6 reasons why Prince Harry’s alleged cocaine and sex tape are not shocking at all

Hottttttttttttt. Image via sofeminine.co.uk

I’ve read enough celebrity gossip to understand that rich people like to fuck and do drugs. I understand it’s fun for the media and everyone else to catch celebrities “doing bad things,” but everyone fucks and does some kind of drug (alcohol included bitches), unless you are a total scab. So what, a rich kid from England who happens to be a prince AND in the Army gets naked with women and does a bunch of blow and films an alleged sex tape? GET OUT. I’ve never heard of rich people or anyone in the armed forces doing any of that before! No wonder the Queen is so perturbed! 

Here are some reasons why this is not shocking news:

  1. He’s rich. Rich people have money, power, access to really good drugs and loads of women who want a good story. And if they’re lucky, a decent lay.
  2. He’s in the Army. Armed service people like to get FUCKED UP. Drankin, druggin’, fuckin’, what have you. And why not! Their  job may literally kill them, so why not take the same risk on their off hours.
  3. He’s a prince. Do you even know how much blow/ladies/free hotel rooms with hidden cameras would be thrown your way? This was bound to happen. Let’s just be happy it was the fun prince. No one wants to see William and Kate playing British Scrabble and discussing past episodes of Downton Abbey.
  4. He’s third in line to the throne. Puh-leaze. That kid ain’t neva gonna be King. Sigh. I guess there won’t be jagerbombs and gummies for all.
  5. He’s a ginger. Fire in the loins.
  6. He’s alive.

But, people love a scandal. And they love even more to see rich, famous people disgrace themselves. At least we’ll get an alright Lifetime movie out of this, life every semi-disgraced celebrity with low morals and standards (Hey, Lindsay!) Prince Harry: A Troubled Prince Against an Eight Ball the World. Can’t wait!

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