Dating: Names are OVER

“I’m going on a date with mullet spandex guy” Image via imposemagazine.com

All the single ladies, all the single fellas!

Most of my friends are single and on the prowl. As we blow the fuck through wander through the jungle of “do you think he has a nice dick?”, “does he have a job?” and my personal favorite “he better not have a fucking girlfriend”, we begin to accumulate massive amounts of people under our leopard print dating belts (that should be a thing). As we pile up the i-hope-he-never-calls and the if-he-doesn’t-call-i’m-never-dating-agains, we as daters and friends of those who are dating tend to lose track of names and adopt a more efficient strategy, you know, to speed up the conversation in our OH SO BUSY 20 SOMETHING LIVES. Allow me to demonstrate:

EX: 1 Conversations with names

S: I hope Adam calls. I wanna get laid.

K: Who the fuck is Adam, I hate him already, dump him.

EX: 2 Conversations with descriptive adjectives

S: I hope punk boy calls.

K: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is amazing, fabulous and a great person.

See? It is wondrous for everyone involved to use an adjective to describe the person you’re trying to date/bone/marry/stalk. It allows our friends and us to keep track of who is who in our dating conversations, without the inefficient bullshit that are names. We ain’t got time for names, only love games baby. YA HEARD

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