perez, that is low. Trying to milk money from 5 Beiber-like kids, that will never ever be as famous as Beiber because kids these days are assholes and wouldn’t like anything lame like a band called IM5. We saw what happened with poor O-Town. Pasted together out of nowhere, then a year later they were working as gardeners. Yikes.
You could be on the cover of Rolling Stone. You know you want it. Image via professionalfangirl.com
What I really want is to see some fucking dude-dudes just dancing and singing melodically together. like, 20-25 range, maybe a spry 29, who look manly. Gay, straight, whatevs. Just cool guys with a penchant for song and dance who own it, love it, flaunt it, work it. Anything can be done with confidence and your friend on garageband.
If only a bunch of hipster, regular guys with stellar moves and great voices would hang out together and birth the next boy band over PBRs, plaid shirts and Parliaments. You could wear whatever you wanted, get groupie love and have so much money. Wouldn’t dancing and singing be a lot better than anything you’re doing now?!
And really, it’s not lame at all. Girls go APE SHIT over hot men dancing and singing to them. Like, hundreds of dollars on tickets and merchandise type of ape shit. Tears all over their faces and finger nails ready to gather pop boy skin for their shrine. But that’s true of any star really. You get the point.
BOYS/MEN: I’ve got it figured out. You could be called FU. People will get confused and call you “Foo.” They’ll say “what’s this Foo nonsense?” Then you’ll do a clubby, dance hit with RedFoo from LMFAO called “Eff You” and people will get it and you will be stars. Done!
The world is waiting for you fuckers. Stop playing Halo and get on that Kinect dancing game so we can dance to your sweet grooves and make you millionaires.
Some Boy Band Inspiration, Gentlemen.
New Kids On The Block are the coolest ones. There’s a Wahlberg! Maybe all you need is a Wahlberg. But seriously, their outfits look awesome, not all futuristically weird like NSYNC and Backstreet went. They look like modern day hipsters. I would wear every single one of their outfits. I’ve never had that sentiment with any boy band. This is what I’m getting at. All of the NKOTB can dance sooooooooooooo well and they sing amazingly. Watch some of their live performances when they were young. They are BOMB.
Ok JT isn’t a boy band, but he’s a-singing and dancing and I MISS HOT BOYS DOING THIS. Produced by the Neptunes too. Justin is so talented. I’m going to cry when he comes back to music. This would be one sick, sad world if he didn’t.
5ive. The Brits!
Backstreet’s Back, Alright!! You could make goofy videos. Flaunt the film buff inside of you. Hmmm?
Okay, new music obsession right here. Tesla Boy. From Moscow, Russia, Tesla Boy greets you with pure 80s synth pop lovin’. I feel like I should be in leather and surrounded by neon lights, a trans am and some futuristic sunglasses. It’s pure heaven. I’m honestly freaking out and eating up every single twist and blip on this mixtape. Isn’t it the most wonderful thing when you discover an amazing new band and fall in love at first listen?! That’s how I feel right now. I’m so excited.
Listen to a Tesla Boy mixtape simply titled mixtape 4.
I’m obsessed with Jimmy Tamborello. Ever since I downloaded his Mistake Mistake Mistake Mistakefrom one of his solo jaunts as James Figurine, I fell in love with his electronic music. It’s just so good. Everything on that album is pure melodic gold fantasy love. I don’t know what that means, but it’s just a really cool album. My favorite track from that album is “Pretend it’s a race and I’m on your side” because the track just goes and flows into a lot of different melodies but it just works. Listen to it here. It’s one of my favorite electronic/minimal-y songs ever.
Image via djrossstar.buzznet.com
Another amazing song off of Mistake Mistake Mistake Mistake is 55566688833. Which so creatively spells out “love” on old flippy cell phones when you had to punch all the letters manually. Love it.
Anyways, Jimmy is like an indie electronica master. He’s the electro half of The Postal Service, which was definitely a really cool album. Before all of that, he was in an electronic band called Figurine that released some pretty crazy weird stuff too. One album called The Heartfelt is about life in space and it’s really futuristic and strange but cool.
Then there’s Dntel, the darker electro side of Mr. T., that has just released a new song called “Dark and Stormy,” that is all sorts of dark and storm ridden in the form of electronic music. Give it a listen and grab a free download. And give his other tunes and bands a listen if you’re into electronic music because they are bomb bomb bomb.
2PF 