What’s up with all the engagements on Facebook?

I find this oddly endearing. It’s better than rose petals, that’s for damn sure. Image via unionversity.com

I swear there has been an increase in engagements on Facebook just in the past couple of weeks. Perhaps it’s due in part to the fact that summer may be halfway over, and happy enough couples are scrambling to fulfill their happy (!) quota for the season. Or maybe they need to book NOW to get a decent place for a summer wedding. What’s better than a fall and winter full of engagement photos, questions about napkin sizes and where to seat people you don’t really like!?

No. Image via perfect-wedding-day.com

I can handle an engagement here and there. Maybe once a month, but that may be pushing it. When it’s my actual life friends, I’m truly overjoyed. When it’s a parade of Pinterest addicts you met in high school math class and their boyfriends in middle management who jerk off to Hentai, my feelings take a different, less enthusiastic turn.

I’ve deduced some possible reasons for the influx of our acquaintance’s recent engagements:

  • Election year! They love the idea of getting married in front of their homosexual friends, because it’s always fun to do stuff other people can’t, much like rolling your tongue or weird finger tricks
  • Cute people are convinced they won’t find anyone better, or that their cuteness might run out (sunscreen and gym will fix that)
  • Settling for a guy/gal with a decent job. Not good, but decent, which is sadly relevant in today’s economy
  • Someone is pregnant with “traditional” parents (which really means the newlyweds are spineless hamfarts)
  • Shared mortgages are secretly an aphrodisiac
  • Splitting the cable bill, rent and AC sure beats paying for it by yourself

The divorce rate in this country is 50%, or something close to that. So, technically, that means that half of all these marriages are gonna end by one of the following:

  • Hidden tiny hand fetish
  • Gay
  • My Strange Addiction participant
  • An affair with a former Teen Mom
  • Online gambling/video game second life addict
  • Farts
  • An unhealthy obsession with fictional supporting characters of one season television series on the now defunct WB

There are just so many uncertainties in a world full of crap relationships and blood diamonds, that we’ll just have to let the swift hand of fate deal their cards. But you believe me this: We can suck it up through the wedding photos, bachelorette parties and beef jerky dancefloors knowing that at the end of this dark tunnel, there is a light. Divorces have to be entertaining, right? Then we can REALLY watch some shit unfold on Facebook. Invest in your defriends wisely.  One day, these newlyweds may make great divorcées. It could be their calling. Who wouldn’t want them to fulfill their destiny? Besides, There’s nothing better than a “new independent woman” with a Facebook status to update. I almost can’t wait.

Happy engagements!

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Black Harvard student kicked out of bar for being black; Social media to the rescue!!!

Being racist is fucking lame. Jonathan Wall, a Harvard man who happens to be black, was kicked out of a bar in Raleigh, North Carolina for being black. Yes this happened, yes this is 2012, and yes social media is kicking the shit out of this bar and racism in general. YAY!

Of course, this happened in North Carolina, the SOUTH, where they don’t care about much except hating everyone who isn’t white, christian and toothless being a total drag.

Not to say that EVERYONE in those states is like this; there are racist people everywhere regardless of geography, gender, race, etc. However, it’s to a much higher degree in the states like North Carolina that really wanted to keep slavery and unequal societal statuses for everyone!

I feel sad for racists and homophobes. I pity them. Carrying all that hate in your heart is bad for you. Carrying hate for anything is bad for you. There’s no excuse!

Black Man Kicked Out of Racist Bar: Cops Dont Help, But Social Media Does.

Activism at its finest: Susan G. Komen Foundation WILL fund Planned Parenthood

Photo via myhero.com
Photo via myhero.com

Way to go internet!!!!

Public outcry, from the announcement that the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation would stop funding Planned Parenthood due to bullshit excuses and alleged pressure from the far right, caused Komen to reverse their policy. They will continue funding Planned Parenthood in efforts to provide breast exams and women’s health services to women in need.

Kudos to the Komen Foundation for considering the facts and impact their donations have on the lives of hundreds of thousands of women in the United States. Considering the facts and changing their mind does not make them weak, it makes them human and reasonable. What we need now more than ever is reasonable people and leaders. Good for them.

Photo via blog.mountunion.edu
Photo via blog.mountunion.edu

You know what, this is some HUGE good coming from the internet and social networking. We CAN make a statement and make our voices heard when something so obviously isn’t right. Women’s health is NOT political.

As Facebook and Twitter are the biggest public platforms to spread information, we can use these tools to our benefit and to make ourselves collectively heard. Much like Facebook uses us for their benefit in selling our information and us as ‘products’ benefit to businesses marketing and advertising.

Good work, social networkers and people of the United States!