Beauty: Summer hair!!!

YUMMMMM. It's almost warm enough to eat popsicles, and then complain when the wind blows your hair into them. Wind is bitchy like that. Image via blog.zulily.com

Now is about time to change up the dingy, mousy, winter-worn hair and make it bright and beautiful for summer. There’s just something about winter that makes everyone’s hair look gross. Maybe it’s the cold weather or the fact that we’re so lost in winter depression stupors that we forget that roots exist and colors need to be kept up. Here are a couple of tips to get your hair looking summatime fly.

Lana del Rey has some gorgeous hair. I wonder what her vitamin supplement of choice is. Her blonde is soft, proving that total bleach isn't the only way to go for a lighter look. Botoxed lip optional. Image via fromgotowhoa.com

 Highlights

As it’s typically the trend to go dark for winter and light for summer, think about getting highlights. Sometimes people make the mistake of what I like to call mall highlights. Mall highlights are when the highlights are thin, frequent and about 50 color shades of different from your darker hair color. Don’t get mall highlights, even if your hair gets colored at the mall.

Second, highlights don’t have to be blonde-blonde. I see so many girls with strictly “blonde highlights” that it gets boring as shit, and they all tend to blend together like a fucking blonde Ashley parade. No thanks. If you have darker or light brown hair, try to lighten up your hair with warm metallic tones, like bronze or gold. They still give you the lighter hair fare without bleaching your hair within an inch of its life.

If you have blonde hair, fuck off. Just kidding! You can have your blonde Ashley highlights and your not-as-noticeable-roots cake too. Jealz!

Bangs

Sure. Bangs look fucking awesome on Zooey D. But the sooner we cope with the fact that we aren't Zooey Deschanel's bangs, the sooner we can start living beautiful, bang free lives that are right for US. Amen sistas! Image via nylon.com

Bangs are awesome. But for summer? DON’T DO IT. Seriously. Imagine: You’re sitting on the beach. You’re on a date. He’s cute. His wavy hair is blowing in the wind as he lights up a cig and offers you a drag. You’re thinking about cookies, but take the cigarette anyways. He looks over at you and gasps, as your newly cut bangs are frizzy, curling and halfway up your fore head in a sweaty pile of “never take me out in public again because I clearly can’t handle it.”

Ok, that guys a dick if he’s judging you for frizzy bangs. Dump him. Regardless, it’s such a pain in the ass to style bangs in the fall and winter, let alone a much sweatier season. Throw in a ton of outdoor fun, a tan line down to your eyebrow and constant hairs dangling drips of sweat in your eye while you’re learning how to bike in traffic. You’ll die looking like hair-do roadkill, and your family will be shamed forever knowing that you were the girl with frizzy summer bangs who died tragically at a four way stop. True story.

Maybe you’re one of those people who has stick straight hair and who doesn’t sweat. Then it’s really only down to the weird tan line and sweat trapping a ton of blackheads and new zit friends. Bangs are fun!

The most important thing to remember about summer hair is ease. You wanna be able to go to the beach, get in a river or day drink (that turns into night drinking) and know that your hair doesn’t need a lot of maintenance. Keep it simple, keep it fresh and if anyone tells you your hair looks frizzy, you fucking cut them, steal their wallet and run. Trust me. They deserved it.

La Tele: Ryan Kwanten will guest on New Girl

Everyone looks so bored. Photo via EW.com

Yeah, that guy’s hot.

Ryan Kwanten, from Jason Stackhouse True Blood fame, is going to be Jess’ one night stand on an upcoming episode of New Girl. It will be weird to see Ryan without a southern accent. Hopefully his character has one, or else I’m going to have to watch seasons 1-2 of True Blood, before it got weird with faeries and werewolves and shit. I know those people are mondo attractivo, but how is that show still on?! Anyways, I hope Sookie and Vampire Bill are together. I’m always a champion for the soul mate-like connection.

YAY New Girl!

Love: Zooey Deschanel and New Girl

 Zooey Deschanel on a weekly basis. Finally! There’s only so much our She & Him discs can do for us to get our sweet Zooey D fix.

New Girl. I love her outfits, her unsure but sweet persona and her all-male, crazy roomies.

Schmidt, played by Max Greenfield, is awesome. He may be the best character on the show. You want to hate him, but it’s impossible. Who doesn’t know someone exactly like Schmidt? The slightly annoying yet good-intentioned guy, who for some reason thinks it’s cool to say things like “bromance,” show everyone his abs and be waaaaay to into his hair gel. The fact that he used to be chubby in college makes his ab talk and vanity excusable, because lets face it: Beautiful people from 0-60 are harder to love. Fact.

The only thing I dislike is the use of the word ‘Adorkable’ to describe the show and the truly angelic Zooey D. I can just see that word on back-to-school pencil cases and coming out of the mouths of people who are not adorkable, but really annoying. Bleg! She’s a cool miss, folks. That’s it!

Schmidt, put your shirt back on! Or don't. I don't know, I'm confused.
Schmidt, put your shirt back on! Or don't. I don't know.