Dating: The “maybe sometime” relationship

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

Hate to break it to you, but that “maybe sometime” relationship you’ve been keeping in your back pocket is totally fucked up.

Some people are so into this. They probably saw it in an episode of Friends and thought it was a “real neat” idea. ‘If you don’t find the love of your life, marry someone who’s more pathetic so you don’t feel bad about not finding anyone better.’ Harsh! Why would anyone set themselves up for this amazing disaster?

This will never be you if you marry a fallback person. Image via goodreads.com

Cue Katherine Heigl filming this exact storyline. Except in her version, she actually falls in love with her fallback, and her fallback falls in love with her, despite her bad wigs. A true Hollywood love story.

Face it: It ain’t gonna happen. Why even have a fallback relationship? Would you really be that much happier with someone you didn’t care to date at your best and most mediocre of moments in life? The “maybe sometime” person is just a façade. Someone you think of when you’re afraid of being lonely, but not someone you think of when you picture a happy life and a good relationship.

At this point in our lives, and the way relationships have progressed throughout the years, we have a loooong time to figure out who we want to end up with. Unless you’re one of those 20 somethings that got married at 21, in which case, congratulations (and fuck you. Just kidding! kind of).

So there’s no rush. But I’m just sayin, don’t peg someone as your backup. Give them, and YOU a chance to find your very own Ryan Gosling or Rachel McAdams. Because they are awesome and mostly everyone, save total idiots, deserve a Ryan Gosling or a Rachel McAdams.

20 somethings: Take a dance class to meet new people

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
Image via fuckyeahlizlemon.tumblr.com

Growing into a 20 something life can be a bit awkward. We don’t have very much money, our high school friends are long gone and our college friends are thinning out. So how and where do entry-level adults meet each other? One place, two words: Dance class.

Yes, it may seem a little like child’s play. But fuck it. Dancing is super fun, good for your body and mind AND dance classes are a great way to meet people. If you’re single, lonely, missing that special groove thang in your life, get your ass to a dance class, stat!

Just think about all the advantages there are to taking a dance class:

You could look this cool. Image via downtowndancefactory.com

As a straight dude:

  1. You’ll be surrounded by women.
  2. You’ll be seriously outnumbered by women. Like, 11 to 1.
  3. These women prance around the room and would be happy to help you learn new dance moves (this is called flirting, or maybe just help if they seem annoyed that you haven’t figured out a Pas de bourrée yet).
  4. If you have crippling dance moves, then you’ll learn something new and gain confidence.
  5. It’s a workout!
  6. It’s fun!
  7. Even if you suck, people will think you’re awesome for trying new things out. And you’ll get attention, in a good way. For real. There’s nothing better than an open person who sucks at something but still works hard to maybe someday not suck.
Everyone else:
  1. Killer workout
  2. learn some new dance moves
  3. Meet new friends who like to dance
  4. Possibly meet a love interest, although this is totally unlikely unless more men, gay and straight, start going to dance classes. It’s all women people, come on! Diversify the genders!
  5. You get to pretend you’re at a practice session to be a Britney Spears backup dancer. Or, Britney Spears.
  6. More people knowing how to dance means more dance battles at night clubs on the weekends. HELL YES.

Need I continue? Even if you think you suck at dancing, just think of it this way: It’s a bunch of Liz Lemons, getting together every Tuesday to dance, just like the Timeless Torches!

Ok, so even though meeting a love interest is slim to none, dance class is still a great place to meet new people. Who knows, maybe your dance partner will have a hot brother, roommate, or non-crazy ex-boyfriend. And if not, you’ll meet some new people to be goofy with in dance class and get drinks afterwards. Win win!

Dating: Lay off the body splash, for the love of GOD

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

Being in my 20s, I can’t remember the last time I seriously used body splash. Sure I have one stowed in my car for when I forget perfume or get OCD about smelling like flowers. But actually consciously spraying myself with body splash… 7th grade at the latest. (Country Apple, because Bath and Body Works was the shit in middle school)

Image via dylanmaureen.blogspot.com

I’ve recently been caught in a billowing cloud of body splash from a woman who is in her 20s, and it was appalling. How do you say “Honey, what the fuck is wrong with you and your body splash addiction. It’s almost worse than meth” to a complete stranger?

I remember way back in 6th grade during my very own body splash affection phase. Every morning before the bus, I’d spray a little Country Apple throughout my room and dance around in the succulent, $12.50-a-bottle rain that made me smell like a hip orchard. Then one day, my neighbor friend was like “Girl, what the fuck is wrong with you. You put too much of that shit on” but you know, in suburban white girl 6th grade speak that I can’t emulate because now I’m just a jaded, part-time yuppie who is an over-exposed-to-pop-culture suburban white girl. Two totally different dialects.

See, the thing is, when we’re exposed to smells for a really long time, say for instance our own body odor or, ahem, body splash (what’s the difference?!), we tend to get used to it. Our noses crave more, they need more. “Just one more spray, come on. You know you want it too,” says your nose. But your nose is a bitch who’s addicted. Cut her off. Don’t give her what she wants. Tell her to fuck off, because people have been talkin smack and you gotsta regulate.

Don't ever wear this. It never did anyone any favors. Image via health.productwiki.com

But seriously. Men, women, people who still wear Curve (seriously, stop it): Let’s leave it to one, maybe two sprays. Contrary to popular advertisements, dousing yourself in cheap (or expensive) fragrance does not get you the ladies or the mens. It makes them sneeze and run far away from you. Instead of comforting yourself in a few guilty squirts of liquid love, take a fucking shower, give yourself a hug and lay off the sauce-for ALL of us.

Dating: The uncharted territories of phone numbers and texting

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
This could be you, if you could only stop texting like a fucking moron. Image via topdatingadviceforwomen.com

Dating has always been complicated. Carrie Bradshaw and company have certainly shown us what it’s like to be a successful 30 something amiss in the dating world woes of the 90s. But well over a decade (yikes!) later, dating seems even more complicated with the ever present joy of text messaging.

I’ve asked a couple of friends this same question and every single person is just as stumped as I am. What IS the protocol in dating when it comes to giving someone your number and when (and what) you text them?

Sorry Tommy, 8 weeks is waaaaaay too long to wait in between texts. Image via pinterest

I’ve heard anywhere from 2.5 days (jokingly) to Park and Rec‘s Tom Haverford suggesting that men get phone numbers, wait 8 weeks and then text “What’s crackin” or something equally as uncool.

It’s all just a big gray area. On one hand, you give your phone number to someone and you hope they do something with it. In this day and age, it probably won’t be a phone call because phone calls are seemingly right up there with meeting the parents and getting a joint Netflix account. So everything pretty much lies in the art of the text message.

It sounds lame, but is there really a subconscious time limit when it comes to texting? 8 weeks is a little extreme, but is there some truth in waiting a couple days to make plans so you don’t seem too available? Because believe it or not, no matter your good intentions, being too available or too busy hurts your chances an equal amount. So are we screwed, or is it written in the fates when you’ll meet someone and your weirdo texting customs may just be someone’s big ol’ cup of weirdo love tea?

Breaking: Sometimes dating is awkward

Will this be us? Image via gizmodo.com

Yes, dating is awkward. But how will you ever know what you like if you don’t try on a bunch of turds for size? You may just find the perfect sized turd for the toilet bowl of your life. How perfect would that be?

Also, when did we get too busy/too lame to go on a date? It’s fun, right? You get some drinks, talk about stuff and then decide if you like each other or not.

I can’t tell if it’s just our lazy as fuck generation being totally insecure d-bags when it comes to going on a simple date, or if we all just don’t know what the fuck we’re doing when it comes to the approach. Probably both.

All I know is, we need to get over our hang ups and hang out or we’re all going to end up alone forever. Or with a shit ton of animals that make us smell like a barn. Cuz you know the mens/ladies luuuuuv that shit!

When unlimited texting plans are your enemy

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
This has NEVER, not once EVER been true. And if you're taking advice from a pair of boobs and an ad that looks like that, PLEASE GOD don't take that advice. Image via textingagirl.com

I’d like to say that modern day dating is a lot more annoying that our ancestors 20 years ago. We can thank unlimited text messaging plans for that!

Have you ever given your number to a cute guy or gal and then get bombarded with way too familiar texts using pet names you haven’t created together yet? Those people should be excommunicated from the dating world and sent to text each other into oblivion. Or, we can make them stand in a foot of water and dare them to keep texting. Or make them be cannibals so their thumbs fall off a la The Road. It can be called “The Texting Games.”

Maybe these serial texters think it’s hot, or attentive, or a good way to drag you down and make you cave into hanging out with them (in their parent’s basement or worse-Applebees). Buuuut just about everyone I know gets immediately turned off with a newbie that doesn’t know when to stop sending the dumbest messages alive. Don’t you? I’m not talking about a guy or gal you’re really into keeps texting you because you’re BOTH really into each other. I’m talking, met last night, drunkenly handed over your number, and the grammatically incorrect texts haven’t stopped since then.

Yup! Image via stoppopculture.com

Seriously, where has society failed these people? Was it our dwindling class schedules during the Bush years? The unavoidable era of emo kids who didn’t speak but emoted through text and spoken word recitals? The cancellation of Arrested Development? Or is it those $40 all-inclusive phones you can buy near the register at Walmart and the gas station? Great. So the people you and I hand our numbers out to probably buy their cell phones at gas stations and wore black exclusively from 2003-2008.

My advice for them: If you want to have a long conversation to get to know someone, get a fucking cocktail, don’t text them for three hours and then stalk their facebook ‘likes’ for possible points of interest. It’s creepy, unattractive and every other apalling adjective you can think of.

I’ve always thought the “text three days later” thing was bullshit. Of course there are exceptions, but maybe there’s some serious truth to it for most interactions. It’s nice to want and miss things, right? If they’re just handing over their affection immediately, it feels cheap and mass produced, like a hamburger from McDonalds. There’s nothing special about a hamburger from McDonalds. Don’t be a hamburger from McDonalds! For the love of God, make a plan to be with humans and put the phone down. It’s really best for us all.

 

Dating: Alexa Chung on Chelsea Lately

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous
The lovely Alexa Chung. Photo via hairstylesfresh.blogspot.com
The lovely Alexa Chung. Photo via hairstylesfresh.blogspot.com

Alexa Chung was a recent guest on Chelsea Lately, promoting her new show ’24 hour Catwalk’. Ross Mathews, who is doing a great job of host-replacement btw, revealed that Alexa Chung is on the prowl. She jokingly admitted to accepting dates over Twitter. Oh boy.

The stylish Chung, and former MTV host (I liked ‘It’s On’, damn you MTV!) used to date Arctic Monkeys front man Alex Turner. But they broke up in July 2011. Whatevs, frontmen seem like a lot of work anyways. Divas!

This tweet, surely to be one of many, is a charming peek into the world of dating through the internet:

How wonderful! Dating rocks.

Girlfriend has all the right looks! Photo via justlia.mtv.uol.com.br
Girlfriend has all the right looks! Photo via justlia.mtv.uol.com.br

Chung’s new show, 24 Hour Catwalk, looks interesting. I don’t normally watch reality or competition shows, but I might actually give this one a try. The contestants have 24 hours to make weird shit look fashionable. It sounds exactly like poor, 20 somethings digging through years of fashion mistakes, trying to make something look chic.

Check out obsessive Alexa Chung fashion photos here.

Chelsea is on fire

By the by, Chelsea Handler is blowing the fuck up. Chelsea Lately and After Chelsea on E! are getting better and better. After Chelsea is getting some sick cameos like Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston and Jane Fonda. Plus her show on NBC ‘Are You There, Chelsea?‘ is doing okay I think. I haven’t checked it out yet.

AND Chelsea is in a new movie with Reese Witherspoon called “This Means War” that looks promising. Two hot spies are fighting over Reese Witherspoon, blowing shit up and lots of kissing. That’s like my dream. Jealz!

Gross: The Bachelor

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

I’m ok with The Bachelor. Mostly because it’s keeping people like that together and out of actual society, if only for a sweet, sweet moment. 

I hate the entire premise of this show. Desperate women fighting for a literal piece of shit (actually that would be way more interesting.) I’d rather give myself paper cuts on my face for the rest of the year than talk to anyone who is on this show. The relationships never work out anyways and the men and women on the show fulfill the most dated and annoying gender stereotypes imaginable.

I hope on every season, every episode for that matter, that one of the Bachelor’s dates gets too drunk and throws up on his face. #dreams

Dating: 20 something style

Posted on by 20poorandfabulous

Dating with extremely limited funds can be stressful due to normalized date activities like going out to dinner, to a movie or some other event that costs money. When dollar bills are tight, there are still fun things you can do with your dates without having to spend your shitty, one-bedroom rent money.

20 somethings are poor. If you're not, you're doing it wrong. Photo: Dan Perjovschi
20 somethings are poor. If you're not, you're doing it wrong. Photo: Dan Perjovschi

 Plan your Netflix accordingly 

There’s only so much joy we can all squeeze from Netflix instant. If you plan your queue correctly, you can have your movies arrive just in time for your low-budget date. Plus, there’s something retro about watching a movie on a DVD. Traditional, even. That is if you still own a TV and DVD player. If not, cuddling up close to see your small laptop screen is good too.

Learn to cook, you lazy asshole

Cooking is not that hard. Of course, mistakes can be made, but you’ve gotta stop being such a wimp and get back on that horse, sport! Cooking at home is not only fun (I swear!) but can also be relatively inexpensive, compared to going out to a restaurant.

Cooking dinner together is a really fun date anyways. Get an inexpensive yet not god-awful wine, break out the cookbook and ingredients and let the kitchen fun begin. You’ll have something to keep your hands busy, a drink in your hand and a (hopefully) amazing dinner to eat at the end of it. Otherwise the fast food you order will be a hilariously good time. Win-win.

Game night, bitches

Game nights are awesome. Don’t pretend like you’re too cool for game nights. A bottle of wine, a double or triple date and a hearty game of Apples to Apples is the definition of fun, folks. Plus you get to yell at people and tell them why they suck for not picking your card, which is great stress release.

Anything free

There are always free activities to take advantage of, whether they are free days at the museum or some friend of a friend’s crappy band playing a crappy house show. In the summer, lots of cities and communities have free concerts that are more than perfect for 20 something dates, as they provide the perfect environment to be snobby about your music preferences. That’s love, kids.