As a teen watching (and idolizing) them bitches from Sex and the City, I never really thought I’d go through similar dating mishaps. Watching the show, you’re either “That guy is a total DICK” or “Oh my god, I LOVE him” to any given dude the golden four ever picked up.
But now as we all are hanging on to our first full time jobs, apartments, friends and dating lives, things are starting to make a lot more sense from the world of one Ms. Carrie Bradshaw. For instance:
- Names don’t matter.
- Don’t ever try to date your good sex hook up.
- Funky tasting spunk (I can’t believe there isn’t a meme for that. WTF internet!)
- Worrying about never dating again in your current city pool of eligible mediocrity
- Sometimes you’re just not that into people, and they just aren’t that into you.
- Fuck rent.
- Date richer so their town car can pick you up. Cuz scooters are cute for a minute and all, but fuck that.
- Don’t date someone who makes you camp. You will break their heart.
- Your soulmate might be bald. But the sex might be great. So don’t be a bitch.
- Don’t move to Paris with an old Russian artist when your Mr. Big is right where you left him.
God, we are FUCKED. At least we have cooler than cool friends to brunch and bitch with about our dating warbles. Mimosas don’t pour themselves, and good stories don’t come from people who stay at home.